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 Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2021 2:33 pm
Kamacite let out a startled yelp and hiss of pain as Faustite grabbed onto his ponytail and dug his nails in. He tried pulling away… sort of. He pulled to the point where he knew Faustite would let go if he wasn’t serious about keeping him in place, but when Faustite didn’t let go, Kamacite did his best to endure the pain and discomfort.
At least until his heart felt like it was going to burst, it was beating so fast.
He could see Faustite’s hand reaching for his chest, accusing him of all the things that--... were they true…? He wasn’t sure any more. They must be if Faustite was this mad at him. What good was he?
The pain in his side was quickly becoming crippling as he tried to breathe. As Faustite told him about his first General. How he’d been forced to eat starseeds. The horrible things he’d experienced to become more addicted to him.
I didn’t know, he wanted to say.
But words weren’t making their way past the gasping, uneven breaths caught in his throat. The sharp stab of pain each time he tried to calm himself.
What was he supposed to do? If Faustite was going to take his starseed… would that be better? Would that be retribution enough to satisfy Faustite after the loss of something so dear to him? After everything Faustite had gone through and experienced, his youma had been a part of him. And it was gone because of Kamacite’s negligence.
He didn’t want to die. But how could he possibly make it up to Faustite? If his death would ease anything for him, wouldn’t it be better?
But words weren’t forming. His legs were weak. His hands helpless by his sides, because what was the point in stopping the inevitable? If he didn’t fight back, would it hurt less?
I was afraid, he would have said. I’d already used my magic too much. I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t know your youma would attack the Princess. I didn’t want to get in your way, or make you feel like you couldn’t handle a Super Senshi on your own. I didn’t want to push you away by my continued presence.
But he ended up doing something unforgivable. And even if he wanted to answer Faustite, he couldn’t breathe enough to form the words. And even if Faustite didn’t take his starseed, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could manage to not collapse from agony.
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Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2021 3:43 pm
Nothing. Of course he got ******** nothing. What else could he expect? Crying. Stumbling. Victim complex.
You're never satisfied, he reminded himself. You eat and eat and eat. You would eat your own hands. You would eat your friends. You would eat the whole world. What good would it do when you're never satisfied?
In those scant seconds, all of Faustite's willpower was focused on his trembling hand, his palm laid flat over his friend's bare chest. He thought about the taste of that starseed, and his mouth flooded with spit. But he knew he'd be walking away from a corpse — from the only friendship he had. He'd leave Cymophane without a friend, too, if they knew each other that well. He'd have killed someone as selfishly and haphazardly as Benitoite, who may well have ended an agent during his operation.
With clenched teeth, he wrenched his hand away, then struck his friend across the face with the back of his hand. No gall to answer, he told himself. Not worth eating.
He scoffed, cinder spit hitting the rooftop without so much as a sizzle. "You ******** disappoint me." Faustite turned from his head, scrounged together his scattered thoughts, scrounged the energy to leave. "Thought you were better than this."
Thought I was too, he supposed.
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Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2021 7:04 pm
It was so difficult to ground himself in the face of his clearly hurt friend. His friend who had every right to be angry with him. Focusing on other noises didn’t work with the beat of his heart and Fasutite’s voice so loud in his ears. His attention was drawn to Faustite’s snarling expression, the smoke that wasn’t billowing because he had been the cause of it getting snuffed almost completely out. All the heat he could feel was from Faustite’s rage.
The deepest breath he managed was the gasp when Faustite struck him across the face, but it immediately shot pain through his ribs and face from his previous injuries.
His knees buckled.
Kamacite clutched to his side through his robes, although it did nothing to stop the pain. The taste of metal touched his lips, and he realized his nose must have started bleeding again. And he still couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t apologize or try to explain himself. Faustite had just threatened to kill him… and Kamacite would have done nothing to stop it. And that thought scared him more than Faustite.
He’d somehow managed to hold back the tears until then, but as he gasped for breath the pain radiated through him, and tears welled, which he promptly tried to hide. Faustite already thought he was weak, that he was better than this. He didn’t want to look even more pathetic than he already did.
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Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2021 11:50 pm
More nothing. Kamacite had fallen quiet, and there were no more words to come from him. He hadn't fought, hadn't argued. Hadn't tried to stop Faustite, as if he hadn't wanted to live.
More reminders collected at the corners of his thoughts. Faustite pushed those away, too, though they collected just as quickly as he shut them out.
He spent the rest of his energy on thoughts of Negaspace, and he vanished from their quiet fight. He gave himself a long, winding walk back to the barracks, back to his bedroom, where he would undoubtedly cross either lower ranks needing help, or an overblown battle between youma and a lieutenant that he would have to break up. It was wearisome work made worse by the malaise haunting him. Better than sitting with his thoughts, he supposed.
Kamacite would recover, he told himself. Kamacite was alive. He wasn't going to think about the rest.
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