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 Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:18 am
*Picks up an issue and reads.*
"escaped into objective reality, that slippery little ********,"
xd
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 6:23 am
Looks like "the Word" is on marvel's Shipping Schedule...
stare xp
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 7:56 am
The Word?!? b***h, you are SO on notice!
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:05 am
Tad Ryerstad Yeah... thanks for the spoiler warning on that one, Speedy.
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:00 am
Isn't that Skrull thing just a rumor?
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:12 am
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:27 pm
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:40 pm
Clark~Kent Tad Ryerstad Yeah... thanks for the spoiler warning on that one, Speedy.
Not e'eryone gets to the comic shop weekly.
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:43 pm
Tad Ryerstad Clark~Kent Tad Ryerstad Yeah... thanks for the spoiler warning on that one, Speedy.
Not e'eryone gets to the comic shop weekly.
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Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 3:41 am
THE WORD
Publisher: Scott Summers
Editor in Chief: Mitchell Royce
Chief Columnist: Spider Jerusalem
Filthy Assistant: Channon Yarrow
BOMBASTIC BRAIN TRUST.
Originally considered a multiversal backwater best known for heavy drinking and heavier fighting, the interdimensional nexus affectionately referred to as "Kapow!" has undergone a gradual but remarkable paradigm shift taking it from it's reputation as a galactic biker bar to new life as the refuge for the multiverse's most intelligent and controversial minds. For the first time in Kapow's history, The Word gives you an exclusive look at Kapow's bombastic brain trust.
Lucifer Morningstar The former sovereign of Hell and fallen angel has long been a fixture in Kapow as the capricious proprietor of it's most famous watering hole The Bayou Bistro. While Morningstar has yet to visibly tamper in the affairs of Kapow, he enjoys a great deal of influence and recently presided over the nexus' first legal proceedings, Powell versus Three Devils Productions, as it's judge.
Lex Joseph Luthor Perhaps the most controversial US president of the century, the accomplished businessman has long been a mover and shaker in Kapow! although not always to his benefit. Case in point, Luthor was co-defendant in Kapow!'s first lawsuit and earlier in the year found himself embroiled in the power ring debacle that rocked the entire nexus.
Querl Dox Better known as Brainiac 5, Querl is a prominent member of the Legion of Superheroes and the heir to one of the most troubled legacies in the multiverse; the Coluan mantle of Brainiac. He is publicly adamant that he seeks to remove the shame and fear that his predecessors have brought to the name, but his actions have called into question the possibility of evading the shadows cast by his ancestors, most notably his reign of terror over the nexus sparked by his acquisition of a violet power ring. Paradoxically, Querl has been instrumental in many local investigations including being called as an expert witness in Powell versus Three Devils Productions and acting as forensic pathologist in several investigations spearheaded by controversial detective Bigby Wolf.
Veronica Cale Outside of her native Earth Prime, Cale is not yet well known, but achieved fame and notoriety in her native universe through her success in pharmaceuticals, which she decided to parlay into an ill fated attempt at ruining the reputation of Wonder Woman (which was achieved shortly after by the murder of Maxwell Lord and the invasion of the United States by an Amazon army). There are reports that Cale assembled a think tank of similarly controversial geniuses following her kidnapping and internment on Oolong Island.
Tony StarkInventor, CEO, Superhero, Secretary of Defence, Director of SHIELD. Tony Stark has worn almost as many hats as Zsa Zsa Gabor, and until recently, to nearly universal praise. Nearly overnight Stark's reputation changed from the magnanimous patriarch of The Avengers to a Machiavellian warlord with the unveiling of the SHRA and the subsequent police action popularly referred to as the Civil War. Reeling from the costly war and the subsequent Skrull invasion of 616, Stark was spotted for the first time at Kapow! in years. Early reports indicate that Stark was intent on wooing local socialite/catburgler Selina Kyle, but more troubling to some are the deployment of SHIELD personnel and weapons within the nexus, which could be taken as an aggressive maneuver on Stark's part given that several full time denziens of Kapow!, such as embattled attourney Matthew Murdock, are fugitives under the SHRA in their native 616. A well placed source has recently informed The Word that there is speculation that Stark- as a result of a startling reminder of his own mortality during the recent Skrull invasion- currently in search of a successor as the impresario of the superhero community.
DEVIL'S ADOVCATE
Attourney Tenzil Kem, known to the Legion of Superheroes as Matter Eater Lad is riding high off his first multiversal courtroom victory over fugitive Matthew Murdock in Kapow's first formal courtroom proceeding the civil suit Powell versus Three Devils Productions. Citing a conspiracy to ruin his reputation and profit from it through a series of videos, Chris "Darkhawk" Powell successfully sued Murdock along with Lex Joseph Luthor and Hellboy, Three Devils Productions owners and sole employees. In an unusual move the case was presided over defendant Three Devils Productions[b]Hellboy[b/]'s father, local business owner Lucifer Morningstar, who frequently seemed bored and let his contempt for the proceedings set the tone for the entire trial. Despite that, Morningstar's judgement is difficult to find fault with and set important legal precedent in a sober and professional manner.
BACK TO THE FUTURE
The Legion of Superheroes has had an unusually large influence on Kapow! as of late, rivaling the X-Men's near dominance of the nexus during their heyday. The Legion, however, has wasted no time in asserting itself in Kapow!, with Querl Dox and Tenzil Kem playing vital roles in the shaping of the nexus' future.
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Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:28 pm
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Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 1:27 am
THE WORD
Publisher: Scott Summers
Editor in Chief: Mitchell Royce
Chief Columnist: Spider Jerusalem
Filthy Assistant: Channon Yarrow
BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR
Lying bastards say they do not enjoy saying "I told you so." I am not a lying b*****d, and if you call me one, I will stab you in the spleen, urinate in the gas tank of your car, and defame you in this newspaper while you lay spleenless in the hospital.
I told you people for a year that Skrulls were going around impersonating you and you still got all uppity and surprised when they invaded your goddamn planet and took down your best people. I was not making some kind of ironic joke when I said "Trust the ********." I was telling you such truthy truth that even God's own lips would tremble and issue forth a thin long projection of drool as they mouthed their syllables. So I need you people to dig the spandex out of your unmentionable places and free your heads so that you can properly hear me.
I told you people that some of you were very smart and use that very smart quality to do dangerous things. I further stated that having more than one of these kinds of people with large brains and predispositions towards doing things you probably did not want to know could be done and even more likely did not want them done to you is not a state of affairs that should continue. But you just clumsily moved your lips and breathed through your noses as you took those letters in, probably leaving saliva stains on the newsprint, and went back to drinking, ********, and whatever else you do. I think it has something to do with punching people and violating habeas corpus.
Tony Stark is dead. He was an a*****e. I'm not telling you that you're terrible people for leaving him alone with that mean old cake thief, I'm telling you that you're hideous people for thinking that you can use lawyers to make it better. I talked to the burly redhead who has more muscle mass in her tits than I have in both arms, and she told me, we are going to use lawyers to solve this. We are going to use lawyers to solve a problem started by a man who beat Iron Man to death without taking a scratch. This is our idea of a rational and measured response.
I know that the Legion of Superheroes has a lawyer who can eat things, but I have problems believing that he would represent the people who apparently kidnapped his brother, scared his secretary, and probably defecated on his desk trying to get justice for the man that was sleeping with the woman he's been mooning over for an aeon. That and I have trouble believing that he would like to serve papers to a man that could put his skull three meters under his collar bone in less time that it takes to fart.
So I guess that would leave their prosecutorial prospects to the man who does not eat things, but wears red leather and horns at night. The man who is such a stunningly brilliant legal strategist that he compromises three quarters of the cases he works on by dressing up in red leather with horns on top to engage in gregarious witness tampering and flagrant disregard for the fourth amendment. Or they could find the woman Stark depowered by having sex with her. I'm sure she'd love to bring to justice the killer of the guy who ******** her powerless.
Less than a week later, Steroids and Vodka's plan went Phoenix Wrong when they were not met by a crack team of lawyers, but enough explosives to collapse a third of the mansion and leave most of the Avengers flossing brick out from between their molars.
The Avengers are not reeling. They are not biding their time and taking the high road. They are running so scared that they are leaving a messy brown trail flecked with corn in their wake leading right to their soggy spandex clad bottoms.
I'm not a religious man, nor am I a nice man. But I am a smart man, and I can say this because I have had eighteen governments in four worlds send assassins to kill me. I have also been a party to fourteen thousand three hundred and twelve bar fights. But none of that is even really necessary to properly evaluate how to respond to this. I have watched a movie. It was called The Untouchables, and in this movie Sean Connery says:
"They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue."
He didn't say "They put one of yours in the morgue and blow the morgue up, you put one of theirs on the defendant's booth." I am remarkably certain of this.
You need to make Luthor urinate red if you are to leave him able to urinate at all. Otherwise he and his people will bleed you like a maple tree in Vermont and enjoy it on a fresh batch of pancakes. That is what these people do. They use your blood as a twisted substitute for a sugary breakfast condiment.
Go out there and hurt these people back. Hurt them until they can't hurt you anymore. That's quoted from Machiavelli, and short of Tupac Shakur, Tony Stark was his biggest fan. If you want to do right by your dead leader, don't grow facial hair and drink a six pack of kegs. Make them bleed.
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Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 6:28 am
::Grabs a copy after a LOONNG meeting with Doctor Gym'll and rubs her eyes:: What's this..
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Posted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:53 pm
@THE WORD MICROBLOG EDITION
 <********> I was roused. Fat MDMA sweating whorehopper rolled the stone away again, tells me I have to go back, back to the hole. I had it jammed good, but they always find a way. They reanimate the corpses of nazi physicists to navigate my clever traps. Back to the hole, back to the hole they chant. It's called "microblogging," they say. No deadline, no editorial, no illusion of credibility. Pure wild turkey gonzo. You'll love it. <********> Love it like a rash. The keyboard howls and moans for twenty minutes before I register the ******** character limit. It's journalism via haiku. It's the goddamn ******** typewriter for the ADD generation. Press enter and slap the ******** to the opposite margin. Clack clack clack turns to tweet tweet tweet. Technology is about turning engineered sadism into masochism by subscription. First they killed the album, now they're killing the essay.
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Posted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 10:00 pm
*compulsively refreshes the page*
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