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 Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2023 8:08 pm
[Imri 4]
Imri didn't dare look at his sister. They wanted to leave Zinris? But...Ai only wanted to go if they had more sons - like him. Was he that shameful that she wanted to hide from the world? His fingers flexed into fists. She already did the bare minimal with him and forced most of his care onto Mama. Even his training was with other Aishans and that was when they had the time for him. He did most of his basic exercises with Lucijah, but his shifter mother didn't know how to show him sword fighting.
He had to pick that up in pieces and he was sure if he ever showed it to Ai then she would just tell him how horrible it was.
...Leaving Zinris though...Getting away from this place...Goddess, but didn't that sound good. It would be running away from their problems instead of facing it head on, and yet...Imri was torn. He hated that he was in the middle of this, but maybe...just maybe it was for the best?
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2023 8:25 pm
(5/7) Lucijah raised her eyebrows and let that defense hang between them for a moment, feeling as if that statement alone was pretty self evident of the problem. Yet, Ai continued to gaze at her, brows furrowed. "If Imri was allowed to benefit and train too - or a future son - I'd agree with you. Staying would be better then." Lucijah measured her words, eyes flicking skyward as she gave a quick prayer to the goddess that her defense would make some lick of sense.
"But he isn't. Just because he's a boy doesn't mean he should be raised like he's an earthling. He's not one - that kid's as Aishan as they come, and that's something he needs his other mom for. If staying means our daughters benefit, but our son gets pushed to the side any more than he already is, then - then I think we should raise them all as Aishans, together, but away from Zinris. Before we go too far, and lose him for good."
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scarlett arbuckle Vice Captain
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scarlett arbuckle Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2023 8:30 pm
(5/7) It was difficult to feel proud and accomplished at Ai's words about her, when it was being delivered in this context. Leave Zinris.... Imri pointedly avoided her stare, and she wanted to reach out and push at him, anything to get his attention so she could get a measure of what he was feeling about this. But - forced in a space where she had to shut up and just stare at him, she realized she had no idea what he was thinking.
Why wasn't he freaking out? Why did he seem so calm about leaving home, about them talking right there about having more kids?
But then Lucijah was talking, suggesting he train with them, and Zivah almost snorted, but managed to stay silent, hands trembling where she'd fisted them against her sides. So - so they were going to pick. Between her and Imri - whether she, or future sisters, got trained properly, or Imri had his precious little feelings protected.
A little voice in her head reminded her that they'd already picked - they'd picked HER, for so many years. So why change it now? Because she was tiny, and he was suddenly big and deserving of training and community? What, so being big suddenly outweighed his huge, massive defect of being male?!
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 12:48 pm
[Ai 5]
"And just because he came from a bloom doesn't make him a Sister. That's what he needs help with; accepting what path he needs to walk and making that adjustment." Even in her wandering across the main continent Ai hadn't come across a single Aishan warrior that was male. Hybrid and pure alike they were all women so it went without saying to her. The fact it was a persistent argument with her wife, when the subject was so clear to her, was beyond frustrating.
"You're right; he's not an earthling, but he's not Aishan either. Neither of our children are. They're not even Alkidike because of Elzira." And that was another jab, wasn't it? Ai had always accepted Aisha's call without fail and begrudgingly held onto Elzira. Would it have been easier if they'd gone to Aisha? Unlikely.
Ai closed her eyes and turned her head toward the ceiling with a long, tense exhale. "I know it doesn't seem like I care for him, Lucijah, but I do. With Zivah it's easier because she's the daughter I always knew would carry my line. She is my blood, my legacy, and the strength of my family. Imri...every time I see that boy I'm reminded of every war I've ever fought that ended in defeat and shame...just pointless battles I was never going to win."
She took a deep breath and opened her eyes again before lowing her head. "I don't want that for him. I don't know why Elzira gave him to us and I'll be the first to admit...I resented her for him. Not now, I just...What am I to do with a son? What good is a mother like me to a boy like that? He would have been better off if you'd taken him away from Zinris from the start."
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 1:04 pm
[Imri 5]
I should have gone after supplies like mama told me too. Imri didn't want t hear this; he didn't want to hear any of this. The teen didn't want to hear his mama having to stand up for him to her own wife, let alone the barely veiled arguments over whether or not they should leave...
When he steeled himself to look up from under the hood toward Zivah his gut dropped. He was waiting for accusations, sour words or a punch, at the least, but when nothing came he didn't know what to do. If they left his 'Aishan training' would be solely with Ai? With his sister, no less? Goddess, he wouldn't survive.
He didn't even want to leave Yael. Getting away from Zinris was...admittedly tempting, but Yael? So long as Imri stayed in the fog no one bothered him and he liked that. And then Ai started talking and whatever 'bravery' Imri showed was pushed so far down the teenager shut down.
He hunched back into a ball by the wall, pulled his hood down and wrapped his arms around his legs. She had to be lying...She was good at doing whatever it took to get by so why wouldn't she be doing it now?
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 3:08 pm
(6/7)
Of course Lucijah knew that their children were both, but - but... it wasn't as if they could really embrace that fact. Living close to Zinris, it felt as if they were expected to choose; living with Lucijah on the fringes of society as an earthling, or fight to be accepted by the Elaria in Zinris. Lucijah glanced up at her wife though, huffing out a breath of frustration. Yes - well. They'd discussed going to Aisha for children, but - that hadn't panned out. Despite the Elaria and Alkidike resuming contact (all the way back when Ai and Lucijah first met), Ai had nearly been murdered by elements from there - there was no way they could risk praying to Aisha for children in that situation, even if Ai allowed it.
The shifter opened her eyes again and looked at Ai once more, and slowly she moved to sit next to Ai on the table. It never got easier, hearing Ai say these things about her son. Even now, she felt the instinctive stirring of defensive anger on her son's behalf - but this was why they had to talk away from the kids. For her, it was easy to see how far Ai had come - just the fact she was willing to admit that she cared for him was a massive leap from the Alkidike she had first met.
But as a mother, she was right. It wasn't enough, not nearly. Then again, neither was Lucijah because if she was a good mother she'd have taken Imri far away, just as Ai said, so he had a chance to thrive. "You're not wrong." Lucijah said with a bitter laugh, leaning her weight into her wife's side in a way she hoped was reassuring.
"But I wanted us together. And now... sometimes it feels like he's already one foot out the door, and if things don't change we'll lose him. Forever. We need... we both need to treat them both as our kids. I can't remember the last time I hugged Zivah. Or talked to her, really talked. I feel like we each picked one, and have ... pitted them against the other ever since. And if we want to bring more kids into this I ... it feels like giving up on the ones we've already got. I wanna fix this first. You know?"
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scarlett arbuckle Vice Captain
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scarlett arbuckle Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 3:23 pm
(6/7) It should have felt good. The anger was still simmering in her, and for a brief moment she felt of dark vindication when Ai said, simply, that he wasn't a Sister. He never would be. But as she continued... somehow, it took the wind out of her sails. She didn't understand - what was her mom talking about, about battles and shame and defeat and... and--
It felt like a kick in the teeth, to hear Ai so bluntly admit that neither of them were Aishan, not really. And the conversation shifted, and yes, Ai was saying she was 'her blood, her legacy--' but it...
It didn't feel good.
The last straw was when Imri finally looked at her, and it was weird. She couldn't remember the last time she'd actually seen through that face, and saw him vulnerable. It should have been a moment of jubilation, the perfect moment to twist the dagger in his back. The perfect opportunity to make him feel just how much better she was--
Her stomach felt sour, like it was knotted up and twisting, and then he just... curled up, sank down. He was still bigger than her, but he looked so small, and it didn't feel good at all. It didn't feel good, to have him here while their moms talked.
Ai was admitting she didn't know what to do with Imri, and Lucijah talked so simply about 'pitting them against each other', and for such a long time Zivah sneered at the idea of spending any time with her earthling mom. She thought about how her first thought about little siblings was to fear what would happen if they both ended up female, and bigger than her, what then?
Worst of all, for some stupid reason she thought of her and Imri when they were little, their constant fighting cast aside so they could both gawk over sparkling rocks in a river. She thought what would happen if he crumpled up in a little ball like this because of something she said, and- it felt worse than all of it.
Slowly, Zivah squatted next to her seated brother and, without bothering to remove his cowl, she slung her arm around his broad shoulders, locking him into a loose headlock - then dropped her cheek onto the top of his head, in what was the most awkward and out of place hug of her life.
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 3:51 pm
[Ai 6]
"...We'll leave." Ai was at an impasse. Aspects of her upbringing - her very core - raged against the decision, but it was easy to forget all of that when she looked at Lucijah. Time and time again the shifter stood by her side when the world was ready to bury her as a part of it's unpleasant history. Being married to one another was messy and Lucijah may have been happier elsewhere, but she was here now. They had children together and if Ai wanted it to stay that way she needed to take a stance.
"You're right. Asking for blessings when we've done a piss pour job with the ones we have would be wasteful." Ai tentatively reached over for Lucijah's hand and gave it a squeeze. "We're not going to lose him; not without a fight. And if he still wants to go....I'll let him."
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 4:02 pm
[Imri 6]
Imri was so trapped in his own mind that he couldn't hear Zivah's movements. He'd always known he was never going to compare to the Sisters, not even to the hybrids like his sister, but he'd always hoped-
He'd held his heart out for so long that if he worked harder, pushed himself harder, that one day he could be good enough. The keldari bite, the attack that had left his face scarred and deformed...Goddess, it was a waste.
You're an absolute idiot.
He didn't realize his shoulders had started to shake until there was a weight on them. Imri's spine stiffened and he opened tear stained eyes to look down at the ground before him, not daring to look up when he felt an arm around his neck. If she wanted to hurt him then-
-what was she doing?
Imri didn't dare move, and he couldn't speak, but he did relax a bit.
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 4:11 pm
(7/7)
They would? Lucijah glanced at Ai out of the corners of her eyes, relaxing a bit. It was so strange - they'd fought about this for ages, and never made any headway. It felt as if Ai had softened enough to listen, and Lucijah had finally hardened enough to really speak, and that was what it took. It felt... anticlimactic, after so long. She still felt frustrated that they'd both erred so much with their children, but she hoped this was the sort of decision together that would stick - and not just be sweet words.
... Okay, but have you ever met my wife?? Sweet and 'Ai' were generally oxymorons - she trusted her wife to stick to it now that it was decided. Lucijah was more likely the one who would have to work to get over her own resentments towards Zivah's behavior; Ai wasn't the only one who'd showed favoritism during their lives.
"Someday soon, I hope." Lucijah promised, threading their fingers together so she could squeeze back. She turned her head finally toward Ai and grinned, toothily, an expression that sharpened with stubborn determination. "Speak for yourself. I'm not letting my baby go anytime soon."
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scarlett arbuckle Vice Captain
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scarlett arbuckle Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 4:17 pm
(7/7) We'll leave, Ai said, and Zivah still felt the words send a lance of panic through her. But she stubbornly shoved the conversation their parents were having away. She was Ai's kid, after all, and the moment she made the stupidly emotional decision, she refused to allow herself to regret it - and instead doubled down. It felt so crazy - she'd spent her whole life feeling she had to fight against him, and somehow one conversation had plucked her up and snapped her firmly onto his side. She felt furious at her mothers for speaking about him like that -
She didn't know if he was crying, but she could feel him trembling under her arm, and it infuriated her. She gave him a shake, then wound her other arm around so both of her arms were hugging his head, half smothering him, but in the softest way possible. "She's wrong." She hissed in his ear, careful to not let their mothers hear her. She felt a thrum of panic, because she'd never disagreed with Ai before, but- "You're a Sister. She's just another old Alkidike you gotta prove wrong."
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 4:37 pm
[Ai 7]
This was why Lucijah worked for Ai. Even if it took a while her wife would stand toe to toe with the Aishan and wasn't afraid to anger the beast who shared her bed. It's what made Ai respect her when she didn't share the sentiment among her own kin.
They still had a long road ahead of them, and while she knew this was far from the last argument it felt as if something had shifted. For the first time in years they were on the same page when it came to their kids and Ai would hold onto that.
Lucijah's grin was enough to bring a smaller one out of Ai and a softer exhale.
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 4:48 pm
[Imri 7]
Imri limply allowed himself to be shook, even if his breath did hitch with surprise at the act. He'd almost thought she was trying to suffocate him, but Zivah was...being nice? For a moment he just awkwardly allowed it to happen because it was just so much to take in. The conversation, his sisters reaction, their impeding move...
When was the last time Zivah hugged him? Had she ever hugged him?
Imri didn't trust himself to speak, but he nodded against her and reached out to wrap his arms around Zivah's waist. "I'm going to beat her," He half choked out against her top. He didn't want to cry, was trying his best to force it down, but one's will could only do so much. A primal sort of anger built up inside of his wounded soul, and Imri's body ached under it's weight.
It didn't matter if he was a Sister or not so long as he could make Ai see just how wrong she'd been.
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