|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2019 8:45 pm
"But what if you did? I'd be awfully sad if you did." But since it was brushed away and swallowed, he let it go.
"Do you need some help with that, Vivre? Remind me next time to get you a water bottle with one of those caps you can pull open with your teeth. Sorry about the inconvenience." It would be rude to just take it from him, wouldn't it? Mali kept his hands to himself this time, unless Viv wanted him to assist.
"... My father." His answer was slow, a little shy in it as he hardly ever talked about his family, but it was certainly with fondness as he picked up the other strawberry tart to eat. "Growing up, I wasn't very different than I am now. Didn't like people, intentions taking wrong, feeling hated, ostracized, even if it wasn't the case. Alot of quiet anger bubbled under my skin more often than not, and my father noticed this, so he figured he'd do something together with me to help relieve that. Hehe, he was absolutely awful at it, and always insisted 'Landry, you have to help me! Your mother will kill me if I destroy the kitchen again!'. So I baked with him. Looked up recipes to 'teach him', and we'd talk about everything... "
Slowly, his smile became sadder... He shouldn't be talking about this. After all, Viv didn't have the same family as he once had, and if he did, he couldn't remember it.
"He's dead now, so now I try to bake for myself when I get upset. There are competitions I get into every now and then, but the meaning is different, baking for judges instead of baking for someone you care about. I suppose that's why I'm really, genuinely excited to bake for you, even if not everything I make works. Sometimes life is like that. You have some things that work, and some things that don't, but when you find that happy middle ground, the whole world just seems to... Light up, if I couldn't get any cheesier with that."
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Apr 12, 2019 6:24 am
It finally surrendered and offered the bottle back to Mali.
"It's fine. I've just wish I could grip a little better." It could probably my strangle a man easily but a bottle cap had it on his knees. What a joke.
It listened and was surprised it was his father, often thinking it might be his mother in these situations or a grandmother. It was charming to imagine a father out of his depth attempting to provide a outlet for his son when he had no skills in it either. "It sounds like it was fun to learn that way. Both of you alongside each other learning together and improving. Your father was smart to act and help you along to keep you from being destructive."
It did, for just the briefest moment, attempted a call to its own memories. A call out into the dark void to see if anything would bounce back. An echo of an emotion. A stirring of an image. The faintest feeling of a emotion assigned to words. "Dad" "Mom" "Sister" "Brother" we're all spoken in his mind and cupping its ear only a calm silence would answer. It was yelling into a hole and hoping for gold.
And these words stirred no great emotion in it other than the idea that it must have lost but when you never knew the importance of the memories and feelings, it was hard to summon any other feelings. Anger? Sadness? Relief? They would feel fake and forced out of some obligation to people it never knew.
"What did you like cooking the most with him? Was there a favorite family recipe?" It asked. It had no issues with listening more to where Mali came from.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 18, 2019 8:45 pm
He said nothing as he was offered the bottle, only popping it open and handing it back without much thought. Anything more would offend Vivre, he thought to himself. Every man had their pride after all, even if some seemed to want to smother it.
“It was. He was someone who could understand my questions, my views. And he gave me the choice to learn, and the choice to teach, and allowed me to value those things that I feel like people often forget. To become anything more than what we are, I feel like we need to be able to allow ourselves to grow and to think for ourselves. And we need to be able to share our thoughts with others. Every dish we made allowed time for us to talk without interruption or judgement from anyone else. He was a kind man... A good man.” It was times like these where Mali found himself missing his father deeply. When lost, he’d go visit that grave and just... Talk.
Sad at times that there was no response, but it wasn’t as if his dad really responded much before either, fulfilling the role of a listening ear more than anything else. For a young child, it was one of the best things he could have done, in Mali’s opinion anyway.
As an adult now, there just weren’t enough people who would listen to another’s thoughts, and even less who would care.
“Hmm.... I enjoyed making cream puffs with him. He wasn’t any good at making dough, but he did know how to fill up all the empty space with something sweet. Donuts, puffs, tarts, pies... If it had a filling, he’d make sure every single nook and cranny was filled. Heh, makes me think of him as a person, someone who just left you feeling fulfilled after you parted.” Mali’s gaze looked out at the city and the glimmering lights below. He knew it wasn’t possible given where they were, but he liked to imagine he could see the graveyard his father was at from here.
“I’ll have to make some for you. He had this speculoos flavored creme patissiere he made that was divine... I’ll fill up some creme puffs with it and bring it to you next time. Though I can say, I do love the idea of baking with you on day. If Obie can manage it, I’d invite you over. I’m sure you can make the creme pat with your paws.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 6:04 am
"That would be interesting though I can't say I remember ever cooking. I hope it won't result in burning down your kitchen." He joked.
"It would be nice to know a few things in order to cook in the barracks. I'd like to eventually keep my own pantry and get off the list for the cafeteria once I am able." It admitted, wanting to be the least amount of a burden to the Negaverse reserves and instead an asset able to help not only pull its own weight but more. Energy quotas we're the primary focus of every agent's night-to-night duties but there was much more funding going into the Negaverse. A entire network crossing countries.
"Do you still feel hollow now without your father to fill in the spaces or have you found other things now?" It knew such a question was direct and personal but they were alone on a roof miles away from ears and loose tongues. It was something Vive was curious about. What did Mali do with his void? Mali often seemed sad, lost, ignored, or underappreciated. While Nubi was filling her life with parties and friends, maybe feeling the spaces their family left behind, had Mali found the same?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 11:32 am
"I would be sure to be with you the whole time so as to prevent that. I'm certain you're not nearly as terrible as that, though. Maybe we could even make some modifications to our kitchen with Obie's help to better accommodate you." Mali chuckled at the thought of Vivre in an apron and a little chef's hat, going about his kitchen and trying to cook. Tail hitting things, batter stuck in fur, across his nose. It certainly made Mali's heart ache a little from all the adorable images it made in his mind.
In the brief time he had spent in the barracks, Mali couldn't remember what it's kitchen was like. Probably small and crowded, like a dorm, or full of unfavorable misused tools that inexperienced newbies burned over and over again.
He honestly shuddered at the thought.
"Maybe we could start off with a small hot plate for your room. And small things that don't need lots of ventilation, like omelets and pancakes. Breakfast is always a great start because they tend to be fast things to make when you're in a rush." Already he was planning, thinking of all the tools Vivre would need to set up a tiny kitchen in his barrack room. Then again, his scale of things were vague, especially since he was in there mostly blind for the duration of their visit... And preoccupied with Vivre's frequent closeness.
Those plotting thoughts were interrupted with a question that would have been far too personal for anyone else to have asked him. The void left behind after his father's death was there still, but nothing he ever gave much thought too. There was often far too many other things for him to worry about than his own feelings.
"Hollow isn't quite it, I would say... When you lose something, your priorities changed. There wasn't time for 'Landry's pain', or 'Landry's self loathing and doubts', I had to focus on protect what was still there, and that was Lori." Smothering those old emotions was easy when he only thought about what was best for her. But with her finding her own legs to stand on, her own friends, her own purpose, those feelings were slowly coming back.. "Her life is changing though, and yes, there's room for me, but I'm not everything, and with that space growing between us.. It's difficult to think about. I don't think I've changed much since before my father passed. Still don't like people, still feel hated, ostracized at times because of what I am and what I can and cannot do. And I much rather be alone than find satisfactions the same way she does."
How long had they known each other now? A month? Perhaps a little more than that? Such a short amount of time had passed, but even he couldn't deny the fondness he felt for Vivre. To him, there was something special about being with the halfling, an initial curiosity that sparked a stronger interest with each time they met.
That Hollowness inside of him, maybe it grew a little less vast with each moment he spent with Vivre.
"I may have said it before, though, but I'm happy being with you. I enjoy making these plans with you and bringing you things to try. Even now, while you're in training, you've made time for me, and that feels pretty significant for me, regardless of whether or not this moment for you feels the same." Mali set the basket he held off to the side, then placed his elbows on his knees, hands folding under his chin as he peered down the side of the building.
"There aren't many things that bring me joy, but being with you like this does, and for now that is enough."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 1:20 pm
It turned to leaned back. A hand set down behind it and using it as a anchor for its weight as it looked down. The air was cool and smelled sweet. Of grass and warming streets and moving clouds. It had been training for weeks that it scarcely had time to notice much about the world around it. Wake. Eat. Train. Read. Tea and Discussion. Train. Eat. Shower. Bed. Everything felt a stretch of set times that left no room for anything else. Even now its body was sore and exhausted but it wanted to be out for even a moment if it meant some time to breath.
It wondered how their respective hollowness compared. Mali had lost family and in that place the support that kept the growing young man to deal with life and it was necessity, responsibility, and the love of his sister with the hope of sticking together with a family threatening to test them apart for money that kept them glued. As teenhood was taken from him, Mali was left as an adult no longer needing to sacrifice as much. And without that the hollowness could return. He would need new reasons and purpose.
And what of its hollowness? Well that it was letting be carved out. Gutted to bone and marrow in order to filled with the right filling. Then down to the nuts and bolts, keeping whatever original framework that still could be repurposed and the rest tossed to the fires. Then it would rebuild. Each day. Each training. Each order.
"I like this too. It makes me understand things a bit better. Less out of touch." It could learn and in learning make better decisions if left to it's own devices. Predict people in regards how people thought and acted. "I'm around officers and training. This is different. It is still learning but not as forward."
"I'll have to wait on seeing you. After training. Then we can make plans again." It said.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 4:25 pm
”Me, different? I feel that is more true than you think... I’m that stain, that blight on the Negaverse, who’s thoughts are toxic and who’s questions sparks more issues with each utterance. It is a learning, I’d think, one of what to look for when training ends and the work begins.” Nothing had honestly changed his thoughts since the last time they had met about his place in the Negaverse. Less likely to leave, sure, but only due to a promise he held dearly with Vivre...
“I can wait, as long as you need. Even if they continue to work away at what you are to make you as they wish, I hope a piece remains for me to learn about and continue to spread this time with. A piece that enjoys my baking and my company.” There was no telling what would be left after the end of that boot camp, but he dearly wished that some humanity remained.
Something left he could hold close and treasure.
“Next time though, if your body is not so tired then and you have more time, I would like to go on a true patrol, where we fight side by side. It’s as they say, bonds are deepened through battle, and I still do wish to be closer to you. Both here, on the rooftop where I am myself, honest and worrying, and out there, a tool to the Negaverse, as you are learning to further be. Would you enjoy that as well?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 4:42 pm
It stared back. "I used to know every useful senshi. Ones I've fought with proudly. They are not all like that." It said, but left it at that. It could talk for ages on the matter but if Mali was set on feeling that way, talk would continue to be cheap. This was not a lesson just easily learned.
"It's what I wish too. There is a lot that I need changed to be better." It said as it continued to look out across the city at the lights and the one passing airplane above.
It was surprised to hear that Mali wanted to fight though and looked back away from the city to the senshi for a moment. "I'd like that. I enjoy fighting the most." And it would like to see how much its training worked in the real world.
"What are you worrying about?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 5:28 pm
”hmm.” His own thoughts were quiet for now, gaze fixated on the city.
There really wasn’t any use on dwelling on his own thoughts, were there? It would simply be him repeating himself over and over.
“You wish it too then? Which part? The part about growing, or the part about having that special bit of you, unshapen to their wishes only for me?” It was a tease, his words in jest as he joined Vivre in leaning back on his hands, then slid all the way back to lie on his back staring up at the sky above.
“Lots of things, but nothing specific. The worries come and go as my mind comes up with them. Right now though... I worry about the food you ate, hoping it sits well, and I worry about whether or not Lori made it home safe from whatever escapade she went on tonight. I also worry about how I am now, and how you are... And will you still enjoy being with me at the end of it all. Will you still allow me to be honest with you when that is over? I want to be closer, I keep saying this, but I worry if I make these feelings more clear, will it make your job harder?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 5:49 pm
It stared at Mali for a moment and then leaned back as well to look up. There were no skyline in the Negaverse. They were somewhere in another world there.
"I wish to be a better person to be able to protect everyone in the Negaverse and do what is necessary in order to spare others. I want to be relied upon by the Queen to do whatever is asked, and be known that it will get done and done right."
The skyline was dotted with stars and the moon glowed out, and all it could think was that somehow the sky became so much crueler the more it knew of senshi and the world. That the entire Earth was surrounded by planets that had once belong to senshi, and still did in some ways, and they were all staring back at this one spot. What was so distant and mysterious had lost its shine and glamour. The pale glow of the moon might as well been a tarnished skull. All ivory and spotted like marrow.
"When I was introduced to the Negaverse, I envied many people for their abilities. Their leadership. Their strict rule. Their bravery. Their own will. It inspired me to better myself and yet as I grew older I saw that these qualities came hand in hand with experience and the heavy demands and sacrifices given to them. They gave up everything of themselves in order to do what was needed for everyone else. That is what drives armies." It breathed out, thinking of the list of those tarnished idols it held so deeply to its heart despite the neverending ache of dusty histories. The tragic endings of long-fought heroes.
"Has anyone inspired you before?" It asked.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 23, 2019 7:48 am
"That's not entirely a bad wish. It's admirable, in a way." The first part, sure, the want to protect. Mali knew that wish all too well, but the thought of the Queen and to serve her. He could care less. Mali did keep that thought to himself though, as was promised.
To him, the sky felt calming.. Somewhere out there was his planet, calling to him, begging him to come home one day and reconnect with it in a way that was forbidden now. No matter how far he reached up and grasped out at it, Zubeneschamali, whatever it was like on that distant star, could not be touched. The Negaverse forbid it... And in a way, he was jealous of those on the White Moon who could reach a home that was all their own.
"No." he answered simply, turning on his side to instead look at Vivre instead of the night above. It was strange, Vivre felt just as out of reach as his homeworld did...
"At least, not within the Negaverse, with a single exception. But it's not an inspiration to be better. I have no desire to be under this strictness, but you know that already, don't you?" Despite the ache in his chest from having it been pulled in so many directions so shortly, Mali could say he was content up here for the moment. Vivre's time right now was his and his alone... Who knew when he'd have such a chance again.
"While I envy that drive of yours, I do not desire it for myself. I've come to a conclusion that the betterment of all and working to protect everyone never once crossed my mind as something I wanted. Bonds are hard to make, relationships, making myself care about people, all of that is just so useless to me. You can never tell what people want or think. No matter how hard you try to see what's best, there's always that possibility that someone is waiting for the right moment to stab you in the back and leave you in ruin. And even then, whose to say someone cares or not? Why should I care for the masses if the masses have no reason to care for me?" A bitter laugh escaped him as he reflected on his own foolishness in thinking that way,
"I say all these miserable things, but I'm still here, I suppose. I have Nubi to still look after, even if she's breaking away, and now I feel I can say I have you. And if we think about it that way, I am inspired to atleast not do anything foolish so that I don't lose you."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 23, 2019 8:17 am
Mali wasn't far from many other people. A general sense of distrust lent itself to expect the worst of others and in that these people held their cards close to their chest. It usually helped with self preservation and those who thought anyone was capable let of great evil weren't often surprised. It knew what humans we're capable of and it was a smart take.
Mali was far more selective in who he invested his time into. Vive, not so much.
It let a moment of silence pass in thought, still looking up at the sky. "Tell me another memory of yours." It asked, glancing to the other but not turning it's head as it took one hand to rest under its head. "If you would."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 23, 2019 8:36 am
For all his thoughts and words he allowed himself to say, Mali wasn't blind to what seemed Vivre's causal dismissal of them. Malicious or not, it caused him to sigh and return his gaze back up to the stars above.
"What sort of memory do you want to hear?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 23, 2019 8:39 am
It thought a moment.
"A sweet one." It asked.
"One you hold dear."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 23, 2019 8:43 am
Given how Vivre had so very blatantly ignored his previous attempt at sweet words, Mali was surprised at the request.
"A sweet memory... The first ones that come to mind are memories of being with you, as they are the most recent, but I doubt you'd like to hear about those, do you?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
