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[R] that you turn on your lovers {Waru + Eion x Aelius} Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2 3 4 [>] [»|]

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Garbage Cat

PostPosted: Fri Oct 13, 2023 9:26 pm


Ah, there it was — someone was getting the lash. Relieved that it wasn't him this time, Eion turned around to finish with the tea. Whatever Waru meant, he could forget about it for the moment. Busy himself with taking the hot strainers out of the cups and setting them in the sinks, then bring in some honey and milk to bring the tea a bolder, richer flavor. Once they were each stirred up, he spared the three mugs a glance. Were he his usual self, it would be no matter to carry two mugs in one hand and one in the other, but his wrist had been damn near tortured for all his going out and taking care of the White Moon.

Before he reached for the cups, he heard Aelius speak about rummaging in his head. Good that he wasn't holding anything, he supposed, as he let out a breath and took one mug in each hand. Quietlyhe brought one of the mugs around to Waru, then returned to Aelius with the second one.

"Tried explaining it," he answered as he handed off the mug. "But you didn't want to hear it."

Eion returned to his spot against the countertop, his own mug in hand, and tried to drink as he always did. Immediately he recoiled, grunting his dissatisfaction as he thoroughly burnt his tongue. A hand pressed over his mouth.

"You didn't tell him about the bracelet?" He asked the one on the couch.


shiningamisgirl
kolina
PostPosted: Fri Oct 13, 2023 11:16 pm


"Awh---I---" he was going to catch a whole swarm of flies, all the honey his mouth seemed to be leaking today as he stammered useless vowels, sounds of the guiltily accused. Waru suddenly had the nerve to look sheepish and caught out, pinned to the spot and clutching the mug passed his way, wishing the ceramic was hot enough to scald, rather than simply warm the callouses on his fingers. As things were, he felt far warmer on the inside than any bit of freshly boiled tea felt in his palms. In fact? He wondered if he were the one truly boiling alive under Aelius ire and Eions very pointed question.

"Hey--" how it made him nervous, especially when all of Aelius vicious speculation rang terribly true to his own ears. In this mater alone? He was going to do what he wanted, no matter what it took, and no matter *who* had anything to say about it. He hadn't told anyone anything, not Eion, not Haymitch, not even Cerbs for all that the bird didn't speak a lick of English and was only verbose beyond measure inside his own imaginative mind. He'd left Aelius home and seen people and said not ******** or all to a soul. Not even the one soul who was depending on him to maybe do just that. He could've blamed it on him being busy -- claimed there was sword training to do -- Rift shenanigans to venture on -- admitted that he just plain hadn't wanted to bring any of it up! Because a break wasn't much of a break if the whole of it was spent talking about the person he was taking a break from!

Then there was the looming reality where everything with Aelius felt so personally private, so intense, that just casually tearing over it without at least asking the man himself if he'd be okay with it first felt tantamount committing a crime. In hindsight it was hilarious how that seemed like the bridge too far. How this was the sort of s**t Trey had told him to work on --- the sort of s**t he was supposed to have learned with Hina, and Celadonite, and Nembus -- Subordinates that 'weren't at all' and this was why he didn't have them because Aelius wasn't *wrong*---

"I apologized, didn't I? After, I know, but I did apologize for not explaining it better before--and I asked your permission! Kinda--sorta---I--" tearing a steadily narrowing gaze from Aelius and into his cup. The flicker of the urge was there, to snap back, to rebound the same exhaustion he felt in kind. As though Aelius hadn't already made it abundantly clear he wanted no part in anything he'd already tried! How badly he wanted to blame the bluenette alone for making even the simplest ask feel like pulling teeth, where nothing was ever volunteered with any sort of ease!

Except that wasn't entirely Aelius fault either---

Cornered things bit back the hardest, and while Waru knew he failed at leadership even at the best of times. He'd never once failed to be good at backing people into corners, it was as much his purpose as it was the point.

"I honestly wasn't getting anywhere on my own, so I made him a deal," thumbing the steam slicked rim of the cup before looking submissively over to Eion. As if admitting he'd needed to use the device at all was admitting a failure on his part, even if he'd been the one to ask for it in the first place. "Told him as much as he was willing to hear about the bracelet being Velvets, knowing you would've been better at saying how you'd repurposed it to--do what it does. I shut my mouth about the rest. The--how it works, what was in the memory itself." he picked his way through the words clumsily, beneath shuttered lashes, chased them with a rough sigh as he rolled deep reds back in Aelius direction, letting himself frown while he drank all the bitterness Aelius had to offer. Giving the man back a little bit of his own.

"Seriously, if anything else in your past is, at all, like that particular trip to hospital? Then I'm probably the safest superior you could possibly have...." talking about it itched, like remembering a dream that wasn't his. The way the names and faces didn't quite match with those he knew now-- the way time and age changed things. Save the blond who he didn't know from a hole in the wall, who existed as a tall, broad, ball of static holding *his husband* like a princess! All he could figure from the bleary splotch of a memory was that the man definitely wasn't Schorl, obviously, but? Knowing it wasn't Schorl didn't actually bother him any less. The same way knowing it'd been Yuuri and that Mau and 'Reven' didn't bother him any less for the partial-familiarity. "....and I--don't even know how to talk about it. I didn't. Sept--now I've got the both of you here to offer some ********' context, don't I?"

Shiningamisgirl

Ruthless Consumer


Kolina

Inquisitive Agent

PostPosted: Sat Oct 14, 2023 12:14 am


Saltiness as strong as the sea settled into Aelius’s mood. He could practically taste it as he eyed Eion. “Can’t imagine why I didn’t want to listen. Not when you tossed me off like you did without once considering the timing and how it would make me feel like a useless human being and husband.” The words were clipped, but he took the mug when it was offered to him, nearly sloshing the liquid into his lap in the haste to take the heated vessel. Hands that he hadn’t realized were cold palmed the cup in need. The liquid inside rippled in betrayl to the man’s unease and trembling hands.

Golden eyes slipped to Waru who was finding trouble to find his voice. Seemed the man wasn’t as thick skinned as he’d been making himself out to be to Aelius. Words could hit, even if they didn’t necessarily sting, he was at least put to silence. Enough so that Aelius heard Faustite’s little struggle with his tea, eyes darting to his husband just in time to catch the hand darting to his mouth. Hmm…too hot. He set the mug down on the counter, a hand refusing to leave the warmth.

“No, he told me nothing about it.” He said. “Not a peep of what it was. and don’t tell me that saying you had a way to bridge the gap of years between us as telling me what that bracelet did.” His thumb roved over the smoothness of the mug. Up and down. Up and down. A soothing gesture that continued on. “Even if you explained it poorly, telling me would have been etter than just…doing what you wanted. Did it ever occur to you it was an invasion of privacy?

“And what do you mean by that?” He remarked in return to the hospital comment. “Why would a memory make you think you are the better superior for me than anyone else?” He paused a moment. His thumb stopped it’s gentle stroking of the mug as he contemplated what it was that Waru could have seen. They hadn’t talked about it afterwards. Aelius hadn’t wanted to, to be honest, and Waru hadn’t been forthcoming. But now, the carrot was there dangling between them and Aelius was intrigued enough.

“What did you see?”


Strickenized

shiningamisgirl
PostPosted: Sat Oct 14, 2023 6:38 am


"Damn it, Waru," Eion sighed as he set his cup down for the moment. "Do you know how many ******** times we've all gone to a hospital? If you want context, you have to give us context."

He knew that it was likely a mistake to have come here. That it was too soon, or that he would be interrupting something, or the subject of more irritation from one or both of them. That he would be accused of having better things to do than play pretend at instilling a sense of normalcy. Or, better yet, told that there couldn't possibly ever be normalcy as long as he was part youma, as long as he had squandered his one chance at being fully human again. ******** what he thought of his own body, his boys wanted someone they could touch without special chokers and trinkets.

But Aelius's words — they spoke of all the ways he failed, all the ways he kept failing, all those insidious doubts that reminded him that he deserved nothing of his current position. That he couldn't handle relationships like he couldn't handle the blade he was given. That his authority was a sham, better relegated to Axinite's oversight with Faustite akin to a figurehead. There were those who thought well of him, their reasons their own, but he didn't deserve them. And Aelius insisted so perfectly about the faultiness in Faustite's leadership, how all he could do was make terrible, obvious mistakes that anyone else should be able to spot and avoid effortlessly.

Invisible hands caught his throat. His eyes stung as his rage burned unfettered. "Do you ever ******** listen to yourself?" He countered, voice rising. "If I had ******** tossed you off, you'd be in the Rift! But <******** me for picking the best person I know to do what I can't! You're not the only ******** failure here!" He bellowed, body racked with adrenaline so potent that he was shaking. Tears spent were blessedly clear.

His fist beat against the countertop with emphasis. "I get it! I was a <******** fool for coming here!" Pushing himself away from the counter, Eion made for the door.


kolina
shiningamisgirl


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Shiningamisgirl

Ruthless Consumer

PostPosted: Sat Oct 14, 2023 10:12 am


Tens of times, thousands? If he was a punch card holder supreme amassing free sandwiches every other go, then he figured the two of them CEO status by now; with a private suite, gold plated meal trays, they got given real spoons instead of the paper-plastic-rubberish ones! Course maybe that was just because people didn't generally trust him with sharp things around such delicate facilities, but still! He could imagine. As the house of cards went up like sawdust in a firestorm around him, and every reason why he'd kept his mouth shut revealed itself at once.

He could absolutely ******** imagine.

There was something about being in the middle of others peoples chaos that soothed his own rankled nerves, the ability to meet a need, even if it was only to clean up the mess he'd so inadvertently caused. He couldn't have them both at the other ends of the Earth thinking they'd failed each other--that they were failures themselves--more importantly? He couldn't have Eion leave, not just yet!

"Eion---" quick and harsh and demanding, as his boy darted for the door like it was a window to leap from. If a quarter of the tea ended up sloshed over his hand and onto his pants in his haste to set the thing down more carefully than an earthquake, then that was fine. Hot enough to have him hissing, but fine! "You're never gonna win the biggest fool contest over me, love. You're too smart for that--so stay, please? Please." because begging came even easier than moving, felt like second nature to follow after his boy as it did to make a last ditch plea. For all that it'd been going south as the poles--there were moments--sparks of goodness! He wanted more of those, to go back to being the center of their ire and be better about shutting his mouth this time. He wanted to watch Aelius and Faustite dance around each other in their little tea and cookie haven, exchanging more of those soft looks and side-smiles. Waru wished that it wasn't so hard to get back to that status quo, that it didn't take climbing Mount Everest to get there.

"I know---this entire thing has been an invasion of privacy, and it's pissing you off. That's the point." he almost sounded apologetic as he spoke in Aelius direction, not about doing what he was doing, but for the feelings he knew it'd elicit in the other man. He didn't imagine a world in which he forced himself into someone's home where they weren't angry for it! Had it not felt necessary---but it was necessary, wasn't it? Difficult as it was to take his eyes away from Eion -- to not simply throw himself at the door and play wall for however many minutes it'd take before Eion gave him an actual order, an order he hoped involved hugs.

"What it isn't? Is a betrayal of your privacy, Aelius. None of this is about making sure you've passed some mission or met a quota--this--this is about you two both being at different stages in the healing game. So saying anything that would give context--that would gain me context--it's not worth it if neither of you are actually ready to go over things yet." he was going to get them safe words for touchy subjects, had never imagined how fragile the glass thin line between the pair was, not until now, seeing it snap in real time. All the words were fresh n new to his ears, but the blows were traded too easily, like fighting with a familiar weapon, aiming for the same weak spots as they probably always had before. Drawing blood with even the softest blows---

"If all we can stand to do is sit here, n drink tea, n eat cookies---and talk about nothing dangerous at ******** all? Thats fine! And if we can't even manage that? That's fine too--- It's not a failure on either of yours parts. ******** it, you can blame it on me making decisions m'not telling either of you about--" because Aelius wasn't wrong, had surprisingly been listening, even if it was only to Waru talking at Aelius back and with a door between them about how little control anyone actually had over him and how he chose to handle this situation.


kolina
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Strickenized
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2023 1:08 pm


Aelius was conflicted. The words tossed at Eion had been honest. A small window into the pain that had been brought upon by a decision made, in his opinion, poorly. It still rankled. Still hurt to be passed along to another person like he was, especially at the time it had been done. Hell, he still held a deep seated dislike for himself for his mistake in the spring, but time was beginning to ease it, even if it couldn’t mend his self-confidence.

But to see those tears? Hear a bit of Eion’s own soul bared?

Aelius didn’t know what to do. So instead of doing anything he sat there and turned his attention to the tea as a way to avoid watching his husband walk out. Pffft. Husband. Some piss poor husband they were both being. Neither willing to soothe rankled hairs to sit and genuinely talk to one another. Had they lost that ability? Aelius was beginning to think he had with each bitter word that spilled from his mouth.

Thankfully, Waru stepped in. Golden eyes slipped to the man as he spilt tea in his rush and begged their husband to stay. To not flee out that door like it was the only barrier that could save him from more onslaught of words.

This was Waru was the better man.

Aelius winced.

“Stay.” He threw into the mix with Waru’s. He didn’t beg, but his voice sounded defeated to his own ears. And he was for his lack of ability or know-how to deal with the land mines all around him and his own lacking abilities.

Licking his lips to stave off the dryness that had begun to settle, Aelius took a visible deep breath, closing his eyes as he spoke. “Call it want you want, Waru, but how you view things and how I do are different. I am on the receiving end of all of this. It’s been blow after blow for me and I…” He paused a moment.

Eyes opened but averted from either of the men. “Let’s just…talk about that memory.”

A moment passed. He turned to glance at Eion who was so close to the door. “If you want to.”


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shiningamisgirl

Kolina

Inquisitive Agent



Strickenized


Garbage Cat

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2023 4:03 pm


Eion reached the door. Gripped the knob white-knuckle tight, though it rattled in his grasp from his wrist's protests. Still, he paused, at war with himself once again over whether he should acquiesce to his capricious needs or listen to what everyone else wanted him to do.

It brought him back to when his body was slowly youmafying. When Encke was filling the air around them with his proselytizing garbage about how the White Moon was actually Order, and they were Order because they supported how the universe was supposed to work — guardians of that ******** trash heap — and how Faustite should join them because it was the right and just and morally correct thing to do. Or how Lysithea wanted him to turn coat straight away on her world, when she dragged him there on a whim, so that he would be free at once and she could take care of him. Or how most of his boys wanted him to go through with the plan, because by the end of it all, they would have a human and healthy husband. Even if there was nothing left in his head.

It didn't matter as much how he felt about it, that he thought the grand design for the universe didn't matter at all when the world in question was irredeemable. Or that he valued the relationships he made well enough that he would never ghost the team, his husbands, his friends in the manner that Lysithea suggested. And even if he would never have felt like himself as a human, he thought that was less important than the opinions and wants of those around him. Those opinions — his opinions — never seemed to mean anything.

Maybe it was because of instances like these, when he relented to someone else's urge or beg or demand. His hand slipped from the knob only to punch the door with his boiling frustrations. What the ******** was this all for, anyway? And how much more of it would he have to endure?

Eion forced himself away from the door, tight-lipped, as he made his way back to his sequestered corner of counter. He stopped when he reached his tea, taking it up in both hands and giving it a gingerly sip. Tasted strange on a burnt tongue.

"No more shitty comments." Eion laid out the terms of his continued attendance as he retired the shaking mug to the countertop. Aelius invited conversation on the memory, so Eion waited for Waru to spit out what that particular hospital visit entailed.


kolina
shiningamisgirl
PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2023 5:58 pm


"Deal--"

No more shitty comments, no more half hearted attempts at diverting things with innuendo. There was no point in going back to the couch, he was happier standing, pacing even if it was only to help better put his mind in motion with his mouth and pull the old memory up so he could explain it properly.

"If you two could meetup n go over how the bracelet actually works though? Without me. If you ever feel up to it --- if it ends up being done in writing--or over the phone. I don't care, I just know I'm the worst person to be...ahm...going over technical aspects of the thing?" and he asked while casting wary glances between them, knowing no one was getting quite what they'd asked for. Asking regardless because he knew in his heart that he would end up using the thing again. He'd be better about it next time, more clear and concise, more honest about what he needed from all of this.

"And it's hard to explain--watching your memory through your eyes, but as me? It's all emotions on my end, n sensory input, n learning to take myself out of it is a weird ******** thing. I mean, there's no end of s**t to see n hear of course! But it's all this secondary bombardment n it's ******** -- especially since they must've had you on some good drugs -- and then getting any context involves me asking questions after which is only comfortable if you're interrogating someone, I think? Like-- asking what wolf, or who the ******** the big-a** brunette was? Or why Tibs was there -- Why 'Eion' was 'Reven' and what caused those ******** nose bleeds---and of course it was weird as ******** seeing Yuuri!" Here Waru had thought Aelius was an island unto himself -- no -- a small satellite circling the singular planet knwon as Faustite! He hadn't known how many other people the man actually knew, only that he was a member in the negaverse for a time, that he'd served under Schorl -- under Faustite -- that his brother was Trey.

He hadn't cared enough to ask how he was getting along, if he had other old friends, if he wanted to see anyone other than his *sure as fire was hot soulmate!* Every time he caught their eyes again he wanted to apologize even more for failing them both so hard thus far. In simple ways with easy remedies, all the things he could've tried to change before they'd ended up here and now.

"And knowing the answers to any of that wouldn't explain--ffhh---for all that I throw myself at *death*, and it's chances kinda ********' brazenly! I've never wanted to die, Aelius. M'so ******** sorry you went through that.... "


Strickenized
kolina

Shiningamisgirl

Ruthless Consumer


Kolina

Inquisitive Agent

PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2023 2:53 am


At Eion’s declaration Aelius’s teeth bit into his lower lip but he nodded in agreement. He didn’t always lash out on purpose. His tongue was sharp and old habits that were thought put to bed had resurfaced. It should have been expected, honestly. A person could only hold back for so long before something finally gave. And gave it did for Aelius in so many ways and for so many reasons that he wasn’t even sure he completely understood where all of his sour disposition came from. Some, yes. There were things he could point to and say ‘that’s part of the problem’.

But, that train of thought was lost to the stream of words that poured from Waru’s mouth as he started on about the memory. Going on about feelings, and sensations, thought overload and the difficulties of being just a person inside of another. It was safe to say everything had been seen from Aelius’s point of view with how Waru went on, but it wasn’t until the name ‘Reven’ came up, along with a mention about a wolf and…

Aelius instantly found his mug of tea extremely interesting. He raised it to his lips, lowering it and leaving it perched within his palms again. The heat helped ground him. Gave him something to focus on beyond the hazy memory that began to rise at Waru’s description. That was the beauty of time, it made painful moments less piercing.

“That…” He paused, licking his lips. “was not a good time in my life.” He said quietly, eyes not drifting from the liquid in his mug that he had barely tasted for the scalding heat and tiny sip he’d taken. He was going to need to elaborate. To put it into more context for Waru. Fucck, why had he pushed to continue down this road? They could have all just separated and went their own ways not minutes ago.

Closing his eyes he let a breath of air out of his nose. “I was still fresh to the Negaverse when that happened.” His right thumb began moving up and down the mug again as he continued watching the liquid inside. “Wasn’t in a great frame of mind because of it.” An understatement perhaps, but a careful truth. "i had no support then. Not what I needed anyway."

“I…” He paused again. He struggled with the words. This was not something he’d expected to have to talk about and honestly, he’d not talked about it with anyone. Back then he’d felt so isolated and alone that he just took the accusations. Never said a damn word, cause what else was he supposed to say? Deny them? He couldn’t. But even know, with the edge of that knife having been blunted by father time, he found the words impossible to say.

“I took an opportunity when a Knight found me and…likely should have ended far worse than it did.” He purposely diverted his gaze to the kitchen where he looked at nothing in particular.

No reason to hide anything when everyone in the room knew or could deduce what could have happened. Still, saying it outright...


Strickenized

Shiningamisgirl
PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2023 4:04 pm


Oh, did Waru have questions. Questions that shaped the state of the memory, gave Eion clues as to the time it happened. That was an early one in Heliodor's Negaverse career, one seldom spoken about since it occurred. In hindsight, he wondered if it was humiliating to have a whole group of fellow officers coming to see him in the hospital like that, each chastising him in their own way. Even if it was, though, Eion couldn't find it in himself to feel remorseful for it. That resentment yet burned hot, so many years after the fact.

Aelius spoke first, which bought Eion time to compose himself and drink his tea. The statements the other boy offered were unusually sparse for one who was so fond of speaking at length. While he wasn't as needlessly verbose as Waru, Eion expected liberal padding out of the boy. This sounded more like he wanted the discussion over with before it started, and was only surrendering as much because he felt compelled to do so.

But the shape of the memory was centrally Aelius. It was on the boy to give context where context was due, as it was on him to explain the virulent mix of feelings that Waru endured. They did not blunt Eion's rage.

Fine boned fingers curled around the cup of tea as he sipped it again, finding it cooled enough to be drinkable but not particularly palatable with the moment so spoiled. Nevertheless, he was hungry, and he took up some of the lacy cookies to sate himself. When Eion thought Aelius was done, when he thought he found a good time to speak, he took it.

His voice was low, as if his volume was a concession to avoid some of Aelius's biting comments. "Must've been around the time that my identity was erased. Didn't have a name back then. 'Reven' — a made-up relation — was to get us visitation rights. That's what I told the team.

"Was considering using Aelius's last name, actually. Decided it wasn't a good idea."

He let that thought stew as he considered the other questions. "Tall one was Aue. He was like an ancillary to Schörl. Transferred under her later, the stupid ********." But Eion missed him nonetheless. "Tibby was Schörl's cat. And Yuuri used to live with Aue — they usually showed up together."


shiningamisgirl
kolina


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Shiningamisgirl

Ruthless Consumer

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2023 6:56 am


Albite could see it now, how his boy taking Aelius’s last name would’ve been romantic if the situation was anything less dire than the deeply fractious thing he felt he’d errantly born witness to. He smiled sadly for the moment long past, for the chances the two had had and clearly missed back then. At least all the players had names and faces and places in a timeline he’d been utterly absent for. It eased some of the confusion to a degree, closed doors, opened bay sized windows in the walls and the ceilings that he considered jumping to conclusions through.

“All of that helps, I just — there was a lot of — ********, so there was everyone talking, all at once sometimes. For the life of me I couldn’t pluck out the core issue above all the, yanno, the ‘youness’ in the center Aelius—You’ve always had strong emotions, huh?“ the words waved in Aelius direction, and if he could t quite meet either of sets of eyes as his icing became a tighter thing, a controlled loop. Till he realized it might seem rude yo be saying ******** all without actually staring Aelius down — only to find him buried in the dregs of his clutched tea mug.

Man he wanted his tea back in his hands just then. ******** it, he’d drink it cold and dunk the cookies in it that way too! Maybe Faustite would even make him another outta love…

“Not that it matters as much as the fact that I’ve never heard the word ‘gadabout’ used in my short a** life.” He was sure he’d pronounced it poorly, was butchering the rest of what lived in his head like a fever dream gone wild. How everything he’d taken in had been muffled through the haze of familiar to him ‘enjoy your pain free sleep!’ meds — that thread of shameful anxiety, a desperation that spiraled into despair without end.

A frustration without end.

None of it his godamned own but boy had those feelings been there!!

“And that I don’t get how the ‘wolf’ had anything to do with——I don’t get why? It was just your leg, right? Or sepsis, rabies, or— Hell, Ei, you n the rest of them were his team, yeah? This whole thing, the reason he was in the hospital in the first place — it was some mission gone wrong or what?” How Aelius felt in the moment had been crystal clear and he felt that plight clean as any wound, was sympathetic to it — but then the rest of the bombardment felt contextless, senseless in the face of his own ever flawed reasoning —

So he started reaching for that why — reaching for the ‘why’ that came before the scene he’d been dropped into, what had gotten Aelius injured badly enough to be there in the hospital in the first place. Not a demon or a youma or a Senshi — a ******** wolf?! Some wild a**, larger than a dog animal?! It took him a moment, too long a moment, of gathering lines to connect the dots with. An even longer moment of staring in silence filled with his own palpable worry at the only two people who could correct all his misconceptions properly.

Because he wanted to be wrong.

Aelius…….”


xkolina
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2023 5:17 pm


Eyes flickered to Eion at the mention of using his last name. Brows furrowed as he wondered why the boy would have gone that route. "Bad idea?" He carefully questioned Did he mean for his new identity, or just that day in the hospital? Either way, it was...endearing. A small little slice of the time that perhaps Eion had actually still cared. Not that it would have mattered at the time. Aelius would have probably thought of it as some bad joke in the moment. But now, knowing their history and who Eion had been, it held meaning.

Grateful that Eion offered the names and associations of the people within the memory, Aelius turned his attention back to Waru as more questions were spewed out like water from a fountain. A wry, half-hearted smile acknowledged Waru's comment about feelings. "Yea. I've never been good at not being emotionally invested." An acknowledgement to part of his problems.

He sighed heavily, again. "The wolf was a Knight summons. And no, my leg wasn't the only problem." Raising the mug he took another sip of the tea, now finally cooling enough to be comfortably sipped. It helped his drying throat. "Busted face and nose, broken ribs, absolutely soaked in freezing weather, and a knight summons chewing on my leg." He lowered the mug to his lap, cupped between his hands. Thumb moving on its smooth surface. Still.

"It wasn't a mission. I was out on patrol."

The sound of his name from Waru's mouth said a lot and he looked away again. The tone almost a plea. While Aelius couldn't remember exact details of the day he knew what had been going through his mind in General. What sorts of things that he likely was thinking and feeling. Most of them damning and mortifying now. "I was struggling, Waru. More than I am now. I wasn't happy about anything and having people stand there and chastise me while *I was drugged up and feeling terribly alone and afraid and ashamed...I don't know what to tell you."


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shiningamisgirl

Kolina

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2023 5:56 pm


Eion shot Waru a sharp look. "Are you making fun of me?"

But he was off on another tangent, asking about the wolf, about whether there was a mission. Suddenly Eion felt as interrogated as Aelius must have felt, and it wasn't technically his memory that was under scrutiny at the moment. For this, he bristled all the more, his fist shoved into a coat pocket where he could tighten it to the point of white-knuckled pain. If nothing else, the injuries to his hands had been good for that small distraction.

He wondered if there was even merit in holding his tongue. It never seemed to matter, not with Aelius — he could restrain himself to the point that he was choking on his own words, and Aelius would still find fault with however he approached their situation. It happened in the office, when he, Albite, and Heliodor had the confrontation that spawned this arrangement. The violet-haired boy spewed all the vitriol he could scrape together, hosing down both Faustite and Albite irrespective of any slights aimed back at him. And that had only subsided when Faustite finally snapped and answered back with every bleeding word that Aelius was practically begging him to shout back at him.

Was that what he needed, then? Another screaming match? To be called on his bullshit?

Because it was bullshit, what Aelius was saying. It was dodging the subject. Talking over injuries and answering about whether it was a mission or not instead of answering what lay at the crux of Waru's overwrought speech. Faustite snorted as Aelius closed with a cop-out.

"Don't ******** around," Eion warned him. "You tried to ******** kill yourself. Don't lie to the man who saw inside your ******** head!"


kolina
shiningamisgirl
PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2023 8:44 pm


Aelius could practically hear the ridicule and admonishment in the tone of Eion's words. All of the blame thrown right back onto Aelius's shoulders and so quickly the man felt like he was back in that hospital room. Surrounded by so many but feeling so alone for the amount of actual care that any of them had for his well being beyond being an attribute for the negaverse. The only difference was, that now Aelius had grown more of a back-bone.

He nearly fell out of his stool for the anger that welled in side of him as he stood and and pointed at Eion. "And why the ******** do you think that it even happened?" He growled out. "Don’e get me wrong. I deserve some blame in it, but not a single of you there gave two ******** beyond the fact that I had inconveninced every single one of you. Not once did any of you ask how I was feeling, or if I needed to talk about anything. Hell, none of you even asked what actually happened out there!” The words exploded from him in a torrent as he stared Eion down. Treasonous tears not only well, but fell down his face and he brushed at them angrily with the bottom of his palm.

“No, you all came in, parading and pretending to have an iota of worry about me and instead you did nothing but belittle and chastise me." The words exploded from him in a torrent. Words that he wanted to say, should have said years ago, but was too depressed and scared to say. Cause in that hospital room, despite feeling like perhaps he made a mistake in wanting to live, deep down, that flame to survive had glowed. It may have just been a ember then, but it was there.

“Maybe, if you’d given me a chance, you would have known I didn’t go out there to just throw myself at the first order member I saw.” He trembled for his anger, body stiff with tension. “But you probably wouldn’t have believed me even if I told you. You were so set on your own narrative of the night.” Eyes blazed hot at Eion. "Am I right?" Every word thrown at him, but also at Aelius himself. For while he was angry. Livid actually, the shame of that night was there. It always would be there.


Strickenized

shiningamisgirl

Kolina

Inquisitive Agent


Shiningamisgirl

Ruthless Consumer

PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2023 6:02 am


The hard as nails couch he’d spent the last month on was suddenly appealing as if it were memory foam and goose down, a sanctuary of a sitting area instead of a place to just lounge nonchalantly, like the whole of his world wasn’t slowly catching fire before his very eyes: old film reels burning away at the seams.

What have I done—

He found his way to it, to the edge of an armrest, perched there quietly, elbows to knees and fingers laced over his mouth tightly.

Tell me you didn’t want to die and mean it — tell me what drove you to feel that way in the first place so it doesn’t happen again!

He waited with growing horror for the answers to questions he couldn’t stand to ask, for them to slip out of Aelius or Eion in that same explosive staccato that filled the room now. Waru wanted, least in all the world, to be the root cause of a problem so heartbreaking as this. Watching Aelius and Eion go in on each other, knives out, hungry for more than just blood. For something like compassion, or forgiveness, or understanding, he couldn’t ******** say!

Could only guess at like grabbing for nonexistent straws. But he saw the way they looked at each other and knew he was no longer a person in their room. They were alone together there. This was something old and ugly — it was going to get aired. If not today? Then tomorrow— or ten years from now — or in the next five minutes.

If any of them made it that long—



kolina
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Strickenized
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♥ In the Name of the Moon! ♥

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