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‘I was—am—always will be.’ He hummed some kind of affirmative instead of saying it aloud, thinking of how, back then? He would’ve traded it all; every sunrise and every beachfront and every second spent here to have never left Kribi in the first place. To have never come to DC, or– How as a child he would’ve gotten on the nearest boat home and never come back if he’d thought he could’ve gotten away with it. He thought his mother would've allowed it too, brought him back, paid his way if only she could’ve. If she’d known. But he knew she couldn’t with three girls, and he couldn’t stand to ruin the image he’d painted of himself for her as happy and doing well even when he wasn't–

She’d done what she’d thought was right, and she’d tried, and—

He’d turned out good enough, hadn’t he? Thanks to her. Every call on every birthday and every holiday and – that’d been enough for him. Mean’t that the first thing he started doing with the nega-checks was sending them back, as much as seemed ‘correct’ to send, as much as would keep up the facade he wasn’t sure whether or not to keep playing with the people he loved most.

No, better to keep them all the way over there, nice n safe n tucked away from his antics. He’d made a new family afterall, hadn’t he? Found reasons in DC worth staying for, even if all those reasons remained people shaped and draped in cosmic powers.

And Waru almost opened his mouth to answer— with stories about the reservoir, stories about him n Emmy in the woods the one time, mud to their thighs in the thick of it all on a whim from him! How *much* she’d hated it! (Before she’d looked twice at him, when he’d been above her in status and nothing else, when he’d wanted to do nothing more than figure out if he could attach himself to her axevia his powers and use it as a weapon of mass destruction!!) Stories about exactly how much he *loved* the ******** *rain* even! If he could’ve replaced his blood with the sea and skies and ******** earth!?

But Aelius looked adorably apprehensive in spite of his supportive claims, and he was feeling comfortable, and hell? He thought he’d have more time to do it later, wouldn’t he? The boy wasn’t going anywhere for now, he didn’t have to dump all his stories on Aelius at once…

“It really is, isn’t it? ******** we don’t do this more often…” snorted softly as he nuzzled the body of warmth against his back, until there wasn’t. “Motherffhhh–” Waru flopped back, pouted, caught between being startled by the damn noise and irked by the disruption of the gentle moment. He returned the smile the boy sent his way with an outstuck tongue and a face that fell within seconds back to a hopeful smile; leaning up just enough to let Aelius back in.

“S’fine—is it earlier? Later? You’re not—you don’t have to leave yet, right…” he waivered slightly, between not wanting to ******** cling, and not wanting Aelius to go anywhere at all. Ever, maybe even? Nowhere, never. Never. If the boy would stay right here, even? Waru thought that would be best! “I’d really—yanno–like it best if you didn’t have to.” Said with eagerness as he nudged Aelius into a position he’d thought was comfortable, as he pressed for more of the other mans space and attention, wanting to reclaim the night from the brief bit of distraction.

“Go–that is? Not like – never work again – cause I bet the shoots are stunning, huh? Though – s’kinda admirable that you do. The whole – the work thing?” He wanted rice to drown himself in, the awkwardness, to choke and die on a piece of stray peanut in its sauce.

“Does staying ‘here’ mean staying ‘overrr’?” stretching the word out like a question, wanting to make sure without pushing too hard for it, and the insane thing was he’d pushed before, hadn’t he? How many times!! But it was different, when people were hurt, or sad, or just needed someone to sleep in the room with ‘em like a guard dog. Or someone to get tangled up with like a pile of restless puppies on the living room floor on Christmas night or—

He could do it, he could, put the friendship hat on and put his p***s away in a box labeled ‘NO!’ – Hell that s**t? That s**t was usually ********’ easy! Easy as reading colors, n signals, and the clear as day signage on another person's face that read ‘friend only’ or ‘family only’ or – the long unending list of people he’d never hit on, not even the once, not even t’play about it!

Then there was the way Aelius was sitting with him, and looking at him with those ******** eyes, and everything that’d led up to the boys – what was effectively a ******** divorce – from Faustite. Scratch that, the ********, blow up of the century, that didn’t matter because Faustite had lived? Waru could pin-point the parts where he’d pined quietly from the corner chair after Aelius’s happiness in ways wholesome and not, could point to, like a branding in wood, the point where that switch in his head had been flipped to ******** *o f f* quite goddamned effectively!

And now!?

If it’d been anyone else?

But this wasn’t anyone else, and he ******** with Aelius but not that way, and wouldn’t be ******** with him in other ways either – everything the boy made clear, and every boundary he’d asked after and the ones Waru had crossed only for the sake of his own goddamned sanity! Maybe a little for Aelius’s, too? But – ******** —

“Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done that either…” spoken encouragingly as the litany of expletives went ever on in Waru’s head, like an ouroboros, everything he wanted to suggest, everything he didn’t how he couldn’t feel ******** sure if it was him desperately reaching out for the close, warm, unsure friend-shaped thing!

If it was more? If he’d ruin it? IF—-

“N’under better circumstances too…” as if recalling the last, most prior time, a poor concussed Aelius. The way he n Faustite had the same apprehension about calling for help unless they were damned well dying. The way it felt like letting himself get chewed on by pissy, small tigers every time he assured the man that; ‘I’ll take care of you and only that and no more - hi i’m nurse waru nice t’meetcha!’

The way this instant, Aelius practically in his lap, wound round him like a vine, didn’t bring out those small, careful, protective feelings in him, not in the slightest. <******** it – I always did like the deep end best? Better t’dive head first into.’

“What’s the shoot about?” suggestive this time, as if he was calling Aelius up and asking him ‘what’re you wearing’ from a distance. Except far closer, warmer, right ******** here next t’him. Waru grinned winningly, left room for the ask to be laughed off like a joke. Like playing. Even as his hand snaked round the mans middle and pulled—-”C’mere–n’seriously? Don’t think you’ve ever had me at one—s’like–is it for dance, or?” As if it was easier to have Aelius half in his lap, close enough to shove his chin atop the man's shoulder and pretend for both their sakes he was actually watching anything playing over the screen before them.

It wasn’t fair that Aelius smelled delicious—

That taking on more of his weight was a comfort—

That he wasn’t sure about – oh – if he’d wake up with his head attached t’morrow, but? He figured, at least, it’d be worth it to see this new confident Aelius, a man he’d asked to lead, n guide, n draw guidelines out around him. Who’d ********’ said he didn’t know where to lay ‘em up until he got pushed or they got crossed? If this was that? If that was the way they were gonna both learn ******** all about anything?

Waru supposed he was down for it, everything the hard way, all of the time.

“S’fine–shower away...” answering on automatic while listening with all the intensity of a sun held in place by the moon. Waru suddenly didn’t care about the movie in the background, or the food going cold. His eyes were on Aelius’s lips, his nose full of the man's scent, his hands full of all that warmth so close that he could feel the shiver that skittered up the dancers lithe spine—

Down his muscled limbs. Waru was nearly tempted to trace it, chase it, dog after a car, and what the hell? If he was going to have Aelius legs in his lap then he could also touch, couldn’t he? Let the dancer kick him, let the boy say something and draw lines around all the invisible spaces Waru wanted to push at until he was sure he ******** knew the layout of them all!

“Would you show me sometime?” The question was far softer than he meant to let slip as his hands wandered, lazy, broad spectrum, the same way he did with Eion when he just felt like grabbing the boy and holding on for no reason other than the fact that he could. Like when he wanted to play with a shirt hem, or a stray lock of hair, feeling the boy just to feel him – because how many times had Eion died? Disappeared? How often did he wonder if the boy wouldn’t come back someday…

So he had to! Had to touch him while he could even if it was just casually. There were no ********’ guarantees for any of them at all. Not a one. So sometimes – Waru just wanted – when it was innocent, when it wasnt, and when he wanted? With Aelius already this close…..

“I don’t just mean the pictures either—” Waru sighed the words, let Aelius play with his hair, gave the man better access to it. He meant what he said, he meant more than he was saying. He would’ve taken the pictures, would’ve admired them. Wanted—that and more, always, always always with such greed it was ridiculous! “I mean— I know how well you dance, I snuck in a few times t’sit in on the troupe.” Waru wanted to see it all. To witness Aelius on stage, or playing lead, doing the thing he loved the most in spite of all the scars he still carried! “Y’all r’wonderful…so seeing the pictures would be nice….as nice as seeing the shoot live n in person….”

“But it’d be nicer if it was just you, n you alone. A solo performance…” Waru hedged, tilting his head to catch more of that gold, to scan Aelius face with a look soft and sure. “And pictures never do the real thing justice. Not in my opinion.” Soft praise, surety, and Waru did let his fingers drag along the very top of Aelius thigh, gently pinching the muscle as if to tease – as if to play – “Nawh, they miss all the work you put into building this? All the effort – the way you make it look effortless –” and he did want to see it, badly. To wake up early even if it was the last thing he’d planned on doing? To go watch Aelius perform in a controlled environment instead of in the wilds…

Across rooftops, and over city-scapes, and through battles while being light as ******** air and strong as steel. It was almost novelty, felt that way sometimes? N’so he wanted that too. To partake of it to say he had, t’see what Aelius showed the world with all his powers off, if only for the sake of knowing how to compare one t’the other.

“But!! If I’m really invited? I could promise t’stay outta trouble!! Hell, maybe I could even cheer you on from the background? Oh, be your personal water boy? Heh—” squeezing the man in a rough hug and daring to nuzzle him as he yanked on the gearshift of the evening, plastered excited puppy energy all over his face and in his body language. That Aelius had asked him at all was enough to make him giddy for it! Even if the way Aelius squirmed was enough to make Waru wonder if he should shove the boy onto the floor n flee while he still had a shred of dignity left – or kiss him – or —

F u c k….

“Just for me—“ every touch a tiny scald, a tightening band, and Waru couldn’t bring himself to dislodge a single finger, to deny Aelius’s grip, encouraging them all. The way it lit his insides with heat — the way he wanted to press Aelius further, demand more, and ask——

Ask for the man’s everything.

There was a moment where Waru thought he’d drown in the bigness of it all, in the gap of time that spanned between one breath and another. ********, where he was so sure that he’d pushed enough, and Aelius would run from him once he realized the continued closeness had nothing to do with sharing a meal, or watching a movie. That it wasn’t the kind of touching that could be excused by circumstances, or blamed on the environment.

And when Aelius didn’t? When Aelius let him stay; close, hugging him, existing in the returned embrace with ease. The way it didn’t abruptly end, and no more phone calls came, and —

The way Aelius stayed too.

He found that most important of all? Aelius allowed it — was willing to indulge him further. Just so, so willing to let him have his way. To let him handle the other man, to let him play if that was what he wanted; soft, and pliant, and most importantly still with him!!

“In that case? I’ll bring the biggest sign you’ve ever seen, Aelius.” The grin stayed in his eyes, was limned with heat, his own breath catching as his eyes fell out of those golden moonlit pools in Aelius head and lingered on his lips instead. “N’I think I’ll make it say——“ It ached to have to unwind enough to slip a hand between himself and the bluenette, to slide it up Aelius’s body until he could catch a thumb and forefinger under the man’s chin, his thumb tracing that sharp jawline, his lips slightly parted as he breathed the next word. The touch itself both promise and warning, as much as a heads up as he felt he could give.

“This—“ Before sealing the final gap that lay between them; a warm, dry press of a kiss. Something nearly chaste with how carefully he did it. Like he was trying to gently imprint a watermark of himself on Aelius through his lips alone.

The ‘no’ he kept on waiting for never came, the inevitable pulling away, a lightbulb going on, a siren blaring stop at top volume. Nothing. There was just Aelius, tasting of himself beneath it all, in his arms and staking a claim of his own. Waru wasn’t about to dislodge the other man, if anything?

He wanted—

There was no thinking past that want; no outside cricket chirping conscience, guidance, prudence! There was want, and it flowed through his limbs, itched beneath the fingers he slid up Aelius thigh to his hip to squeeze; muscle, bone, the barest hint of give. The way his other hand tucked back along the man’s nape, fingers sinking into the silken, washed strands there. He wanted to run them through it, settling on curling them until he could guide Aelius back to where he’d been.

Chasing that gentle n** of teeth with his tongue, savoring it, before closing the gap once more. Chasing a second kiss — a third — he wanted to swallow Aelius’s hesitance whole, to erase those tentative, measured movements with broader strokes and deeper asks.

To make the tame filthy —-

The gentle kiss evolved, became a shared breath, a stroke of tongue like a plea for more — more — more of everything! He didn’t need air, he needed Aelius to kiss him. He didn’t need space — not when they could fuse into one, when he could dig his nails softly into Aelius hip and tug for the sake of feeling friction

“I think,” breathless, shuddered, the words melded between another kiss. “I want that show t’night—“ hopeful like the uptick of his grin, and the question of whether it was okay to ask or not was a distant thing. There was plenty of couch to kiss on — the whole of Aelius warm and in his hands. The way Waru wanted to take — ********> thoughtlessly — to have whatever he would be allowed.

Racing for a line — finding none — running with the freedom of it!

(Fin)