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 Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:08 pm
“He kind of is an a*****e,” Evan agreed. “But assholes aren’t always bad people. Sometimes they’re just complicated. Anyway, he doesn’t make me cry or anything so he’s not that bad.”
Despite everything, Evan still thought Zac was probably one of the most reliable people he had in his life, so he could get away with being a d**k sometimes. He was worth keeping around. Especially because Evan knew he was trying.
“He might not be so cranky if he got more sleep and took care of himself, though. He’s always gotta be so tough all the time, it drives me crazy. But anyway, he finally wore himself out. It’s good that it’s raining–for him, at least. He’ll sleep right through it. Which means he can’t tell me I can’t let you sleep on the couch tonight. Or I can get you a hotel room or something, if you can’t go home. We’ll figure it out after we get something to eat. I think I’m pulling up to the address, can you see me?”
Evan would have been happier in a smaller car, but for now he couldn’t complain. Zac liked flashy cars but had settled for something both durable and large on space. His car was clean, with the faint smell of his cologne. Evan unlocked the car as he turned down the road his app told him to follow and squinted as he tried to find Riker in the darkness.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:09 pm
More frowning, because Riker still didn’t know what he felt about this Zac guy. But he didn’t have much time to really think about it since Evan was apparently getting close.
There was only one car that he could see in the area, so he really hoped it was Evan. He held up his phone to signal with the light, and then put it back to his ear.
“Did you see me?” he asked, not really looking forward to getting into a car with a stranger, but once he got confirmation that it was Evan, Riker ran out into the rain and pulled open the passenger side door and jumped in.
Oh, it was a nice car. Riker hadn’t expected something like this for Evan. Not because he shouldn’t have nice things, but because Evan seemed like he’d like something… less.
“Thanks,” he mumbled and took the towel Evan had for him, quickly wiping off his face and putting it between his back and the chair so he wouldn’t get it too wet.
“I was hoping the rain would let up but…” If Evan was right, it was only going to get worse.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:09 pm
“Yeah, I can bet. But it’s okay, I’ve got clothes you can borrow and we can throw yours in the dryer. Well, probably Zac’s clothes,” he admitted, since he was already borrowing so much of his. He gave Riker a quick lookover, just to make sure he wasn’t sporting any major injuries, but he looked like he was in one piece. Just wet.
He angled some of the vents to blow warm air towards Riker because even though Evan had only been out in a little shower it was still cold. He imagined Riker might as well have been freezing.
Carefully, though probably driving as one would expect a little old lady might, Evan began to head back home.
“Okay. So I have to ask.” He kept his eyes on the road, for safety and also something like privacy. “Are you okay? I’m not going to send you home or anything as long as nobody’s going to call the cops on me for kidnapping you. I’m guessing you don’t have school tomorrow, so if you need a place to crash, I can set you up at my place. And I make really good breakfast so you won’t even have to figure out what’s next on an empty stomach.”
And nobody at the house would mind. Probably. They could lay low. As long as Maxim didn’t get too excited.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:10 pm
Was he okay? What did that even mean? Who got to define what was okay and what wasn’t? He was alive. That was okay. He was now in a warm car and had a chance to dry off and even get some food. He was with a friend who stuck his neck out for him on more than one occasion. That was okay.
Did he feel helpless and lost? Afraid of disappointing his friends -- afraid of something happening to them that could have been prevented if only he decided to follow through with giving himself to the Negaverse? He supposed that wasn’t okay.
Riker was happy with his friends. He was happy he got to spend time with Yvoire, even if he was keeping secrets from him. Happy that he got to play instruments with Dering. Happy he had a good friend like Dawn who was always so sweet and kind to him, even if he didn’t deserve it. He was happy to spend time with Evan, probably the only adult that he actually trusted.
“Yeah, I just got in a fight with my brother. You know how it is,” he said as he used the corner of the towel to dry some more of his hair, which was probably in need of a trim, but he didn’t mind it getting long.
“What, you don’t think I can fit into your clothes?” he snorted, already imagining trying to fit into some of Evan’s pants, which were very clearly several inches too short.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:12 pm
Evan nodded somewhat knowingly when he said he got into a fight with his brother. He didn’t know if that was the full story, or how bad it had been, but he hoped that Riker stood up for himself and told his brother to go eat dirt and choke.
“You might be able to! Don’t you want to be comfortable though?” he laughed. “Even my biggest clothes might be too small for you. You can try, I can pull those out, too.”
He was sure Riker was just teasing him, though. “Did you grow since I last saw you?” Or maybe it was just because Evan was sitting down right now. “Something seems different about you. And not just because you’re soaking wet. You were asking about my time with the Negaverse before, weren’t you? What were you doing out here in the rain thinking about that?”
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:14 pm
There was a part of him that hoped Evan would have forgotten about what he’d asked. That maybe it was just something crazy kids say and use the excuse of any other topic to avoid going back to that one.
He was still smiling a little at the amusing thought of trying to fit into Evan’s clothes, but it quickly faded.
“You think so? I don’t think I’ve gotten taller. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s just a stupid thought I had. I was offered… I mean. This General offered me a chance to join them and, well… I’m tired of seeing people get hurt. I was still new to all this when some girl -- one of my friend’s friend -- had her starseed taken right in front of us. We chased down a bunch of different agents and eventually got her starseed back. But I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t want--... Okay, so, if something happened and you were in danger, I would rather be able to stop that from happening, and it would be easier if I was on that side of things, right? The General said my friends would be protected. That he’d never had any problems keeping his family and friends safe, so I thought--”
He made himself shut his mouth. He knew he’d been rambling and probably making no sense. His knuckles were white as he gripped onto his knees, preparing himself to be yelled at or told it was a stupid idea. Dering hadn’t yelled at him, but he’d been really upset about it.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:14 pm
Evan didn’t slam on the breaks. He almost did, but then, he almost locked up, too. It was a good thing they were at a stop sign and there wasn’t anyone else around because he spun his head to look at Riker as though he’d just started speaking gibberish.
Even in the darkness he could see that Riker was gripping both knees. Evan quickly tamed whatever emotions suddenly threatened to spill over. He gripped the steering wheel tightly and had to force himself to relax before he hurt himself or Zac’s steering wheel.
“...If you join the Negaverse, you’re going to see a lot of people get hurt. Did he tell you about all the ways the Chaos messes with you? He didn’t, I already know. He fed you a lot of nice promises about how you can keep the people you care about safe but did he tell you that you might forget who they are? It messes with your memory. And worse than that, it makes you into something you’re not. It takes all the bad things in you and brings them out, sometimes so much that you forget you ever had any good in you. And that’s–it’s not just me speaking, I know being a youma is different. But my friend–the one who left the Negaverse–I saw the worst in him. And I know how much he regrets being in the Negaverse. He did a lot of things he regrets because he couldn’t help it.”
Evan looked like he was struggling a little bit, like he had a lot of thoughts and a lot of emotions but he couldn’t take his eyes off of how Riker was gripping his knees.
Through all of it, Evan made sure he didn’t sound like he was mad. He wasn’t upset for Riker. He was surprised. Scared, even. A little panicky.
Such was Evan’s nature.
“I would never go back. After I first got turned back into a human, I carried around a knife with me. I was so sure I’d rather die than get turned again, or lose my starseed. And then the universe decided I should be a Senshi, and I had to do all this work to get better. And the Negaverse has stolen my friends before. Two were Senshi first, in the same Court as me, and then the Negaverse corrupted them. They didn’t remember me. We wound up in battles–on opposite sides–and it didn’t matter. To them I was just any other enemy. If–and I mean if–you ever had to join the Negaverse, I think it should only ever be a last resort. It shouldn’t be something you try to seek out. The Negaverse tries to play games with your head, they try to trick you. I don’t know if any of them actually mean well. But I know that they don’t have a problem killing, or breaking promises. And I know that if you joined the Negaverse, I’d miss you. Your friends would miss you. Even if you could keep everyone safe, there would be a hole missing in everyone’s lives. And I bet they’d do everything to try and get you back, Riker. Was that the only thing he said that made you think you wanted to join? Just that if you did, you could protect everyone else and keep them safe?”
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:15 pm
Riker was already tense when Evan started speaking. Telling him all these stories about how it was clearly a stupid idea for him to even consider. He glared down at his lap and clenched his jaw shut.
“Okay, I get it, it was stupid to consider,” he snapped, but immediately regretted it. There was no way he could take it back, so he just glared harder at nothing.
Of course Zinkenite didn’t tell him all of that. Why would he? He was trying to convince him to join. And he was pretty sure he’d already missed the date that he was supposed to meet up and tell him his decision. Would the General have even let him leave if he told him he was not interested? Would he be nothing but a lifeless body with his starseed taken?
“It’s not like I agreed! I told him I’d think about it. And yeah, sorry for being a dumb kid and not knowing anything. I thought it would be better to guarantee that they were safe. Just forget it. You don’t have to take me to your place, I can get out here,” he shrugged.
He was panicking and didn’t know how to salvage anything. He was humiliated, all by his own doing. Evan was just saying things that made sense, and now Riker felt guilty for not knowing everything he was being told. If he could just get out of the car and disappear or something that would be better than letting his emotions bubble over in front of Evan.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:15 pm
For a moment, Evan was quiet. Of course he’d get hurt feelings at being snapped at, it was just his nature. It was hard to tell himself that Riker was just a kid and he was hurting and he was just doing his best.
“I don’t think you’re dumb,” Evan said, too emotional to sound like he wasn’t blurting it out desperately. He hadn’t stepped on the gas since they reached the stop sign.
He didn’t want to cry. He could definitely blame it on the rain if he did. It wasn’t Riker’s fault. Evan had a lot of emotions and sometimes he didn’t know what to do with them. When he was panicking, he couldn’t even shove them down. He held the steering wheel tighter. If he damaged it, he’d just replace it. His nails felt sore from how tightly he was gripping it, but it helped keep him grounded
His face felt hot and he forced himself to breathe, but it was shallow and fast.
“I don’t want you to go out in the rain. It’s not safe out there.” Not just because of the weather and they both knew that. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’m sorry. But I don’t think you’re dumb. I’m just really scared of the Negaverse. And I know they’d lie and tell you what you want to hear. Because once they have you, it’s not easy to leave, so if you regret it–”
He clamped his mouth shut and then corrected, “Sorry. I said we didn’t have to talk about it, sorry. I didn’t mean to keep dragging it on. We can put on the radio instead.”
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:16 pm
Just like that, Riker was ruining one more good thing in his life. Now Evan would probably never look at him the same again. The next time he accidentally or purposefully called him, why wouldn’t he just ignore it? The next time he stopped by Evan’s food truck, why wouldn’t he just make Riker pay like any other customer and send him on his way?
He was tempted to get out and escape. But he also didn’t want to leave Evan by himself. Not when he sounded so distraught.
Riker shifted awkwardly and guiltily. He didn’t know what to do, but he didn’t mean to upset Evan so much.
“I’m sorry,” he choked, still unable to bring himself to look over at Evan, afraid of the disappointment he’d see in his eyes. Afraid that Evan would look at him and change his mind about making him get out into the rain.
“I just don’t feel like I can do much like I am. I don’t want my friends to suffer. But… I’m just being selfish, aren’t I? I don’t have a lot of-- you know… good examples of how to treat people I guess. I thought it would be a good thing. To be, like… a double agent.”
He didn’t know why he kept talking. Maybe to prove to Evan that he wasn’t just jumping into things. He had thought about it! And he was obviously not sure, which was why he hadn’t gone to find Zinkenite.
He just hated that he had to ruin a friendship in the process.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:18 pm
For a few seconds, Evan was quiet. There was tension in him, but mostly because he felt this electric line in him, like it would electrocute him if he did or said the wrong thing. So, he didn’t move.
Not for long.
This wasn’t easy for Riker, he knew that. It was a difficult situation already, never mind the teenage angst and the bad home life.
“I don’t think it sounds selfish. It kind of sounds like the opposite to me. Really selfless. It’s just, I don’t want you to give yourself up. Maybe that’s selfish of me. Or–no, it’s not. It’s not selfish because I’m not telling you that for me, and I’m not telling you because I think I know better than you. I’m telling you because I know that General didn’t, and I would hate for the Negaverse to have you because they were taking advantage of your good intentions. Your clearly good intentions. This whole time, you’ve only ever said about how you wanted to help your friends.”
His grip on the steering wheel released again, and he partly turned to face him so he wasn’t just twisting his neck to see him.
“If you could really be a double agent, that would be really cool. But it’s like–did he tell you about Metallia? She’s this–I don’t know. This goddess, I guess. Except she’s like a snake, slithering around in your mind. It’s like she can hear your thoughts, if she wants to. She’s the leader of the Negaverse. And if you’re in the Negaverse, she could do whatever she wanted with you. She doesn’t come out often, but any of the General Kings can do the same. It’s–”
He exhaled. He tried to keep his voice even. He was an adult, he wasn’t supposed to be so emotional. It was adrenaline, partly. Fear, mostly.
“I think really highly of you for caring so much about your friends. I know you’ve got good intentions. I think that’s really cool and brave of you. But I think you’ve got a lot more to offer like you are now, maybe stuff you don’t even see in yourself. And if you need, I don’t know, good examples of how to treat people…I don’t know, I’ve got a big movie collection. I can pick you out some of my favorites. I’ll show you a bunch of good role models. Or least, a bunch of good movies. And I’ll feed you! Whatever you want. The Negaverse can’t do that. They’ll only give you cafeteria food. Nothing made from the heart. And I bet–they’re whole cafeteria has coconut oil, Riker. Everything, drenched in it. Whatever’s going on with you right now, give me a chance to help you figure out something better than what they can do for you. Please. I want the best for you. And I really, really don’t think it’s the Negaverse. I want to help you find something really good–for you. So you can be proud of yourself. And be free. And protect your friends.”
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:19 pm
This time as Evan spoke, as he seemed to calm down a little, Riker could feel the tension leaving his body as well. He knew it was a difficult topic to bring up, and he still wasn’t sure if he regretted saying anything and just letting the thoughts fester.
But now he felt embarrassed for being so naive. Of course there would be more that the Negaverse did that the General didn’t tell him. He had no idea who this Metallia was, either.
Oh, but he was caught off guard by the warning of everything being covered in coconut oil, and he couldn’t suppress a small snort of amusement. Somehow he doubted everything would be covered but… he understood Evan’s intention.
So he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and then finally released his hands from his knees so he could scrub at his face.
“Okay, well… I would prefer your cooking, anyway,” he said quietly, still embarrassed by how naive he’d been. He also didn’t want to let Evan know that everything Dering had told him was enough to make him really linger on if he wanted to do anything more with the General’s offer, but after upsetting Evan, he felt guilty about it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He just thought he was doing a good thing. And maybe he just wanted to be heard.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:22 pm
Evan breathed a little easier. “I know,” he said after a few seconds more. “I mean, I know you weren’t saying it to upset me. I’m sorry, I freaked out. I hope it won’t stop you from talking to me about things in the future. I just.”
His shoulders slumped and he leaned back against the seat.
“I’m not mad at you or anything. I think your friends are all really lucky that you care so much about them. I didn’t mean to upset you, either. I think you’re a good kid. Oh, sorry. Young man. And I don’t want someone to take advantage of that. I don’t want you to feel like you have to take that offer because it seems like it’s the best one on the table. I’ll make a counter offer. I don’t know what it is yet, but anything the Negaverse promises you, I bet I can one up.”
Slowly, he started driving again. Riker said he’d eat, he must be hungry. And Evan didn’t want to get home to Zac tapping his foot and asking where he’d been.
“If you want to keep everyone safe, ah. I don’t know, do you want to go sign up for karate lessons or something with me? I’ll pay. I’ll look stupid, but I’ll do it.”
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:22 pm
It was weird. To have people in his life that actually liked him enough to say things like that. To get upset that he might not be around. He certainly didn’t think he’d done anything to really deserve it. He was just there, trying to exist quietly in his own space. He was so used to being told he was worthless and trying desperately to prove that he wasn’t--
Although, up until becoming a knight, maybe it was to the wrong people. Being a knight was the turning point in his life. A chance to be himself without having to worry about impossible expectations. He didn’t ruin anything by being born as a knight.
Other than Dawn, he didn’t really have anyone else he could turn to until more recently. And now he was looking forward to meeting up with his friends, even when crazy things happened. Meeting Evan too had been a big part of his desire to keep everyone safe.
“Really?” he asked, incredulous as equally as he was amused. “You’d do that? I don’t think you’d look stupid. But… yeah, I’d like to learn, if you’re really offering.”
He sighed. And frowned. “That guy… Zinkenite. He kept talking about how Senshi and Knights are horrible because they murder and they recruit children to fight. That we murder the people that are turned into youma,” he said with a wince, awkwardly glancing over at Evan. “Something about a Blood Moon and… people being tortured. Evan, we don’t torture people, do we? He said Senshi are destroying the world… that Zodiacs or something sacrificed a bunch of civilians to make a barrier. I don’t know what he was talking about but…”
He had to believe it was a lie. He didn’t want to be involved in any kind of torture. Sure a bit of roughing up if someone was being a jerk, but not actually murdering them.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 1:29 pm
Evan did not want to learn karate. A bunch of ten year olds were going to kick his a**. Of course he was going to look stupid.
But Riker wanted to learn, and Evan was really offering.
Zac had been nagging him to learn how to take care of himself better anyway.
They could talk about karate later, though. His brows narrowed and he frowned as they drove. “Blood Moon? I don’t think I’ve ever heard about that. Wait–the Zodiacs are like–I think they’re all gone or something, I haven’t even heard anyone mention them in like. Forever. They’re basically ghost stories. I’ve never heard about anyone getting tortured except in the Negaverse.”
Briefly, he remembered all those late nights where Zac came home smelling like blood but acting like everything was fine. He’d seen the way the scars kept building up on him. There was a time, when the Negaverse had Lysithea, that he knew Zac was out trying to find her. He didn’t know what he’d done, but…
Zac didn’t ever talk about it, and Evan never asked.
“He sounds like he’s been in the Negaverse for a long time.” Which usually meant someone who was dangerous. “Is he talking about the chibi senshi, the recruiting children? I’ve met Negaverse agents who are like, just barely past thirteen. So he has to mean the chibis. But they get attacked by youma, too? What’s a Mauvian supposed to do, let a kid die? At least they can protect themselves if they have magic. I mean, it’s not great–I’m not advocating for kids to go to battle or anything–but that beats getting your starseed eaten. Which, by the way is way worse than murder? Did he even tell you what they do with those starseeds?” Obviously they were still taking them if he’d seen his friend’s get stolen.
“...And like, you can’t blame people for killing youma. Wow, like. I have to process that. He says we’re bad because we hurt youma? But they’re the ones making them? Youma are like–”
He’d been over this topic before, maybe not with Riker, but with others. He had a lot of experience and he thought he was in a pretty good position to be an expert. “Well, like zombies. They didn’t ask to get bitten, but they did, and it turned them into a monster. It’s a shadow of themselves. You don’t think or feel the same. And most youma can’t be saved. Like–we’ve tried. Me and the Court. We have saved some, but it’s only because they were strong enough to be saved, and because they wanted it. But sometimes the Chaos just erodes so much of who you are that there isn’t anything left to save. So yeah, sometimes we have to kill youma. But they aren’t people at that point. They’re usually really dangerous and trying to hurt innocent people. Like a rabid dog. Even if you know it was a good dog, you can’t undo that damage. There’s not a cure once it gets that far.”
He looked like he was still trying to chew on some of the other things he’d said, but…
“It sounds like he gave you a lot to think about. But it also sounds like he wasn’t being honest with you about a lot of it, too. I don’t know everything about that stuff, but I do know people who have been around for longer than I do and have been involved in more. So maybe we could ask them, too. Just so we’ve got both sides. And–you know? Maybe there are Senshi or Knights who do those things. Maybe. But I don’t know. Maybe there was some reason they had to. Or maybe they’re just bad people. I don’t know. But we can try to find out.”
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