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Ellis didn’t know what to say or do any longer to convince Noah of what point he was trying to get across. He was so caught up in his own anxiety and utterly convinced that this was going to be the breaking point that he hardly even registered that Noah was even speaking to him at all. He nodded, uselessly, and registered too late that the kind, over eager boy was trying to grab his attention.

Suddenly, Noah was crossing around the edge of the booth and sitting next to him, crammed up against his own body simply because there wasn’t enough room. He heard him asking him to look up but he hesitated, on the verge of a true form of panic and concern, but finally pulled his bright eyes away from the table and up to the brilliant green ones that were staring back at him.

Was he on the verge of crying? He wasn’t even sure. Panic was a confusing, awful thing.

“I’m sorry Noah, really,” he started talking to fill the silence. A hand reached out to settle against Noah’s side but he didn’t know if it was to console him or himself. “I want to keep... seeing you, really, but I can’t just turn my back on my friend even if it’s weird and dumb and complicated. I’d understand if, if-“ he swallowed around a lump in his throat and it took everything in him not tonloomaway again, “if all of this is too much.”

Even with his emotions knotted in a ball, Ellis could not deny the fact that he was very sure of one thing: he really, really liked Noah.

Just the presence of the other man was calming in a way that he had not felt in so long; he couldn't even remember the last time he had felt so comfortable around anyone. The line of their legs where they pressed together were warm and steadying and he knew that Noah was navigating the channels of the anxious river like an expert, wading through and slipping his arms around the broken, lost parts of him. He nearly crumbled as a hand reached gently and pulled him close and with no regard at all for where they were or who was watching, he leaned into the brunette and buried his face into the warm crook of his neck.

His heart was beating roughly against his chest but there was a peace in this, in him.

Tears that he had not been able to stop in time brimmed over his bright lashes and dampened the collar of Noah's shirt. Ellis couldn't find it in him to regret it and instead, slid his arm around the other boy's torso so he could anchor himself closer while he listened to the words he spoke over him.

How could he possibly cry and smile at the same time?

Long, slim fingers curled into the too-soft fabric of Noah's sweater and he concentrated on the warmth of his skin against his face and the way he smelled. Bit by little bit the tension eased and his mind started to clear; it wasn't until he was coming down that he realized he had very nearly worked himself up into a panic attack. The redhead mustered enough courage to lift his head and meet Noah's eyes with his own bright, tear stained ones. His lashes were matted and shiny from the way he had rubbed them into Noah's neckline, making him bright-eyed if a little sad.

"That's not.. why I wanted to tell you," he said, softly, "it's just complicated because I'm trying to hold onto him as a friend but nothing makes sense with us. We just fight, always, for no reason. Being with you has been... really different."

His fingers tightened on Noah's sweater possessively before he forced them to let go, realizing of a sudden where they were and how many eyes were trying to peek at them tucked in their booth without looking too obvious about their staring. Not that Ellis cared too much, but he sat up straighter just to avoid a scene.

"I just want you to know that if you really want to be in my life, then K might have to be a part of it too. Not the same way... well, not like I want you to be, but still." A soft flush brushed the apples of his cheeks and he gave Noah that gentle, shy smile that was wholly Ellis. "Thank you for this."

The unspoken question hung in the air between them and though he knew, he thought, what Noah wanted to ask, he didn't push the subject either. He just leaned his head into the hand that braced against his cheek and let his eyes lull while he brushed his thumb against it. It was soothing with each soft, gentle stroke.

Even the nosy girls and Noah's rather sudden flip of the finger couldn't ruin the glow of peace that was settling in the wake of his almost-panic.

He let his hand settle gently on Noah's knee and leaned into his side. For once, he was not so ashamed of his weakness. He could tell that it did not deter the other in the slightest and instead of making him feel guilty for his inability to cope, he was willing to comfort him in a way that Ellis had never even known he needed. It made the romantic in his heart (and his head) want to put pen to paper and write something beautiful about their moment but, if he did, that meant he would have to stop living in it and he wanted to hold onto this for as long as he could.

"Yeah," he said, shrinking against Noah and using the other boy's body to keep the prying eyes of the diner away from him. He felt raw and exposed and though it was odd that he didn't mind letting Noah see that, he wasn't ready for everyone else to be privy to his soft, gooey soul. "That actually sounds really nice. Do you think we can stop them before they plate it for here?"

His fingers drew idle circles on Noah's knee as he spoke, stealing comfort for himself in any form he could find it.

"My apartment isn't far from here, or, there's some nice quiet places in the park..." His home was his safe place but he knew that was a bold question for a second date, even if he didn't mean anything by it. "Poe was sad when I left."

Ellis was reluctant to let Noah leave but he did with a tight smile and a nod, not letting go of him until he was beyond his grip. His fingers slid off of his leg and his sweater and fell, gracelessly, with a thud against the plastic seat. He stayed where he was for a moment and watched the handsome boy as he went up to the long counter to speak with the waitress, letting his eyes rest on the line of his shoulders from behind and easy way he leaned into the counter.

With one last, quick sip of his lemonade, he slid out of the booth and headed for the door they had entered through - the smile on his lips was pleased and shameless, even as people whispered a little in his passing. Strangers didn't matter to him anyway.

Once he was outside he drew a deep, satisfied breath of air and stretched his long arms overhead. The diner hadn't been nearly as stifling as the barn at the petting zoo but it still calmed him to breath deep lungs of fresh, breezy air. He was worked up for an entirely different reason today but, again, Noah was there to rescue him - even if it was from himself and his own judgments. With his eyes on the clouds, he took a few steps away from the entrance and leaned a shoulder into the lamp post that was just outside of the pathway leading up to the door. It put him out of way of the people milling in and out of the diner but not too far that Noah wouldn't see him immediately.

The minutes ticked by but, oddly, Ellis did not feel the anxiety settling between his shoulder blades like he usually would have after an episode like that. There was a trust in him that Noah would be out as soon as the food was ready and that held him secure, like a tether to his serenity, so much so that he felt like he could feel him lingering just beyond the closed doors. The thought made the corner of his lip quirk, finding the humor in that with himself. Even he could admit that sometimes he was a little too much of a flowery romantic but he didn't mind it, especially not now.

He was calm and happy; he could wait.

With his mind in the clouds, Ellis didn’t even realize that Noah had walked out of the building behind him until an arm was suddenly curled around his waist and drawing him close. A pleased, breathy laugh tumbled from his lips as he rolled bright eyes towards the green ones that looked upon him such complete fondness. So much for being able to feel him getting close, he thought amusedly.

“Yeah,” he smiled up, “Let’s go.”

The walk wasn’t long but it was nice, even for the few stares that got cast their way. Not all of them were bad - some of them were just curious, even a little pleased, but Ellis paid few of them any heed. He was just pleased to be with noah, even if the smell of the food he was carrying had his stomach rumbling in minutes. He’d gotten so emotional that he had all but forgotten how utterly hungry he was. It didn’t take his body long to remind him.

It only took them ten or fifteen minutes to arrive at the apartments; they were old but well maintained, even if the part of town they were in showed signs of wear and tear. In their prime, they were probably top tier, but at a glance that was probably Some time in the 80s at best. Ellis steered Noah towards a staircase and regrettably unwound himself from his hands to bound up quickly to the third floor. His keys were in hand in a breath and he swung his door open onto an apartment that was quaint, if not terribly fancy. The main room was just a kitchen with a wrap around counter and a half wall that separated it from the living space to the left. A long hallway led off of it, trailing to the bedrooms and the single bath he shared with K.

“Welcome to my place,” he turned as he entered and offered Noah a small smile. It wasn’t much, but it was his. “Make yourself at home.”

He leaned down and began to unlace his boots with nimble fingers but pointed at the old leather couch and coffee table in the room beyond. An older flat screen sat on a hand-me-down entertainment center that had been his parents before his mom moved in with he sister’s. There wasn’t much for decoration apart from a picture of a man that looked like Ellis, but older, and a few others of him as a child with a silver haired boy that was much too serious even for his age.

Ellis ignored them all and kicked his boots off at last,

“I’ll let Poe out after we eat. He’s terribly nosy.”

An bubbling laugh answered Noah first as he paused halfway through unloading the food onto his coffee table. The tilt of his head made Ellis smile and he nodded. Here, alone in his apartment with the boy and a bag stuffed full of good food made the incident at the diner seem like a distant memory. It was warm and comforting here, even with K's pouty eyes staring out from picture frames.

This was a safe place.

"Yeah, it's fine," he crossed the room and plopped onto the worn leather couch next to Noah, reaching at the same time for a parcel of food wrapped in checkered wax paper - it looked sandwich shaped, after all. He was glad it was still warm to the touch as he pulled the paper back. "I don't really have room for a table and the counter is usually just cluttered with whatever."

In fact, at that moment, Ellis' bag and journal were resting on the only spot that was probably suitable for pulling a bar stool up to. He didn't have those, though. Sitting alone on a bar stool to eat dinner made him feel even worse than curling up on the couch with a bowl of cereal, which was his usual go to if he didn't bring something greasy and awful home from the bar kitchen.

"Oh, do you wanna watch something?"

Almost as an afterthought, he set his sandwich down and began digging around in the couch cushions for a remote. The old couch was plush but worn, there was plenty of room for things to disappear even if he felt like he had left them right there. Giving up on his side of the couch, he turned and crawled onto his knees, reaching into the crevice behind Noah and then stretching behind him to the other side, heedless of the way his ribs brushed against the other boy's back. At last, fingertips brushed hard plastic and he grasped it, yanking hard and finally pulling it free.

With an exhale, he swung his legs back out beside Noah's and flashed him a playful smile.

"I only have Netflix," he shrugged, clicking the TV on. It was nice background noise even if Noah didn't care to watch anything. "So if there's something you like I can put it on."

When the flushed tinged Ellis' cheeks that time, it had a lot less to do with the kiss and a lot more to do with the timing of it. He let his eyes lull for the duration of their lips crashing into other and then followed the departure with a smile that made them look lazy and contented.

"And you are unfairly endearing," he mumbled, butting his shoulder into Noah's as he held the remote out and clicked the tv on. A few quick button presses and he had navigated to the Netflix screen of his Roku stick, immediately looking for the most ridiculous competitive cooking show that it gave him. A few swipes and he settled on Zumbo's Just Desserts.

"This one is terrible and perfect."

The overzealous opening flickered to life and he punched the volume down just a couple of notches as it blared through the speaks. Then he tossed the remote down onto the seat next to him (it was no wonder he kept losing it) and reached the grilled cheese that he had ordered a lifetime ago, or at least it seemed that way. He took a bite of it and chewed for a moment, then widened his bright blues as he glanced back at Noah. He remembered to swallow first, at least.

"This is delicious, you weren't wrong."

Ellis was a simple guy and the the tangy, cheesy goodness was just what he needed. Well, apart from the company of the boy next to him.

"I like to watch them and see all the things I'm too terrible and lazy to make," he said with a laugh as he chewed on another bite of his sandwich. Ellis himself never really cooked much and after his father passed, well, his mother had been a bit too much of a mess to remember to feed him in the first place. He was pretty accustomed to hamburger helper and microwave mac n' cheese; it fit his budget and didn't take a lot of effort.

He had zoned out on some ridiculously bright scene on the television, all of it reflected against his eyes, when he heard Noah rustling around in another bag. The baby blues dropped curiously until he saw him pull out the milkshake. It put a smile on his face so wide that he could feel his cheeks groaning physically from the strain.

"And you say you aren't endearing," he accused, narrowing his eyes playfully even if he couldn't make the smile budge from his lips, "but thank you anyway. If you stick it in the freezer there's some water bottles in the fridge too. We can maybe share it when it's not so soft?"

It really did feel natural here with Noah. They were just two people in a perfect moment of domestic bliss, eating lunch and watching terrible Netflix shows. It struck him oddly as he realized how normal it felt; Noah really was endearing himself to the pretty redhead as he called him and it should have been scarier than it was to realize how at ease and comfortable he was with it already.

"This is nice." The words were soft but pleased, honest.