Kolina
fin~
Any mirth left in his features faded. Faustite knew he did something wrong, but he didn't know what that something was. Heliodor's shift in mood suggested it might've been Taenite, but Faustite tried to keep that conversation short by Heliodor's own request. So… Was it something else? Had he touched a nerve when he was asking about why Heliodor stayed? Maybe that was it. He might've been insensitive. Bringing up the aches and pains that Faustite quietly relived constantly. He'd ask Albite about it later; his husband would know what went wrong.
Hard to believe that all that kept Heliodor with them was a lack of knowledge about escaping to the White Moon. Once he'd heard about it, he was already ambivalent. Already decided that it wasn't worth his energy.
For the first time in years, Faustite felt as though he made a mistake by bringing Heliodor into the Negaverse. He was loathe to kill the boy back then, but he should've looked harder for a means to distance himself from his old identity without putting Rowan or Trey at risk. There was no way to predict what Sinope would do next — maybe if he hadn't taken Heliodor, Sinope would have gone after him and Trey instead of Elex's family — but he knew he could trip over neverending what-ifs for that sordid part of his life. Then, however many years later, Heliodor got reconnected with his brother, and now all that was — had to be — different. Maybe it didn't mean the same as it once did. Maybe it didn't feel quite so normal and wholesome and comfortable. Maybe Heliodor regretted it. Maybe he still would've taken an opportunity to die back then, and nothing Faustite did for him could change that.
Faustite knew he permanently altered the trajectory of Heliodor's life. It was just now that he understood how deep and fundamental that alteration was.
Quietly, Faustite slipped from the bay window to collect his own clothes. There was little point in squeezing the vest on, but he could don the pants and look somewhat presentable with the shirt. As he dressed himself, he refrained from making eye contact for Heliodor's next question. It was a personal one, an intimate one, and Faustite wasn't sure he could draw it out with language when he could answer it so succinctly. Once he finished the last button, Faustite sighed through his nose. He looked at the rumpled bed between them.
"When you started choosing to live."
