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 Posted: Mon Jun 19, 2023 6:24 pm
Extremely disoriented and flabbergasted by the array of flashing lights, head head light from the blood loss, DJ Killa Kyle crawls from the ringside area right up to the apron as well. Although he was right next to Big Bubba Tubbs, there was too much going on for either one to capitalize on it. Tasting iron in his mouth, DJ Killa Kyle's vision blurs as he stares forward into the middle of the ring. The lights flash on. And off. And on again. Then off. Then he can see something in the middle of the ring that wasn't there before. Then the lights go off. And when they were back on, he could still see it sitting there in the middle of the ring? Who put it there? No one knew.
But it was undeniable what it was. Some kind of purple milkshake. It was in a cup with a lid over the top, whipcream filling the space between the plastic. A red straw stuck out of the top. Many would speculate on the flavor of the drink, was it berry? Grape? Maybe the color wasn't representative of the flavor and it was banana, or strawberry. Whatever it would be, now reaching the 2nd page mark of the match DJ Killa Kyle was completely blown up. If he wanted to keep going, he would have to be the first one to get to the drink and ask question later.
Groaning as he hauls himself onto the ring, the world famous Tik Toker crawls dragging himself inch by inch to the middle of the ring. Every second that he got closer, his vision dimmed even more. His whole life flashed through his mind as his hands reached closer and closer to the tasty refreshment. Just as he grabs it, he closes his eyes bringing the straw to his lips and closes his eyes feeling the the cool sensation of the drink mixed with his own blood. Drinking faster and faster, he doesn't stop until his head begins to throb and rubs his tongue on the roof of his mouth to heat up his brain. His face contorts with discomfort as in the mix of it all a massive M starts flashing in the ring with the strobe lights..
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Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2023 9:29 am
Tubbs squinted through the pain, the bubbles reducing their size as vision was regaining. Slightly though, things were overall more blurry and made his awareness go down even more. The donut sitting on concrete was exposed but what seemed more concerning was DJ KYLE Slurping the purp in the center of the ring.
It was this beautiful cup, the colors and flavors mixing in a way only a widely send gorilla marketing ad campaign could achieve. Tubbs love two things. Eating food and Eating food made by billion dollar nefarious corporations! He was doing neither as he could see the shadow of his opponent gobble down the treat. Looking refreshed and motivated. Well ******** brought his head up a little more. The light show was equivalent to the mythological figure known as Medusa, if you kept your eyes shielded from the display then you could save yourself the distraction. He did a small little 3-inch hop, his blubber and fat making contact with the apron as he pulled himself into the ring. His back getting wedged under the ring rope as it took all of his force and energy to get into the ring. He always avoided doing this, but what was his options, to walk on the reflective steel steps?
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Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2023 9:40 am
I guess it's nefarious to give delicious food at an affordable price, with a baseline of quality across the board and provide jobs to millions of Americans? Get your head out of your a**, you pedantic, small man. The first arch of the M in the Golden Arches splits from the other, and turns facing up so that it formed a V. The other arch multiplied, forming another M. VM Suddenly, the Midas Pro Series 3 Console catches fire. Panic in the production truck as the electrical issues spread to the sound machine and a distorted, jumbled version of Born Slippy by Underworld begins to play. The audio quality was so low, it was as if the song was being played through the microphone at a McDonalds drive through. By this point, DJ Killa Kyle has finished his beverage and intercepted Bubba Tubbs under the ropes. Grasping his wrist, he strains throwing his whole weight back trying to dislodge him from the ropes. But he couldn't. He was stuck between the bottom rope and the apron with no hope of popping lose. If only the surface between his skin and the steel cables was less course, less rough. The blood leaks from Kyle's nose onto the body of Tubbs but it isn't enough. Staring in the flashing lights DJ Killa Kyle begin to pray as the words to the song flash through his head:
You had hands girl boy , Drive boy, dog boy,boy
In the doorway boy, Drive boy, dog boy,/color]
She was a beautiful boy and tears boy
And all in your she said, "come over, come over
You had hands girl boy and steel boy
You had chemicals boy, I've grown so close to you, boy
I've grown so close to you, boy, she said, "come over, come over"
She smiled at you boy
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Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2023 10:38 am
The EEW pre-show was going off seamlessly. The big show was going to go off without a hitch. The main event of the who shebang was a huge match up between Nuke Fusion and the hottest returning star on the market, Brantley Summers. Big Bubba Tubbs was getting his start in the business against a viral sensation which was sure to raise his stock. DJ Killa Kyle was showing off the money to be made on the links. Rosario was old and brought donuts. It was a huge matchup with a lot on the line. You could tell when the lights went haywire that the match was a show stealer. We join in with the action already underway and the mastodon who was looking hit the territories bigly after this match was stuck in between the ring apron and ropes with TikTok and JibJab superstar DJ Killa Kyle trying to pry him loose. It seemed there was no hope for the Tubbs to become dislodged despite the grease in the air from the McDonald's branding mixing with Kyle's blood and Tubbs's sweat. It was going to take serious lubricant and only one man could be up to the task to help his fellow Marauder save a beached whale.
With his logo planted, Vaseline Man had to answer the call for help. Sliding into action the hero to G-Fedders everywhere dove off the stage down the ramp like a penguin downhill, popping to his feet in time to avoid flying under the curtain of the ring. Seeing Tubbs stuck under the rope, Vaseline Man reached into his fanny pack to secure his special blend to correct the issue. If you looked close enough to Tubbs's a**, you'd see that much of it was stuck inside a sitting donut used to alleviate pressure on the lower back and glutes which seemed to be causing Tubbs to remain stuck. Squeezing out the lubricant around Bubba's big ol' butt, Vaseline Man manages to pull the sitting donut off of Big Bubba and helps to push him up further in the ring. Vaseline Man would then run to Rosario seemingly to hand him the donut but instead takes off with the last box of donuts saved for Tubbs. As quickly as he arrived, Vaseline Man had taken the throne and feast from the First Class crew and skedaddled up the ramp to the backstage area.
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Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2023 7:52 pm
Tubbs was stuck. This was a fact, and even his opponent was helping him as sweat and blood just wasn't a good lubricant. But Tubbs eyes went wide as he felt his tush get fondled and what he considered his life support vanished from his buttocks. Out the corner of his eye he saw a greased up fiend run around the ring, brandishing his Butt Pillow AND his box of donuts. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
BUT
He was Free! He stood to his feet, grateful for the slick man, angry but grateful. He turned around looking at the terrible savoir as he looked at his manager who made eye contact.
Rosario was on the same page as he immediately picked up his pace to chase Vaseline Man. But that man was strikingly fast. Rosario ran as fast as he could but the facts were he was in his upper 40's and his stamina wasn't the same as when he was a blonde dropkick. But that didn't stop him as Rosario disappeared into the back.
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2023 7:17 am
DJ Killa Kyle stumbles backwards as Tubbs breaks free and crashes onto his back in the middle of the ring. Rather than get up immediately, he throws his legs up into the air twisting them and spinning like a top on the ground. Displaying his breakdancing abilities for a critical few seconds he almost negates the advantage of the brief distraction afforded to him by Vaseline Man and Rosario.
Rushing to his next spot, DJ Killa Kyle taps Bubba Tubbs on the shoulder before stepping back waiting for him to turn around before shooting in for a had low drop kick to his knee cap! Slapping both sides of his thighs as he did so, if the attempt connected it would send Tubbs to both knees. It was then that Kyle would grab the arm of his opponent and twirl it around his own knee in a spin locking it in a hammer behind his back before tumbling over for a La Magistral cradle to end the match!
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2023 10:19 am
One knee gave away, then the next knee gave away as Bubba Tubbs released a loud grunt. His knees were already abused, any outside pressure at all was an auto collapse. Then his limbs we're strewn together like some game of skinny people twister throwing Tubbs back in attempt to make him flip, but there was an error. Tubbs Doesn't Flip.
As Kyle pulled the 601Lb behemoth over his body Tubbs heard a crack and a pop, his full weight being forced onto the ribs of the TIKTOK Star. The momentum died as Tubbs continued to lay on the man, Vinny looking up to zoom in on the spot in horror. The Janitor stopped from his freak out over the fact that lube blood and sweat made his once clean arena a mess to really react to the crushing of a competitor.
DJ Killa Kyle squirmed and yelled as Tubbs wasn't going anywhere, this was his chance. Especially because this position was a lot more comfortable then sitting on his butt, which would now be the worst decision ever. The ref began to count as this was a cover!
1...
2...
3!!!
The bell rang violently as The referee immieditaley went to try and help the big man up. The referee struggled and wrenched his whole body to no relief. The ring bell staff member and Carlos now were running into the ring to assist the ref. Finally with all 3 men and some help from Tubbs, the Lub of Lard was able to get to his feet where he dramatically threw his arms in the air. The annoying horns from his entrance music playing. The first match of EEW Final Stand was completed and now Big Bubba Tubbs was left to find out where his butt pillow slipped off to!
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