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 Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2024 5:51 pm
“Oh, I know I talk too much,” Casey said with a small smile. It didn’t reach his eyes, but he was good at making it look convincing. Usually. “I get told all the time that I do. Morgan doesn’t. He’s very patient. And Harrison really is a good listener. I’m glad you got a chance to meet her! She’s really good with everyone, especially kids. Don’t worry, I know you’re not trying to give me a hard time. It’s easy to get lost sometimes, especially when you get distracted or your mind wanders and then suddenly you’re somewhere you didn’t expect to be. I uh… might have gotten turned around a few times, too.”
He forced a little laugh, but gestured to his radio. “It’s a good thing I have this with me. Maybe we should get you one to take with you when you visit. That way you can give us a call if you get turned around. I mean, I don’t think Morgan has mentioned anyone else getting lost as much as you. I’m glad you find time to visit, though. Have you ever thought about being a park ranger? It could be a lot of fun. Oh! But I wouldn’t want you to have to spend time away from your son. Kids need a parent around. It’s really hard without one. Even if they think they know how to do things, it’s always better with someone to look out for them. Oh, I was on my own since the middle of high school, so that’s why I know. I mean I guess everyone is different, but--”
Oh, he was definitely talking too much now. But Devyn didn’t seem to mind at least.
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2024 5:54 pm
“The middle of high school?” Devyn asked, brows raising. “That’s too young to be on your own in this day and age. Not that I’m doubting your competency, I just don’t think that’s fair. I was an adult when I was young, too. But life required me to grow up quickly.” He shrugged. “It was a different time and place, though. I can’t imagine my son out in the world on his own now. He’s been through enough already. I’ll look after him for as long as I can. When he’s 80 or older, whatever he needs.”
Devyn wasn't planning on going anywhere any time soon. Michael wasn’t, either.
“But he’s at that age where he’s dating, so he’s glad to have a bit of time without me around. I’ll bring him out to the park sometime, he’d probably love Harrison. His boyfriend’s more of the outdoorsy type, I’m sure they could make a date of it.” He could bring Michael, too.
“But I don’t think I’d pass the bar to be a park ranger, you’d best only hire me if you’re desperate. You’ll spend even more time looking for me! Morgan says if you go deep enough into the forest you might find a bear, but it’s rare.” He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth like he was contemplating this but he shook his head and continued, “The next time I visit, I’ll have to stop by the outpost and see if you still want to let me borrow a radio. I’ll try not to use it just to ask questions.”
Casey’s smile hardly reached his eyes. It filled his face but it was performative, and not really even that convincing. Well, maybe, if you weren’t used to trying to look through a smile and see what someone was really thinking.
“Maybe Morgan can let you come find me next time. You might worry about talking too much, but I like it. Who told you that?”
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2024 5:55 pm
Casey was too embarrassed to admit that the only way he’d been hired as a park ranger was because he knew Morgan, who spoke very highly of him to whoever needed to make the decision. He doubted he was an ideal candidate for the job, but he did work hard. And he put everything he had into it, even if he wasn’t the best. He could never say he was lazy about the job, he just might not be as knowledgeable about it. He did his best, and he was grateful that Morgan was so patient with him. It was a huge upgrade from where he used to work, and with infinitely better people, too.
“Oh, it’s okay. A lot of people tell me I talk too much,” he responded, still intentionally vague. But it was encouraging that Devyn said again that he didn’t mind him talking. That he liked it.
“I mean, people will say that they don’t mind me talking. Or that it’s cute. Or that they like my voice. But, you know, sometimes it gets to be too much. Like a bug that keeps droning on and on, you know? Or a broken radio. I kind of repeat a lot of the same stuff, anyway. I mean, I have to, sometimes, because I guess some people just tune me out so they miss it the first time. Oh, but… it’s actually been a while since I’ve been able to talk too much,” he admitted after a moment, surprised by the realization.
“I guess I just don’t want to bother anyone. Oh, but… here’s the trail!” he suddenly looked up when he noticed where they were. “Um. Please don’t try to find any bears. I haven’t seen any yet, but once I thought there might have been one. Or… something was out in the woods. That’s when we first met Morgan. Oh. Uh, I mean my… roommate and I. I mean, we weren’t roommates at the time. We were just neighbors. But, I mean, I guess maybe we’re not roommates any more. I mean I still pay half the rent since I’m on the lease, but my boyfriend gets lonely and wants me to stay with him all the time. Which is fine! I just miss my friends sometimes, you know? Oh but… yeah. Definitely stop by the outpost next time. I’m sure Harrison would like to see a friendly face, too!”
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2024 5:56 pm
It wasn’t exactly easy to piece together everything Casey meant by what he said, but Devyn thought he was catching on a little bit. He didn’t promise not to look for any bears but he flashed a quick smile anyway.
“Morgan seems like the type of person to come out and chase away a bear.” Michael wouldn’t want him to be a park ranger, he knew what trouble Devyn would look for if he were. Once directed to the trail, he put himself right in the middle of it to make sure he wouldn’t stray–probably.
“If you miss your friends, you should spend time with them, right?” Certainly life got in the way but to not even get to spend time with a roommate? He couldn’t imagine. But then, he also couldn’t imagine Michael being lonely and wanting to spend time with him and not just coming along if Devyn had other people to see.
“It sounds like you’ve been spending a lot of time around people that don’t make you feel great about yourself. If they’re not listening to you or telling you that you sound like a bug or a broken radio, it sounds like you might not have the right audience. I bet it would be good to spend some time with people who want to hear what you have to say.”
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2024 5:57 pm
Morgan absolutely was the type of person to come out and chase away a bear. At least if it was at risk of causing problems, or putting itself in danger. Otherwise he knew Morgan to be gentle and compassionate and to let things be. So long as nothing was being harmed.
But he couldn’t think too much about how wonderful Morgan was. Not when Devyn was saying all the things it took to drive a nail through the cracks of the walls Casey was desperately trying to hold up.
He didn’t want to be a burden. He didn’t want Devyn to think he was being ridiculous. What if he submitted a bad review about him?
“Oh,” he said quietly, his voice cracking on just that. He cleared his throat and quickly looked away because his face suddenly felt hot and the handkerchief dabbing at his eyes could only hide so much.
“I… I think I misspoke. Mason-- I mean… my boyfriend. He’s really good to me. I like spending time with him! It’s only normal for people to be able to handle so much, right? And he’s really nice about it, anyway. But, like, I know I can be too much. And… it’s only a matter of time before it gets to be too much for others…”
And then once Ariel and Morgan had enough of him, he would only have Harrison to talk to.
“Oh, wow… sorry, I guess something got in my eye,” he said and forced a laugh as he dabbed at his face some more. “Here uh… I should give this back to you before I forget. It’s very nice. Sorry for getting it wet.”
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2024 5:57 pm
“You can keep it, I have plenty,” Devyn said, only holding his hand up to politely reject it. “Don’t apologize for giving it purpose. I’m glad it’s getting used.”
He walked with Casey for a moment, not quite in silence but with a gentle contemplation. Devyn wasn’t judging him, he just couldn’t claim to completely understand. The only relationships he’d ever been with were with people who would never tell him he was too much–and Devyn knew he was too much. He had a lot to be too much about.
But Percy had loved every little thing about him. And Michael did, too.
Devyn couldn’t remember ever thinking either of them were too much.
He could never have enough of either. They were perfect. Even when they had other people to visit or places to be. It didn’t take much time for him to conclude that Casey was not in a relationship where he was thriving, but Devyn was very privileged to have never been in a bad relationship. With all of two under his belt he wasn’t an expert in bad relationships except in that he could compare all relationships to his. Which were perfect.
“I don’t think you misspoke,” he said finally, gently. “I suppose it’s rude to pry or give advice when it’s not asked? But I’m used to being the one people come to when they have problems, so I can’t help but look for solutions in everything. In my experience, you’re never too much for the people you’re supposed to be with. You bring out the best in each other. Nothing’s perfect, there are always hardships. Just make sure you surround yourself with people who see the good in you even when you don’t see it for yourself. Being chatty, that shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. I’ve always got stories to tell. You should spend more time with people who like your stories, too.”
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2024 5:57 pm
Casey swallowed thickly and blinked away the moisture in his eyes as he looked at anything but Devyn. He couldn’t meet his eyes, anyway. He didn’t want to see Devyn’s expression. He’d already said too much.
He didn’t want anyone thinking poorly of Mason! He was a good man! It was Casey who had the problems. He was always forgetting things, and misplacing things, and getting side tracked. This wasn’t new. He often left the door unlocked, although he’d gotten a lot better about it now that he lived with Ariel.
Or… wanted to live with Ariel. More times than not, he’d end up staying with Mason.
He missed Ariel. He missed Morgan. He wanted to spend time with them without making Mason feel like he was being forgotten. Ariel and Morgan didn’t seem to mind his talking. But in the distance and time between when they spent a lot of time together to now, Casey was no longer able to remember if he made up Ariel and Morgan being okay with him being chatty, or randomly singing, or humming to himself… or if maybe he was just being indulged because they were kind and felt sorry for him.
There was a time not so long ago when he didn’t doubt everything about his relationship with his friends. Now…? He questioned everything. He hated feeling so paranoid and alone. But it was his own fault. It was just who he was.
“I don’t really have interesting stories to tell. It’s just words that come out with no sense or direction,” he said quietly, despite his better judgment. So, after taking a deep breath, he put on a smile and finally looked up at Devyn.
“But you’re right. Thank you,” he said cheerfully, even if he felt like he was slowly wasting away inside. He’d just met Devyn. He didn’t need to be burdened by the troubles of a stranger. “Are you good from here, or do you need some more directions on where to go?”
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2024 5:59 pm
Even Casey’s smile looked sad. Devyn had slid on his glove again and was stretching his fingers into it. He could see Casey trying to pull himself together. He didn’t want to discount how much effort he was putting into it.
“You don’t have to smile if you don’t want to. You don’t have to pretend for me.” Or anyone, really, but especially not a stranger.
“I know it’s not my place to pry. And I don’t want to burn bridges by sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. I’d still like you to come visit the gallery. If you don’t think you’ve got good stories to tell then maybe you just need a little more adventure in your life. Thank you for coming to find me, Casey. It was nice to meet you. And I mean it very sincerely when I say I look forward to seeing more of you. Be kind to yourself. And make sure the people in your life are kind to you, too.”
He looked at the path contemplatively and then nodded. “I think I can make it from here. I won’t keep you if you have work to do. But don’t think it’s an excuse to avoid your company. We’ll talk more soon.”
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2024 5:59 pm
Casey could feel his cheeks flush, but he kept the smile in place, even when Devyn called him out. Did he really look like he didn’t want to smile? Oh… he needed to work on his expression then. He didn’t want people thinking he was sad or something.
“I’ll definitely visit the gallery, don’t worry,” he insisted, although his smile faltered a bit. He was quick to put it back in place and took a breath to make sure it stuck better.
“It was nice to meet you, too. Please be careful, and try not to find any bears,” he added with a small wince. He would really like to not deal with that if he could. Casey held tightly to the handkerchief but lifted his other hand to wave as Devyn turned to leave.
He would have to do better about making sure he kept himself together, especially when meeting new people. For now, he would just try to get through another day. And hope the trees were healing properly.
Fin!
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