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 Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2018 7:05 pm
The moment Benji’s arms were around him, the sobbing began and it was only a second later that Caleb had all but flung himself into the other boy’s embrace, his arms tightening around Benji like a vice. “I…no…I’m sorry. I liked it.” His words were muffled, coming out between sobs.
“I liked the kiss and I want m-more but.”
Caleb’s fingers gripped the back of Benji’s shirt as an extra measure to keep him close. “I like you…I like you a lot Benji…you…you’re so different than him…”
Finally the sobbing was too much to allow speech and Caleb just let it happen until finally he was able to catch his breath. He looked up at the white haired male, his eyes puffy and red rimmed. “I want to be your friend…but later…I…If you’re still single…I would…maybe like to kiss you again…and play with your hair and laugh with you…”
The words were a whisper but he hoped that their meaning came through. “I want…to keep you close to me…I feel better when we’re touching…I…I’m sorry if that sounds weird…you…”
He swallowed, burying his face against the damp front of Benji’s shirt. “You’re like something from a dream. I’m afraid if I’m apart from you…you’ll just vanish.”
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2018 7:22 pm
While Benji had expected to get a hug back, he didn't expect to nearly be toppled over, clung to so tightly that for a moment he thought he wasn't going to be able to breathe.
Without speaking, he just let Caleb sob, going on and on through his tears. And as he listened, he couldn't help but wonder just what sort of person his ex had been like. Were they so distant that even the simple things he did like notice he was hurting or being worried were so strange and foreign? Whoever this person was, the very thought of them starting to piss Benji off.
"I don't want to rush anything. And I really don't like the idea of you wanting anything more from me right now, not right when you're not even twenty four hours from a break up. Give it time, then.. Yeah, sure, after we're friends for a while, we'll try something else if it feels right, got it?" Though he was small, he was decently strong for his size, and shifted himself around so that he was laying flat on the couch, Caleb half on top of him, half laying on his side, and not letting the taller man go once.
"Naw... Not weird at all... You can hold me as log as you'd like if it makes you feel better." The thought of that need for touch and comfort brought back his feelings for Ptolemaeus, and how everything Caleb was saying sounded just like how he felt whenever he saw the older man. Maybe it wasn't healthy to think that way, but... It was nice that he wasn't the only person who ever felt that way.
"I'm not going anywhere, though calling me something from a dream seems like a bit of a stretch. I swear, I'm not that good. Certified little s**t most of the time, you've seen that first hand."
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2018 7:38 pm
Caleb nodded, feeling exhausted. “I don’t mind giving it time…that’s what…that’s what I was asking for…but you seemed so upset it…I didn’t mean to upset you…”
He wasn’t quite feeling better, but he was starting to slowly get there. The quiet sound of Benji’s heartbeat was more soothing than he wanted to admit and with a quiet sigh he closed his eyes. “Sorry. I’m just a mess right now. I shouldn’t have had you come over…I thought I was in better control of myself but…Guess I was wrong.”
Caleb liked this. Liked being held. Being…protected. It felt nice. “If I can ever be there for you like you’ve been here for me…let me know, okay Benji? I mean…you and I just met…but honestly…I’ve…I feel like we’ve known each other for years and years…sorry if that’s creepy. But…I guess…it’s not so creepy. People who meet on dating sites meet and go to one another’s houses right away I guess…but…I promise I’m not going to murder you…so that’s something…isn’t it?”
He glanced up and attempted a smile that was almost passable.
A moment later his stomach gave another mighty roar and Caleb sighed heavily. “…I know we just got comfortable…but…do you think…I could have some food?”
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2018 8:00 pm
"I think you were confused. I wasn't upset about being told no. That'd be really shitty of me to be like that.. I was more upset that I hurt you when you're already hurting. So again, I'm sorry..." While they laid there together for a time, Benji allowed himself to close his eyes and focus only on Caleb. Those shuddering breaths were slowly subsiding, and he could hear those tears finally stopping. There was no doubt that Caleb was exhausted now; he knew he would be too if he cried that hard.
"Mhm... Yeah, don't think too much about it. I trust you, and that's enough." Remembering how much Caleb seemed to like it, he let go of him in the hug and wiggled to move his hands up, threading through his hair and just gently flattening it and poofing it up again. It was silly, but he hoped it made Caleb smile.
After some time, he heard the growl, feeling it reverberate against his own belly as they laid so close to one another, earning a soft laugh.
"Sure. Actually, I'm happy to hear that. I promise it's good stuff." After what Caleb had said, he was almost hesitant to let him go, but it wasn't as if he was just going to get up and leave. The pizza was right there in front of them, and after they pulled away, he made sure to keep his leg pressed up close against his.
A little touch should be just enough to keep him from thinking he'd leave, atleast that's what he hoped.
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 7:46 am
When Benji began to play with his hair, all of the stress melted and Caleb fully relaxed against him. He didn’t protest when they both sat up, and when he got a plate of…taco pizza in his lap, he allowed himself to slump against Benji. “Sorry I’m such a head case right now. I promise, I’m normally a completely rational guy most of the time…this…this has just messed me up in all sorts of ways like, I don’t even know.”
He took a bite of the food, and then another. “…******** this is really good…”
If he hadn’t freaked out so badly...it would have been warmer, but…but if he hadn’t freaked out so badly he wouldn’t have gotten his feelings across either.
“So…how do I work for it, Benji…?”
They words were still ricocheting through his mind and they made him both uncomfortable and sad…’ And you're right, I don't want to be a ******** rebound, so if you want it, work for it.’
He hadn’t tried to make it…he had stopped it because he himself didn’t want Benji to be a rebound…and then to just…
“…What do you want in a partner? Just for my future knowledge, in case we ever decide to move in that direction…”
Caleb had finished his first piece of pizza by now and was going in for a second, his stomach much quieter now that it had something better to do.
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 9:10 am
"Look. No more apologizes, okay? You're good. That last sorry covers anything else that happens today." Benji gently nudged Caleb in the rib with his elbow, hoping he got the point across. There was only 'so much' patience he had in any given day, and while he was doing his best to keep it going, he was sure he'd lose it if he heard any more goddamn 'sorry's'.
That, he kept to himself though.
He only smiled as he took his own huge slice and chowed down on it, letting out a snorted laugh when he Caleb seemed to like it too. Then.. The question was posed and he nearly choked on his food at that.
"Geesh, man, you can't ask that out loud while someone's eating!" His face was flushed red, not only from his coughing fit but from the sheer embarrassment of it all. For someone who was crying just a few seconds ago, Benji couldn't help but think he had some nerve coming out and saying something like that!
"... Honestly, I don't ******** know. I've never dated any one before, not really. I can't say things like 'oh, they have to be sweet and loving and kind' because i figure, that's... Default right? So... Uh... Do your best? Be my friend, most of all. Pfft, I bet it doesn't seem like it, but I don't really have many either. Being friends makes it all the more easier to go to the next step, at least that's what I think anyway. If it's supposed to happen, then it will. Simple as that."
He hoped Caleb wouldn't dig any deeper, and slowly picked up another piece of the pizza, letting out a soft sigh before taking another bit.
"... What do you want?"
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 1:53 pm
He hadn’t thought the question was…too odd…but Benji’s reaction to it almost amused him and Caleb watched, shoving a large bite of pizza into his mouth to hid the fact he was trying to smile.
When he had forced the food down his throat he continued to watch Benji and finally allowed the smile to come. “You know, you’re really cute when you’re flustered…I…you like using the word ********, don’t you? Does it make you feel…stronger? Bigger?” There was no accusation in the words, just honest curiosity.
“What do I want in a partner? I want someone who I can talk to…and who I can laugh with…someone who comforts me when I’m upset…hell…” He reached down, plucking a rather limp piece of lettuce off of the pizza and flinging it onto the box. “I want someone who realizes that I’m upset…and honestly, Benji, you’re hitting the mark.” He shrugged. “I should keep my mouth shut, but…”
Caleb glanced away, seeming thoughtful. “I don’t know how far off from the truth you were yesterday when you accused me of cheating on him. I felt something with you, I can’t lie about that. When…we were in the balloon, I liked having you in my arms. Comforting you. It made me feel important…like I could do something to help I mean…even though I’m the reason that you were in that situation…”
The brunette rubbed at his eyes, unwilling to look at Benji now. He knew he was saying too much. Knew that this could send them both into some sort of unhappy spiral but…he couldn’t seem to get the words to stop.
“I think I’m more upset about the fact that he didn’t try to say anything in his own defense. And the fact that he didn’t say that he was sorry for hurting me…I’m more upset with…the way he acted than actually…losing him because…look if I’m going to be honest, I’ve been angry at him since Halloween time. We went to some event…there were spiders…but he said something that really…got under my skin.”
Finally, finally Caleb was able to look Benji in the face again. “And…he never noticed. Never noticed that I was upset. For months it festered…but he never noticed or cared and…honestly? If I’m really being honest here…I feel…so much free…er. Without him. So much lighter. Like something heavy was around my shoulders and it had tricked me into thinking it was comforting but…all it was doing was weighing me down…”
His gaze slid away again and Caleb sighed. “If that makes me sound like a horrible person, which I kind of think it does I…Well. You know. I’m the S word. That you literally just told me not to say, but the feeling is there so…deal with it.”
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2018 11:28 am
Why was Caleb teasing him?! Okay, sure, maybe the words weren't toned as being teasing, but to Benji they were! His face felt like it was glowing hotter by the second, a mixture of agitation and embarrassment.
"You know, you should really shut up right about now. I can say what I want." He muttered himself, putting down his napkin and crossing his arms in front of his chest in a half pout half joking manner. while he really did want to become irate about all this stupid flirting and questioning, Caleb had just stopped crying and... Well, he'd rather keep it that way.
Feeling contently full for now, Benji closed his eye, leaning back and just listening to his friend talk, nodding every now and then. It all... ********, it made so much sense, and though he couldn't exactly say he understood all of it, he felt so bad for Caleb... At the same time he felt the urge to put his own guards up. Sure, he was complimented and told he was something Caleb was looking for for a while, but it just felt dirty hearing it.
"I liked you you treated me when were were at the fair. I liked the attention and the comfort and the flirting. I liked it all, but It's all kinda greyed out right now, you know? I can't focus on it or even think about it when you're hurting like this. All I see and want to do is to make you feel better." All of it, everything seemed a little too fairy tale like, they way they met, how he had gone into his arms to try to relax. Yeah, he knew it wasn't staged but it all felt too.. Perfect. Nothing was ever that simple for him.. Life was never so kind to him, why would it be now?
Yet he didn't voice it. No, it was a thought he'd keep to himself, and instead of saying anything at all, he put his arm around Caleb's shoulder, opening his eye to look at him for just a moment before closing it again.
"Whatever kinda person you boyfriend is, or was, I feel like... I dunno, ya'll both need to talk it out. Maybe not get back together but just lay out every single goddamn thing you've told me to him, let him read it via text, or letter or something, and then go from there. He's already gone, moved out, all that, but it's not closure to a bad chapter, it's just a bullshit pissbaby running away. Even if he doesn't want to talk, or rips up the letter or deletes it, at least you know you sent it. Get it all off your chest before you do your next thing."
Benji's arms slid down, instead loosely holding onto the small of Caleb's back.
"Do you think you'd be able to do that?"
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2018 2:49 pm
Caleb nodded slowly. “That makes a lot of sense. I’m not…I’m not good with all of this, Benji. This was my first relationship and I don’t know…I just…never expected this….but the letter seems like a really good idea. Or I can text him. I’ll clean up the house—I’m sure he forgot some of his crap here I…we could talk when he comes to get it…”
He gave a large yawn and snuggled closer to Benji, letting his own eyes close. He felt utterly exhausted and now that his stomach was full there was nothing keeping him from taking a nap…nothing but…
“Hey, would you be upset if I asked you to stay the night? I just…I don’t want to be alone.”
Having the warmth and comfort of another body with him would be nice…he could sleep and tomorrow he’d be able to just deal with everything as it came. “…I know it’s not time for bed, but I’m just tired, last night wasn’t the best night for sleeping, so…you don’t have to stay, I’m sure you have better things to do but…just in case, I would appreciate you here with me…besides…”
He gave another great yawn, relaxing slightly. “…If nothing else, you make a damn good pillow.”
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2018 11:04 am
"Well, that's what the first try is always about. You live and learn. Life is about experiences, not just having one thing and sticking to it like glue. If something's bad, let it go. And who knows, maybe you'll be able to save it and have a proper thing going on. Or atleast a good friend. You still like things about him, I'm sure. Just let those be what you remember and make a friendship based on that. Or hell, I don't know, I've never been through this so I'm literally just speaking through my a**." Benji this time laughed at his stupid realization, that he was just giving advice that he had no real reason to believe would work anyway. And as Caleb snuggled closer to him, he simply squeezed him more. Even if he had no intention of looking for romance right now, given... You know, everything, he appreciated the warmth there.
"Stay the night? I mean, I guess I could, but I probably should go back to my dorm real quick and get some things. Classes and what not." That and he wanted to make sure he had clothes of his own to wear in case his ex came by and all that. That's just what he needed, to be caught wearing Caleb's pajamas and causing more trouble.
After thinking a bit, he decided to just roll with it for now, shifting to put his legs on the couch and pulling Caleb down on top of him, hugging him close this time and patting his hair again.
"Alright, I'll stay for a bit, while you nap. We'll chill then, I dunno, maybe you'll feel up to taking a ride on my bike to the dorms real quick, then we can come back here. You can see what it's like to be a messy college student and all that. How's that sound?"
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2018 2:19 pm
Caleb’s eyebrows went up at Benji’s admission that he had no idea what sort of advice he was even giving…but it all sounded pretty solid so…he couldn’t complain too much about it…and it really…it seemed logical at the very least.
Perhaps that was why it was good to have someone else over after a breakup…you ended up too emotional but the other person had the ability to be logical and…it all eventually might get balanced out. A little. If you were lucky and…
Perhaps Caleb was just lucky.
His mind was slow to put the all of the words together that Benji was saying, and he imagined the boy riding over here on a bicycle from one of the city’s many schools. Did he go to Hillworth? Azure Valley?
Pausing, he frowned. “Wait, wait…you’re in college? But…”
His eyes closed as he was pulled closer to the male, nuzzling his face into the crook of Benji's neck for a moment, his lips seeking out the soft skin there of their own accord.
This felt really, really good...but...
Suddenly the image of the two of them pedaling down the street on some tandem bicycle to one of the highschools around vanished, replaced by him with his arms wrapped around Benji on a motorcycle.
“You don’t mean…like a pedal bike…you mean a vroom vroom…”
Oh good lord.
“I’m sorry. My vocabulary is shot. I…you look so young I thought you were maybe late sixteen or seventeen at best…I just turned eighteen last month so...but...I never expected you to be older than me. I start college next year. DCU.”
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2018 3:02 pm
"Yeah... DCU. Skipped a grade, long story, and all that... Dunno if you wanna---ahhhh..." Benji's eyes quickly squeezed shut at the feeling of lips on his neck, a tangible shiver could be felt by Caleb for sure. He couldn't help it. Had anyone kissed him there before...? No, not even Ptolemaeus and all his awkwardness had been so intimately close to knew that reaction would come.
There was a weird twisted knot that was forming in his bell that caused his hands to move from Caleb's hair to his back and grip at the fabric there, and he didn't fight it this time.
It wasn't right, no, not at all, but... Maybe if he ignored it, Caleb would too.
"U-Uh... Y-yeah... I-it's a motorcycle... Uh... I just turned eighteen last month too... Uh... " <********.
"I bet it's not my face that uh... Makes me look young... It's my height, isn't it?"
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2018 4:02 pm
Skipped a grade. DCU. Okay, so that made sense. What…what didn’t quite made sense was how Benji’s words suddenly sounded kind of breathless and the way he was gripping to his shirt now…
Caleb only pressed a little closer. “Well…happy belated birthday, Benji…” The words were difficult to hear as Caleb pressed his lips to the other male’s neck again, tenderly kissing the same spot, though this time doing it with a bit more desire and focus. It wasn’t just his body reacting to the embrace…
He wanted it.
Slowly, Caleb gave the other male’s neck a light n** and began to suckle the spot he was favoring, his own eyes closing slightly, burrowing closer to Benji, his own arm wrapping around the pale haired boy’s waist, squeezing softly.
Finally he raised his head a little to glance at Benji’s face, his eyes flickering to the mark which had appeared on the male’s pale skin. “You are kind of short, Pookie.” His voice was light, teasing…more relaxed than anything else had be, and without waiting for a proper answer, he moved back, kissing lightly at the spot again.
Benji smelled…good. It was nice to be this close.
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2018 5:06 pm
"Caleb..." Benji breathed out softly, head tilting at the sensations on his neck and encouraging more. Of all the birthday gifts he got from people, this.. Yeah, this one took the cake and he almost wanted to beg for more.
Maybe he did a little, the way his hand came up to thread into Caleb's hair, or maybe it was the way his fingers brushed against the mark that Caleb's lips had left...
"Stop... Calling me Pookie..." Finally finding his breath again, he half-heartedly gave a glare, before easing back into the kisses that started up again, shivering as he felt his body react in a way far more than he really wanted it to.
"If you're... Ah.... Giving me this for my birthday... What do you want from me...?"
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2018 5:18 pm
Benji was enjoying this as much as Caleb was and the male had no intentions of stopping…not until he left a good mark on him. Hopefully one that would last for a while…one that wouldn’t let Benji forget Caleb for a while…
He chuckled softly and moved his head up, shifting his body along the other male’s just slightly so he could reach his lips. “But I like calling you Pookie…it’s cute, just like you are.” For a moment, Caleb simply gazed into Benji’s eye, enjoying the soft yellow glow for a moment before pressing his lips softly against the other male’s.
It was a brief kiss, at least at first, he seemed almost thoughtful, then grinned, the expression splitting his face like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. “You being here is more than enough for me, Benji…I can’t even begin to describe how happy I am that you took the time to check up on me…and brought me food and…gave me comfort that I didn’t realize I needed…but…thank you. Honestly. Thank you.”
His lips covered Benji’s again and there were no more words to be said.
Words were a distraction…and right now, Caleb had all of the distractions he could ever need.
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