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 Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 7:32 pm
Fondly, it seemed, Laurelite watched him. She did not argue with him or any perceived stubbornness, and instead focused on his promise: he would not let her down. For a moment, she took in his changed appearance and appreciated the glow of fresh power radiating from him. She nodded, approvingly. “Good,” she finally said, and nodded. She smiled still, and seemed to be happy beyond just the facade of pleasantness she wore. “I’m proud of you, Rakovanite. But I suppose I’ve harassed you enough for tonight. Let our medical professionals fuss over you for a bit and then go home and rest. You’ve earned it. But I expect to see you up and about and using that power, Captain. I expect great things from you.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 21, 2021 1:22 pm
He did feel suitably harassed, though not that there hadn't been any merit to the interaction. Rakovanite circled his palms around his gloved wrists, fingering the small buckles that clasped over the leather that appeared there.
He flexed his shoulders, muscles bunching tightly against the dark fabric of his coat. If it was intentional or not, he didn't feel as stiff or as sore in his afflicted shoulder, but maybe that was just a side-effect of the more immediate hurt being diverted elsewhere. Or the adrenaline. Probably the adrenaline. Though he did have an sort of curious hope that everything would be closer to "normal," despite the aggravated tendons in his arm.
Magic had done stranger things.
Rakovanite cleared his throat. "May I ask one last thing?" He prompted, dark, lidded gaze riveting to where Queen Laurelite stood. He hadn't ever seen her in person before, and she surely had one of the most... interesting perspectives on the Negaverse. It would be a shame to waste an opportunity during what could be the only conversation he ever had with her.
Though wording it was another matter. Despite not intending to wait for her response, it did take Rakovanite several contemplative seconds to figure out what he really wanted to ask. There were a lot of feelings and reasonings and justifications bundled up into even one action, when important enough.
"What made you feel like this cause was where you wanted to dedicate your life?" Hers more than most others. 'Nataniel' still existed, but whatever person Laurelite was before she was queen certainly surely didn't. What would make someone surrender that?
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Posted: Tue Apr 27, 2021 6:20 pm
Laurelite paused at his question; she waited patiently for him to ask, and when he didn’t disappoint, her smile softened into something a little more meaningful. She didn’t hesitate to answer, and it seemed she didn’t really even need to think about it. Whatever decision she had made, however long ago, she stood by it. “Time erases all of us if we don’t make the best of what we are given. The world is a mess, and everyone is always fighting. I wanted it to stop. But,” she shrugged. “You can’t wait for people to do the right thing. If you want a change, you have to make the change. And if you care enough for it, you go to war for it. Even if I die,” and she had already come so close before, “I die knowing that I helped pave the way for someone to succeed me. And, one day, we won’t have to fight anymore.” She smiled sweetly, honestly, peacefully, and smoothed out her dress. “I think it’s a nice thought. And, I’m happy here. We make our own rules. We’re not limited to what the world says we ‘should’ do. And, one day, we’ll make the world our own, and their rules won’t matter, anyway. One day, we’ll have a better world, united under Metallia, and we’ll have peace. So, I think it’s a worthy cause. I believe in her. In us.”
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Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 7:29 am
It was... not what he had hoped for, though maybe it was what he should have expected. No leader would blatantly say, 'world destruction.' That was unrealistic. And neither was that what Rakovanite wanted. It wasn't a goal of his, in the strictest terms. He just had to assume that anyone with eyes and a functioning mind would gather that they probably weren't really trying to help the planet by harvesting all of its denizens' energy and starseeds. And it... might have been nice for the Queen to be up front about it.
Although... Rakovanite eyed her from beneath his thick lashes. He didn't believe any reasonable person would think they could just stop all fighting while life still existed. Certainly the day he was able to stop fighting would only be after he'd died. Maybe Chaos' Queen would outlive war, but he doubted anyone else would.
"It is a nice thought," he agreed quietly, even if it was just the poster slogan for why it was acceptable to be a murderer in the Negaverse.
It did not speak to him, but then he should know- he should know, with certainty- that no one else's reasons would be his reasons. Maybe no one else's reasons would be any other individual's reasons. They were personal. Intimate. And yet, against all his better judgement and rationality, he was helplessly disappointed every time. Irrationally disappointed that no one risked their life for the same things he did.
Stupid, Rakovanite knew it was. He just didn't get it, didn't understand, couldn't comprehend how so many people- literally everyone he'd spoken to- just accepted, just immediately accepted that some people were born with this amazing, otherworldly power. A whole planet at their feet that fed them magic beyond what normal humans could even conceive of as existing.
And other people were just nothing. Worthless. Like he was. A life fraught with struggle and there and gone in what amounted to little more than a moment in the span of the universe.
How was that fair?
How was that right?
No one even blinked about it. Some people were born better than others, and that was just acceptable. Of course Chaos' Queen, having the position she did, would think little of it. She was better than most.
He wouldn't keep her. "Thank you for obliging me," he murmured. "It was not my intention to be belligerent or difficult. With this, I mean," he said, giving a small gesture to the room in the first aid station. "I will let them get on with it, and then..." Then, he guessed he would probably return home. Maybe without an escort, if he could manage it. There was a particular sort of sizzling sensation in his limbs that made him want to do something, despite feeling overall tired, but it would pass. Surely?
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2021 6:14 pm
“I appreciate that, Rakovanite. Really, it was more than just obliging. I’ve enjoyed this time with you. You’re very interesting,” she said, like it was a fact more than an opinion. She was a busy woman, but it was safe to say that she had power enough to know who to dictate some tasks to, and she had authority enough to decide where she spent her time. For now, it was with him here. She did not appear to be in any sort of rush, and moved like she didn’t have anywhere particularly pressing to be. As she stood by him and smoothed invisible wrinkles from her dress, she seemed to have a curiosity of her own. “Before I leave. What about you?” she asked. She seemed as patient and calm as always, with the same little smile, but her eyes were set on him and were alight with interest. “What are you fighting for?”
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Posted: Mon May 10, 2021 6:16 am
A lie said for customary platitudes, though Rakovanite would never say so to her face. He knew from all his experiences with others, there was nothing interesting about him. He wasn't adventurous or playful or humorous. The story that had brought him here wasn't unique. Nothing that had ever happened to him hadn't already happened to countless others in the city. He was no one, just a man slightly off so as to be wrong when dealing with others. His brows furrowed very slightly.
"It was the only reasonable choice," Rakovanite said lowly. "The only option that involved choice, at all." No one could choose to be a senshi of any variety. He could not simply decide to be a knight. When powers beyond his comprehension decided he was undeserving, the only thing to do was turn to Chaos. "The alternative is just to be a victim to the city's whims over and over again."
He hadn't even realized how bad it was, at first. He hadn't realized how much bizarre activity happened in Destiny City until a handful of months before he was even corrupted. But once he had noticed, the thought was persistent: he could not do anything about it.
If he was attacked by a youma, targeted by an agent, caught in a fight between any number of magical powers, that sucked. It just sucked, and he couldn't do anything about it one way or another.
"I acknowledge that my ideals have never aligned with what I expect theirs are. But I will never understand how they simply refuse to see that their pretentiousness and scorn and exclusiveness breeds enemies." Rakovanite wished he could find the words to fully describe the tumultuousness he felt, how unfair the system rang to him, though it had never been a strength of his.
"Do you believe everyone is worth something?"
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Posted: Mon May 17, 2021 9:18 pm
Laurelite watched him for a moment, considered his question, and then shrugged. “No,” she answered honestly. “I do not. I think some will always fail to meet their true potential. I think there are those who are lazy, unmotivated, cruel, unjust. I believe some people exist simply to fuel the greater cause of another.” Was there worth in that? Perhaps. But if they didn’t have one fuel source, they’d have had to find another. Metallia could do anything. So far as Laurelite was concerned, they were cleaning up Destiny City, and the rest of the planet, when they could. “I think people can become something with value. But I don’t think everyone is born with worth, and I don’t think everyone will ever achieve it.”
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Posted: Tue May 18, 2021 6:42 pm
'No.'
So came another quiet flutter of disappointment, despite it being what Rakovanite himself agreed with, what was obviously more practical than the alternative answer. Anyone with half a mind could just look around in a crowd and see that, no, not everyone was worth something. People could be nobodies, with nothing of value to offer to the cosmos.
"I think the universe agrees with you," he said. "Though I am not sure it takes laziness and cruelty into account." Maybe it did. He didn't really understand how personality developed around a starseed. How much of it was from a previous life? How much of it was shaped in the present? Was anything from now important, or was everything about a person predetermined immediately, dependent only upon which starseed they were born with?
But that wasn't really relevant, was it?
The Cauldron knew which starseeds were worth something before personality was even a factor. It picked and chose who would be better than everyone else, even if the power was dormant for an entire lifetime.
"I suppose it would be gratuitous to assume that anyone could be special with enough effort."
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Posted: Tue May 25, 2021 11:33 am
Laurelite shrugged. “Gratuitous, perhaps, but just because I don’t think everyone is born special doesn’t mean I believe they can’t become special. Some people are fortunate enough to be handed everything on a silver platter. Some do nothing to deserve the gifts they are given. And others, like us, fight for them. It’s an unjust world. One I hope Metallia can tame.” She spoke with respect and conviction and didn’t seem to waver in either. “I think there are infinite possibilities, and sometimes people just need help unlocking them. I like to think the Negaverse excels at that. So many people put so much into this, and Metallia rewards them with abilities and powers they could never have had on their own. But, they earned it. And Metallia will always reward those who put in enough effort.”
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Posted: Tue May 25, 2021 1:16 pm
“I am not sure I agree,” Rakovanite admitted. “The opportunity cost for some is more immeasurable than it is for others. I think it is likely that some situations would prohibit any chance to rise beyond what is presented. Not everyone has the opportunity.” But he could at least agree that he didn’t understand what it was about senshi that set them apart. Why were they chosen to be born special? What about them made them worth giving anything to? Classic morality? Goodness? They certainly had the propensity for acting like they were better than everyone else.
He would not lie to his queen and say that he cared for world betterment or bringing justice. These problems would exist well beyond his lifespan, and he was not so ambitious or narcissistic that he expected he held any sway over changing how the cosmos operated.
He just didn’t want to be nothing, and even that was such a foolish hope that he could barely admit it to himself, let alone out loud. How many lives had existed for years, or mere moments, and been forgotten to time almost immediately? There was no reason for him to believe he was better than that. There was no reason to believe that he, or any life he took, would amount to anything in the scheme of existence.
“I am great full for the chance I’ve been given,” Rakovanite rumbled. “I know that I would not prefer ignorance, and that is the only alternative available to me. I will try to meet your expectations, though it is... sometimes daunting to be part of so much.” A lot of effort he wasn’t used to expending.
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Posted: Tue May 25, 2021 3:53 pm
Laurelite smiled politely, even in the face of disagreement. She didn’t seem upset, but if she was it might have been impossible to tell. “You are brave to fight in the face of such,” she countered. “You’re a soldier in war. Naturally, it’s reasonable to see it as daunting--wise, even. Only a fool should consider this an easy path. I like you, Rakovanite.” Her eyes were on him and it didn’t seem like she was just saying it. “I don’t think you’ll let me down. While it’s true that the opportunity cost might be immeasurable to some, know that it isn’t, for you. I think you could go anywhere you wanted. You’re not one them, not amongst those who don’t have a chance to rise up. I have no doubt you’ll do great things. And, I look forward to them. I don’t visit everyone,” she reminded, and though her smile didn’t move, it somehow looked a little more playful. “We should do this again. I’ll keep my eye on you, Rakovanite. Let me know if you need a reminder that you’re special, and wanted, here. We are lucky to have you.”
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Posted: Wed May 26, 2021 8:00 am
He had no idea what Laurelite hoped to gain by attempting to endear him to her with sweet praises. Rakovanite already supported Negaverse tactics, even if he didn't exactly feel as she did toward their claimed mission. So there was no reason to lie to him in an attempt to make him feel better about himself or to... encourage his loyalty toward someone who seemed to care for him? He canted his head very slightly and regarded her cautiously.
What callous motives.
But it didn't feel worth it to comment, when he had taken opportunity to argue with most statements she had presented him so far. In an ideal world, it would be nice to hear that he was wanted and special and worth anything. But it was not an ideal world. And people were selfish and confusing and prone to saying falsities. "I will try my best," Rakovanite relented instead, with a tiny dip of his head in deference.
It was then that the nurse-agent, who had paused briefly in the hallway so as not to interrupt them, cleared her throat as she reentered. She gave a slightly less modest bow to their queen, then continued to very unabashedly jab a needle into the exposed skin of Rakovanite's shoulder.
He gave a sharp, startled inhale (Where was the preamble to this?), but otherwise kept silent, shooting the woman a terse look that could only barely be classified as a glare.
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Posted: Sat May 29, 2021 8:09 am
Laurelite glanced at the nurse and Rakovanite, and her smile was again undeniably pleased. “Well,” she said sweetly, “I’ll leave you to your recovery, Captain. Thank you for your time. I’ve enjoyed our conversation.” There didn’t seem to be any dishonesty in her voice, and though she lingered for a second longer, perhaps amused at his almost-glare, and then she said, “I’ll be around if you need anything. Take care of yourself, and have a good night.” She raised her hand in a polite wave goodbye, and stepped out of the room. Even out of sight, her energy signature was slow to fade.
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Posted: Mon Jun 07, 2021 7:51 am
Neither Rakovanite nor the first aid nurse spoke as Laurelite exited, and Rakovanite remained watching the Queen's retreating figure until she was past the doorway and out of sight. But once the bright flare of her aura had dimmed (though not entirely vanished), the nurse turned back to him. She was helpful in the vaguest sense of the word, giving only a brief explanation of the shot she'd given him, the pills she was about to hand over, and some physical exercises he should do to rebuild strength and range of motion.
If they weren't too inconvenient for him, anyway.
Rakovanite scoffed softly. It still seemed like a lot of extraneous effort to him, perhaps even more now, given what the situation had developed into, but he supposed he couldn't exactly be offended by the outcome. He'd come for a shot. He'd gotten a shot. Everything worked out in the end.
At very least, it was pleasing to be able to simply go home without any further assistance from anyone else.
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