|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:01 pm
Julian had a lot of good suggestions. Riker, of course, wasn’t too familiar with Mauvians, but Evan had suggested one before. Not for making epinephrine injectors, but it seemed like it might be something to at least ask about. He’d asked Evan before if it was cheating to have a Mauvian help with things, but since Evan thought it was fine, then it probably was.
As long as there wasn’t anything to give away their identities, or alert the Negaverse to knowing they were getting help from a Mauvian.
Riker blinked when Julian stood up, but met his eyes with his own look of concern.
But unlike Julian, Riker was a coward, and glanced away from Julian’s gaze as his ears burned.
He knew it was probably not very easy to understand just how much his family hated him for being born. He didn’t want to force it down anyone’s throat, because in the end it didn’t matter, and it would make him look like all he wanted was attention. And he certainly didn’t want to waste anyone’s time with listing out the details, especially for fear of being told he was overreacting.
“What else could it be? It’s what everyone always says. ‘Older brothers pick on younger brothers.’ ‘It’s not that big of a deal.’ ‘It’s your fault for not being more careful.’ ‘It was just a joke, don’t be such a baby.’” Riker shrugged, pretending like he was taking his time to very carefully adjust the injector to fit back into his pocket, while also fidgeting a little with the stick and what was left of the corn dog.
“Anyway, my mom wouldn’t benefit from me being dead. She still gets a pretty big check for child support once a month.”
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:02 pm
Riker averted his gaze. He was fidgeting under Julian’s gaze, so he was quick to look away. He returned to his seat on the fountain, closer to Riker than before.
It was okay if Riker didn’t want to be under Julian’s scrutiny. He couldn’t push very hard. It was too hypocritical to press for answers when he was still unwilling to offer his own. His foot touched Riker’s and he held the stick of the corn dog in both hands as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
Though he didn’t speak for a moment, he was carefully considering what Riker had shared with him. It wasn’t in Julian’s nature to say anything disparaging about anyone, and he was usually the first person to defend anyone who had personally wronged him.
It was harder to believe when it was coming from Riker. “Well,” he said after a moment, “I don’t have the full story. And if that’s what you believe…”
His voice trailed off. He could respect that. He just didn’t really agree with it.
“Well, I don’t know much of anything,” he admitted. “But I know you. You’re not a baby, and you don’t make big deals out of things that aren’t important. And it sounds like you’re really careful. So, I’m not sure. Older brothers play pranks and things, but. I don’t know. You’re worth more than a check. Are you going to be glad when you turn eighteen?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:33 pm
Did Riker believe it? No, but he was also hanging onto whatever hope there was that maybe his family would accept him, despite hating him. He knew it was probably stupid to cling to something like that, but what else was he supposed to do?
Especially when Julian’s question about being glad when he turned eighteen seemed to align his thoughts in a way that he suddenly didn’t know what to expect of his life anymore.
He tried not to groan out loud, and instead placed his now empty corn dog stick on the side of the fountain so he could hide his face in his hand. He didn’t move his foot away from Julian’s, but he didn’t want Julian to worry about him, especially when he was being so nice about everything.
“I hadn’t thought about it,” he admitted, unable to hide the sudden wave of dread in his voice.
Best case, his mother would accept him enough to let him stay at least until he finished high school.
Worst case, he would be out on the street on his birthday, which was a few months before the school year ended.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:34 pm
Oh, maybe it was the wrong question. Julian hastily shoved the rest of the corndog in his mouth so he could lay the stick off to the side, too. He wiped his hands on his knees to make sure there was no grease, and then cautiously rubbed at Riker’s back. Usually he asked first, but Riker had humored him often enough that maybe he’d just gotten a little more comfortable. When Riker didn’t flinch away at the first light touch, he kept it up.
“Oh, well you don’t have to think about it right now.” He’d swallowed the last bite quickly so he could speak and had to clear his throat. “You’ve still got some time! I was sort of dreading turning eighteen until Talia let me stay with her. I mean, she’s nice, everyone is, but I don’t think she’d kick me out on my birthday. I think the foster family I was living with might have given me a few weeks, but they don’t have the space. I was really hoping I’d be able to meet back up with my parents, but, um.” He plucked at the perfectly hemmed bottom of his new vest as if he could find something wrong with it. “Well, I haven’t heard from them in a while. So I don’t know. But Talia has a good heart, she seems like she wants to help everyone. I have to ask her how she feels about the whole thing, there’s a lot we haven’t figured out yet. I might go to community college but I don’t know about dorms or anything. I probably qualify for um, reduced housing costs? I don’t know. I was making myself sick thinking about all of it. I hope you don’t do that, too.”
He rubbed Riker’s back gently but seemed ready to pull away if he detected the contact was unwanted.
“...But, um. No matter what happens, you’ve got a lot of friends that will be there to help. If I can do anything, I hope you’d let me know. But, if you ever wanted to talk about what was on your mind or, um. If you wanted help figuring things out, I would do my best. I bet we could figure out how to make the best of any situation.”
And if not them, he at least knew some good people to ask.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:34 pm
Riker didn’t mind the touch. There were only a handful of people in his life that he didn’t mind being touched by, and Julian was one of them. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t just kissed his forehead. It would be hypocritical for him to fuss about the bit of physical comfort from his friend.
Julian was right, of course. There were a lot of friends who not only had the willingness, but the means to help. He just hated the idea of seeming like he was taking advantage of them, or was unable to handle things on his own. He was a growing young man and should be able to step up and move forward without the assistance of others. Right?
Maybe it wasn’t quite that black and white.
It wasn’t that often that Julian spoke about his personal life. Actually, it was more like never. Riker wondered if the only reason he felt comfortable about it now was because he was awkwardly opening up a little about his own family.
“You must really love your parents if you want to meet up with them,” he quietly commented after rubbing his face and taking a breath to settle himself. He could worry about his own existential crisis later.
“How’d you end up in foster care?”
Maybe it was too pointed. Maybe catching Julian off guard would make him clam up and tell him it didn’t matter. Riker didn’t want to push Julian, and was already preparing himself not to harass him if he’d mentioned his parents in a momentary slip of comfort around him. Riker didn’t want to ruin that. And he wasn’t trying to ignore everything Julian said, but he knew that if he gave him more to respond to, then there would be more for Julian to hide behind.
And Riker knew that all too well because it was what he did, too.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:36 pm
“Oh, um.”
Julian wasn’t expecting the question. His hand stalled on Riker’s back and didn’t move
“Well, um. Things just weren’t working out, you know? It’s really complicated. I don’t want to say the wrong thing. You know, because if–sorry, when–they come back, I don’t want anyone to misunderstand, or anything. Um. Well, my parents, neither of them really had such a great relationship with their parents, I think. I know I have extended family, I just don’t think my family is, um, the type that makes a big deal out of it. I don’t know if the state was even able to find them! So, um. When my parents were having a hard time with me–I mean, you know, kids are expensive, and it’s a lot of stress to have to take care of them and drive them around, and they’re always making too much noise, and breaking things, and getting an attitude–you know, the usual stuff, and I think it was just a lot for my parents.”
He cleared his throat, and even though he hadn’t taken a bite for a minute, it felt like there was still something lodged in the back of his throat.
“They just needed a break. There was an accident, I got hurt. I mean, you know about my wrist. We didn’t have a lot of money, and hospital bills are so expensive, and–you know. I think maybe they just wanted what was best for me. I didn’t get to ask. But there were some legal loopholes, and–you know, like the state got involved and were asking so many questions about everything, and, I don’t know. I said the wrong things and, you know. I messed a lot up. I don’t even know where my parents are right now. But I’m sure they just need some time. They’re just doing their best, probably. I don’t–I mean, they didn’t even want a kid, I was an accident. But they tried. I think they did their best. I’m not mad or anything, about what happened. I feel bad about it. I mean, I wish I’d known what to do to make it easier for them? But I’m trying to do well in school, and I try to make good decisions, and I try to stay out of the way. And I just hope that, um. You know, that they’ll be proud of me and that we’ll be able to meet up again.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:37 pm
Riker was quiet as he listened. He was surprised that Julian actually told him more than just coming up with an excuse not to talk but--
No, that wasn’t fair. Julian said it himself -- he was afraid of saying the wrong things.
As he spoke, Riker glanced down at his own hands. Not necessarily at anything particular about them, but he knew they had their fair share of scars. Thankfully most had healed and were barely noticeable.
He wanted to ask Julian if he really expected Riker to believe that he was a troublesome kid. That he made too much noise. That he had an attitude. Of all the people he knew, Julian was probably the most mild and gentle.
So much so that he was certain the weight of the world would crush him if he didn’t have people willing to hold it up for him.
“Mom did this to me about a month ago,” he said instead, and maybe against his better judgment as he reached over to tug up the sleeve of his lightweight jacket. There was still a fresh scar, jagged and long, down the side of his arm.
“She gets angry and violent when she’s drunk. I want more than anything for her to -- I don’t know. Say she’s proud of me? That she loves me?” he shrugged and then sighed. “I’m okay. Effie and Mary patched me up. I stayed at their house to rest,” he quickly explained, not wanting Julian to get upset about an old injury.
“What I mean is -- I get it, Jules. And maybe. I don’t know. Maybe it’s hard for me to see my own life, but hearing about yours-- and hearing about others -- It makes me wonder if my priorities are wrong. That my family is really the people who show they care about me. Like you do.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:39 pm
Julian’s hand didn’t move from Riker’s back, but this time for another reason. It took him a moment, but then he just leaned closer. His cheek pressed into Riker’s shoulder, and he stretched his arm so he could wrap it around him enough to hug him.
His eyes lingered on the scar but he listened. His breathing was too calm, too forced. He was controlling it, obviously, but he was also thinking.
Deeply.
“I’m glad you stayed with them,” he said first. “It looks like that really hurt.”
It looked like she could have killed him.
He was chewing, gnawing on the inside of his cheek. His brows had furrowed again.
“If I had a choice, I’d have been happy to be your brother. I’m sorry you got stuck with one who isn’t good to you. I’m sorry your mom has all those problems. I wish she could see you for who you are. I think you’re great. And I know it doesn’t count, but I’m proud of you.” He didn’t say he loved Riker because he wasn’t sure how to explain that in terms that might not sound weird to him. He didn’t think Riker was homophobic or anything, he just always made a face or groaned when Elliot and Atticus were saying the l-word
“I think…I think it’s okay to want your parents to treat you like how they do in the movies. I think that’s normal to want. I want that for you. But. If they can’t show that they care about you, I will. If your mom’s ever having a really hard night and you’re in danger, can you leave? Can you come stay with me until she gets control of herself again?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:40 pm
Riker closed his eyes as Julian shifted closer. Not because he didn’t want to see him, but because he was trying to keep himself under control. He wasn’t usually very emotional, for good reason, but with people like Julian -- like with Evan and Yvoire and Dawn -- it was easier for walls to be lowered.
He was afraid of ‘at what expense.’ How much would be too much? Where was the line that, if crossed, the people in his life would not want anything to do with him. Realistically, he knew he was probably overreacting, but with everything he’d experienced so far, it was expected.
“Yeah, I try to leave when she’s like that. I’m not always successful, clearly,” he sighed, and lifted his other arm to rest over Julian’s as he hugged him. He would hug him in return, but he didn’t want to break the current connection.
“I could try to stay with you, if you’re okay with that. But it does count. Thank you. Because if I could pick my family, I’d want you in it. Ah… if that’s not too weird,” he added with a small cringe, not yet opening his eyes until he was certain he didn’t seem like he was getting too emotional.
“I’m proud of you, too. I don’t just mean that as, like, parroting back. I think you’re much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And you’re more compassionate than people deserve. But,” he started, and then paused. He’d gotten more from Julian than he ever had before. His suspicions were still there, and the curiosity was itching.
There was just that line to consider…
“You don’t have to worry about ‘saying the wrong thing’ with me. Even if others don’t understand, I will.” Otherwise he wouldn’t have shared anything about his mom or brother with him. He still wanted them to want him, even after everything.
“Did they hurt you? You don’t have to tell me if it’s too uncomfortable. I just-- sorry, it’s selfish, but I’ve come up with so many different scenarios in my head about you. I don’t think anything could surprise me. And yet, somehow, you’re still so sweet.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:41 pm
Once more, Julian didn’t answer for a long moment.
He was controlling his breathing, but this time he was just holding his breath.
Riker’s shoulder wasn’t painful but Julian pressed his cheek closer to the point where it couldn’t have been comfortable for him to be leaning into it like that.
If Riker hadn’t said anything more than the first few sentences, Julian would have told him that it wasn’t weird, and that he wished he’d gotten to choose his family. He would have been awkward about the praise that came later, but he might have even been flattered if he’d stop to let himself think about it.
Those thoughts were dashed from his mind when Riker asked.
Usually, Julian sidestepped the question. It was uncomfortable. People built up this illusion about how awful his life must have been because he was in foster care, or because his parents weren’t around. Part of it was his fault, despite his best efforts to convince anyone otherwise. He didn’t think he’d had it as hard as Brooklyn. He didn’t think he had it as hard as Riker.
He thought they might understand more than the others but it was still an awkward, sore spot. He didn’t want to disappoint Riker like he had Brooklyn. He’d promised her he was going to try and do better. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to like him.
Riker said he didn’t have to tell him, but…
“I don’t think they meant to,” he said slowly, carefully. “I don’t think my parents are bad people. I just think they had a life planned and I was never supposed to be in it. And I think that was hard for them. But since I’m older now, I was hoping…”
He didn’t know where his voice went, because his mouth was still moving but there wasn’t any sound coming out. He cleared his throat once, twice, but he couldn’t seem to get his voice back. He shrugged helplessly and closed his mouth.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:42 pm
“Hoping they’d want another chance to have you in their lives,” Riker finished for him. An educated guess, based on his own experiences and everything Julian was telling him. Now that they’d had time to figure things out, maybe they’d want to be a family again.
“I’ve never met the guy who sends the child support check to my mom every month,” he admitted. Not because he wanted to say his life was more difficult, because he’d never assume he knew what Julian’s life was like, or how he felt.
“Sometimes I dream that he’d show up and take me on vacations like my brother’s dad does with him. He wants nothing to do with me, either. But at least while my brother is away--”
He paused and sighed, and then shifted a little so he could be the one to adjust the way Julian was burying his face against his shoulder, and instead wrapped his arm around Julian’s back instead. There wasn’t much difference between Julian hiding against his arm or against his side, but he hoped it would be more comfortable, as well as give him some more security if he needed it.
With Julian tucked against him, he was able to reach out and gently take hold of his injured wrist. He smoothed his thumb over it, more absently than anything else as he sat in comfortable silence with his friend.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:43 pm
Riker was correct, and Julian didn’t have to say anything for it to be obvious. Julian didn’t move away from Riker when he readjusted, and it was more comfortable to be in the maneuvered position anyway so he stayed there for a moment without speaking.
He didn’t even mind Riker examining his wrist. It had old, faded scars from a surgery he didn’t remember.
When Julian spoke, his voice was a little muffled. He could have turned away so he wasn’t pressed against Riker but he found it too comfortable to bother.
“What type of vacations did you dream of?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:43 pm
He snorted quietly in amusement when Julian asked him about the vacations he dreamed about. He adjusted his arm around Julian, as if to keep him shielded from everything else around them.
“Oh, you know. Anywhere but here, I guess. The beach, the mountains. All of the places in Europe my brother bragged about going to while I was left at home. But lately, I would be happy just spending time with the people I care about. On some moon in space, in a food truck, sitting on the side of a fountain in a park. Ah, well, I guess that’s not really a vacation, but it makes me happy.”
He knew it wasn’t really what Julian had asked, but what was the point of longing for a vacation when he was finally starting to get comfortable with the people around him. His real family, although he was afraid of being so bold to suggest it, despite the earlier implications.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:45 pm
Julian nodded as a smile tugged the corners of his lips.
“We could go on vacation. I don’t know about Europe, I don’t have a passport. There’s a ‘Dering’ in Europe. In England, I think. I looked up pictures. And there’s a Dering Harbor in New York. But it’s small and only has fifty people living there. But the Dering in England is a forest, too. I read on the internet that it’s haunted but I don’t know if that was just people making up stories. It probably doesn’t have anything to do with my Wonder, but you and I could go up. I’ve been reading about flowers, I’m trying to identify them. I was camping up on Lysithea for a little while over the summer. Not at my Wonder, but Luke’s. There’s a lot of pretty places on Lysithea. Mine’s a little spooky.”
He tilted his head a bit so he could look up at Riker. “Maybe not as much as yours, but I don’t have an organ up there. But we could bring some strings up. I’ve got my lute. And my violin. I don’t know if you want to try playing either of those. We don’t have to if you don’t want to, we could walk around the forest. It’s still foggy most of the time. Maybe my Wonder’s haunted,” he said, mostly in jest but there was a lingering suspicion on his words.
“I know it’s not really a fancy vacation or anything but we could make it something special. Do you know I’ve never been to the reservoir? I guess that’s still in Destiny City. It’s not really the beach. And I’ve never been to the mountains, either. I like to explore, though. And since I’ve been camping, the woods are a little less scary.”
A little. A cottage, rented out on the summit where you could overlook Destiny City was probably more of a ‘vacation’ than just visiting some hiking trail but Julian hadn’t ever really been on vacation. The imaginative side of him wanted to think it was like everything on television. The practical side of him said that was so unaffordable and impractical.
“I’d be happy visiting you at your food truck, you know. And I like meeting at this fountain. I like talking with you.”
So much so that he realized his mouth was a little dry. He had to clear his throat once more.
“We could make our own vacations. Even if we have to start small.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2024 7:46 pm
Riker was glad Julian couldn’t see his expression as his nose wrinkled at the mention of his roommate. Previous roommate. Now, Julian was going to be living with Talia, who he knew was Lysithea, having been to her World before and everything, back when they were trying to help out Julian’s other friend.
It was fine. As long as Julian was having a good time and being looked after, then Riker wasn’t going to argue. But the moment he started to seem like he was being neglected, then the gloves were coming off.
“You were going to teach me, remember?” he gently teased. “I’m going to learn enough to be your second violin or whatever it’s called. Ah, well, who knows if I’d be any good at it. I’d like to try though. Elliot’s dad was apparently in a band. I might ask him if I could borrow a guitar he’s not using. Just kidding, I don’t want to bother him with stuff like that. Especially after they had to see me all gross and pale after Atticus and Elliot got my arm patched up.”
He sighed, still embarrassed that he’d apparently slept for a solid twelve hours, getting up only to use the bathroom before falling right back asleep.
“I’ve been to the reservoir. It’s not too hard to get to. And if you ever wanted to go camping again, you’ll have nothing to worry about. I’ll wrestle any bears that might break into our camp site!”
He was joking, of course, and he indicated as much by giving Julian’s side a little poke to see if he’d squirm.
“I’d like to make some vacations with you. Sometimes small can be better. You’re pretty small and I think you’re pretty awesome, so that checks out.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
