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“Well I suppose I do have a vested interest in your kidney health,” Malory admitted, grin decidedly childish at the mention of a secret birthday present. Appeased and satisfied that the miserable boy was going to be a Good miserable boy, he sauntered back into the shower and got to work on what amounted to a five step hair treatment since it seemed he wouldn't be bothering with the pool after.

Eles was in for a long wait, but was lucky in that the house apparently had a near endless supply of hot water. Eventually the shower turned off and the bathroom fell quiet. Before Eles could try and claim it for himself, the shower door opened again, and Malory peered out to give him a close, almost suspicious look. “Are you done throwing up?”

Eles looked like a crusty wreck, but it's not like Malory hated that for him. Still. Accidentally dying in a bathroom was really too plebeian for his boy. Stepping out and making sure to avoid all the blue splashes and flecks that hadn't quite hit their mark, he opened the towel closet and pulled out a small stool.

Marching right back into the shower he called out a firm, “Come.”

After all, well-kept and tended to had been part of the original offer.

“I wonder what he would have told you after such a vibrant wake up.” Malory countered. Though since Cassian might be the sort to carefully go about making Eles feel better, it was for the best that the boy was stuck with him this morning instead. “But I supposeI am very lucky,” he allowed, idly wondering if this meant a well-earned revenge would be sought in the future and if he should look forward to it.

Or maybe the way Eles laid down on the shower floor was going to be punishment enough. Sickly and thin built as he was, Malory had the distinct feeling his boy would be able to magically triple his bodyweight if there was an attempt to move him. Gazing down with a rare look of open ire, he sighed and moved the stool for himself to sit on and grabbed the showerhead, detaching it with a grim gaze.

The passive spray of water was soon replaced by targeted and all-too efficient harassment as Malory shifted and lifted limbs for an initial spray down. As he moved from part to part of The Sufferingest Boy he gave the newly rinsed skin a comforting pat, sometimes even a soothing, “You’re doing good,” or “Don’t worry, I won’t let you drown in the scary water.” Which was clearly a very temporary and circumstantial promise from Malory even on a much better day.

“And I love you sooooo ~ much,” Malory crooned for the second time that morning. “Even flopping around like a half dead fish on the ground. Though at least you’re starting to smell tolerable now. Should I brush your teeth for you too?” Another kick to the stool had him nearly biting his tongue. Awful.

“And yet I did, and now they’re all the cleaner for it,” Malory’s voice stayed peaceful as if he was moving closer to achieving nirvana before moving the sprat for one last blast to Eles’s face. Finally the tortured boy was free from The Agonies, the shower head set aside in favor of a bottle of shampoo.

“Now quit ******** around or I’ll pour soap in your eyes.”

“Frederick.” He didn’t particularly like his middle name, and generally kept it out of anything and everything possible, meaning that it was something shared between his parents, his birth certificate, and his silent denial of its existence. He gave Eles the name with zen generosity but refrained from letting the boy know the degree to which he disliked it, like handing over a box of bullets to a gun and leaving it to load itself.

Maybe it would.

Eles was starting to get very creative with his curses though, a good sign that he must be feeling awake and clear-headed enough to summon the twisted turns of phrase, but likely also increasingly more aware of his own wretched everything as well. Malory wondered how long it would take for him to be clear-headed enough to decide the best cure was likely to be found in the wine cellar.

Firm fingers began to work the shampoo into dark, for now, locks, starting at the ends and thoroughly working themselves upward until Malory was massaging the other boy’s scalp. This, at least, was relatively gentle, perhaps jarringly so after the water torture. “So what other important life lessons did you learn from all this?”

Apparently the short answer was no. For a moment, Malory considered, once again, encouraging Eles to not drink quite so much on an empty stomach. But then, how much worse would this morning’s wakeup have been if it had involved…chunks? “Ah, well that’s true, and I’m very glad you learned something important from all this.”

The play on mask earned an actual smile and a tenderly pinched earlobe. “Clever.”

The gentle treatment had yet to twist the way it so often did, but then Malory said, “Close your eyes.”

Out came the sprayer once again.

Having apparently accepted his situation, Eles got a slightly less aggressive rinse this time and Malory decided against any further hair product. The bleaching and subsequent dyeing would do more than enough by the end of the day. One hand still massaging the boy’s scalp, he gazed down at thick dark strands clinging to pale skin that had, in fact, gained a rosy edge even if a bit more sickly than usual.

Maybe, after it was done, he should get a matching wig. Wouldn’t that be fun and…weird, as Eles so nicely put it?

With a hum he switched to the final, and most important task. The bodywash was uncapped and Malory looked at the bath pouf, then the boy on the shower floor, then the long handled stiff bristle brush, and back to Eles. Finally he just started pouring the body wash directly onto his Worstest Best Boy.

Appropriately, it was blue.