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"Mmm, I suppose I am impulsive, aren't I? Though - I always liked to think of it as being an 'overachiever'." Mier thought it was good that Gil was angry, that he'd said it. Angry, and Mier felt that was very much deserved for how badly things could've gone, if he'd been even a little less careful? Considering all the trouble he'd caused simply by being in such a place and trying the little stunt he had - even if it was all in the name of fun and frottage.

Angry, but didn't hate him, Mier clung to that, with both hands. Rolled it into a tight small thing and pocketed it away for later. Little kernel of hope that he could still have things with Gil. Admired him enough that he didn't want to lose out simply because he'd lied - an impersonal lie - but a lie nontheless.

"Even if you'd have checked? I would've lied then, that was the point, to use the fake I.D. to lie - to get what I wanted..It's why I'm being honest now." deep breath and maybe if he sat the coffee down. Gave Gill his full attention.

"This is not---or no--- I'm not unaware of the moral ambiguity. The, ah, dilemma? Grayness of all that...my actions, and...I knew what I was doing? Not the consequences, maybe, but the rest? I went to such lengths because I was warned *off*.." and Mier had an ego, and he liked to think he was smart enough, or fast enough, or some other type of 'enough'. That those same said rules which applied to others? Could be skirted by him. He had a scissors ready for every layer of red tape thrown up in his path.

For better or worse.

"....I was going to be an adult, and I wanted all the adult things. Right that second...that...I'm aware none of that is -- ah --- appealing. For friendship..or...." splay of fingers and shrug that followed. Maybe he was Naive? Not like that though. Not like...or maybe he was, and it was some unventured avenue he hadn't considered. If maybe he hadn't had the sorts of lessons that were going to get him anywhere in the real world?

Gil clearly didn't think so, and maybe he had a point?

"I would've never..." not to Gilmore, to have brought such chaos? Tsk'd softly and sipped more, warm weight of the mug in his hands a comfort, it's heft and hot distraction that danced across his tongue. Swirled cinnamon cream and thought in one.

He needed a friend - was going to need a bevy of friends as time wore on. Wouldn't stop to correct Gilmore. However right he sounded? However right the mans words seemed? How could he possibly explain that 'now' might've been all he had, might've been all that anyone ever had. Couldn't have thought to express words that relayed the vast worlds below and above - crowded with bodice wearing uniform toting psychopaths that cared little for the lives that flitted the surface of earth in-between.

Whispered warnings that intimated there was no safety in one realm or the other. That blithe, ignorance, might've once been his only claim to bliss, and now?

Mier didn't feel like he had any time at all. That anything he wanted, he would carve out, would slot it in, schedule it out. Work it around beingst hat were equipped to maim and kill - for all that Fettelite had warned - while playing at being some soft thing - had reminded him that deep within? Their own could be ordered to turn on each other, and Rak had warned him that their enemies cared little for his 'looks' or 'birthdays'...

That dead was dead, and if it happened a week from now, thirty years from now?

Still....

"I think -- you're very right. There will be time. I shouldn't have, even without ill intent? Tricked you..." was glad he hadn't hurt more than Gil's feeling's in seeking fleeting good times, finished the liquid in the mug and stood. Slow careful splay of hands over the surface of Gils warm wooden table. Felt bad for waking him so early only to drop chaos into his day like shotput.

"...Even if I felt like I had to? It was very selfish of me maybe--just like needing to do this, to have this out in person?" swept the words aside with a gesture "How about this?" warm smile, warm eyes, because he still very much wanted, oh, all of the things. Even with warnings piled high and plentiful on a plate - he craved every new experience. Could try at patience though - for the sake of saving things.

"I'll have a few days coming up - today was - impulsive...and my Wednesdays and Thursdays are irreparably buried in work. My new manager is very good about keeping a schedule I can work myself around, and there's been so much to learn...on and off the job..." played it up, and his expression faltered, because it hurt to say any semblance of 'no' when Gilmore was right there, when the possibility of the whole day was right there!?

"I like being good at what I take on, even if it doesn't pay? Mmn, regardless, I want to do this right, now, to do it again the right way. Where we plan a thing - where - even if it's only that I come over to hang out? Where it's you knowing...everything..." as much as Gil could know, as much as he could tell him.

"Does that - is that alright?"

“Thank you Gil.” Said it for all the things, for his patience, for his willingness to have a conversation, and Mier sometimes grew weary of technology — loved the convenience and fun of it all, but hates the lack of personal connection. In ability to discern tone between one thing or another.

“I promise.” and this one was easier to keep, part of him that wanted to demand they plan something now, right that second get things set up and map them out weeks in advance, and simultaneously?

Understood that that was the issue — need for now and how it sat on him like something heavy and dragging. How it could be a light thing, fun and freeing, but may have been better if he practiced taming it straight away.

“I like the weekends, I can make them available I think…I will text you though.” Soft hedge of a bet on a thing. Smiled for it all, the nervous clik of nails over ceramic held warm on his hands.

Mier thought to apologize a third time, for being a thing that had caused harm, knew it would’ve wrung too hollow. Better to leave it as it was and try again for normalcy, without the dupe sat between them.

'Oh' and it was a sweet gesture, quick chaste thing pressed to his hairline; how Mier fell into it easily and felt warm for it. The knowledge that even if he'd upset Gil - left him disappointed? That he was being forgiven..maybe...possibly?

He held on to the hope of that. The chance that he could work his way back into the mans good graces if he could keep himself honest for him.

Held his tongue on apologies. Held it for everything. Whatever thoughts he had and how quickly they fled with another press - soft plush - briefest chase of early morning coffee and cinnamon toast crunch. How the action of it sparked a blush that scalded across his face, nearly matched the pink of his eyes, the tips of his braid, his lips. Mier squeaked - something that could've been words except for how it failed to be words entirely. That looked like doe eyed want. Expression that bordered on 'dreamy' and Mier was nodding before he even processed what Gil was saying.

Was offering up agreements and wouldn't say sorry again - swallowed down the heavy feeling of the lie he was already gearing up to tell.

How could he. How could he say he wouldn't lie again when he already was? Was it omission? Could it be just that. Except Mier knew he wouldn't get a second chance at forgiveness...wouldn't be allowed to apologize again.

Oh he could feel it!! He had ******** it up before anything had ever had a chance--heknewheknewheknew----

He couldn't tell Gil though....

Not this one thing.......not yet.....

"I promise." Let his feelings live in it like a sigh, like a hopeful wish of a thing. Set that free from his mouth - let it linger - even as his own fingers found his face. Chased the warmth beneath them. Settled over fingerprints in such a large palm that weren't there - that wouldn't stay -- however much Mier wished for it. Knew his mind would circle over the fleeting comfort in the ghost of a touch for --- oh -- foreverandever -- how it would chase his dreams even. Gills callouses wrought of hard honest good work...all brought up from a good open heart...

"I promise." cleared his throat, even if he was sure he looked like some stars truck chipmunk of a thing. Had to remind himself that he had places to be and things to do. Things other than stare wistfully after Gil -- than watch him do dishes.....

"I'll--uh--I'll call? I -- and that is a promise I can keep easily. I swear."

Mier nodded softly. Took note - and levied himself out of the chair to excuse himself quietly. "Thank you Gil - that sounds - that sounds nice." the idea of chatting during lunch. Of building a better connection over time and space.

Mier smiled and took to the door - quietly let himself out with a smile and a wave before letting it fall closed heavy behind him. Leant his weight briefly and set his head back against it and just -- sighed --- but it was better like this.

To manage one lie at a time over many. To blush and figure how he'd juggle all the new things that were set before him on his path. Careful little land mines to avoid tripping over in passing.

"I'm such a...guh..." idiot, fool, hopelessly smitten, but also a hideous l i a r -- "********..." it would be fine, he'd figure out how to manage it all. Without hurting Gil more than he had.