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 Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2022 3:15 pm
Brielle repositioned herself so that she was facing forwards again. That was all the good scars shown off. "I'll watch your back if you decide to stay on Earth once your planet is fixed," she offered. "The Negaverse can teleport, so you can never be too careful with that kind of thing." It wasn't like she'd wanted to show Sylvite her backside. It wasn't like she had any desire to be vulnerable in front of the pink-haired General, or even the little pink Knight she'd turned into. She'd just been fast. "I'm glad Percy was able to take care of you. He sounds multi-talented. It took both of my partners to do the distracting, with me, and someone else to do the stitching. If he could do all that, I'm impressed." A moment passed as her gaze flicked out over the water again, but eventually she asked, "Is Michael like that at all?" She didn't know the oldest brother well enough to make her own judgements on the matter. "I'm sorry if that's another question that's far too blunt, or if you don't like comparing the two, but," she tapped at her own chest, "I've got a bit of my own vested interest in figuring out how much of a person comes from their starseed, and how much comes from the rest of things."
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2022 4:45 pm
“Hm?” Devyn tilted his head to the side just slightly as he glanced at her. The topic of Michael was enough to draw his attention. “Michael and Percy are very different,” he said, rather knowingly, but he didn’t seem offended by the question. “But they have a lot in common. At their core, they’re both very good people, I think. Who care about others and keeping them safe. Michael’s a bit more bristly, but his life experiences are different from Percy’s. He makes me think of Percy’s brother a bit. Only, nicer. Michael’s always been good to me. My starseed likes him very much. Probably would even if he and Perce didn’t have the same starseed. I mean, I thought fondly of him before I even knew.”
He didn’t seem to mind the bluntness or the topic, although maybe it was a little easier to talk about Percy than it was Michael. He didn’t know what Michael might not have wanted others to know, so he didn’t want to just run around and tell everyone how great he was.
Although, Brielle was under the Gallo umbrella, and if she’d spent any time around Claire he was certain she must have told her how charming and clever and hardworking her oldest son was. It was a popular topic among her and Devyn when they went out together.
“It might be easier to talk about my own starseed, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Even if he was moving away from some of his favorite topics to answer her questions.
“You know, they said my starseed was cursed. Drenched in blood in every lifetime, so much of it that when it comes out of the Cauldron, it’s still stained red. My previous lives have a lot in common. Most of them died young. Died violently. Had a lot of enemies, hurt a lot of people. I knew the stories, even before I knew that was supposed to be me. I found out when I was young and I was–well, I was just a bit past my seventh birthday. I thought it was terrifying. My mother told me I was the sweetest baby she’d ever met, and I was supposed to grow up to be a monster? I was a charming, perfect little boy, who never got into any trouble at all.”
Except, he said it like he might have gotten into a little bit.
Maybe he did. It was a long time ago, who was going to say otherwise? He didn’t take it too seriously though, and flashed a quick smile before he continued, “I knew what I had the potential to be. Every Senshi before me died young, died alone, died bloody. Everyone hated me before I was born. Devyn was fine, but Alastor? Only, as soon as I awakened, there wasn’t any difference between one and the other. I hadn’t reached double digits the first time someone tried to kill me. And, I felt it. Anger, grief, frustration. Hatred, even. Everyone wanted so much of me. No one cared that I was a child. I was younger than most of the other Sailor Alastors, but they expected me to be as good as any of them. My Council was understanding. I did have people looking out for me. Maybe me being young saved me. I saw the world from a different perspective. When I found out, I told myself that I wasn’t going to be a monster, I was going to change their minds. I was going to be good. And,” he shrugged, “I tried. I did my best. I met Percy, and he helped make me the best version of myself. I’m the only Alastor who ever got married.”
He couldn’t help himself. He was healthy enough to wear it, but old habits died hard; he still wore his wedding ring on a chain around his neck, and took a moment to brush his thumb along the smooth metal.
“We weren’t supposed to be capable of love. I don’t think anyone gave them a chance, though. I don’t think they gave themselves a chance. But, I did. Percy did. I have the same starseed as every warfaring murderer before me. I’ve walked in their shoes, I’ve lived their legacy, but that’s not me. I could be like them, if I wanted. Sometimes, I thought I should have. But I wanted to be better. I wanted to be good. I did my best.”
And, there was regret in his voice. His best wasn’t good enough, but he’d tried.
“So, I don’t know. If the other versions of me had a Percy in their lives, I think they could have been great. I think maybe they could have been stronger than the pressure everyone put on them. I think our circumstances help shake us, but I think, at our core, something carries over from one life to the next. I like to think we have a say in it. That we keep the best parts of us, and every dip into the Cauldron washes away a little more of the bad so we can rebuild and be better the next time. I think we get a lot of say in who we want to be. But I think our starseeds are a good jumping off point to get us started. I don’t know. Ask me again in the next life, I’ll know better then. I’d like to think I’m not a fluke in a long line of monsters.” But then, he was an abnormality, in the grand scheme of things.
“I’ve had this starseed for a thousand years, if that doesn’t help shape it, I’m going to have words with Cosmos the next time I see her. I worked hard to be better in this life, and I want to be better in the next one, too. But just in case, make sure I find Sessrumnir again. I’ll need him.”
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2022 3:09 pm
Devyn had far more to say about starseeds than Brielle could have guessed, and she listened intently to all of it, her hands folded in front of her on the table. "I don't see you as a merciless warlord, for what it's worth," she said, deciding to drop the subject of any version of Sessrumnir for the time being. "A warrior, perhaps, but that's what it takes to survive a lot of the time, and clearly you are a survivor." A moment passed. Cybele's gaze settled on the glint of the ring around his neck. "I'll check in on you in the next life, if you'd like. I'll still be Senshi of the Hunt then, so I should be able to help you track down Sessrumnir if you haven't been able to do it on your own." Of course she'd have to find him, first, and remember that they'd even had this conversation, but it was a sweet thought, and she'd see what she could do to hold onto it during her trip to the Cauldron. He breath came softly, and her lips twitched to one side. "I died at the hands of Chaos, you know," she told him, her face still turned towards him and her gaze off somewhere in the distance. "I died in all the ways that mattered. I was reborn in their hands, the way most people are reborn in the hands of Cosmos. That means that this version of me was their pet murderer. This version of me has a lot of blood on her hands. Then I left, but that's been strange, too. I've been trying to pay my penance and keep others from falling to the same fate, but," she shrugged, "I don't know if it's working, and on top of that, I don't even know how to be a full person half the time." She looked at the ring again, wondering what it was like to have a thousand years to figure out who you were. "This version of me is a bit lost." With half-closed eyes, she looked over at her arm, at some of the battle scars that she could not remember getting. "The person I was before? Fleur? She was a hero. She stood up against evil. She protected her friends and gave them sound council. She was strong, and justice oriented, and kind, and she was starting to step into a leadership position in a faction that badly needed it. When I got corrupted, she was the one everyone wanted to save. Of course they're all nice now about accepting me as am, but." She trailed off and shook her head at the table. It wasn't the same and she knew it. "I've only seen glimpses of the person I was a thousand years ago, but they seem worth admiring, too. They were a fierce hunter, a provider, a capable leader. I'm in a different boat than you in that I'm not sure I like who they married, but," that was the only thing that she really had to criticize about them. She rubbed her fingers around her chest in circles. There was no visible scar there, and even the starseed pains had finally faded, but she was very aware of the gem there that lived just under her skin. "I wish that I could trust that there was something heroic in here that could guide me," she said. "I want to live up to both of those legacies."
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Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2022 6:16 pm
Devyn made a little noise and shook his head. “Don’t go into it thinking you have to live up to their legacies. Go into it thinking you want to be the best of both of them, and better. If you’ve done it once, you’ve got it in you to do it again. Especially if you’re already looking up to them.”
He pressed his elbows into the table and leaned forward a bit, relaxing as he did so.
“Earth doesn’t really give you the opportunity to prove yourself a capable hunter or provider, so there’s always going to be a different experience. You could still be a capable leader. Or show your merit in other ways. But don’t go into it trying to be them. Just be you. Do what feels right. Find yourself, don’t try to find them in you.”
He liked Brielle for who she was. He didn’t know Fleur, didn’t know who she was before Fleur. He just knew her.
“You stand up against evil. You seem like you’ve got a good enough head on your shoulders to give sound counsel. You want to protect your friends. That’s you, not Fleur. You just have that in common with her. Maybe her experiences help guide you, even if you don’t remember them. I don’t know all of that, but I do know that you can’t hold yourself to blame for something someone else made you do. I didn’t choose to spill all of the blood I’ve got on my own hands, and it doesn’t sound like you did either. There’s only a penance to pay if you did wrong. You can’t pay a price for something you didn’t do. And Chaos puppeting you doesn’t count. They took everything from you and tried to rewrite you into something else, and you still worked through their lies. And now you’re here. I’m old, Brielle.” He sighed, and for a second, he felt it. “I spent a lot of time regretting what I’d done when I didn’t have any say in it. I told myself I should have been able to fight it, should have been able to stop it. But sometimes, no matter how hard we fight, there’s something bigger than us. Sometimes we can’t stop it, we can only learn from it. And I learned that it takes a lot out of you to pay for someone else’s actions when they’re never going to be sorry for it. Maybe, and I don’t know if this will help, but focus on you. And what makes you who you are. Don’t worry so much about Fleur, or any other lifetime. You’ve got to make the best of this one. And, anyway. You seem plenty heroic to me already. No need to be so hard on yourself. You’re already writing your own legacy.”
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2022 9:25 am
"Chaos is strange," said Brielle, and she pressed her lips together in thought as she tried to go down the line of those memories. In some ways, they didn't feel real. They felt blurry and distant, like a nightmare, but she'd already spent the time that she needed to spend accepting them. "I was a puppet and I wasn't. I had free will and I didn't. It wasn't like there was someone holding my wrist, shoving my hand into someone's chest so that I could take their starseed." She squinted, like it was hard to register now that she was free, but she said, "I wanted to." She shook her head, a little sad. "Some of the others didn't want to be the ones taking lives. I didn't mind it, so I ended up being the one who did it, and I did it often." A moment passed, and her gaze focused back on Devyn's face again. "Of course now that I'm free, the though of destroying someone's soul seems awful, but," she shrugged, "I'd be in denial if I said it was just Chaos. It was me." After the awkwardness of the admission, she gave a strained smile. "Not that I don't understand living for the present. I do. That's what I'm trying to do. It seems like you're trying to do it, too, and you're doing a better job of it than when I first met you at that party." He had been in denial a bit, back then. "It's just, when you have a past, it creeps up, good or bad. I'm sure you understand."
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2022 11:23 pm
Devyn laughed dryly, briefly.
“That I do. But it sounds like some of our experiences aren’t entirely different. I never had the Negaverse, but I was puppeted before. And there wasn’t even any Chaos. Just old magic and a powerful will. And nothing I could do.” He pursed his lips together and he shrugged.
“I don’t know. Sometimes I can’t tell what’s the lie I’ve told myself and what’s the truth. I don’t like to think that there was ever something I wasn’t strong enough to handle. But if I don’t accept that then I have to accept that maybe I did want to do what they were commanding. It was a lot of blood on my hands. And in hindsight, yeah. They deserved what they got. But I was trying to be better. I was trying to be the Alastor whose legacy wasn’t paved in blood.”
But, rare were the few who got what they wanted out of their lives.
“I don’t think I’d have killed them if I had a choice. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve imagined throttling my fair share of people I never laid hands on. But thinking about something doesn’t count. And when the Chaos is polluting all of that?” He shrugged again. “I don’t know. I think I can imagine. All I can say is that I’ve got a lot of past that’s probably waiting to catch up on me. So I better have one hell of a future to make up for it. You too, Brielle. You’ve gotta make two good memories for every bad one.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 6:10 pm
"It's paved in less blood than the others', you said," Brielle told him, trying to get her head out of her own memories so she could focus on Devyn a bit more. "That's a start. Of course, you stumbled into a war here, which might not help much, but we can work on Earth, and we can work on Alastor. Maybe we'll get it so fixed up that next time around, you don't have to be anything but a lovebird." There might have been a hint of a tease in her tone, but it was well-meaning. From what she knew of Michael, he'd had a rough go of it as well. The two of them deserved a life where they could tend rose bushes together and not worry about anything more. "And for this rest of this life, we look to the future as much as we can. We focus on the new memories. I like that," she said, and then, after a thoughtful moment, added, "This will be a good memory. Here, my friend showed me something-" She dug around in her bag until she pulled out a phone. "Can we take a selfie before I go? To remember this by?" Things no longer felt at all awkward between them. He seemed like her friend now, and that was something worth recording.
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Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 1:24 am
Devyn made a thoughtful humming noise, but it was by no means a rejection. “All right,” he agreed, and shamelessly took a moment to preen. “You know, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to not worry about war. But, I’m looking forward to it.”
He signed wistfully, like this was a perfect dream.
“I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before we sort things out and get back on the right path.”
Of course, after a thousand years, his perception of time wasn’t always the best. But, he had hope regardless.
Devyn moved closer to Brielle and didn’t have to fake his smile.
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2022 5:59 pm
With a click of the shutter, there it was. Brielle turned the phone around so that Devyn could see. In the picture, the two of them were smiling brightly against the serene background of the water. As she put the phone away, she was still smiling. "Thank you for having me out," she said, and she made sure her things were all together and that her shoes were in no danger of slipping back off, and that no crumbs from Devyn's lunch had ended up on her outfit. Then, she stood up. "I'm glad we've been able to talk more." She was deeply glad, in fact. He'd quickly gone from a mild sore spot to someone who felt like one of her closer friends. "I'll see you later, all right? On Alastor." With that she stood up, waved her goodbyes, and turned towards home.
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