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 Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2023 12:53 pm
Michael leaned close when Devyn did, kissed him back happily. He knew Devyn would worry. Michael would be lying if he wasn’t worried, himself. And he knew he could brush it off. He knew he could try to convince Devyn to do it anyway, and they would figure it out when they got there. Or didn’t get there.
He was quiet for a few long moments, appreciating the comfort Devyn offered, but also taking into consideration his own limits and what he was willing to put Devyn through. Which, well… he didn’t want to put him through anything that would make him uncomfortable.
“I know I have my problems to work through,” he finally said, brushing his fingers along the back of Devyn’s neck. “I don’t know what might…” he paused, grimacing a little in his attempts to speak openly while also properly explaining himself.
“I don’t know what might trigger flashbacks. I don’t want you to have to deal with that, when I’m not in full control of myself. That’s not fair to you. And you’ve already done so much for me, and been so patient with me.”
He knew he couldn’t always control his actions when he started getting lost in his memories. He’d almost lost himself when Amarynthos used his magic on him, and that was just Squire’s magic. Devyn had been there, though. He’d been able to quickly pull him out of it, but there was no guarantee he’d be able to, next time.
“I want to help you fulfill your dreams. Your dreams are mine. And I’m sure Percy would want you to finally see what’s up there, too. I wouldn’t be pushing myself on your account. I would take a calculated risk to help. I just need you to understand what that risk would be, and if that’s too much, then I understand.”
Another pause as he glanced down at the page again. He frowned, because there was something he couldn’t figure out, other than a feeling.
“Percy would want you to see what’s up there,” he said much more resolutely than before.
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Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2023 1:13 pm
There was an array of emotions to sift through. Devyn took a few seconds to appreciate the sensation of fingers on his neck. If they hadn’t been talking–if Michael wasn’t still sick–he might have laid himself across his lap to encourage him to keep it up. Instead, he accepted and appreciated every little touch, and he made no effort to demand more than what Michael ws giving.
There was a weight that came with talking about Percy. Michael didn’t know him, but he knew something of him. Pieces of him that Devyn might or might not have been familiar with. Memories, seen from a different perspective. Through different eyes. Moments Percy shared with someone other than him.
He couldn’t deny that he wanted to hear about all of them, but he wasn’t going to demand that of Michael, either.
In his heart, he knew that Percy was gone. He also knew that parts of him lived on in Michael. Who was, no doubt, grappling to deal with those pieces he was being given.
“He would,” Devyn agreed after a moment. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips, and he rested against Michael a bit more. “But I’m more worried about what you want. I’m proud of you for sharing all that with me. I know it isn’t easy for you. But you know I’m not the sort to back down from anything. You–and your flashbacks–aren’t something to ‘deal’ with. It’s something to work through. And you don’t have to do it alone. It’s not about ‘fairness’. Your problems are mine, and mine are yours. There’s no scale to measure who brings what trouble with them, we’re in this together. And it means a lot to me that you’re willing to help me do this and see what happens. But I won’t ever push you to do something you aren’t comfortable with, not when it’s not even necessary.”
It wasn’t life or death if he didn’t go up.
But, Michael was sweet all the same–talking about their dreams being shared.
He rested his head on his shoulder, and even if he was tired he didn’t let the comfort of it tempt him to close his eyes.
“Maybe we’ll be able to find some way to get you up there that isn’t too stressful. And if we get up there and you don’t like it, we’ll get off immediately. We’re clever, aren’t we? We can adapt. But I love you. I love how much you always want to help me. You know–now that we’ve sat down for a moment, I think I did see a few more pages like this. In at least one of my other boxes over there. I’ll get up in a minute and fetch them, I just need to be close to you for a moment. You’re very comfortable.”
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Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2023 5:44 pm
“Oh good, because I think you’re very comfortable too,” Michael smiled. Everything Devyn said was taken to heart, and Michael could feel it swell with love and adoration. It seemed silly to be so appreciative of a single person, but Devyn didn’t just say things, he followed through with what he said as well.
Which was why there was no question in Michael’s mind that Devyn wouldn’t just let him suffer. Even if Michael sometimes thought he deserved to suffer. Be it survivor’s guilt or something else, it didn’t matter. But with Devyn knowing him so well, he doubted it would take long for him to realize something was off.
At the moment, Michael still felt achy and sick, but he didn’t feel miserable when Devyn was with him.
“Thank you, Devyn. I love you very much. I’ll do my best to let you know when things get bad, but I want to see what is so interesting about that island, if you’re up for it. If we can find a way up, at least.”
He wasn’t sure if they would find a way up, but if they did, he was sincere about wanting to listen to what Devyn said.
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