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 Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:47 am
Casey cared deeply about Ariel. He’d gotten to know him only by chance and his own carelessness. If he hadn’t left his door unlocked, he might have never gotten to talk to Ariel. If he hadn’t gone walking in the forest with him, they might have never met Morgan.
He cared deeply about Morgan too, which made it even harder to figure out what to do with his life. He couldn’t try to tell Ariel how he felt if it meant Morgan wouldn’t be with them, and he couldn’t tell Morgan without breaking Ariel’s heart.
So, naturally, he would have just been the one to step aside. If he allowed room for Ariel and Morgan to get closer, then he could at least be their occasional friend, right?
But what Morgan was saying…?
Morgan thought he and Ariel had been a couple? He thought they were cute?
And they were both so kind to him, even though they didn’t have to be. They were so patient, even when he had drawn away from them.
“I didn’t want to be left behind--” he finally choked out between sobs that came as suddenly as his realization that he might have made a huge mistake. Morgan wanted to know why he’d been pulling away. He was afraid of them not wanting him around. He didn’t want to turn around suddenly and realize that he was no longer needed.
He was selfish and created an out for himself by agreeing to be Mason’s boyfriend. That way, Ariel and Morgan could be happy, and he could have someone in his life, too.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:48 am
Morgan didn’t try to speak at first, not when Casey was burdened with such heavy emotions. The roots weren’t comfortable but he hadn’t really cared about that. The intention had only been to sit with Casey.
He’d known he was crying earlier and he had planned to ask what had happened when things calmed down a bit but it didn’t seem like he should anticipate that any time soon. Devyn had never seemed the sort to give someone a hard time; he was good natured and friendly, if not a little troublesome. Morgan could see the spark of adventure in his eyes, and the hint of mirth when he was being scolded. So, Morgan didn’t really try very hard.
Devyn respected the forest, and he gave Morgan enough respect that he never got mad at him for wandering off.
Casey wasn’t the sort to pick a fight and Devyn wasn’t the sort to push buttons. So the tears came from something else, something hardly buried and ready to break through.
Morgan wrapped his arm around Casey’s shoulders and pulled him close, rubbing his arm gently. He took it upon himself to move the hot chocolate out of the way, sticking it between two roots perfectly angled to hold it.
Then, he picked Casey up and moved him into his lap so he could hold him better.
“Ariel and I haven’t moved forward because neither of us are willing to leave you behind. You undervalue how much you mean to us.” He didn’t know if Ariel loved him but he’d always thought it was easy to see how much he loved Casey. Neither Ariel nor Casey were good at communicating their feelings, but Morgan was sure they showed it in their own, unique ways.
He’d gotten pretty good at seeing through them.
“Did you think I was trying to steal Ariel from you?” he asked, but he’d gathered Casey up so tenderly in his arms and his voice was soft, carefully spoken when he knew Casey could hear him.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:48 am
There was no resistance when Morgan put his arm around him. Nor did he do anything to prevent him from taking the hot chocolate. By the time Morgan was pulling him into his lap, Casey was already anticipating it. Wanting to be close.
Morgan was safe, after all.
The revelation that Ariel and Morgan hadn’t moved forward because they weren’t willing to leave him behind just confused him more. He’d given them all this opportunity to officially get together, but it turned out that Casey was preventing that from happening?
He gasped and aggressively scrubbed away the tears when Morgan asked if he was afraid of Ariel being stolen from him.
“No! I mean--” he gaped between sobs, still scrubbing his eyes even as he looked up at Morgan.
What was it…? He didn’t know if he could confess everything and Morgan would still want him around. He hated feeling so unsure of himself, like he had to second guess everything.
“I didn’t-- Ariel-- You’re perfect together, I know that. You make him laugh and make him feel safe and he needs that. And it’s so obvious that you’re fond of him. You go out of your way for him, and I see the way you smile when you look at him. I thought-- I was the odd one out. I-- I met Mason so I thought it would give you both a chance to be happy. Together. Without me--”
The more he spoke, the more the words deteriorated. He was obviously embarrassed and hid his face in his hands. Or against Morgan. Or hiding under the scarf.
“I only ever-- wanted to be with you and Ariel-- but I didn’t want to be a burden--”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:48 am
Morgan nodded along, as if he understood. His brows furrowed slightly, knit together by guilt and the seriousness at which he was processing Casey’s words.
Casey could hide, he didn’t mind. Morgan could see him well enough even now. Let him bundle up a bit for warmth, at least.
“You know, I thought the same thing when I saw you two together. You made each other laugh, and you took care of each other. You two are fond of each other and always go out of the way for each other. The way you smile at each other, hm.”
He rested his chin on Casey’s shoulder as he held him.
“You didn’t see the way he looked at you? Or me? …You’ve never been a burden, Casey. I wanted to make you both feel safe. You need that, too.”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:49 am
Had he seen the way Morgan looked at him? He couldn’t remember. If he had, he quickly convinced himself that he was imagining things. Or that it wasn’t what he thought.
“You’ve made us feel safe-- from the moment we met you,” Casey sobbed. Now that he’d started, he didn’t know how he could stop. It felt like everything built up was just spilling over. And more than that, he was so ashamed and embarrassed. Even if Morgan didn’t think of him as a burden, he certainly didn’t make things easy.
But saying that made him feel selfish.
“I am really fond of Ariel-- Of you, too, Morgan--” he hiccupped on a sob. “I just-- I don’t understand anything and I’m so tired all the time and now I feel-- like I’ve really messed up.”
He could have been with Ariel and Morgan this whole time? And been happy with them and not confused and wondering what he would be doing wrong no matter what he did?
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:49 am
Morgan had tried to keep them safe from the moment he met them. Maybe it was the stress of the situation that had made him immediately endeared to the two but it couldn’t have been just that. Morgan was not a particularly self conscious man, and even more than usual he’d never felt awkward or uncertain around them.
They’d slotted into his life easily, and he quickly found himself wanting to find excuses to spend more time with them.
He gave Casey time to speak, to breathe. He had no intention of letting him go any time soon, he’d stay out here as long as he could. His radio was turned on but he doubted there’d be too many people out or needing anything with as cold as it was.
“When we get off of work, let me drive you back to your apartment. Ariel will be happy to have you spend the night. You’ll get some rest. You can relax. Tell me what you think you’ve messed up. If there’s a problem, we can figure out a way to fix it.”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:49 am
Casey sucked in a breath, frozen in Morgan’s arms for a moment. He wanted, desperately to see Ariel, to spend the night with him. To have Morgan over too. But--
“I can’t--” he choked, and there was something more than desperation in his voice that even he wasn’t sure what it was. Or maybe he knew and he didn’t want to admit it.
It was fear. A little bit of panic.
“I can’t go tonight. I’ve already messed things up. If Mason-- I just can’t,” he sobbed again, burning his face in his hands once more. “I don’t want him to be disappointed. He’s done so much for me.”
And yet… Casey wished he’d clung to Ariel and Morgan instead of being swept off his feet by Mason. Now he felt like he would never get his feet back on the ground, but not by choice.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:49 am
“Like what?” Morgan asked, ignoring the way his skin prickled when he thought of Casey worried about disappointing anyone. He’d long since had his suspicions and doubts about Mason but he couldn’t quite articulate or provide anything from it.
He didn’t like how high strung Casey was, or how full of doubt he was, or how distant he’d become.
Sometimes he let a little more slip than he meant to. Morgan always noticed when he was caught himself and changed the subject or tried to backtrack.
Casey shouldn’t be panicking about disappointing his boyfriend. He shouldn’t be so frantic not to let him down–and for what? To go back to his own apartment for one night?
No, it didn’t make sense. He wanted to understand what Casey thought was so clear.
“Doesn’t he want you to be happy?”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:49 am
“Of course!” Casey quickly responded, eager to defend his boyfriend, because what else could he do? “Of course he wants me to be happy. I want him to be happy, too. He’s been good to me, Morgan. He is always doing things for me, or making sure I get tea to help me calm down at night, or help me try to find my chargers that I keep misplacing. It’s so stupid-- I don’t know how I keep losing my chargers so easily, and I swear they end up right where I looked before--”
He knew Ariel worried about him. He knew Morgan worried. He tried keeping in touch with them, but Mason didn’t like him texting too much, otherwise he’d be sad that Casey didn’t want to spend time with him. Or that he would rather talk to his friends.
“Harrison loves him!” It was a bad example. Harrison loved everyone. “He puts up with me when I talk too much. And reminds me when I’m doing something dumb. Like… I don’t know, I’ve been really forgetful. Like the charger. I just keep leaving things around, but he’s been so patient with me--”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:49 am
“Casey,” Morgan said, still gentle. It wouldn’t have done any good to get riled up or sound too defensive. “You don’t talk too much. Have you ever misplaced your charger when you’re with Ariel? Or with me at the station? The tea he gives you isn’t helping you calm down at night.”
Harrison loved everyone and Casey knew that, so Morgan didn’t have to remind him.
There was a foul taste in his mouth that burned all the way down to his heart.
Casey was saying things his boyfriend did for him but they hardly sounded like they had any weight to them. Was finding misplaced phone chargers the most meaningful thing they shared in this relationship? Casey was always bending over backwards and doing things for others.
What was Mason doing?
“If you think Mason wants you to be happy, why do you think he’d be upset if you spent time with your friends?”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:50 am
“That’s a lie!” Casey cried in his panic, tears still pouring down his face as he sobbed. “I know I talk too much! Just because you and Ariel don’t think so doesn’t mean others don’t! I know I am annoying and make too much noise and I’ve been trying really hard to stop--”
Another reason why he would maybe start to say something and then change his mind. Talking to Devyn might have broken that a little. Having a complete stranger say it was okay was probably something Casey needed.
“I-- Mason might not say it, but I think he’s just really self-conscious and lonely. He gets shy about meeting people-- I just don’t want to upset him when he’s already had a long day--”
A part of him still didn’t understand what Morgan was trying to suggest. Should he just be with him and Ariel? Should he tell Mason that he was grateful for the time they had together but wanted to part ways? Would Mason allow him?
The thought had Casey crying harder, and this time he shifted in Morgan’s lap so he could wrap his arms around his shoulders and hide his face against the collar of his jacket.
“I don’t know what to do--” he sobbed some more, seemingly inconsolable. “I miss you-- I miss Ariel-- I love you both so much-- You’ve both always been so wonderful-- and feel trapped and feel so stupid-- for being selfish and thinking I needed to give you both space when I wanted nothing more than to be with you-- Mason won’t let me leave, I know he won’t-- I don’t know what to do--”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:50 am
Morgan’s brows lifted once more at Casey’s outburst but he took it in stride. Casey’s words didn’t quite match his actions but Morgan expected that in some ways. He let Casey say what he wanted, sit how he wanted. He wrapped his arms around him and held him close.
Casey must have known Morgan would never lie to him. He didn’t take it personally. He let him sort through his emotions. He let himself talk until he’d said enough.
Mason wouldn’t let him leave.
“He doesn't get to make your decisions for you. If you’re not happy with him you don’t have to stay with him. It’s okay. If he won’t let you leave, I’ll just steal you away. You just say the word and I’ll step in, Casey.”
He brushed his thumb over Casey’s cheek, and brushed his bangs from his forehead.
Casey needed to cry. He needed to work out what he’d been bottling up for so long. Morgan took note of everything he said and filed it away because maybe it wasn’t the best idea to try and talk about all of it now, but he didn’t want to forget it.
Morgan placed his lips on Casey’s forehead and kissed him there, and then atop the crown of his head. The cold didn’t feel so unbearable with Casey in his arms.
He hoped Casey could feel the warmth, too.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:50 am
Casey knew Morgan would never lie to him. There was just so much he’d been forced to question, so much he’d been told was wrong. What did Mason really want from him? Everything seemed perfect on the outside, but in Morgan’s arms it was easy for Casey to realize just how miserable he was.
“Please, Morgan--” he choked out. Everything seemed to be crumbling around him. Everything he’d built up to keep himself away from Ariel and Morgan because he thought it would be good for them, and because he didn’t want Mason upset if he spent time with them.
“I don’t know how-- He’s very convincing. I-- he’s not bad I just--”
Casey didn’t want to think poorly of Mason. Surely it was just a misunderstanding. It was probably just him. Mason was going to tell him how it was in his head, how he needed to rest, how he was pushing himself too hard. Coax him to sit down and--
Before he knew it, another night would go by without seeing Ariel.
The thought made the tears fall harder for a while longer. He clung desperately to Morgan, because if he let go he didn’t know where he would be swept away to, or if he’d even survive the separation.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:50 am
Morgan didn’t say anything for a long while. He didn’t need words right now, he just wanted to comfort Casey. There wasn’t any point to try having a conversation with him about Mason when he was only going to defend him.
He rubbed Casey’s back gently, up and down, and then in circles. There was a consistency to them because he wanted to give Casey some stability, some predictability.
Morgan didn’t count the minutes that passed, he just waited until Casey needed a break to catch his breath. For the duration of it all, he kept his arms wrapped around Casey protectively. It was never too much effort to rub his back or kiss atop his head.
“It’s okay, Casey,” he promised, because even if he didn’t know what the future held, he knew that he was going to do everything in his power to make that a promise he could keep. “We’ll figure it out. Trust your gut. Your heart cares too much. Are you scared of him?”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 9:50 am
He didn’t know that he needed the quiet and comfort until Morgan was giving it to him. Casey knew he needed to calm down, and it was only when he was having his back gently rubbed and kisses being pressed to his head that he realized how much he just needed to breathe.
And even with everything, Casey still felt like a dumb child, needing to be consoled and comforted. Shouldn’t he be able to handle things on his own? Hadn’t he been doing things on his own for years now? Well… not very well until Ariel and then Morgan came into his life. But still…
He tensed at Morgan’s question, ashamed and embarrassed. He had his arms around Morgan’s shoulders still, but as he calmed he’d started to gently play with Morgan’s hair and lightly scratching his nails down the back of Morgan’s neck and scalp.
Casey didn’t answer right away, but he supposed that was enough of an answer on its own.
Mason had never physically hurt him… at least not intentionally. There were bound to be slip-ups when in a relationship, right? Things just got a little out of hand, or maybe there was miscommunication on Casey’s part.
Emotionally…? That was also Casey’s fault too. He should be stronger. He should have more of a backbone. It wasn’t like Mason was ever mean, just… Casey was sensitive and took things too personally. Maybe if he didn’t make such a mess all the time, he wouldn’t get sensitive about things.
But there were little things. Subtle things that made Casey wonder if he was safe. If Harrison was safe or the puppy. There was a possession that Mason had over him, and Casey didn’t know how to escape without being torn apart in the process. Like an animal caught in a bear trap.
“Yes,” he finally whispered, as though he was afraid that saying it too loud would make bad things happen.
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