when it ends
[wc: 538 words]
Ever since she left the Rift, Rosalie had been....avoiding powering up. She knew that wasn't sustainable, but the thought of becoming a Senshi again, of throwing herself back into that fight, made her shiver with fear. The entire thing felt like it was all one big scam; she'd been sold this wonderful idea that if she just accepted becoming a magical girl, she could have all the power she wanted at her fingertips. It would be a good time. Something to fill her days, and a way to be a hero.
But she'd seen the Rift.
And even in her naive optimism, Rosalie could not reckon the Rift with any sort of idea of being a hero. There was simply no way. No heroes had a place like that at their fingertips. No heroes commanded monsters like youma.
Whatever the Negaverse was fighting against--surely it couldn't be nearly as horrific as what it contained within itself.
Maybe she was weak. Rosalie had to admit, she didn't care if that was true. She'd always been weak, hadn't she? Certainly there wasn't anything about her that was particularly strong.
She'd panicked, down there in the Rift. Broken down and cried while her allies were torn to pieces around her because she was stupid, and frail, and she simply could not manage to keep it together. What a miserable showing she'd had, all up; she had simply made a massive failure of herself, and there was, in fact, everything to be ashamed of in that. She couldn't even stand up and fight in order to try and make any sort of effort at being better or stronger. She had, in essence, resigned herself to continuing to be a complete and utter failure.
And she didn't want to stay with the Negaverse. Maybe their enemies were just as bad--Rosalie wouldn't know, she'd never even met an Order Senshi--but she couldn't imagine it was any worse.
But...was there even a way out? Was there any way to get away from the fate she’d chosen for herself?
She wanted to believe that there was. Surely someone had left the Negaverse before. But Ilse was so new, so scare,d so unfamiliar with anything--she would have to do her own research. She would have to find a way.
Surely someone out there would be willing to extend her a hand. There had to be something she could do to free herself from this darkness.
She took a breath.
She would find a way. Scour the Negaverse's records. Dig through the database. Find something, anything that might help her get away. Whatever the cost. Because she just...she couldn't be the Negaverse's cannon fodder anymore. And if the Rift had taught her nothing else, it had taught her that. Everything down there had been hostile to her. Everything had wanted her dead. And her fellow officers had barely seemed invested in protecting her. Thorite had helped, but...she couldn't stay for one person, especially one person she hadn't seen since.
Maybe there was kindness int he Negaverse. But there was so much cruelty, and Ilse could only blind herself for so long. And it had been long enough.
