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 Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 4:43 pm
Vitriol.
Not Vive.
It stared at the spot Mali had spit at the ground. A sign of disgust. Something vile. Putrid.
Stunned, it stared up as Mali was walking further away and jerked into motion. Rushing forward, it moved beside him to keep with the senshi's pace. It was a small advantage that they both couldn't go anywhere without a general. If it was anyone else, Mali would have teleported. He would have been gone - possibly for good.
"It wasn't a kiss! You can forget about it! it was - it was just an attack." It said, trying to bypass the mistake it had made to change it to something that Mali could excuse.
"You win. You can have whatever prize you want. Okay?"
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 4:58 pm
”Like hell it wasn’t a kiss! Of all the miserable things you could have done, you chose that! Something I haven’t had before, something that means a lot to me, as ******** stupid as it sounds. It didn't’ matter to you, being close doesn’t matter to you. It means nothing to you, just means to an end. Excuse me for not being able to quickly brush it off like you want me to.” The feeling of being this riled up felt so disgusting, losing his sense of composure he valued so highly. Every bit of him was on edge now, regardless of the pain that still shot through his arm and the shallow cuts that bled and dripped down them.
His chest was in knots, his stomach felt sickened, and it wasn’t just the bits of poison that happened to be swallowed.
“I don’t want anything from you, no prize, not words, nothing. Go find someone else to spar with or kiss or <********>. I want none of it.”
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 5:12 pm
Being close doesn't matter to you.
IT means nothing to you.
Why did you ever want to be my friend if you think I feel nothing?
Vitriol stared, motionless, as Mali glared back at him. Watched as everything that was their friendship was gone. Watched was Mali could so easily get rid of all of it.
It didn't matter to him. He wanted you. All or nothing. You should have known this would happen.
It was supposed to be fun, and yet once again it had done something to only hurt Mali once again. As it did time and time and time again.
It said nothing. It had nothing Mali wanted. It had nothing to give what Mali would take.
It was nothing to him.
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 5:33 pm
Vitriol’s silence on served to enrage Mali further.
They were friend’s weren’t they? And the halfling knew. He knew damned well how Mali felt. They spent so much time together, close, touching, hell, after that day with Nubi, weren’t they even closer?
Then why did this feel like a betrayal on such an immense level that Mali could hardly keep his balled fists at his side.
Each moment that passed caused that voice in his head to slowly urge him forward. Dig at it, curse him, hate him for this. He knew better, he KNEW how you felt. Everything is just to further his own wants and desires and this time he didn’t care about you, he just wanted to win.
“Nothing to say? You? Who can talk and talk and talk for hours about his own damned betrayals or your loyalty to your ******** queen, but then you go and hurt me like this and say Nothing at all Not even an apology? Just “forget it” it “was just an attack”. If anyone, any one at all had done that, alright, sure, but You... Why you? Why me? Why that” With each word, each question, he stepped closer, that hard glare coming down with enough venom to put that saliva that scaled his throat to shame.
“Say something!”
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 5:46 pm
Mali didn't have any interest in what Vitriol felt were important. He had his own desires, his own loyalties, and what he felt were of much higher value than his own ideals. They clashed too often and more times then it could count, it had only fought or failed to agree on some matter they both held as meaningful. In the gentle moments between each dying storm-surge, their was a soft tranquility that Vitriol had always enjoyed. The value of a friend - or so it thought.
But Mali wanted a lover. Mali wanted a traitor. Mali wanted it to agree with his frustration with the Negaverse and the desire for more.
Wolframite couldn't be a lover. He knew the crushing feeling of loss and guilt too fresh to give that. He couldn't leave the Negaverse and knew it could be his life if he even spoke against it. He had no desire for more other than to raise ranks -
- and maybe hope for friends to be there when he got there.
He only ever liked me because he hoped to make me see his way. He only ever wanted to be with me because of this crush. If he didn't have a crush on me, if I was anyone else, he would hate me. He'd be disinterested just as he said he was in anyone else. Even Mali said he didn't understand it.
And if he doesn't love me, then I'll just be nothing to him. How is that even friendship?
He's miserable.
Mali was miserable around him. As much as they had moments that Vitriol had felt maybe, just maybe, things would be fine. That this friendship was working, it was just denial. Vitriol's existence in Mali's life hurt him. Hurt his heart. Hurt his feelings. Confusing him. If this was his first love, then he needed to stop or else Vitrol would wind up destroying the heart of another man who had placed his faith and feelings in him hoping he would change.
I'm not human. I'm not human. I'm here to serve and destroy.
It couldn't help hearing Mali telling him to go ******** someone.
It stiffened when Mali was close, shouting at him.
An order. Say something.
"I'm sorry." It said, staring back at him, and the tone was quiet, flat, and toneless.
"I wish I was anyone at all."
Anyone but Vitriol. Anyone else that Mali wouldn't have to feel anything for.
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 6:03 pm
”You’re not anyone. You’re you. Vitriol, Vivre, some other name that you keep hidden away because you can’t trust anyone. Despite all the ******** up things you do or did, you’re still you. And that MEANS something!” Now that they were close again, ‘Mali put his hands on Vitriol’s shoulders, gripping them tightly. He wouldn’t let him run or escape this time.
“Your sorry’s are shallow, do you even mean any of it? I know you aren’t heartless, but damn... You just...” Why was he even still angry? He vented, he told him what he felt and why it was in his right to be angry.
Why did it feel so useless...?
“... There’s no point in this, Vitriol. I tried. I really, really tried, but I can’t do this anymore. Every time I see you, it hurts. This needs to end here and now.”
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 6:14 pm
It stared back, tense under Mali's hands.
It stared back, throat tight as it forced itself to keep its eyes dry.
Saying little was best. Saying as little as possible would keep its voice from cracking.
There was no point. No point if Mali couldn't have him.
It said nothing.
It only gave a nod, short, and curt. Listening and surrendering to the decision.
It wished it could teleport.
Instead, it stepped back away from Mali, away from his grip.
"You're right." About everything. "Let's stop."
Happiness couldn't come from hurt and pain. It knew this.
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 6:26 pm
”Don’t run from me...” As soon as Vitriol pulled away, Mali pulled him back, arms coming about him in an embrace as tight as he could manage.
“I don’t want to leave forever, I don’t hate you... I am angry, I hurt, but I don’t want to lose you either...” That softness he always held for the halfling slowly came back, accompanied by something that seemed weaker than he ever allowed himself to be.
“You’re still my friend... I don’t want this damned feeling hovering over my head anymore. It’s useless to me, and a burden to you. You understand that, right?” Why even now was he trying to be the ‘bigger person’? Why was the very thought of seeing Vitriol hurt like he was right made that pain he felt even worse.
“Let me fix myself first... Let me get rid of these feelings so I can actually be use to you... And fight for you in a way friends should... So that next time, when you attack with something like that, it’s just an attack and nothing else that hurts...”
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 6:40 pm
it was held, but was stiff under the embrace. Hardening as best it could as the moment.
".......and if you can't - get rid of it. Then what?" It asked, voice barely a whisper, the different in their height making it so it was just about his shoulder.
"I'm not going to change. Mali. I'm just as I am. I won't be different when you come back. I'm still going to cause you pain one way or another."
Maybe it was best for Mali to just go and never come back.
"You could find better."
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 6:55 pm
Those hands that held Vit moved from his shoulders down to his waist, holding him differently, closer, leaning forward to rest his own chin on the smaller man’s shoulder.
“I already said that, didn’t I? You are you. ... And I love you for it. Every part that you let me know and see, I love, even this, even this pain I feel in my chest right now. “ Each word was soft, deliberate... Such feelings felt forbidden to express while in the Negaverse. Who knew who would see this weakness and try to exploit it?
Did it matter now? If this was the last time he’d say these feelings, let them all see..
Let them know what they would one day lose.
“If these feelings don’t subside, then atleast I’ll be able to control them better than I can now. And if I can’t, then I’ll embrace them and let them make me stronger. I don’t know what will happen... But it will be better than this. I will be better than this.”
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 7:11 pm
It slowly raised it's arms to move around Mali's body.
"I'm sorry I stole that kiss."
"I'm sorry you love me."
" - And for all the pain. That I can't be the person who can love you like that. I know that even what you say that there ae things you hate about me. Things you don't like and wish I wasn't. Things I can't change. If it ever becomes too much. Save yourself."
It looked up now, yellow milky eyes staring up. "Save yourself and go."
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 7:22 pm
”I’m more stubborn than you give me credit for, Vivre. If I gave you up, what reason do I have to stay?” Those arms about his helped drain that pain away, leaving him tired and pushing a little more of his weight onto his friend.
“For the things you can’t change, there are things you can. But right now, it’s not you who needs to change, but me...” His grip about Vivre’s waist grew tighter. “I don’t want to, but I know I need to.... So let me say it again right now before I keep it quiet forever... I love you, Vivre... Don’t be sorry about it, just... Know that’s how I feel, and that it makes me happy to do so, but it’s also hurting what we have...”
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Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 7:39 pm
It was quiet, feeling the weight of the taller man against him. Mali felt lighter. Of something less sturdy than it was formed from.
"Then - since I stole it. Made it poison. Since you won't let yourself forget. Would it hurt you if you got the first kiss you deserved before you moved on?"
"Even if it won't have everything you want or need. Or maybe just punch me. Whatever might make you feel better for what I did."
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Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 5:32 am
"Do you think that a first kiss from you is what I deserve. If I were to say yes, then what does it mean? Nothing. Just what would feel like a final goodbye, and that's not something I want. You make it sound like I'm going to leave today and be gone forever. Do you really think me that shallow?" Mali took one hand away and used it instead to cup Vivre's cheek...
He was close, so close... Had those values Mali had were any less, had he been more like Lori than he was himself, then maybe he would have given in and settled for anything.
'Mali wasn't Lori. Nor was he anyone else.
"I know I said I wouldn't forget about loving you, but... I suppose I can simply write off this incident at an attack gone wrong. I don't recall any affection or appreciation on my part for it, so... It's simply an attack, an effective one if used by anyone on anyone. And besides, I'm saving my first kiss for someone who loves me the way you insist I should be loved. It would be a waste to try for something without the feelings I've waited so long for."
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Posted: Wed May 29, 2019 6:08 am
He only nodded upon that hand and then took it and moved it back down. Distance. Guards. That's what Mali would be creating now. A measure for self-preservation.
"I won't bother you until you are ready."
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