|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2020 2:58 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2022 12:40 pm
▼Stage 4 Solo 1▼
It wasn’t often that Taijana found herself on the mainland. She could count the amount of times she’d ventured to Tendaji on one hand without getting near her thumb, and for the yaeli preferred it that way. Taijana preferred being at home with the mists to hide in and the Sanctum to protect her. Many years ago she’d come to understand that it wasn’t the same with her husband, and while she missed him during his travels Taijana had never regretted marrying Kieran.
She’d never felt truly alone until having children and watching them leave. First it was the abrupt departure of Xenia, then Kitya and she knew it was only a matter of time before the twins followed suit. It had been her sister that suggested Taijana take a trip of her own. The twins could stay with them while she went off and as scary as it was…she’d accepted.
A part of her wanted to find her oldest daughters. She missed them horribly and while she stayed in contact with Kitya as best she could Xenia was still a mystery. What happened to her? Where did that little bundle of curls go? It seemed like only yesterday that she was clinging to Taijana’s leg and doing her best to shine in her father’s eyes. Overnight Xenia left them and it hit her harder than Taijana was able to cope with.
She wasn’t proud of the mental state she’d dropped into. Days stretched into weeks and at some point Taijana gave up on eating. A part of her brain raged at her for acting exactly like the mother she’d cut out of her life, but Taijana couldn’t help it. She broke.
Time wasn’t something that had existed for her because she didn’t believe it to be reality. For Taijana that stretch of existence was a falsehood created by the same officials who had shown up on her doorstep with a warrant for her daughter. Armed guards from a nation she’d only ever visited once in her youth had come for Xenia of all people and it felt so wrong that It could only be fake.
Years had passed since then. Taijana gradually picked herself back up with the love and support of her family, but a part of her was still missing. Kitya’s departure made the loss harder to bear and yet also helped to solidify it. Her children were old enough to carve their own paths in the world, both for good and bad, regardless of her personal feelings. Taijana had seen Kitya off with blessings and prayers in much the same way that she sent her husband to foreign soils. It felt so natural with her. Kitya had always been an adventurous girl in her youth so Tai had known she would followed her father’s footsteps, but Xenia…Well, she’d hoped she would have stayed around for a little longer.
She didn’t tell Kieran about her trip. He was already off on an adventure of his own to the Kahikina so word wouldn’t reach him until she was already on a ship of her own anyway. It was such an un-Taijana thing that she didn’t know how he would react. The man would undoubtedly worry, and yet she’d decided to go along with it anyway. This was for her so surely Kieran would understand…right? Or would he hate her for it? Part of her worried he would follow her so she hadn’t given him a location, but that felt deceptive. So, instead, she told him that she would be back before the frost and that the twins would hardly grow an inch before she came back to Yael.
Talk of leaving Caolan and Alfina was easier than doing so. The two were on the cusp of adulthood, but she still worried they would feel abandoned. What if they hated her for going? With one parent away shouldn’t she stay? And now that their sisters were gone what if they left while she was gone and Taijana came home to an empty nest? She’d tried so hard to be that steady rock for them while they were home and yet a part of her wondered how long she could pull it off because they started to see through the cracks-
“Do this for them, Tai.” Trilanna had stopped her from shredding the ticket more times than Taijana could count. “You can’t give them the best if you don’t do something for you every now and then. They’ll still be here when you get back; I won’t let them leave until then.” She’d laughed, as if all her worries could be blown away with the breeze and hugged her sister. “Let the Gods guide you to peace.”
And so she did.
The last time she’d been aboard a sea faring vessel she’d been much younger with a heartier stomach. With every storm her prayers came louder, but so did the joy she felt at looking out over the water underneath a tepid sun. She loved yael, felt truly at home nestled on its shores, and yet she couldn’t deny the beauty of the ocean. It was utterly terrifying in its vastness though that did little to detract from it’s beauty. Somewhere out there her husband was sailing the same waters under the same sky and maybe her daughters were as well.
Or with any luck she would see them on those far, far shores.
[904]
[3]
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2022 1:09 pm
▼Stage 4 Solo 2▼
Dearest Kieran,
Finding the right words to say is difficult. I wish I knew how to tell you everything that happens in my head so that it made sense, but I don’t think that’s ever going to be possible. Some things you must experience for yourself. You’ve always known that and Kitya figured it out so much earlier than I did that it’s shameful.
I asked Tyrios to reach out to you once I landed in Matori. My decision to go on this trip was hurried idea and I’m sorry that I didn’t wait to hear from you first, but I feared that if I waited much longer that I would talk myself out of it. I nearly did; ten times over. I worried for the twins, about their safety and care, about more things than I can count, but eventually it was Trilanna that pushed me to go. They’re with her for the duration of my trip and you very well may come home before I do, though I hope not. It’s my intention to be back before the frost, but the air has already started to bite in Matori so I’m not sure I can make it.
I needed to do this. I know could have gone with you anytime I wanted, and I know you would have waited until I was ready, but I don’t know if I ever would have been. What I mean to say is – well, I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I think I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. When I went after you all those years ago it was exhilarating, but terrifying. I felt so safe when I finally found you that I dropped my guard and fell back into step. It was never anything you said or did that caused the change; it was just something inside me that shifted back into what was comfortable.
Our children are growing up, Kieran, and I don’t know who I am. Once Caolan and Alfina leave I’ll be alone and I need to be able to handle that. You’ve found a way to remain yourself as well as to be a father and I hope to do the same. I’m taking this trip to figure out who Taijana is so that when I see them off as I’ve done the rest of you I can be secure with the woman who stays behind.
I love my family more than words can ever say. Even in my darkest hour I’ve never lost that affection. Not once have I ever begrudged any of you for your confidence and zest for life, so don’t worry. The last thing I want is for you to stay home out of concern for me. I married you because you bring mysteries to my doorstep and the magic of an untold world lives in your heart.
I guess I’m writing this because I don’t want you to worry and I don’t want you to be angry. I’m terrified that you’ll be upset that I’ve left the twins to do this, but Trilanna tells me I’m fussing again. She said that at their age a little time away from a mother who ‘hovers’ might do them good, and what if she’s right? What if they need time away from me to grow? I’ve been so worried that I’m turning out like her that I never thought much about how much hard I was doing.
I love you sweetheart, and I hope your trip is going well. I’ve included the address to the inn I’ll be staying at inside this letter so that if you want to write back you can.
Until we meet again,
Taijana
[620]
[2]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 05, 2024 4:36 pm
▼Stage 4 Solo 3▼
Taijana folded her hands across her lap and took a deep, calming breath. While she wasn’t as prone to fits of panic in her later years she was also keenly aware of her triggers and being surrounded by them didn’t help. The port was teeming with life so no matter where she’d gone for a bit of respite there had been a crowd. She’d clutched her symbol of Dafiel so hard the shape became imbedded in her skin. This was a terrible idea; a truly awful, horrible, no good-
Someone bumped against her and Taijana lost her footing. With a surprised squeak the yaeli fell against the closest body, who in a chain reaction of surprise stepped back causing Taijana to fall onto her knees.
“Woah! Hey, are you alright?!” Taijana balanced herself on the dock with both palms pressed against the worn wood. She only looked up when a hand appeared at her side, gently nudging her to her feet. This was – Gods above. She’d never seen a man look like that. He was young, probably around the same age as her eldest daughter, and unrealistically handsome. An immediate wave of guilt washed through Taijana. She was in a foreign country, without her husband and now was outright staring at another man! What kind of person was she?!
He was Oban with a warmth to his eyes that would have melted the fog. A scar curled the corner of his eyebrow, giving him a perpetually cocky look that made Taijana’s heart skip. She couldn’t look at him – shouldn’t look at him – and yet….Oh, where was that awful breathing coming from? Was that her? Gods above, she was panicking. Black spots formed at the corners of her eyes and for a moment all Tai could see was concern consuming his features. He looked worried, but why? She was just a foreigner, this happened all the time, she’d be fine –
Oh, but he didn’t know that, did he? Poor dear –
“-ma’am? Ma’am, are you okay?”
Hearing was always the first to come back to Tai as she slipped back into consciousness. She gave a noncommittal hum, then flexed her fingers and felt someone lift her body into a sitting position. Something cool and wet was placed on her forehead before crossing her skin. When the world started to make sense once again Taijana could see the walls of a room around her, feel the threads of a blanket beneath her and –
-see that handsome stranger’s arm around her shoulders?!
Squealing, Taijana scuttled away from him and knocked against the wall. All at once he was on the bed, one knee pressing into the bedding as he tried to calm her but Taijana outright screamed. “Get away! Get away get away get away!”
“I’m sorry! I just wanted to – I’m moving, I’m moving!”
Looking utterly terrified, the Oban jumped off the bed and held his hands up. Whether it was to appease her fears or to show he wasn’t a threat she wasn’t sure. “You passed out and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You’re at the clinic; the healer said you would be fine if I just kept you cool. Are you…are you feeling alright?”
Warmth spread across Taijana’s cheeks. “I…uhm….yes, I feel fine…thank you.” This was by far not the first time she’d passed out, but to get so overwhelmed by a face? And one that wasn’t Kieran’s?! Gods above she would die with this secret. She’d take it to the grave, the land of the forgotten if she had to, bury it with her ancestors –
“Ma’am? You’re looking pale again.”
“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Taijana sat up a little straighter and forced herself to breath through her nose, out her mouth and repeat the process. The longer she looked around the room the more everything started to make sense. She could see various jars full of herbs and poultices that, while foreign, still somehow smelled like mint. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I got a little…overwhelmed in the crowd.” And because you look like a god given mortal form.
Really did he have to look so utterly perfect with his hair disheveled like that? It felt criminal.
“Yeah, I can feel that. It happens to the best of us.” He cracked an uneasy smile before slowly – painfully slowly – sitting down on the ground across the room. If he could have put more distance between them she was sure he would have. Poor thing must have been worried that anything he did would set her off again. “Are you here with someone? Or is there…is there any way I can help you get to where you need to be without…this…happening again?’
“Uhm, no, I’m here alone. I was just trying to find an inn.” She hadn’t been in Matori for long and was already causing trouble. Maybe this trip was more cursed than she thought…
“What if I helped? I could go get a room for you and come back with the key? That way you can leave when you want without having to talk to too many people?”
“That’s…really sweet of you.” It was impossibly considerate, but Taijana worried. What if he remembered the room? What if he made a copy of the key and gave it to someone else? She couldn’t risk it. “But if you can just tell me what I owe for the healer that would be enough.”
“Oh, you don’t owe anything.” He waved a hand. “It’s my husband’s practice so consider it a welcome gift to Matori.”
His husband? Oh thank the Gods. If he wasn’t interested in women then she couldn’t possibly tempt him – Not that she would anyway! What was she thinking?! Gods she needed to get out and fast! “Well, thank you, I’ll be leaving now.” Taijana hesitantly slipped off the bed and held out a hand to stop him from getting off the floor. “Stay…just…stay for now. Please.” When he nodded she gave an anxious smile. “Thank you again.”
And as quickly as her legs could carry her Taijana was out the door.
[1019]
[3]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2024 5:02 pm
▼Stage 4 Solo 4▼
“Hello little one~”
Taijana bounced a chubby little toddler on her hip and delighted in his smile. It didn’t matter how many children she held all little ones were precious. Getting to see the youngest son of her newfound friends had been a treat she hadn’t expected, but when the Oban group passed through Sulburi they’d stopped briefly to mingle with family. Taijana had planned on staying at an inn while they reacquainted themselves, but neither Estos nor Ilona would hear of it. They wanted her with them, with their family, and so she’d gone to their estate.
The noble’s manse was a sprawling mass of outright opulence that Taijana couldn’t begin to fathom. She doubted the entirety of the Sanctum could fit within these grounds, and no doubt Estos would only expand his own reach if they tried. The yaeli huntress kept her pack close as she walked, suddenly keenly aware of her bare feet on the perfectly polished stone floors and rich carpets. Would they mind her tracking sand and filth through their home? Likely not, with as many servants as they had…
“The guest wing is to the right, just down that hall there. Anything you need you just need to ask Korra and she’ll fetch it for you.” Ilona waved to a passing servant, one Taijana barely had time to recognize before they were moving again. She hadn’t had time to process it, but it seemed the longer they were on the grounds the more anxious the pair had become. At first Taijana just thought it was worry over the state of things-
-but then she’d heard the laughter and knew.
In a burst of excited squeals and screams, Estos opened the door to a playroom only to be swarmed in children. For a pair so indulgent in themselves they’d truly let their love multiply! Two, three…four?...Are there six?! She’d thought the pair too young for so many, but even after a double count Taijana definitely counted seven children.
Each one dressed as fine as any merchant she’d ever seen, with a blend of their parents features and absolute adoration in their eyes.
“Mama mama, look -!”
“-and I made this for you, papa!”
Taijana hung back near the door while the parents did their best to spread their affections across the room. A few well meaning nannies tried to calm the children, at least long enough for the pair to breath, but it did little to mitigate their excitement. And why would it? Their excitement was even giving Taijana a jolt. It made her miss when her little ones were still little and it made her wonder; how would Alfina and Caolan react when she came home? Would they greet her like this or would they be too wrapped up in their own lives to notice?
A tiny figure had managed to slip away from the group and when Taijana looked down a pair of wide, crimson eyes looked up at her. The toddler was adorably chubby with it’s little belly poking out underneath a ruffled top. She assumed a little girl, but there was no real way to know with the way Oban’s dressed. At first it looked unsure of her, in the mast most children were around strangers, but also a little curious. So, Taijana bent at the knee and crouched down at their level.
“Hello, sweetheart.”
The toddler gurbled and reached out for her arm, it’s fingers tracing one of her dark crystals. She let it, too wrapped up in it’s cuteness to notice a few of the others had started to come closer until Estos introduced her and subsequently named the little one Isanna.
If she’d been told that her adventures into the wilds of Tendaji would end in spending the week in a noble’s manse getting to know their children and generally becoming one of the family Taijana would have laughed. At first the little ones barely knew what to do with a Yaeli, much less one that was barely taller than the oldest of them, but that was soon to wear off. It didn’t take long for them to grow used to Taijana’s presence and to delight in showing her all the things they thought she had to know if she was spending time in Oba.
Like what spice went better with which bread and who was the better Xaraan racer.
Still, throughout all of it, Isanna clung to Tai. Several times a nanny or her parents themselves had tried to remove the little one but with no success. Isana was only happy when she was sitting firm on Taijana’s hip, which wouldn’t have been so bad if the babe were a little smaller. Taijana’s petite frame could only offer so much comfort so Isanna was prone to squirming and as much as she adored the little thing Tai would usually just sit so as not to bring on any discomfort.
Maybe Kieran and I should have…
Should have what? Annoyed the Gods by trying for more? Oh but she loved this stage. All grasping fingers, endless cuddles and – Oh, well, the tantrums weren’t lovely but hearing Isanna say her mother’s name stopped Taijana’s heart. It was just the cutest thing! If she could have bottled that up forever….
Maybe…Maybe one day she would have grandkids instead? Not through Xenia or Kitya, that much was sure, but maybe Caolan? Or Alfina? Imagine…
[9031019]
[3]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
