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 Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2018 10:24 pm
 It was all...well, a lot for him. So much talking when he hardly talked to anybody anymore. Even his uncle had fallen silent the past month or so, and it certainly hadn't helped with his disposition. So...as he was talked to, he visibly loosened. His nerves were soothed, if not by word, but just by having another voice. At least, one that wasn't trying to berate him, hit on him, or otherwise try and get some sort of rise out of him.
"I don't know what I want." It was the alcohol, he would later insist. "I sometimes feel like life would be better if I wasn't alive. Like, maybe dad wouldn't have left. But all I can do is...play video games and s**t. And iunno. Draw. s**t that doesn't get you anywhere."
Looking up, his mismatched eyes met Loth's green ones. "...I don't know what you mean by that," he admitted, "Like..find out what I wanna do? I thought I wanted to do this and look how that turned out. I can't do these things to save my life, clearly."
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Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2018 10:59 pm
"You know, i don't think you're enjoying your drink anymore then the level of sound out there. Would you prefer a beverage of a less alcoholic nature? I can either have one of the staff bring something up, or you can come up to my office and have some tea." He sighed and held up a hand to forestall anything. "I am offering because it is less noisy there, my personal stash of tea is much better then what they use for iced tea down at the bar, and frankly, if a cop comes in, I can excuse having someone underage in my office, but not down here."
An ironic smile twisted his lips. "I'll be having the proverbial hide of my doorman for this, they're supposed to be better judges. And no, I'm not going to call the cops on you. Or try anything. I know what interest looks like, and if there is something that could be called the opposite of it, you have shown that, regarding anything of a physical nature. I have no interest in the underage or the uninterested. This is just me protecting my business."
He then leaned back, considering what AJ had said, eyes thoughtful. Depression, just a touch, in there it sounded like. Or possibly more. Despondent, lost, unsure of what he wanted. Whatever AJ was looking for in these club trips, it wasn't clubbing. Loth had a feeling it was meaning.
And he wasn't going to find that here.
"From what you said, you thought you should want to do this. That's not the same thing, not the same thing at all. Drawing can get you somewhere. Playing video games... Well there's tournaments and stuff, but I don't know how long being a pro lasts, or how well it pays. But there's... all kinds of jobs, many art related, in the gaming industry. Do any of them interest you, if you like games?"
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2018 8:45 pm
And with that, a thought entered his mind. Not too suddenly, the offer of tea was nice, and even with Loth's assurance of nothing weird, he was more than ready to accept. Hell, his flopped-down ear perked up more than it had since he was much younger at the suggestion, and it looked like a smile was threatening to appear on his face. He wanting to make a smartass quip about just being too good to slip past bouncers, and he wanted to try and at least make a little night of this. Maybe laugh. Make one of those friend things he'd heard so much about.
But in the end, intrusive thoughts put a stop to all of that almost immediately. The realization dawned on him, that as much as he wanted to enjoy things in life, things he wanted to love, and grow into, and do...it didn't interest him. Nothing interested him anymore. Whatever zest he had for his hobbies and skills had, at some point, faded away. It was impossible to pinpoint when, exactly, that had happened, and AJ remained silent as he tried to think about his words before speaking.
"...Nothing does. I don't wanna do anything anymore. I know I can do it, I just don't want to. It's a waste of time, even if I get cash from it. So why should I bother in the first place?"
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2018 9:06 pm
Loth saw the ear perk, and tilted his head, waiting on a response on the offer. It never came, though. He watched the young man's face as he processed everything, and considered, and then seemed to droop, even if it wasn't an actual physical droop. He was more concerned by that reaction then anything else, though he did not let it show.
And then the words came and his eyes widened a little, as he heard it. Oh, he knew what those words sounded like, could mean. He frowned, slowly, trying to figure out how to respond to it. The expression was in no way judging, just concerned and serious.
Finally, he said slowly "The tea is still on offer. As for nothing interesting you anymore..." He leaned his head back, and said "Please do not take this wrong. Please don't take this as accusation, judgmental, or otherwise. That sounds like depression. I know that feeling. I went through a phase of it, before I realized I could break away from what was 'expected' of me, and honestly, I have my friends to thank for being here. I don't know much about your life, obviously, but... Have you thought of talking to a therapist? Or seeing out anti depressants?"
He paused, and then in a slightly harsh tone, added "Don't let anyone lie to you. There is NO shame in seeking help. The strongest people are the ones who can look at themselves and acknowledge they need help. I've had people tell me I'm weak for getting the help I need. They're fools. After all, look at me. I'm a successful businessman, I have everything I need, and then some. If I was weak, I'd never have made it this far."
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2018 8:01 pm
Despite Loth's request to not take it as an insult or anything of the like, it couldn't be helped. He wasn't depressed. That would mean he was broken, useless, a freak. A phase? Therapists? Medication? It all meant that he was broken. That's all. It meant nothing else for the time being, and his face contorted into what could only be described as a snarl, complete with a lip twitch.
But at Loth continued, his voice was all it took to soothe the beast that was ready to rage. It wasn't the slow, calming tone, but the harsh edge to his next words. It wasn't being treated like something to ashamed of, and Loth was affirming that. But, still...
"...I'm not strong."
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2018 8:14 pm
Loth saw all of it... The way he looked angry, furious, the snarling expression. Loth recognized it, too. That was the face of someone who hated the idea of it, probably because they had bought into the idea of it being a 'bad thing' to need help for their mental state, and thus was ready to reject the concept with force, if needed.
And then AJ suddenly seemed to calm down, and Loth wanted to smile, though his expression never changed at all. It was amazing what a little honestly, cold and rough, could do. Sometimes, harsh honesty did so much more than gentleness and coddling ever could. He studied the younger man, and his brows lifted at the response.
There was a long moment of silence, where he considered the boy's words, and how to reply to them, because if there was one thing Loth was sure of... It was that AJ was as wrong about that as possible. Finally, his green eyes focused on AJ's, and he said, bluntly, "Bullshit."
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