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It seemed true which didn’t sit well in a way, that things would have persisted and gotten worse. Even if he hadn’t grasped how bad things had gotten because it was harder to see it when it was yourself. Blinking as they poked him in the cheek, he moved slightly to look at them.

Looking for any signs of lying, he wondered if he’d even be able to tell because of how close things were. But at the same time even if it was a lie it was a pretty one, a safe one, and something that he did want to believe. It wasn’t as if he was forthcoming with his own issues either, even now he was still letting them try and figure things out. It wasn’t the first time they’d done this, tried figuring out what his issues were and solving them even if he hadn’t been as keen on things changing.

“Not directly bothered but you understand how it might push things along a certain way?” Not that they asked for things really other than things that were needed for the house or maybe input when he had been looking into new furniture or tearing up the old carpeting. He’d been the one who had started paying attention to things they liked and had tried getting things for them, much like the fruit tarts he always made sure to get for them. They hadn’t asked but he liked seeing them enjoy things, liked seeing them happy. Shaking his head and pressing his face back into them as they ran their fingers through his hair, he felt like an emotional wreck for the first time in a while.

His breath shuddered as he clung a bit tighter to them. “Nobody plans on dying…” Maybe it could have been said for Ochre that they had known what would happen if they purified but he wasn’t sure that some of the others had planned on what had happened. Things just happened sometimes and people left or disappeared from his life. In the grand scheme of things, Liam hadn’t been around as long as some of the others had but they also had done so much more for him than anyone else had.

“That I would always end up alone, that I had no clue of why you really stayed because I never thought about it. That you would just leave one day and I would have no knowledge of why other than it might be because of me.” It just poured out between the slowly pooling tears, it had been too much lately. Between trying to manage things and the club mission and now the fall torment from his doppelganger. It always went for the cracks, for the things deep down where he was still broken even if it didn’t linger as much on the front of his mind as it had before Liam.

It was hard to bring it up, to air his concerns, because that wasn’t how he was raised and it had been thrown back in his face as a weakness before. But Liam hadn’t really done that so the only thing that had changed was that his old worries were pulled back up again because of the added stress and the reminder that he would be yet another year older in just a few days.

Pressed against them, held so that he couldn’t wiggle out of things with doubts and worries, he just hoped they could stay true to what they were saying. Even if it was never fully something that anyone could control, he wanted things to work out. Curling his hands around the waistband of their boxers, he stayed quiet for a bit longer as soft sobs came out against their skin.

He knew they were right, that the doppelganger knew the best way to hurt him. It wasn’t far off the way he’d do things against others if he needed to because physical fighting wasn’t something he excelled in even as a General. It was easier for them to hit him now when he was already haggard and stressed. He was so tired sometimes, even with their help and it showed now more than it had in a while.

Nodding he took slow and shaky breaths as they held him. They were far from whatever had been trying to get into his other home and he doubted the thing would try calling again this year. It was hard to really have that confidence in others, not after all the years keeping things to himself but he knew that they wouldn’t stop trying to prove it. They were stubborn, had worked hard and clawed their way up even without his help when it came to their classes.

“Okay…” Slowly but surely calming down, he reached a hand up to rub at his eyes. They were still puffy but he was trying to think about the here and now where it was warm and comfortable, where it was safe from the things that always poked and prodded at the cracks he had deep down.

“You need to stay here with me, I need you here.” Even if it was greedy of him to take so much of their time and energy, he needed them and wanted to believe that everything would be okay. Even if it was hard he wanted things to keep working out because he wanted a break from things hurting him. They’d gotten him to the point he could breathe even if he filled his time with more responsibilities and he’d actually been feeling less run down before the mission with the club. Even the summer mission had gone better for him with their help, at least aside from the injury to his back but it could have gone worse if they hadn’t been there to help.

“Before you it used others… or just showed up as a mirror image.” Mumbling as he settled into their arms a bit more comfortably, he was okay without more tea for now and honestly didn’t want to move away. Running his hand up and down their back a bit, he did feel a bit better as they kissed him gently.

Moving up a bit, he pressed a kiss to their lips. “You are right… but I prefer you over being deliriously drunk and haunted by other bad memories.” It had been something that had gotten better with time, with how they kept his mind from wandering too deeply into the dark corners he’d wallowed in. Always wanting to do things, go to new places, try new foods, and explore other ideas at times.

“If I start getting greys from all this… please help me pluck them.” At least until there were too many and he’d have to start dyeing his hair. A slight smile crossed his face as he nosed their cheek. “I am glad it was you that night, that it is you every night when things pull me down.” They were right, they’d shown time after time that they were willing to help so he didn’t need to doubt them now after everything.

Shaking his head slightly, he closed his eyes and listened as they fell asleep. He could hear when their breathing slowed and he yawned softly while enjoying the peace of it all. Just the crackle of the fire behind him and Liam sleeping while holding him close. Pressing soft kisses to their skin, he let his head rest against their chest and listened to their heartbeat.

It helped, everything they’d done tonight had helped, and he was so worn out from letting things out. After a bit longer, he finally found himself falling asleep. It was easier with them here and maybe it wasn’t a bad thing even if he needed them to keep his mind from drifting towards the darkness, sleep was something people needed and he had gone years without restful sleep before them.

Even as he felt a light weight nudging and circling behind him, he didn’t worry about that either. Not especially when he felt the familiar vibrations of Desiree purring and curling up behind his back. Of course she’d keep watch too. Yawning a soft thanks as he finally slipped into sleep, he knew he’d sleep well tonight even after what had happened and he’d wake up with them still here.