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 Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 7:39 pm
”Never enough time,” Claire quietly agreed as she pulled the two extra glasses over to her so she could dump the rest of one into the other to make a mixed drink for herself.
“It was definitely a gradual thing. I might have already been in love with him when I was still rejecting his advances. He was very polite, mind you. Never overbearing. Just persistent. Patient. But when did I realize…? Probably the time we got caught in a rainstorm together. He insisted I put his jacket over my head to keep the rain off. Except we both stepped into a pothole that went up to our ankles and ended up soaked anyway. We laughed and laughed. And I couldn’t help but think that maybe I wouldn’t mind spending time with him.”
There was a certain difficulty in talking about things that could never happen again, but it was nice to be able to share memories. Just bits and pieces.
“What about you?” Because she had to ask.
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 12:48 pm
He could hear how much she loved him in every word. The sadness was there, it would always be there, but he’d still smiled as he listened. He’d even refrained from taking another bite so he could make sure that he heard all of it.
He hoped she had a life full of memories like that. He hoped that every bitter ache that came with loss and grief could be drowned out with every happy moment that had made up her marriage.
Falling in love was dangerous. The best and worst thing that could happen to someone.
He wouldn’t have traded it for anything, even to spare himself the pain it had brought.
But it was hard. It was always going to be hard.
“Maybe always,” he answered. “We were teenagers. Young. He hadn’t been a Knight for long. We met at a conference, we used to have them all the time. He was getting food, and I thought he looked interesting. He was cute. He didn’t know who I was. We talked for hours. He had a kind smile, and he was so animated. I wanted to protect him. I knew it then, that I wanted to keep him safe from everyone else. I didn’t want anyone to take that kindness from him. He was gentle, and sweet. New to a world where people would have taken advantage of him as soon as they could make use of him. I don’t think I knew what love was back then. I can’t really trust my memories, any time I think back to then I think about how much I loved him. I came from violence, and war, and anger. And he gave me a chance I don’t think anyone else would have. He was just good like that. Maybe I loved him that first night. And afterwards, we started writing immediately. Maybe I loved him then. Maybe I loved him the first time he hugged me. The first time he fell asleep against me, I probably loved him then. The first time he painted something for me, I think I certainly loved him. Definitely loved him the first time we kissed.”
He could remember all of them, so clearly and vividly, like little flashes. All of the memories seemed basked in a warm, golden light, and they just felt safe to dwell in.
He missed Percy, but he couldn’t help but smile while thinking about him. “The truth is, I don’t remember a time I didn’t love him.”
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 4:27 pm
Claire listened, of course. She was very invested in learning more about this young man from another world, from another time basically. She could only hope they would be able to do enough for him that his stay on Earth was comfortable. And she was glad that Michael seemed to be helping with that a lot.
She just hoped he wasn’t doing it out of guilt. After all, he had the starseed that once belonged to the person that Devyn was very much in love with. Just like with Beau, she doubted Devyn would ever not love Percy. And there was something very beautiful about that.
“He sounds wonderful. I wish I could have met him,” she sighed softly. She wasn’t ignoring her lunch, but she also didn’t want to miss anything Devyn said about Percy, just as she could tell he was doing about Beau.
“I’m very new to-- Oh… I was told I can’t really talk about it in public,” she paused with a frown and glanced around them to make sure it didn’t seem like anyone was listening to them. “I’m new to… you know. So I don’t know how that works with… starseeds,” she lowered her voice to a whisper, hoping he could hear her and no one else. “Do you know how likely it is for personality to be passed on…? I can’t imagine it would be the same, and maybe that’s a good thing? I don’t know how sad that would be… I think Michael might have struggled with it and that’s why he didn’t tell you until you came back.”
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 4:38 pm
Devyn leaned closer to better hear her, and he listened carefully and with great purpose.
It was a good question, and he took as much caution as she had to make sure there was no one around to hear before he answered. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “This is my first time with anything like this. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were supposed to go together. But. Maybe there’s a reason it happened like this.”
Not that Percy went before him.
Just that he was still here, like this.
He had worked very hard not to compare Percy and Michael, because for all that they were different–
“If I think about it, I do see similarities,” he confessed. “But I don’t want to put that burden on Michael. I don’t want him to think I have any expectations of him. He’s wonderful, though. He’s kind and thoughtful. Very smart, and very loyal. Shy, I think, but I don’t know if I’m supposed to know that? It might be the wrong word. He’s careful with how much of himself he shows to the world. He holds back and keeps secrets. I think it’s because he worries. He does worry a lot. But it’s nice. They are similar, even in different ways. Percy taught classes. Loved books, and art. Michael’s already patched me up, Percy used to do that.”
He was quiet for a moment. It was easy to think about Michael. He had a nice smile. A nice laugh. Kind, but troubled eyes. He was careful, and held himself back too often. Sometimes it seemed like he was afraid to let himself be happy.
Devyn wanted to help him find his happiness, but he didn’t really know what that meant. He hadn’t really thought about it before now–’Protect Sesrumnir’ had been on his list of things to do, but–
It was more than that, really. With Michael, at least. He wanted him to thrive, to be happy, to be free of whatever burdens kept weighing him down.
“...But then, I think about myself, and I don’t want to be who I was before.” Thinking about Michael and Percy was so much easier than thinking about Alastor. The other ones. Tieran, mostly. The only one he was really connected to. “I don’t know how much of a hand we have in who we become. I don’t know if it’s destiny, or if it’s the same core, just tumbled and reshaped in the Cauldron. But if it is, I hope that every me that comes after this one is better than the last. The old one was a monster. But he was alone, and died young. Most of them did. Really unlikable people. We have the same core, but we’re not the same person. Maybe it’s arrogant, but I think I’m the best of us. Well, me. Sometimes, I feel impulses, or I have thoughts. Things that don’t feel like me. Or at least, they’re not who I want to be. Angry, hateful, spiteful. Cruel.” He shook his head. “Who I might have been if I hadn’t met Percy. I think he made me the best version of myself. And I don’t want to live a life where I don’t meet him, whoever he is. We always said we’d take care of each other. He wasn’t just the Love of my Life, he was the Love of my Lives,” he said, and paused, and then looked a little embarrassed because yes, of course he meant it, but her son currently had the starseed he’d sworn to find and love, and he’d just talked about how they were the same but different, and suddenly he felt like a whole new world had come crashing down on him.
“...He was worried that we wouldn’t find each other again. I’ll always be me, but he was worried about who he’d be. I promised I’d always find him. I promised I’d always love him. Things were–I was young,” he tried to clarify, suddenly finding himself a bit flustered and not sure where it was coming from. He’d never been ashamed of the promise, he wasn’t now. It’s just–Michael was her son, and–
“We never expected we’d be separated. And not for this long. I don’t know who I’ll be in the next life, and I didn’t know who he’d be, either. But I knew I’d never want to live a life where I didn’t have his light to guide me.”
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 5:20 pm
Claire just smiled as Devyn spoke, watching him across the table, not commenting on the way his ears turned a bit red. She wasn’t sure what kind of conversation she would be having with him, but she wasn’t disappointed.
“You know,” she said as she helped herself to one of the nice grapes in the bowl of mixed fruit that she would clearly just have to get another serving of if Devyn wanted more. “Beau would probably say something like… You just met and you should take some time before deciding to let things like fate and destiny decide for you,” she said, even with her voice a little lowered to sound just a bit like Beau’s, but in a way that was entirely loving and it was obvious she’d done it many times before.
“But I think he was just a little bitter that I rejected him for so long. He was much more of a romantic than he let others see of him. Couldn’t show weakness when you were in charge of so many important things,” she hummed softly.
“I think you already know Michael pretty well, even if you’ve only known him for a little while. He’s had a difficult time. Trying to figure things out, wanting to do his best, to be his best. Not just for himself but for everyone else. He’s been in love and had to make the decision to go separate ways. Caspian really was a sweetheart, but he was also a lot younger than Michael, and, well, you said it yourself. He tends to keep secrets. I can only imagine those secrets finally worked their way out in some capacity and they decided they needed to start over.”
She told Michael she wouldn’t gossip, but she wasn’t really gossiping if Devyn already knew most of it, right? She was just trying to help fill in the gaps.
“He goes through his ups and downs, so don’t be surprised if he suddenly tries to shut you out. We’ve figured it was best to let him work things out on his own,” Claire said sadly, because obviously she wanted to help her son, but when Michael stubbornly refused help, there was only so much they could do. “Let me know, and I’ll send over a lasagna. That always seems to cheer him up, even if he grumbles about it the whole time. I think he could have used a light to help guide him. I would bet he still does. He’s seen and experienced a lot of things that I would never wish for anyone. He is strong. Stubborn. It’s why he’s still here, I’m sure of it. I’m glad you want to be better than everyone before you, Devyn. And always be better after.
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 5:31 pm
Devyn flashed a quick smile, and while there were some things that he didn’t completely understand, Claire was easy to talk to. She was easy to agree with. Her impression of her husband was endearing, and he wished now more than ever that she hadn’t lost him. He wished Michael hadn’t had to lose him.
“If Michael tries to shut me out,” he paused, “Well, I don’t think it’ll work, not on me. I’ll come to you for lasagna. I’m stubborn. I want to look after him. He’s been kind to me. And helped me through hard times. And all times, actually. I’m grateful for more than just food and shelter, but Michael always goes above and beyond. We’ve only talked some about,” he shrugged and kept it vague, “things, but I don’t want to be a weight in his life. So I hope I’m not ever holding him back. I only want what’s best for him. And to protect him” he admitted. “Even if he doesn’t really need it. He seems very competent. I can’t help it.”
Devyn sighed, and busied himself now with another long sip of his drink.
“I like how much you all care for each other. Peter’s warned me, too. That if Michael closes up, it’s not personal. That he might just need time, or space. I won’t be chased away or anything. I know what it’s like to need a little time.”
He’d left before. Hadn’t tried to push anyone away, but he could understand the appeal. He’d wanted to go through things alone. And, he had.
And then he didn’t want to be alone. He’d known that Michael would be there when he came back.
He could do the same for Michael. Give him time to be alone, and be there when he was ready for that to end. It didn’t have to be complicated.
“You’re very easy to talk to. I thought I might feel a bit more guarded, but I haven’t felt like I needed to hold my tongue or put up any walls. Would you be opposed if I asked to do this more often? I like your taste in food, too. And I’d like to hear more of your stories.”
And now, he had a chance to eat without worrying about missing anything, so he scarfed down half the sandwich in what was really only two bites in rapid succession.
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 6:51 pm
“I would be upset if you didn’t want to do this more often!” Claire said with a small gasp, like she was trying to sound offended, but not quite managing it. She laughed and nodded enthusiastically. “Of course! We will have to try out all of the restaurants in town, and check out the museums and art galleries. That way you can get an idea of how you’d like Percy’s work displayed. You’ll have to help with writing the descriptions. I don’t want anyone just making up things about his work.”
Obviously they’ll make sure there isn’t anything that would give it away that they weren’t from Earth, but they would worry about that later.
“I’m glad you’re up for the challenge of looking after Michael. Really. I don’t know what to do with that boy,” she sighed again.
“He just doesn’t want to admit needing help, or being lonely, or what’s bothering him. He won’t speak to a therapist, he doesn’t have many friends that I know of. He tries picking fights when-- oh… you know. Magical stuff. Not that I don’t usually agree with him, at least the very few times I’ve been around to see him. Did you know he tried hiding who he was from us? As if it wasn’t obvious when we knew who Chris and Peter were, and some other person decided to just hang out around them. Not very subtle for someone who claims they want to help keep our identities secret.”
It was more to it than that, of course. But it was difficult to talk to Devyn in public. Oh right, and they were eating lunch. She made sure to quickly eat a few bites, maybe trying to match Devyn’s enthusiasm for taking larger mouthfuls.
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:50 pm
Visiting restaurants and museums and art galleries and having a plan to do something, with someone, filled Devyn with sudden enthusiasm because it wasn't just a hypothetical idea, it could be a plan. It could manifest into a set time, a set place, a set thing. Most of the time, Devyn’s only schedule was ‘be home before Michael’, so having something else to fill the loose gaps of the day was exciting.
He wanted to know he could keep a schedule, he wanted to retrain his mind to be aware of time and purpose.
And he could dream about Percy, and his art, and sharing it. He felt light, a bit giddy, even.
Maybe they couldn’t all meet Percy, but they could meet a part of him.
And, he could look after Michael. And get tips from his mother, and try to know best how to prepare himself for when Michael did need his help. In whatever form.
“Is it really a challenge to look after him?” he asked. Peter had given warning, but in all the weeks he’d known Michael he hadn’t ever seen the side of him that they warned him about. If it was a challenge, he was up to it. Not just because he didn’t know how to back down from a fight but because he wanted to.
“He did come out with Peter and I. When he knew who we were but when I didn’t know who he was.” Which was an understandable secret, he wasn’t upset by it at all. Especially not now. “I should have thought more about it, but really, I just trusted him. I think it’s sweet he decided to spend time with them. Even if he wasn’t very good at hiding it from you.”
Well, sweeter maybe because he’d tried to hide it from them. It was enough to make Devyn smile, and maybe even laugh a bit; he shook his head and took another bite, and then the sandwich was gone, and the drink was gone, and he was still smiling as he thought about all of it.
“I’ve been telling him when I need help. Or when I’m lonely or having thoughts. I’m not ashamed of any of it. And he’s easy to talk to. I trust him. I hope that when he’s got something going on, he can trust me, too. And if he can’t,” Devyn held the thought for a moment and then shrugged, “I won’t hold it against him. He’s had a lot of hardships in his life. I’m not going to be another one. He knows I’ll have his back. Whether it’s while he’s picking fights, or if he’s getting into any other sort of trouble–or no trouble at all, even. I’ll support him however I can.”
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 8:05 pm
“It’s only a challenge because he refuses help,” she sighed. “Or, he denies anything being wrong. He pretends like everything is fine and smiles a charming smile and laughs like everything is fine. But we know it’s not. His father has been telling him he should speak to someone about everything that happened for years. But he says he’s okay and doesn’t need to talk to anyone, or sometimes he’ll admit that he might but knows they wouldn’t be able to help him.”
It was heartbreaking, really. But there was only so much she could do.
“Even Peter, who has a closer relationship with him I think, hasn’t been able to get Michael to open up. He cares, of course. But he doesn’t let others care about him easily. Which was why I was so surprised that he’s letting you stay with him. Not that it’s a bad thing. I’m glad. Maybe you’ll be able to talk more sense into him.”
It was worth a shot, anyway. No one has been able to before, and she suspected even Caspian only got bits and pieces of everything.
“So, thank you, Sunbeam. It means a lot to me that you’ll keep an eye on him. But if he gives you any trouble, you let me know and I’ll straighten him out,” she insisted, because Michael should definitely not be giving Devyn a hard time. Especially if he was dealing with his nonsense.
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 8:23 pm
Sunbeam? Devyn laughed, looked at her, and then shook his head. “No, I don’t think he needs to be straightened out. I don’t think he’ll give me any trouble.” And if he did, Devyn certainly wasn’t going to go rat him out. Maybe Michael was used to keeping things to himself, and Devyn was too, but he’d already found it easy to talk to Michael.
And why shouldn’t it be? Michael could have had access to more memories than he did now. He could have spent enough time on his Wonder and found out all of Devyn’s secrets. And, hadn’t Devyn spent enough time burying his problems? It wasn’t Michael’s job to fix them, but he always listened patiently, always gave Devyn space to talk. Looked after Devyn in a way he didn’t look after himself.
Of course he could return the favor.
Michael didn’t have to talk. Devyn was getting better at seeing when there was a problem. In the way his body seemed to lock up, when he’d turn away. When he’d find something else to look at. He was probably a professional at strategic microexpressions and body language, but Devyn liked to think he could see past them.
Maybe he was just arrogant and thought too highly of himself. Maybe he was watching Michael too closely.
Michael wanted to protect his family, of course he wouldn’t open up to them. If he did, maybe he’d just make them worry. And then they’d think he was weak and need to be coddled, or they’d think he wasn’t strong enough to rely on. Maybe they’d start keeping secrets because they didn’t think he could handle them. He could imagine any number of reasons, he didn’t need to know the real one to understand Michael’s secrecy towards them. And getting another person involved–could you trust them? Could anyone understand?
Were you just supposed to get assigned someone to talk to and hope that they could understand what you were going through? Or were you supposed to tell them your most vulnerable secrets and watch them scramble to fill in the silence, to say something substantial? Why give someone the chance to be overwhelmed? Why open yourself up to someone who might tell you they couldn’t do anything? And that wasn’t even considering the fact that they had to keep their powered identities a secret.
If you didn’t know who your enemy was outside of their uniform, how could you trust that you weren’t giving them the blueprint to destroy you?
“Michael and I probably have a lot in common. He’s let me talk plenty. I think he understands me.” He didn’t say that through that he thought he could understand Michael pretty well, too. Devyn could be more open. Would be, if that’s what it took for Michael to hold onto his demons a little less tightly. “I have all sorts of troubles. He is strong. And only going to get stronger. We’ve made a deal, after all. I promised I’d take care of myself if he’d do the same, and I don’t expect him to break his promise. Although, actually. You know him,” he said, and leaned forward just a bit.
“He’s been really busy with work, recently. With his science fair. If I wanted to make his life a little easier, what can I do to help out? When I ask him, he tells me I’m a guest and don’t have to do anything, and that’s fine, but I want to do more. I can only clean the house so many times a week, it’s not like anyone’s making a mess. And I can’t cook very well with all your fancy technology–I’m learning, some. He lets me watch while he cooks. Sometimes I just bring home dinner so he doesn’t have to worry about it. But I want to do more. Is it gossip if I ask you what I can do to make him happier or take any extra burden off his shoulders?”
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 8:50 pm
Claire found it incredibly sweet how much Devyn was trying to help Michael, even though they hadn’t known each other for very long. And if they had a lot in common, and were making promises to each other about taking care of themselves, well, she was just delighted to hear it.
She leaned closer to when Devyn did, propping her elbows on the table. “If you want to help him? Hmm,” she hummed, trying to think of things that would make her eldest son happy. Sometimes it was difficult to get him to talk about things that he liked, or anything that might be a burden.
“It sounds like he’s concerned about you. This is a safe place if you’re careful. Usually. There are some people out there who are cruel and want to hurt others, and a lot of times people get hurt because of neglect or distractions. You learning how to read and write might help ease his worries the most.”
Claire paused for a second, because she knew he didn’t like sitting still, even if he could. “I know you said Michael already got you some workbooks, but when we meet up, I can help you if you’d like? I taught Michael how to read and write, after all. I feel bad sometimes. He didn’t get to have a normal childhood since we were moving around so much. But… I bet you wouldn’t even know what a normal childhood would be like, here,” she mused. It was sometimes easy to forget that he was from another world.
“I can teach you what the different rules of etiquette are too. Laws you should know. Things that will keep you safe.”
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2022 8:57 pm
“I’d like that,” he said, without even having to think about it much. If Michael wasn’t worried about him walking into traffic or making some blaring social faux-pa that outed him as an alien or a Senshi, he was sure he might worry a little less when they weren’t in the same room together.
“I didn’t have a normal childhood on Alastor either, so I can’t even begin to dream of what one might be like here. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. You managed to raise three charming boys, if anyone can work miracles, it seems like you’d be the one. If I can make him worry less, that’ll be a good start, I’m sure. I know he worries about me getting lost in town and losing my phone, or not knowing how to get back, or–all justifiable concerns, mind you. But if I could find him from across the universe, I’m sure I could find him across the city.”
…But, just in case, he knew it would be best to be prepared. The more he could take care of himself, the less Michael would have to take care of him–and the less he’d have to worry.
Claire was charming and energetic and sweet. A known, in a world of unknowns, and yet still novel to him.
Devyn might not have known her very well yet, but he thought he already liked her very much.
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Posted: Mon May 02, 2022 1:11 pm
“Percy’s starseed? It must have a strong bond with you, and you with it,” Claire hummed thoughtfully. After all, Devyn couldn’t have possibly meant he found Michael from across the universe. He didn’t know him until just a few months ago, didn’t even know he existed. But Percy’s starseed meant that he’d been reborn. If anything drew Devyn there, Claire suspected it could have been that.
She absolutely loved being a magical girl so to speak, but it was a little sad to think of her son carrying the weight of someone else’s soul. Someone who was loved and missed dearly.
“That’s really sweet, you know. We don’t know what happened to Beau’s,” she said after a moment, but her voice was still low enough so that hopefully no one was overhearing them. “It might still be out there, somewhere. Maybe it’ll get back to… where it’s supposed to go.”
She was a Page of Cosmos, and yet she couldn’t even guide the one starseed she wanted to save back to the cauldron. But she smiled kindly at Devyn, because he meant well. He was going to look after Michael, and in doing so he’ll be able to protect the starseed that he found from across the universe.
While she didn’t fault Devyn in the slightest, she still wondered how much influence Percy played in them watching over each other. Devyn, because he loved Percy, and Michael, because he felt guilty that he wasn’t Percy.
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Posted: Mon May 02, 2022 4:24 pm
Oh, well–yes, Percy’s starseed, and Michael’s, now. It was almost certainly what had drawn him here, and Devyn knew that his starseed had a strong bond with it. But, it was hard to talk about such a thing when she must have been worrying about her husband’s.
“It will,” he said, with no hesitation or doubt. He kept his voice quiet for her, and leaned in once more to make sure they were safe. “I think, at the end of all things, starseeds will always find their way back to the Cauldron. Doesn’t matter the obstacle, they know where they’re supposed to be. No barrier, no magic can change that. It’s just the natural order. We’re all just energy in this universe, anyway. Starseeds are just a cluster of it, gathered together and made strong enough to take form and come to life.”
He seemed certain of this, and it was easy to speak about. He had long standing beliefs about such things, and no one could convince him otherwise. And, even if he hadn’t, he’d have lied to Claire if he thought it would have brought he rany comfort.
“The Cauldron is pure energy. The cracks in our starseed, the damage we take over the course of our lives, is healed there. It’s why we’re the same, but different, in every life. Whatever they’ve done with Beau’s isn’t enough to stop that. Maybe enough to slow it down, but they can’t keep him away forever. He’ll find his way back to you. And one day, you’ll get to fall in love all over again, and add a whole other life to your list of happy memories.”
It’s what he had planned with Percy. It was a dream he could share with her. He wanted her to have that chance, too.
Hope was never a bad thing, anyway.
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Posted: Mon May 02, 2022 4:37 pm
Claire smiled fondly at Devyn. Maybe if he was closer, she would reach out to hug him, but she would just have to do that later. She had always been a fan of romantic notions, and hope was just as romantic as anything else. Probably more so.
“Thank you, Sunbeam,” she smiled brighter, even more pleased with her decision to call him that. And he didn’t seem to mind! “You’re very sweet. I’m sorry you were separated from Percy for so long. I might not completely understand everything yet, but maybe the reason Michael kept going this long is because his starseed was waiting for you. He’s a lot more sensitive than he lets on, you know. Michael, I mean. I don’t want him hurt more than he has been already.”
It was difficult. She could only imagine what it was like to find someone’s soulmate again as another person, but what did that mean for the other person? Everything they felt up until that point was just a lie, or not good enough? A constant game of waiting to be reunited, but never knowing if it would be possible?
She didn’t think Devyn had any ill intentions. He thought he was sincere in wanting to help Michael, but the protective part of her still wondered how much of that was because his starseed once belonged to Percy. If Devyn found someone else with Percy’s starseed, would he be staying with Michael still, or would he have left to try and protect the person he swore to protect a thousand years ago?
Maybe Michael got lucky that someone like Devyn wanted to keep an eye on him. She just hoped it wasn’t for reasons that had nothing to do with Michael.
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