Welcome to Gaia! ::

Irkalla wasn't sure what she had been expecting but a sudden change in location hadn't exactly been on the top of her list, although it was the only explanation of what she was now experiencing. Her gaze took in the wonder of Erytheia before her attention went back to the knight and the Code piece that he was holding onto. Admittedly she wasn't sure if she would have been helpful here as there had been no effort to even interact with many other knights. She'd never even been to her own wonder. Taking in the group that now stood before her she only recognized Hyperborea and that would have to change if she wanted to be more serious about her role of a knight.

Irkalla's gaze swept from side to side to take in their environment before her eyes went to the point of the star that she was standing on. The cliff's edge that was beyond Hyperborea was tempting to explore but that would probably be later. For now her attention returned to Erytheia before she merely nodded in response, "I'm ready for whatever is needed to be done."

Her hands clenched around the rope cord of her magic before she relaxed, ready to be of whatever use that was required of her.

Oia did her best to brace herself but she had never experienced anything like this so it was hard. She felt the gust of wind and saw the bright light. She wanted to be strong enough to protect herself and she had gotten her wish, she just had to fight to get stronger and help her order. It sounded like a good plan to her. She closed her eyes as the light was too bright to really see anything anyway and she waited for the light to dim so she could see to figure out what they needed to do next.

The warning to brace themselves that came from Erytheia had Irkalla once more adjusting her grip on the rope cord that was her weapon. The gold star in the center twirled around with the tension on the rope before the squire realized that she was becoming distracted. Straightening her posture just as the blast of wind rose up was fortuitous as it allowed her to maintain her stability. What she hadn't expected was the flash of bright light to encompass the area before she picked up on something that was speaking, a gentle hum of conversation except for the one voice that was projected clearly to her ears alone.

Listening alone would do no wonders and Irkalla bit back the instinctive response to simply block out the cutting words. Somehow this little piece of rock knew her deepest fears. Her gaze steadied as she considered a reply. At first her lips moved but no sound came out until she cleared her throat to try again.

"I don't question myself in all things. But I'm always questioning the mantle of knighthood because I understand hardly anything of it. I feel like a leaf that's been plucked from it's tree branch, being blown hither and thither in the gentlest of breezes because I have no idea on what goes on anymore in my world. I don't believe that is the same as doubting myself though."

Her gaze turned introspective and she remained silent for a moment. Was it as this piece of the Code said? Did she have to earn worthiness? Why?

Her voice was softer as she spoke again, "why should I have to fight to earn worthiness, can one choose not to fight and still be considered worthy?"

[TW: Death of a loved one]



Paradise stood with the others, looking at the youth on their faces. Some much more than others. She never felt old in her heart, but the years were starting to wear her down.

Especially this year.

Losing Beau had been one of the most difficult things she’d ever experienced. She hadn’t been there when his starseed was taken. Instead, her sons brought his body home, knowing that they couldn’t risk their identities by bringing him to a hospital where he would stay in his coma to maybe live on a machine for a little while longer.

With no starseed, she knew there was no chance for him to be revived.

All she could do was curl up by his side and hold him as she listened to his shallow breaths and fading heartbeat. Never when anyone else was around, of course. Her boys all felt guilty for being there and unable to do anything. Chris was distraught by the loss of both his father and his wife being kidnapped with nothing known of her condition. For all they knew, she’d been killed as well.

The children were confused, asking for their mother, asking if grandpa was okay. Claire had to be strong for them. When all she wanted to do was fade from existence beside the man she’d been married to for over forty years.

She heard the Code speak to her. It was speaking to everyone else as well, but she could hear its words and the question it asked her.

“Fear doesn’t make me stronger,” she said quietly, more to herself than for anyone else to hear her.

When she’d first awakened, she’d been so excited about having magic. She must have fantasized about it for most of her life, and to finally be awakened as Paradise of Cosmos? It was a dream come true. Followed by Beau awakening as Empyrean. She thought nothing could stop them.

But it did. Someone Beau had been desperately trying to reach ended up being the cause of his death. He was kind hearted to the very end. Wanting to see the good in others.

She didn’t let the tears fall from her eyes, even though they blurred her vision. She hadn’t really had the chance to truly mourn him. She had too many responsibilities. And now? She couldn’t now, either. Not in front of so many young knights with their lives ahead of them.

“I’m strong because I have to be,” she said, although she wasn’t even sure if she could be considered strong. She was glad her children couldn’t see her now. She didn’t want to ruin her image for them. For her fellow Cosmos knights, she kept a small smile in place, not wanting to worry them.

“My husband fought in wars,” she continued, nodding her head. He’d been in the Pentagon when it was attacked, now so many years ago. He’d lost his sister in New York that day. They moved to Destiny City soon after, hoping to get away from the dangers, not knowing what fate had in store for them. Or maybe it was fate that made sure they ended up there.

“Every time he left, I expected that to be the last time I saw him. I thought we would finally have some time together now that he’d retired but… we found out we -- nearly our whole family -- was part of something bigger. I don’t know if his starseed still exists. I don’t know if it was destroyed, but I hope maybe one day we will meet again. For now, I have a duty as a mother… grandmother… friend… knight… that’s what makes me stronger. That is what guides me.”

The only vague warning given before a bright light flashed before them. Einhornhohle had thought that pain would follow, or a drain on her energy to power this code piece. What she didn't expect, however, was to hear a voice.

It echoed questions she had asked herself many times over the last several years; ones that impacted both her civilian and powered life. Doubts about her purpose or reason for being awakened as a knight of Cosmos that bled into civilian sacrifices for something she did not ask for.

"Yes," she replied. "I am waiting."

"My weapon appeared before me because a youma threatened to kill me. I was conscripted into a war I didn't know existed then left to fend for myself, not knowing how to find friends or allies. Unaware of the Negaverse or other dangers. There was no guidance and to find out that Cosmos lives..." An unamused, humorless laugh escaped her. "I can hardly consider her my princess if after this many years I still don't know her face."

Delilah had been there when she first became a Page but correspondences with the Senshi of Doves ended shortly after her internship with the theater had ended. Yes, she could have powered up more often to actively seek someone out, but to what end?

Eventually Cavansite, a Negaverse General, found her and that itself could have spelled her end if things did not turn out the way they did.

"And of course, love is important to me." Two of her older brothers were happily married, one with two kids and a third on the way. "Is it wrong to want to feel cherished? Is it wrong to want to enjoy activities or spend time with someone who isn't there just because there is nothing else better to do?" Her thoughts flickered over to Harvey and the couple of times they had tried to make things work but ultimately it wasn't meant to be.

“No,” the Code answered Irkalla. “But how you fight, and what, isn’t limited to physical combat, if that’s what you’re worried about. You must persevere. You must push yourself to be better. You must work for it. You have to fight your fears and doubts. It is up to you to determine how best to use your powers. They were entrusted to you for a reason. Have you gone to your Wonder? You’ll learn more there than just speculating. There are older, wiser Knights who can guide you. Don’t let ignorance defeat you. Ask for help. If you don’t understand, learn. Can you do that?”

The Code regarded Hyperborea for only a moment before it spoke. “Time is not yours to command or understand. You cannot know it was not their time. The universe had not unraveled with their loss. They were important to you, but on a cosmic level, their lives were no more important than a stranger’s. Were you too weak and stupid and inexperienced? Or do you tell yourself that because you think you should be punished? There will always be someone stronger than you, smarter than you, more experienced. Sickness could have taken them. A car. A natural disaster. I think you would blame yourself for those things, too. Why do you hold onto your worst memory with them? Why not remember their smiles and their love for you instead? Their life should be your inspiration, not their death.”

The Code neither seemed amused or unamused with Oia. It listened, but was otherwise unreadable. The answers it gave to the others, and their responses, seemed to blur and were impossible to make out. “And yet, you approach new and unknown things with agitation and frustration. Do you think this is a game?” It didn’t seem to appreciate the laugh, or maybe it was just acutely aware of her initial impression of it. “I don’t know what your motivation is. But I know that your Wonder could use quite a bit of help. If you want to get stronger, perhaps you might dedicate some of your time there. You know your power comes from your Wonder, don’t you?”

The Code was kind to Paradise, because even a being as old and ancient and unfeeling as it could see her grief.

“You should visit your Wonder more often. You might find comfort there. You take your duties very seriously, but you need to take care of yourself, as well. Being strong for everyone else is a heavy burden. That grief can weaken the heart. Like a dam, filling with water that has nowhere to go. Let it out when you can. Somewhere safe. Cosmos Wonders are good for the soul. You deserve to heal, too.”

Erytheia earned a few seconds of contemplation from the Code, but it didn’t really seem to skip a beat. “So are you going to give up? All of these people who have worked so hard to help you, and you’re still fixated on ‘good enough’. That isn’t an answer, by the way. Things can’t always go right. Do you think you’ve had no accomplishments? Do you think your impact on the universe has been defined by what you couldn’t do on your own? Tell me what ‘good enough’ means to you. How is someone good enough for anything?”

Hyperborea blanched under the Code's castigations. "I never said that! I don't think that!" She tried to argue back. The young woman knew the Code spoke truth , its wisdom if not infinite was certainly far grander and more ancient than she could possibly conceive. She felt so small under its withering judgements, like she was once more that little girl still new to her powers and unsure of what the greater world of magic and monsters entailed.

"I know my pain is not special, I know countless people have stories similar or worse than mine. That in the grand eyes of the Cosmos two human deaths mean nothing. The Cauldron lives on, the Planets live on, you live on. But even if I know that in my head it doesn't remove the pain etched into my heart." Iridescent eyes stared at the Code piece. "You want to know why I hang onto that memory because I know I can never forget it. Every year that passes it gets harder to remember the little things, how my mother's hugs felt, how my father's laugh sounded. But that bitter painful memory is an anchor. Perhaps you're right that I want to punish myself but the pain keeps them real." She tried to explain her reasons.

She sighed, a weariness belied by her youth settled on her shoulders. She preferred an enemy who she could fight, even if they were stronger than her she would have a concrete solution she could work to. If she just fought harder or smarter, if she used her magic in the right way or fought with strong enough companions she could win. Fighting her own inner demons, that was another matter, something she always struggled with. Doubt, self hate, anger, fear, sorrow she hated confronting these things about herself, she was no good at it. But she knew the Code was not wrong and it wouldn't speak frivolously and if it was saying these things to her it was not something she could ignore. "Please I...I don't know how to move on, not completely not from the memory of it. So tell me, what would you have me do? How can I follow your wisdom?" She beseeched it earnestly.

“I’m not going to give up! I can’t…” His voice trailed off. He wasn’t going to just give up. He couldn’t. Not now. Did the Code think he’d give up on it that easily?

“I don’t know what good enough is. I’ve never known. I’ve just done what I can. But I keep having to be dug out of a hole by others. When the Chaos came for you… now even. I couldn’t even save —”

He couldn’t bring himself to say Tama’s name anymore.