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 Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:24 pm
Kaelan laughed softly, the same half bubbly, half broken sound as before. He didn’t have words yet.
He knew Orien’s touches. All of them. He could have picked Orien’s hand out of a thousand, with or without his vision. There was something heavier in all of the touches, now. Or, maybe Kaelan was just so desperate for them that he felt everything so much more. He wanted his hands on him, wanted his face pressed against him, wanted his arms around him.
Nerves misfired throughout his body. On his skin, in his mind, in his stomach. It shouldn’t have been possible to be overstimulated and still feel so far away.
He knew it was just anxiety. He just didn’t know how to wrestle it down.
The blanket was a good start; he could have disappeared under it. Orien was so good to him. So thoughtful.
As Orien planted kisses over his skin, he offered each part of himself willingly.
Of course he wanted Orien close. But, if he had to leave, at least they had enough battery to stay connected in some way.
Kaelan didn’t trust his voice but Orien had already declared he was the loudest quiet so he wasn’t sure that he was doing himself any favors by keeping his thoughts to himself. Orien seemed like he knew so much more than Kaelan was willing to admit.
But he’d always been like that, hadn’t he? Like he could look at Orien and see every poorly hidden part of himself. Like he was a book with notes sticking out between the pages and Orien could just pull them out and find all of his secrets.
Well, most of them. Thankfully, Orien was usually too distracted to focus for long enough.
Kaelan rested against him again.
“I’m not trying to be quiet,” he said, and probably meant it. It was in his nature to keep to himself, and he was quick to bury thoughts and problems that had too much weight. He wasn’t trying to make this difficult for Orien. He wasn’t trying to shut him out. This was different from what either of them had expected so it was hard for him to know how to best handle it.
“I just don’t know what to say. So I guess I’m glad you already know. But I don’t want you to worry too much. A little is okay,” he decided. His voice wasn’t very even, like he couldn’t quite remember how to keep a steady pitch. “...Can I worry about you, too? Are you okay? Can I do anything to help?”
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:25 pm
Orien let out a quiet, helpless kind of noise -- it wasn’t quite a laugh, nor was it a sigh. It was the kind of breathless noise made when he wasn’t sure what to do with the way Kaelan was fussing over him. Especially the way he asked if he could worry about him too.
“Of course you can,” he said quietly, leaning close to press his lips to Kaelan’s temple. “You always do. You act like I’m not a walking hazard half the time.”
A gentle tease, because he knew he was being generous with his own ‘hazard’ status.
“I’m okay,” he whispered, smoothing his hand over Kaelan’s back, carding his fingers through his hair. “Not great. Not amazing. But okay. Being with you during all of this is the only reason I haven’t lost my mind yet, so you worrying a little, too, is probably smart. But I’m not gonna break.” His voice faltered, just a little. “Not while you still need me.”
He wasn’t going to get emotional again, though. There was too much to do. Too much to worry about. Too much to get figured out. And he didn’t want Kaelan to feel worse about everything.
“I don’t need you to say the right thing,” he said after a moment. “I don’t even need you to say anything. You’re here. That’s all I ever wanted. Besides… you’d tell me if I had syrup on my face, right?”
He was teasing again. He knew Kaelan couldn’t see, so he made sure to press his own cheek against Kaelan’s lips.
“You wanna help me?” he hummed as he pulled back but placed his own kiss against Kaelan’s forehead, and then one gently over each eye. “Just let me keep holding you. Keep breathing. Let me come back to you. That’s all I need.”
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:26 pm
“Where else would you go? You must always come back to me,” Kaelan insisted, because where was home if not with Orien? “I need you.” Now more than usual, and not because he felt like he was trapped in an endless darkness and everything seemed just out of grasp.
“And those things are too easy to do. I was going to do them anyway.”
Kaelan wanted to protest that he hadn’t even had a chance to kiss Orien’s cheek before he moved away, though he’d tried and met only empty space at the time.
He wasn’t helpless–or, maybe he needed to prove that, so he shifted positions just enough that he could stretch his neck to find Orien’s face. He meant to kiss his lips but got his nose instead, so had to offer a quick, “Sorry, hold on.”
It took him two more tries to find a good spot, and it took all his energy not to just wrap his arms around Orien and hold him tightly. He could wait until Orien got back. Probably. And what was squeezing him going to do, anyway?
Kaelan buried his face against the crook of Orien’s neck, where darkness felt safe and expected. Absently, he moved the blankets that were around his shoulder to drape equally over Orien’s.
“Text Jett so I know, please.” He wasn’t usually so needlessly forward. Patience, or at least the appearance of it, came naturally to him. He could only partly read Orien right now. He could listen to his voice but it felt like learning something after it was important. The pauses, the soft breaths, the trembles of his voice–he could hear those things. He could feel the tension in his body.
Orien wore so much of himself in ways you could see, if you knew where to look.
What were his hands doing right now? Was he hunched over? Were his lips pressed together? How tight were his eyebrows? Were his eyes open or closed? What was he looking at?
…Was Kaelan going to lose the ability to see through Orien’s shell?
Oh, shut up. Stop it. Stop it.
It felt like a shock went through his mind, like a bolt of electricity right behind his eyes. Rerouting his thoughts wasn’t easy. His first instinct was to bite Orien’s neck–why?–but he managed to kiss it instead. Keep his mouth busy before he could say something stupid.
Give himself something to focus on. Something warm. Something present. Something human.
Something other than the dark star slowly churning in his mind, sucking up all his thoughts, all his emotions, all his hope, like a hungry black hole.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:27 pm
Orien didn’t move when Kaelan kissed the wrong spot -- twice. Although, he’d argue there was no wrong spot to kiss, but he could tell what Kaelan was trying to do. He smiled, eyes slipping closed as he let Kaelan find him in his own time. When their lips finally met, soft and deliberate, Orien leaned into it. He didn’t say anything right away. He didn’t feel the need to.
Kaelan’s voice was enough. That little determined you must always come back to me settled right into his heart, deep enough that it ached in a way that made him want to wrap his arms around Kaelan and never leave.
So he did.
At least for a moment, before Kaelan adjusted the blanket to share with him. That earned an extra soft smile.
“I’ll text him,” Orien promised, pressing his cheek gently to Kaelan’s hair. He breathed out slowly, like he was trying to let go of something that was too tight in his chest. Kaelan didn’t have to say anything for Orien to know. He knew he cried in the shower, he knew he was stressed all the time, and yet he still took the time to leave him notes and set alarms to make sure Orien could function like a normal person (for the most part). He really was the loudest quiet.
“You’ll still see me, you know,” he breathed, pressing a kiss wherever he could reach on top of Kaelan’s head, rubbing his back gently as he held him. “Even if your eyes don’t come back right away. You’ll know when I’m scowling. You’ll hear it when I’m smirking. You’ll feel it when I start pacing for no reason. And you’ll definitely know when I roll my eyes, because I do it way too dramatically.”
He tilted his head to press another kiss behind Kaelan’s ear.
“You’re not losing anything that matters. Not with me,” he whispered with another kiss. “I’m gonna get up in just a few. Just for a little. Long enough to text Jett, find my pants, and maybe give you one more bite of pancake if you’re lucky. Then I’ll come right back and hold you a little longer.”
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:30 pm
Not losing anything that matters was a strange way to think about it. If Kaelan couldn’t see, how was he supposed to catch the mischievous sparkle in Orien’s eye? The way his lip twitched just before he said something obnoxious? The way he made faces when he was thinking too deeply and working too hard?
Kaelan forced a deep breath. He tried to think about those things that he liked, those things that made his heart flutter.
Orien’s face was enough to chase away the darkness in his mind. There was a softness to his edges, strong enough to push out thoughts that would have been so easy to sink into.
He was afraid of what might happen when he was gone from Kaelan’s side, even if it was only just briefly. They’d be able to stay on the phone. It wasn’t like there was real separation.
…But he really wanted to see Orien. Not just to make sure he was okay, not just for stability or normalcy. Because he liked him.
The concept that he might never get to see Orien again–he wanted to see him get better! Wanted to see him get older! Wanted to watch him grow!
Of course Kaelan would be able to tell when he was scowling, he knew the sound that came from the back of Orien’s throat when he did. The way the words curled around a smirked lip. He could feel the movement in the room as Orien paced, or even just the energy he radiated when things were too much. He could feel Orien’s eyes on him from across the room without ever turning to face him.
“You have to eat more first,” he pointed out, because he really didn’t need eyes to know that Orien had hardly touched the fork. He would have felt him move, would have heard the scrape, or the chew.
Kaelan didn’t want to move. He wanted to stay buried against Orien’s neck, hiding his face in a comfortable darkness. In the one he wanted, not the one he’d fallen into.
But Orien needed to get up. Kaelan understood this, Orien had even outlined what he was going to do, and why. There was no mystery to that.
One of them needed to move away first and it would have been cruel to make Orien do it.
Kaelan carefully withdrew but he missed the warmth already. He wanted to rub his eyes again. They didn’t hurt beyond the soreness of what he’d done with tears and pressure but he couldn’t keep his hands from them, like he thought he might be able to massage the sight back into them.
Only, when he turned his head, he saw the soft movement of light beyond his eyelids. His eyes weren’t open, and he was too anxious to hope, but his brows furrowed. It didn’t seem as dark as before, but maybe it was just wishful thinking. He held a hand up but saw nothing–until he turned his head slightly to the left–towards the window, where light cascaded in through the parted curtains.
When he moved his arm this time, he could track a distinct–but faint–shadow.
“What’s over there?” he asked, but still didn’t open his eyes.
He didn’t want to hope too strongly. He didn’t want to disappoint himself.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:31 pm
Orien had only barely started to shift when Kaelan pulled back first. It was careful and reluctant and -- ah, damnit… Orien missed him already. He wasn’t even standing yet and the space between them already felt cold and miserable. He wanted to reach for him again, to pull him back and tuck him in so close that the world couldn’t touch him.
But then Kaelan asked his question, and Orien froze.
He stared at him, and then slowly followed Kaelan’s line of sight toward the far side of the room. “The window,” he said, his voice quiet, like he didn’t want to get too loud. It wasn’t like they were looking at a ghost that would disappear if they moved or looked away! But it felt like that. “The curtains are open just a little. It looks like it’s going to be a nice morning.”
His heart was beating faster, a few steps ahead of his thoughts.
“What do you see?” he asked gently, like the answer might be too disappointing to bear. “Not asking for a miracle… just want to know.”
He moved closer, not fully sitting, but he shifted his weight so his palm was near Kaelan’s leg, and so Kaelan could lean back in if he wanted. It was difficult not to just wrap his arms around him again.
“You don’t have to open them if it feels bad,” he quickly added. “Or if it’s too much. You can just… tell me. I’ll be your eyes.”
He smiled faintly, even if Kaelan couldn’t see it. His voice was steady and warm, with just a tiny thread of hope weaving through it.
“If there’s light…. We’ll figure out what that means. We’ll figure it out together.”
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:33 pm
“I don’t want to open my eyes,” he said after a few seconds. His mouth felt dry. He didn’t want to be wrong. Didn’t want to see nothing.
Kaelan hoped though, and he was trapped between that and the fear of nothingness.
What if he opened his eyes and could see? What if all this worrying was pointless?
…What if he opened his eyes and couldn’t see? How bad was he going to crash if he let himself get his hopes up?
“When I move my hand I think I can see a shadow. But maybe I’m imagining it.” It was fainter now, wasn’t it? Or was he just getting used to how it looked? He moved his hand with a bit more vigor but he could still easily track it. Maybe because he knew where his hand was going to be? He wanted to grab Orien’s wrist and have him move his hand in front of Kaelan’s closed eyes but he realized he should just suck it up and look.
Kaelan’s stomach was full of rocks and nails and acid. His throat was burning and he felt like he might throw up.
His brows furrowed and dread radiated from him. Orien was warm. Supportive. Kaelan leaned against him and tried to force his eyes open.
At first, they wouldn’t budge. It was like the muscles on his face had locked up. His brows were knitted tightly, stern with more right than they had to be. He reached up a hand to his face and, instead of rubbing at his eyes, he had to place his index finger above his eye and his middle finger below, and carefully try to pry his eyes apart as his body worked against him.
At first, there was nothing but darkness, and his stomach sank immediately. Hopelessness bubbled up from the darkness and–
No, those were his eyelashes in the way. He could make out vague, distant shapes. It wasn’t much but his breath hitched and his face relaxed as he squinted across the room. His eyes hurt, like he’d been staring into the sun, and he could see small pinpricks of light, like an LED screen malfunctioning.
He faced the window and waved his hand in front of it and he could see the shadow, but the light was hard on his eyes.
“Orien!” he said, but almost choked on his name because he’d forgotten how to breathe. He turned to face him so quickly that he gave himself a headache, and even if the light burned his eyes he kept them open to look.
There was a dark shape in front of him and he recognized the silhouette of Orien more than him but it was enough. His hands shot out and he found Orien’s cheeks immediately, and because he didn’t know what else to do with himself, he leaned forward and kissed him deeply.
He couldn’t see–not well–but it wasn’t pitch black. It was like wearing twenty sunglasses. Or a thin blindfold.
But it was something, and he would cling to it.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:33 pm
Orien hadn’t known what to expect, but it wasn’t that. It wasn’t Kaelan’s voice breaking on his name like that, or the sound of frantic movement, or the hands suddenly on his face, warm and trembling.
His breath caught in his throat as their lips met. It wasn’t like their usual kisses. It wasn’t teasing or lazy or quick. It was desperate, maybe a little messy, but Orien met him fully in it. His hands went to Kaelan’s waist, keeping them both steady. He kissed him back like he was trying to share every last bit of love and relief into him, like the words couldn’t get to his mouth fast enough and this was the only way he could express how he felt.
And when they finally parted, it was only barely -- Orien refused to move far. He pressed his forehead to Kaelan’s as he held him.
“You can see me?” he asked, his voice cracking on a breathless whisper. Even still, he smiled as his eyes burned, but not from the light. He blinked fast but didn’t bother hiding it. He reached up to cover Kaelan’s hands with his own against his cheeks, thumbs brushing softly against his skin.
“Okay, okay. No sudden movements,” he let out a shaky laugh. “I’m not going anywhere, I swear. We’ll go slow.” He kissed Kaelan’s nose, then his cheek, then the corner of his mouth, as though making sure he wasn’t just dreaming.
“Right now, I’m just gonna sit here and let you look at me as long as you want,” he promised, his eyes wet but bright.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:34 pm
“I can see–well,” Kaelan paused briefly and sort of helplessly just gestured. It was a struggle to explain what he saw. “No, it’s more like I am not not seeing? It’s like the lights are off, I can see where you are. I can’t see your face. I can see where it is, though.”
And it was better than nothing. There were small splashes of color, like maybe if he focused for longer, he’d be able to sift through the darkness, but he didn’t want to strain his eyes.
The important thing was that they weren’t totally useless! He could work with that!
Kaelan was crying again, and even if he felt stupid for it, it was like the worry had decided it was okay to leak from his chest and out through his eyes. He didn’t try to wipe them away this time. He didn’t want to touch his eyes, just in case this was actually a mistake.
If his body shook, it was from excitement.
He had to force his eyes to close. “No, I’m going to let them rest.”
He opened them immediately afterwards, like he couldn’t help himself.
His vision was no better, but it was no worse either. He closed his eyes again.
“Can you Google what you’re supposed to do if you–I don’t know, if you stare at the sun for too long? Do you put ice on your eyes? Or…warm? I’m going to keep them closed. They’re sore but they don’t hurt,” he said, quick to share whatever information he could think. “I’m not going to touch them. And I’m going to let them rest. I can see–it’s like shadows. Kind of. But I could see the light from the curtain.”
He wanted to open his eyes again but resisted this time.
“And I want another kiss. I think that’s what helped. Please. Just one.” He knew what happened when too many kisses were on the line, and he hadn’t forgotten how important it was that Orien at least get his medicine.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:34 pm
Orien let out a quiet, wobbly laugh at the way Kaelan tried to explain his vision -- or not-vision. It was very him. It was the overthinking. The eager clarity, even in confusion. The way he clung so tightly to hope, even when he was trying not to.
“Okay, so… you can kind of see, but also kind of not… and your eyes feel weird, but not bad, and you’re worried about sun damage, and somehow think the solution to all of that is kissing me,” Orien summarized with light amusement, forehead still pressed against Kaelan’s. “Sounds like a solid treatment plan.”
He squeezed Kaelan’s hands gently where they still cupped his face and leaned in with no hesitation this time. “For medical reasons,” he hummed softly, before pressing another kiss to Kaelan’s lips. It was warm and slow and just a little longer than he probably should have let it linger.
“If I’m the cure, you better keep me close,” he whispered when he finally pulled back. But then he shifted, one hand still on Kaelan’s while the other fished blindly behind him on the side table. “I’m grabbing my phone,” he explained. “I’m gonna text Jett, and then we’re gonna Google every ‘what to do if your eyeballs are weird’ article on the internet.”
He paused to give Kaelan the softest smile, even if his voice was heavy with emotion and his heart was racing. “But not before I can say this again -- you can see something. That means we’re heading in the right direction.”
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:36 pm
Though Kaelan couldn’t see the smile, he could hear it, in the way the words seemed to curl around Orien’s lips as they fell from his tongue. He was glad for the overexplanation of Orien’s actions because it reduced the urge to open his eyes or guess.
“Yeah,” he said, and couldn’t keep the hope from his voice. He nodded, with a bit more force than he needed, like the universe might see his desperation.
His heart was pounding in his chest with so much enthusiasm that it hurt, and his mind was numb from too much stress and too much hope. The corners of his thoughts felt frayed, in part from exhaustion but equally so because he was simply so overwhelmed.
He wanted to pull Orien closer and lay down in his lap, to bury his face in his stomach and just lay there. But doing that would only make it harder for him to leave.
Kaelan was patient. He could wait.
Instead, he placed his hand on the bed and traced his fingers over the surface until he found the cold metal of the fork. He could only guess what he was doing with it, but after a few fumbling attempts, he managed to at least skewer a little sausage. He held it to his lips and took half a bite, but he leaned close to Orien, his chest pressed into Orien’s shoulder, and held the next bite up for him.
When he had hope, he had hunger. If his body was healing, he needed strength.
The food was too good to waste and they’d hardly made a dent in it, and Orien was working so hard. He had his own battles to face, and Kaelan could still smell the breakfast they’d been delivered so he knew there was more to share.
He wasn’t going to let any of it go to waste. Insistently, but patiently, he held the fork to Orien’s mouth. He was determined to help clear off the plate while Orien texted Jett and scoured the internet for answers on his behalf.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:36 pm
Kaelan’s shoulder was solid and warm against him. And then the fork was held up for him with such stubborn gentleness that made Orien want to laugh and cry in the same breath.
He huffed quietly, making a show of it even with his lips pulled into a small smile.
“You know… you always get soft when you’re trying to boss me around,” he teased. He pressed a kiss to Kaelan’s forehead before taking the bite of sausage without protest. It was easier than arguing. Easier than telling Kaelan how proud he was, or how much it meant to see him try, even when things were still uncertain. Especially then.
The food was still warm. Comforting. He chewed and swallowed, licked his lips as he thought about saying more. But didn’t. Not yet at least. Instead, he set his phone down for a moment. Just long enough to reach over and gently brush his thumb along Kaelan’s cheek, tracing the edge of his jaw.
“You’re taking care of me again,” he said, his voice soft. “You never stop. Even after everything that’s happened.”
Orien leaned close and pressed a kiss to Kaelan’s cheek, then to his jaw. He pressed a kiss against the shell of his ear before whispering to him.
“I know you. I know you want to hide and pretend like none of this is happening.” He kissed him again. “I’ll let you. When I get back. You can hide as long as you want. I’ll keep you safe.”
He pulled back just a little, letting Kaelan rest against him once more as he picked up his phone. “Text sent. Google next,” he said, just so they knew where they were on their checklist.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:36 pm
Without knowing what touch would come when, Kaelan was weak to all of them. Every whisper across his skin made him lean forward for more, and each kiss had the weight of a dozen.
Kaelan hadn’t thought there was much to say until Orien whispered into his ear–perfectly timed between enough kisses to keep him grounded. Of course, his heart fluttered into his throat and his stomach twisted because Orien didn’t always just call him out like that. Kaelan liked to think, maybe delusionally, that he had a fairly good grasp on masking things.
But Orien shifted so fluidly in the conversation that Kaelan was still reeling from his whispers when he announced that the text had been sent. But what was there to say to that? He wasn’t foolish enough to lie. Orien saw through him, effortlessly.
Of course Kaelan was going to do his best to take care of Orien. He couldn’t help it, the thought was always in his mind. He couldn’t just shut it off. It was as natural to him as breathing. Did he get soft when he was bossing him around? Was he bossing him around? Maybe Orien was just teasing him. Kaelan still had the fork so he found the plate again. This time, he managed to carve out a bit of pancake and he promptly held this up for Orien, too.
His stomach was still in knots, too tight and too fluttery at the same time. A strange weightlessness that still managed to coil deep within him.
Kaelan didn’t know what to say. Orien already knew, and Kaelan couldn’t expand on the idea. There was no point in denying any of it, but neither could he bring himself to agree to it. He settled on a soft, “I love you.”
Jett must have been attached to his phone–unsurprisingly–because he texted Orien back almost immediately to confirm a very simple: ‘Sure. I’ll be there in a few minutes.’
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2025 5:37 pm
Orien barely had time to set down his phone before Kaelan was already lifting the next bite of pancake for him. He let out another huff of a laugh, amused and fond, and accepted the bite without hesitation. Because of course Kaelan was going to keep feeding him, even if he couldn’t figure out the words to say.
“You’re so good to me,” he sighed contentedly as he leaned against Kaelan once more. With the bite swallowed, he pressed another kiss to Kaelan’s temple. He didn’t need to look to know how Kaelan was sitting. How he was quietly coiled in his own tension. He could feel it in the way Kaelan leaned into him, and in the absence of words that weren’t needed.
But the words that Kaelan did say always mattered. And they warmed him and made his heart race. Like a balloon swelling in his chest.
“Yeah,” Orien whispered back, leaning close to Kaelan and burying his face against his hair. “I know. I love you too. So much that it’s stupid.” He paused to glance down at his phone.
“Jett’s on his way. We’ve got maybe five minutes, if we’re lucky. Long enough to pretend that everything’s fine and nothing exists outside this room,” he hummed, brushing his thumb once more over the back of Kaelan’s hand as they sat close to each other.
“Five minutes to be selfish,” he whispered against Kaelan’s ear, followed by a small, teasing kiss. “What should we do with them?”
He didn’t need an answer. Not really. He’d take whatever Kaelan gave. Whether it was more silence or more bites of food or just the quiet warmth between them. That was more than enough.
Fin!
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