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 Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2022 6:02 pm
“With all of my worrying, do I seem very optimistic?” he hummed, but couldn’t stop the corners of his lips from twitching into a smile. “With everything that’s happened, it’s hard to expect a positive outcome. Ah, at least where certain things are concerned. I like to think of myself as a realist. And if I don’t expect the best, I won’t be disappointed when the best doesn’t work out.”
Even as Michael said it out loud, he didn’t like how he sounded. He didn’t like being negative, but he also tried keeping his thoughts to himself when he could. He didn’t want to discourage Devyn. Or Atticus, or Elliot.
He chewed contemplatively on an onion ring, watching as Devyn enjoyed his burger. He would pick one up in a moment, after taking a look at the setting sun once more.
“I think it would have been nice to know you when I was younger. But I also think meeting you now was just as important to me. I was a mess for a while, Dev,” he admitted with a quiet, embarrassed laugh. “Peter did all the cooking. I didn’t want to get out of bed except for work. I suppose Oliver and Asher working at the same school as I did was one of my few motivations for doing anything.”
He turned to show Devyn a smile, not wanting him to be concerned. “Sorry, I don’t want to ruin our date with talking about how I’d been miserable.”
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2022 6:09 pm
Devyn had finished chewing his burger and, despite how good it was, Michael again had all of his attention. He wiped his hands off to make sure they were clean, still cautious when it came to handling his broken fingers.
“You talking about your feelings isn’t going to ruin anything. I’m glad you’re willing to share them with me. You’re allowed to tell me when you’re having a hard time. I encourage it, actually. You’ve spent too long carrying things inside, I think. And if you’re going to worry about me, it’s only fair that I get to do the same. I think, I’ve always been an optimist. Because if I was a realist, I’d know how unrealistic it is that I’ll ever reach any of my goals. And, maybe that would have stopped me from trying.” He could have gone into his own doubts and insecurities, but he didn’t. He trusted Michael with all of that information, and maybe they could talk about it later, but right now he wanted Michael to have the platform to talk about whatever he needed.
“But, despite how unrealistic any of it was, I’m here. I don’t expect the best, but I expect to try my best, and whatever will happen will happen. I don’t have room for disappointment in my heart. Just you.” And Atticus, of course, but he had a different place in Devyn’s heart. Whatever could have grown in loneliness and absence was chased away by Michael’s presence.
“And if you get a miserable spell again, you won’t be on your own. You don’t have to give me anything back for me to want to be there for you. I know that life is unpredictable. And when you’ve been hurt, sometimes a wound reopens. Even after you thought it healed. So if you ever wind up feeling stuck in bed, I’ll take care of you. I’ll carry you everywhere myself, you won’t have to worry about anything. Even the worst spells pass. I won’t let you deal with them alone. We’ll figure our way out, together. Through anything.”
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2022 6:45 pm
There was part of him that wondered if he was still trying to push Devyn away from him. Why else would he have been talking so openly with him, other than the fact that Devyn made it easy. He didn’t feel like he had to guard himself. He didn’t ever feel as though Devyn wasn’t listening to him. Not just listening, but actually hearing him.
No, he wasn’t trying to push Devyn away. He needed him. He relied on him, and maybe that wasn’t fair. There were so many things in his privileged life that he knew others looked at and wouldn’t bother trying to sympathize. There were so many people who were worse off than he was, but there were days that still felt like hell.
Except for when Devyn was there. Things were better, and he could honestly say he was happy.
“You’re a good man, Devyn,” Michael said with a small smile. He was a little wary that he was making things awkward, but he trusted Devyn to tell him if things were too much for him. “I just wish I could have told my dad that I was right about you. I’m okay for now. I promise. You’ve brought a lot of joy into my life.” And Atticus too, just a different, unexpected joy. Especially in knowing how happy Elliot was.
“Same goes for you. If you’re ever feeling… less optimistic, then I’ll be happy to build you back up. I like that you’re optimistic. You remind me of myself when I was younger, I think.”
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2022 6:58 pm
“Oh? You’re not that old yet, Michael. Maybe you’ll find some optimism again. We just have to bring enough of it into your life that it’s worth giving hope a chance.”
He smiled, but there was an understanding there that words couldn’t quite convey. A melancholy, but a softness. He knew Michael missed his father. He knew he would have changed things if he could. Devyn knew he’d never been responsible for looking after any of them, and he knew that his being present didn’t guarantee any change in the outcome, but he couldn’t help but wish, for Michael’s sake, and Claire’s, and Peter’s, that things had been different.
“If I’m having a hard time, I’ll come to you. I’m lucky to have you looking after me. And I know you’re very good at building, so I’m in good hands. You should be careful with all of these compliments, though. I’ve been starved of them for so long, they might go to my head.”
He wrapped an arm around Michael and let his hand rest around his waist so he could just hold him loosely for a moment.
“I’m sorry you had to say goodbye to your father so soon, though. I wish you’d had more time. We have a ritual on Alastor. I’m not really superstitious, but this one makes sense to me. You light a candle–not just any candle, a special one. It’s for people gone and out of reach. You carve their name into the candle, and you let it burn for a bit. You have to, so they have time to pay attention. And when the candle’s low, you take a message you’ve written–it can be on anything, as long as it’s flammable–and you hold it over the flame. And then they can read your message. I’ve lit quite a few. I mean, gone doesn’t always mean gone. We’re all energy, aren’t we? And I think it lingers. So even if you can’t always see someone, I don’t think that means they can’t still hear you. I’ve got some still. Or, I could make one for you, if you wanted. It won’t hurt my feelings if you say no, but it has brought me peace before.”
Or, something close enough to get him by, at least.
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2022 7:02 pm
“That’s very thoughtful. I think I would like that,” Michael said as he leaned a little closer to Devyn while he had his arm around him. He didn’t want to crowd him too much. Not when they were supposed to be enjoying their dinner. He supposed enjoying each other’s company was just as important. Well, probably more. But he did want Devyn to eat.
“Thank you. For always being so considerate and giving me space to breathe without thinking I want you away from me. I don’t. If I did, I would say so, but I just want to be near you whenever possible. And are they really compliments if they’re the truth?” he asked, glancing over at Devyn with a smile.
He wanted to apologize for being needy, but he held it back. He knew Devyn was being honest when he said he didn’t mind or that he encouraged Michael talking about his feelings. He didn’t want to make him think that he didn’t believe him.
But he liked the idea of the candle, and thought it might actually do him some good to write out a message.
Michael paused and then laughed softly. “He wanted me to find someone to talk to, you know. For everything that’s happened. I’m not calling you a therapist, but… it’s so easy to talk to you, Devyn. And it’s easier when someone knows the whole secret of Knights and Senshi. And someone you trust. Maybe he’d be proud of me, even if he thought I was rushing into things.”
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2022 7:20 pm
“I think he’d be proud of you,” Devyn said. It wasn’t without a moment of contemplation; he hadn’t known Beau very well, but he’d heard stories from Michael, and Claire. “Your mother is. And she says he was proud of you. And I’m proud of you.”
He knew he wasn’t a therapist, he didn’t always know the right things to say. He’d just had a lot of time to think about things, and over time they’d built up to this. But then, he’d always had a place in his heart for the people closest to him. Whatever their burdens were, they were his, too. Maybe it was because he’d grown up lonely and without friends, trapped in a role he didn’t want or understand, with people who saw him as a bloodthirsty senshi before a child.
He’d adapted, he’d never given himself time to stay upset. But, he’d learned quickly what it was like to have to steel yourself to guard against everything and everyone.
So, maybe he tried to be a little more patient for everyone else, because he knew that there was more to someone than just what you saw, or thought you knew. He’d spent so much of his life trying to get people to trust him and give him a chance.
And, Percy had listened. And Percy had probably saved him. He’d put his faith in Devyn and given him a chance to be himself. So, it was easy to learn by example.
“If you ever want to talk, I’ll always be here. And if I don’t know what to say, I’ll learn. Or find someone who can teach me. If you need space, I know you’ll ask. And as long as I know you’re okay, I’ll give you as much as you need. I won’t take personal offense to it, I know what it’s like to just need a piece of the universe where you can just exist until you sort things out. You’re not going to chase me away. Just in case you were worried about that. There’s nothing you could do to make me give up on you. And nothing you could do to make me lose faith in you. Nothing to make me stop loving you, nothing to make me want to leave you. And I want you to know that now, before you ever have any of those thoughts creep into your head.”
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2022 7:34 pm
Michael stared at Devyn for a few moments, and then laughed before leaning close to give him a quick kiss. It was as if Devyn knew all of Michael’s insecurities and questions about himself. Well, they had talked about it before. Michael had voiced his concerns before. And yet, Devyn was still there with him.
“Alright, if you’re sure,” he smiled. “And if you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’d listen and do whatever I could to help. I can’t promise I’ll ever stop worrying completely, but I will always trust you. We’ve both got too much to live for to be overly careless, right?”
They had each other, and Atticus and Elliot. Michael’s family. The connections Devyn had made over the past few months. There was a lot to work towards. They still had to figure out a way to save Earth from the Negaverse and any other Chaos that tried taking over.
“I will just say…” he said after a moment, nudging Devyn playfully with his elbow. “I’m glad it was me and Peter who found you and not someone else. If someone else met you and fed you compliments, maybe you would have ended up falling for them!”
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2022 7:44 pm
Devyn laughed at this; he reached for the nearest burger again and shook his head. “No, my heart is very picky. I’d have been looking for you no matter who found me. I’m glad it was you, though. I’ve been in good hands from the get-go. A small mercy of the universe, I suppose. I’m glad you found me. You saved me and you didn’t even know it. But then, you’ve always been there for me, so I promise I’ll come to you when I need to talk. And it’s okay that you worry! It’s probably better spent on Atticus and Elliot, but I think it’s sweet. I trust you, too. And I intend to be very careful, I’m not going to put you through any grief. I mean,” he shrugged, and seemed a bit mischievous.
“If I did get hurt, I’m sure you’d take good care of me. Probably pamper me quite a bit, and fuss over me. I think that’s rather charming. I’ll do my best not to get hurt. But I can’t say the idea of you doting on me doesn’t make my heart flutter. You’d best not get hurt, yourself. I’ll dote on you even if you’re in perfect health, so don’t get any ideas.” He brushed his elbow against Michael, just to have an excuse to stay close. “Anyway, you weren’t feeding me compliments back then. Feeding me, though, so that’s close enough.”
A smile played on his lips and he went to take a bite and–
No, he changed his mind and redirected himself so he could kiss Michael’s cheek first. “This is good, I like this one,” he said, and only then decided he could have another bite.
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2022 7:49 pm
The sudden kiss to his cheek was nice, and Michael laughed softly as he finally picked up one of the other burgers to unwrap.
“I am perfectly capable of pampering you quite a bit without you being hurt. So don’t even think about it,” he warned, but there was only fondness in his voice.
He was happy about how things had turned out. Things were a little rough, at least in getting Atticus settled, and they had to take care of the Chaos on Alastor, but Michael was enjoying the peace that was settling over them.
Maybe things would last like this… And maybe some of Devyn’s optimism was rubbing off on him already.
It probably had something to do with the view of the sunset from where they were sitting. But for how beautiful it was, Michael was for some reason preferring the view of a mid-day sun. He would just have to look into Devyn’s eyes more later.
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