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 Posted: Mon Sep 09, 2019 7:33 am
Ah, yes. As Arthur explained what was happening in his personal life, Nataniel was reminded of why he so infrequently enjoyed the physical presence of others. Their problems were of little importance to him, and he was greatly lacking of an empathetic spirit, yet it always seemed that when people- or Mauvians even, in this case- spoke, it came around to what was ailing their minds. It was, admittedly, a bit strange to think of a kitty-boy having the same relationship issues as a high school girl.
"Is it not easier that way?" Nataniel asked flatly. "Since you have no options regarding finding him or resuming contact, you can assume that your part has been played. Everything you could do has been done. Whether something has happened to him or he simply no longer wishes to see you or forgot about you and moved on, it is your choice which option you choose to believe until further evidence unveils itself. Whichever pleases you more. It's almost ideal, really... Being allowed to choose in such a way." These were not issues Nataniel had ever dealt with. He wasn't one to grow attached in such a way.
"Regardless of your choice, I wouldn't expect it to hinder you from dating in the future, if that is your preference, and it does sound like it is."
He led them across the parking lot, toward his motorcycle parked along the edge and out of the way of haphazardly-driving students. He unlocked a side case, pulled out a helmet, and handed it to Arthur. "It may be uncomfortable for you with your ears, but it is required by law. Do you want help adjusting it?"
As he pulled his own helmet out, he pondered the Mauvian's last question and what business it really was of his. "...I suppose some do enjoy it and some don't, as with most things. For me it is... difficult to approach situations with that mindset of closeness and familiarity with another person, making me inadequate to some extent. It doesn't help that I can't always distinguish what I like about someone beyond simple intimacy, so I am wary of growing attached for no other reason than I like the way someone feels against me."
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Posted: Mon Sep 09, 2019 8:22 am
He took the helmet and inspected it a moment.
"I suppose the not having an answer is what upsets me. If he simply wanted to stop, I could take that. I get that being with someone like me brings a lot of uncomfortable issues or maybe he just found someone more aline to his tastes. It started as a fun thingsto do anyways..it wasn't like we could get married." Not that he ever even thought if that. Marriage was so drastic and it didn't feel right to him. "I just wanted to see what it was like. Humans seemed so insistent on it. Love it. Desire it."
"I guess it's worrying that he could have died or that I misplaced my expectations that he'd at least give me the luxury of a goodbye if he wanted to end it. I don't like thinking that someone else could have died in the war. Opposition or not, I don't feel anyone deserves that kind of end. Not that young."
"It's just a wavering feeling of limbo. The lack of an answer. It's easier when it's a come and go exchange. I never had that issue with other Mauvians." He settled the helmet in his head and instantly hated it. "But I really wanted to try it this way. It's starting to feel more natural."
"Can you do this? It's a bit loose." He said, requesting help..
Nate's explaination was complex and he wondered if he ever wanted to be that close to anyone. "I thought all humans wanted that in the end. You all can't stop singing, writing, and making movies about it." But then he considered Nate as he stared back at him with blue and teal eyes, the pupils just a little bit right..
"Are you happy? Doing what you like this way?" He asked.
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Posted: Mon Sep 09, 2019 2:06 pm
Nataniel eyed the other man as he fiddled with the helmet. These things weren't in the realm of his own experiences, it was true, but even Nat had heard of complaints about ghosting from internet forums or television shows or simple bits of conversation that happened around him. He could understand that it seemed like most people had a preference toward knowing the situation instead of guessing at it. This was not a completely foreign thought to him. Nataniel also preferred some information over none...
The knowledge didn't change his opinion on the matter, and he lifted his fingers to Arthur's chin, tugging the Mauvian's gaze to him and fixing the other with steady, dark eyes. "Worrying over what you cannot change is of no benefit to you," Nataniel stated, releasing him once the words were out to instead adjust the clasp of Arthur's helmet.
Opposition. When that word left the snow-haired man's lips, Nataniel almost stalled before completing his task.
...That was right. Arthur, for all that Nat didn't dislike him and may even feel the exact opposite, was essentially to be his opposition. Nat could argue that it wasn't the case, yet, but he'd already decided what he was going to do with himself, hadn't he? As far as Nat understood, there weren't any better alternatives...
"Like many of us are, I am a creature of habit. A deviation from my norm is often more upsetting than rewarding." Perhaps it wasn't exactly an answer as to whether he was happy or not, but if nothing else, at least he was content. For the moment. A lot was about to change anyway, wasn't it?
He stepped back, adjusted his own helmet and extended a hand to help Arthur mount. "Have you ridden before?"
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Posted: Tue Sep 10, 2019 6:48 am
He could feel his ears perk when Nate lifted his chin and stared at him, straining hard to hear him as best as he could. It was awfully muffled but he managed to get what he was saying.
It was sound advice. Nothing he had done had changed the fact that Kainite had not seen him in months and couldn't or didn't want to reach him. As disheartening it was to think of all the worst-case scenarios, it probably came down to just being dumped. Kainite had been young after all and could have just moved on.
"Follow a routine too much and you're going to have a stagnant life." He said, his voice louder than before now with the helmet on. Taking Nate's hand, he slipped on the bike behind him and set his hands on the man's shoulder's.
"No, I haven't. Been in a car once." He said rather proud and still rather loudly before he leaned in and set his chin on Nate's shoulder. Bikes were pretty close. It felt nice.
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Posted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 1:00 pm
Stagnant. Such a bland, unappealing word, one that was much closer to an insult than it was to a compliment. Yet it wasn't untrue, was it? Besides that taking his bike with an alien cat-man to a mall wasn't something Nataniel typically did, his life was otherwise in a state of exactly... stagnant. It wasn't something Nat expressly hated, as he didn't find himself craving adventure and surprise as some people did, but neither was a life lived to this caliber worth literally anything.
Perhaps that wasn't relevant, as he wasn't an existentialist who required his life to be worth anything, when the end would always be death. But what a miserable thing to think about...
As Arthur situated himself, Nat pressed a side button on his helmet. "There are speakers and mics in the helmets, so you should be able to communicate with me still while we're riding. I am uncertain how much good it will actually do you because of your ears, though. Just be sure to lean with me when I turn, and I will keep the ride short." He started the engine, gave an almost playful rev, and guided the bike from the parking lot and out onto the street.
It wouldn't be more than a handful of minutes, regardless. The mall wasn't far.
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Posted: Wed Sep 18, 2019 6:06 am
Arthur's eyes widened when he heard the speaker, and nodded that he could hear better. "OKAY!" He said loudly and waited. The motorcycle then rumbled under him and a sudden nervousness curled in his stomach.
His arms wrapped around the other and he tried bit to think of the fact he had no claws to keep him firmly in place. So he squeezed as the bike moved forward before rolling out onto the street. The street which was, for most of his life, a place littered with vehicles that often got too close to running him over in the past.
Despite the mall not being far in a bike, it felt much longer to him. While he did look up in hopes of enjoying the ride, it was mixed with a budding excitement and a heavy nervousness that he would fall off. Whenever Nate leaned, he usually followed after but not as quickly as most. It was too strange to lean on something and bringing yourself closer to the road.
After that, they pulled up to the parking lot and Arthur peeled himself off Nate, taking deep breathes. His heart was beating in his ears and the rumble of the engine still felt as if it was shaking his body, making him feel as if he was tingling all over.
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Posted: Mon Sep 23, 2019 3:21 pm
There were only a small scattering of things that Nataniel would admit to actually enjoying- enjoying, not just tolerating. He liked to win at his games. He liked music on his jogs. He liked a quick romp.
Nat loved his bike. He loved the rev of the engine, the wind slapping against his skin and ruffling his clothes, the feel of something practically alive under him, the way his passengers would cling as if he were a lifeline... The only thing between them and the end, or something as equally frightening. Arthur's arms cinched around Nataniel's waist, and he hummed a quiet approval.
At least the Mauvian didn't seem the fearful and frantic type. Nat liked a sense of trepidation, but fear was such an overbearing emotion among so many...
He parked, pulled off his helmet, and carefully swung his leg over and off the bike before helping Arthur do the same. "How was it?" He asked, extending an hand in offering to the other man. "There are more exciting things to do, if you're into the exhilaration, but even though I've had it for years, this is still quite thrilling to me." And of course it helped that he often got to park so close. Nataniel's dark gaze flicked to the mall entrance. It was to be a day full of odd experiences, it seemed...
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Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2019 7:57 am
He felt weak-kneed and shakey as he took Nat's hand and slid off the bike. Reaching about the helmet, he found the clasps and popped off the helmet and was welcomed with the relief of not having his ears pinned.
"It's - I don't know exactly. You spend your whole life avoiding these things because they can kill you and then stay off the road as much as you can. I guess it's like being in a rodeo? Terrifying but - hmmm. I suppose like feeling as if you are besting a death machine."
He wasn't sure what he felt about the motorcycle with all his senses on high alert. Thrilling. He supposed he didn't have many encounters with thrilling. A life of a Mauvian didn't exactly give that many opportunities for that aside from being excited about research or a new discovery. This was far more physical and present.
Maybe he should try getting a license sometime.
"Who taught you to drive?" He asked as he gave Nat the helmet to out away. Fixing his hair, he stared up at the massive shopping mall and back to Nat. "It certainly is big."
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Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2019 4:33 am
Staying off the road? Why would-? Oh. Right. Nataniel eyed the white fluffy ears atop Arthur's head. He'd presumably been acting as a normal cat for much of his life, and so of course would be wary of streets where he was likely to be smashed by a car, if he wasn't careful... It was still so strange to think in those terms. Arthur had essentially been a normal cat at some point, and now they were having a conversation in a mall parking lot.
Nat accepted the helmet back and tucked both into the side case of his bike before locking the compartment and pocketing his keys. "I suppose it is a bit louder than riding in your average car, not as smooth, and of course a little more prone to the elements, but that's how I like it, I guess. Cars are rather boring."
As he started moving toward the mall, Nat gave a shrug of his shoulders.
"No one important," he admitted. "This driving class was required in high school to learn the textbook 'how,' and then there was an adjacent on-road course for standard vehicles where you had to log driving hours. After I got my license, I had to take another week long course for the motorcycle specifically. It was all pretty relatively basic stuff." And his parents had wanted no part in trying to instruct their teenaged boy on anything, particularly something that could turn life-threatening so easily. Nataniel was too familiar with rebelling against them to take that risk on something so serious. At least, that's what his mother had said. It wasn't as if he'd experienced any problems in any of his classes, so Nat was sure it would have been fine.
His gaze slid back to Arthur, taking several seconds to watch him as he walked. "...Is it as strange to you as I imagine it to be?" He asked. "Even if you do still spend most of your time on four legs, is it difficult adjusting to what you are doing now? Even something so basic to me as walking upright and talking, you must be unused to."
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Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2019 6:32 am
He hadn't been expecting the question, but his features softened slightly though his brow creased.
"It is. To be human is so much of an opposite to being cat-shaped. From horizontal to upright. Four legs to two. Fur to very little hair. Clothes. How people regard you on the street. How being taller makes you see the world from a different angle. It has thrown a lot of my world off balance, but it is part of the reason I want to keep going out line this despite the dangers my aura gives out."
"Mauvians don't remember their past. Senshi. Knights. They get to know who they were in the past. My identity was different before I could change like this. Now that I look like this, I dislike my other form more and more. It's why I wish I could be like this forever. I still catch myself acting like a cat and I'm trying to correct that. Our image, because it is so strongly associated with pets, makes it hard to be seen as a person, an equal, and for that, even a possibility to be with intimately."
He stared out and then startled a bit. "Ah - sorry. That was a bit too much. Yes, it is very different. I had to learn how to walk without tipping, to get changed into different clothes, ha for utensils, and all manner of things in my free time. But as strange as it is, I feel more whole as a result."
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Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2019 9:24 am
"Hm." Nataniel's hum was low as he opened one of the several glass doors that served as entrance to the mall. Going out like this was essentially an exercise in understanding, of becoming more familiar with something that wasn't in an attempt to glean greater knowledge of the situation, despite the potential risks. These were motivations Nataniel saw as reasonable, even if the situation itself was still bordering on impossible to come to terms with.
He shot a squint at Arthur at the mention of being unable to remember the past. Hadn't they only just been talking about the life he'd had under the eye of his owner?
But it became apparent in the next moment that he meant further back than that. To the past before rebirth in this life. ...Another fact that seemed ridiculously absurd and out of sorts with what Nat knew of reality. Though apparently not impossible. "I have difficulty imagining why it is relevant to know what a you in the past was like when it plays so little into the you of now. This is a different time and place, surrounded by new factors that could force you to develop in ways you may never have been able to, back then, with new people to influence your perception."
"It is senseless to wish for something impossible. You are a Mauvian who was essentially memory-wiped and raised as a normal cat, correct? Why bother looking to the past when you are living in this time with these memories. You are fortunate to have the adaptation to know what people here look for in cats and in other humans, which seems more advantageous than allowing yourself to be swayed by what those of your past might have been looking for."
He paused in the vestibule, caught Arthur by the arm, and tugged him off to the side. Though the Mauvian's personal affairs were certainly none of his business, it seemed like Arthur had a lot of feelings regarding intimacy. "This is not the first time you've brought up intimacy and equality. Can I ask why it matters to you?"
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Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2019 10:25 am
"I don't think you understand. There is a history and legacy of almost every order member that echoed forward and outward. While it wouldn't change many aspects of who I am, I do still wish to know for a fuller understanding of me as a Mauvian. Humans have a documented history of their family trees and even an overall history of their culture. Mauvians do not have anything if that. Their identiruly s a species is lacking. We have no histories. We have nothing to reflect upon. I crave for that bit only as what my personal history could show me, but as a Mauvian with no recorded documentation of where I came from aside from scraps of information."
"Even knights and senshi have ties to one another and show where their ancestors and family came from. To be surrounded by that can get to you day in and day out. To see them so easily go to these places unrestricted and even directly speak to their ancestors at times. I want that." He confessed.
They were moved to the side, and he stood there, confused but taking this as a need for privacy.
"I'm seen as a animal. A pet. A cat. Even the Mauvians themselves slip into this. We were raised this way. But I'm not a cat, Nat. I want to be seen as not something subserviant or lesser than everyone else. I want someone to look at me as a man. As their equal. Outside of the senshi who know what a Mauvian is and make jokes about our feline natures. I may have been raised as a cat and look like one most days, but looking as I am now, I can find someone who would see me as just a odd, eccentric man."
He touched his own chest. "Does that make sense?"
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Posted: Thu Oct 10, 2019 11:06 am
Nataniel didn't understand. He had a textbook history of his species, of his culture, of his nation. He had his parents, each in their own various states of knowing where they came from and willingness to share it. He had all of his own memories, of course, ranging back for the last twenty years or so, but outside of that? Nataniel had no more memory of millennia past that Arthur did, and Arthur had the 'textbook' history of his culture (undocumented, perhaps, though obviously spread by word of mouth, since Arthur was successfully following his calling), as Nat did, as well as the support system and database of all the Order-aligned of his species.
Nat couldn't fathom why more than that would be necessary, and he found it... oddly irritating that this creature would place so much importance on something so few could ever obtain. No one 'unawakened' as Nataniel was. No one like the corrupted senshi he'd met. How could those memories define someone, when almost no one had them?
But those that Arthur mingled with probably felt more closely toward such things than anyone Nataniel would mingle with. He tried to banish the thought from his mind.
"I suppose I don't," Nat agreed after a moment with a slight inclination of his head. "There is probably no way for me to fully grasp these feelings you're having, since, as you have said yourself, you can't spread your cause to civilians. They won't believe you, or their involvement would be treacherous to them. Is it really not enough to know that without you, the senshi you awaken would be nothing? Your body isn't something you can change- or rather, not for any extended period of time, I suppose, so I could hardly imagine being so dissatisfied with it."
Nataniel was aware of the degree of intelligence Arthur was capable of. He thought he was doing decently at showing respect for a man who... could look like a cat and curl up and purr in his lap.
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Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 6:42 am
"Some might call me greedy for wanting more or maybe angry that I do not see my four-legged Mauvian shape as more true and impressive to my race, but ever since I had this ability to change into how I look now, I can felt something deeply for it. It is like a light that was turned on that can't be so easily clicked off. I wish to know everything about it and take hold of whatever privledges I can." He said with a smile. "I mean, just being taller has been a joy "
"Thank you for listening to me though and taking me here. You have helped me get a little closer to a new world for me." He took one of Nat's hands and gently bumped it against his brow. "Thank you."
He released his hand, and smiled. "I know that the senshi would not be who they are without Mauvian involvement, but I want more than just my duties and responsibilities. So many look at my kind as facilitators of senshi growth and technology. It is a duty but I do like more to life than that. A bit more fun. A bit more living. I may be a intelligent being but I would like to go out and well - make some messy mistakes. I don't feel I've been living as much lately "
"You said the bike makes you feel alive right? I would like something like that too."
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Posted: Wed Nov 06, 2019 11:01 am
There was a lot of information going around that Nataniel found difficult to fully grasp. He was getting the hang of it, more so than when he'd first met Arthur, anyway. But there was always more to uncover, a new facet that he hadn't yet explored because he hadn't had the ability to. He enjoyed Arthur's company- cat or human.
He enjoyed the information this Mauvian had.
Nataniel only infrequently felt anything 'deeply' as Arthur claimed to be doing with his human form. But he understood a healthy curiosity, a wondering of 'why,' a sense that greater understanding could only be beneficial to him. It would be beneficial, he thought, to be able to utilize both forms of a Mauvian... It was hardly too much trouble to bring him here, if it meant Nat can glean more information about the inner workings of their planet and how he should anticipate others' 'feelings' to affect it.
As Arthur nudged against his hand, Nat couldn't help but skate his fingers up through the taller mans hair, toying idly with the strands and rubbing briefly at the base of his ears before allowing his arm to drop away. "It is little trouble," Nataniel murmured. "And if it keeps you from wandering the streets in an abhorrent tshirt and ball cap, that can only be an added bonus."
He made to move forward again, beckoning as he did. "We will try and find something more fitting."
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