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 Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 4:28 pm
Waiting For My Santa Baby
Rónán witnesses a very unique astronomical event, meets a lovely lady....and manages to acquire her number.
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Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2021 12:40 am
doubt
[wc: 502 words]
Lionel did not like to think of himself as a responsible person. In fact, he generally figured he was sort of the opposite; someone a little feckless and a little irresponsible when it came to anything other than his personal security (financial or otherwise.)
And yet, here he was, shouldered with a massive responsibility to handle.
He'd taken Guinevere on, when she fell to darkness in that battle on the hill. She was his responsibility. He needed to look out for her. But there was so much to consider, especially given the situation with her and the aliens. Who were ostensibly now their allies.
Ugh, Lionel hated this. He should have been more careful, should have stopped her faster--should have passed on the most important order, which was that they weren't supposed to harm the strangers from outer space. And he hadn't stopped it, had just...let her take a life, and he wondered how she was processing that.
What would it mean, to have your first memory be one of murder? What did it mean about Chaos that it had changed her so profoundly? That one moment she had been protecting her friends and striking out, and the next, with nary a change except for the black on her fuku and the wiping of her memory, she was ready to kill for a cause she didn't even know?
The thought made Lionel's blood run cold.
And if it could change her that much, what did that mean for him? What had Chaos done, over the years it had lived in his soul? What pieces of him had it corroded? Would he kill as gladly and easily as she had, under the right circumstances?
There was no way to know, and that terrified him.
Or, rather, he did know. Because until the moment that Guinevere had changed before his eyes, he'd been running high on Chaos, and would have killed someone as easily as breathing if orders hadn't been holding him back. And maybe that had just been the situation. Maybe that had just been the power in the air on that hill, the same crawling chaos that had taken Guinevere and remade her into something new. But maybe it was also that Chaos had bled into him just like it had bled into her, telling him that it was okay to snuff out another human life if it benefited him.
He hated that he didn't know. He hated that he was asking the question, over and over, afraid of what the answer would be. He hated that he would never be able to voice these doubts to anyone in the Negaverse, because if he did, he would absolutely be dead. Or worse--he knew the Negaverse had the capacity to make monsters, and that thought terrified him beyond all others. To have himself broken and completely overwritten into a slave of Metallia's will...
Ugh. He would have to keep his questions entirely to himself. No one needed to know how he was feeling.
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Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2021 2:34 am
a way
[wc: 505 words]
The growing weight of his doubts was crushing.
Lionel knew, every time he went out to drain energy, that he was making a mistake. He'd known it from the moment he watched Guinevere corrupted, that awful night on the hill, and he hadn't been able to shake the knowledge since, and the thought was tearing him apart. But what the hell was he supposed to do, realistically? Sure, there were ways out, but every door seemed like it was a bigger risk than the one that was in front of him. The one where he kept walking this path, kept looking out for Guinevere, and made sure that she was completely okay. She deserved that much, at least, poor girl. And he'd promised her friends.
So he couldn't leave until he was sure she was safe. She needed to have a secure place without him, and he needed to make sure no one blamed her or tried to make her responsible for what he did. That would be the end of it--she didn't deserve that, and he wouldn't see it happen to her. But he couldn't try to haul her back now; who knew what being batted about, side to side, like a rag doll would do to her?
Besides, as far as Lionel knew--not that he'd investigated it deeply; before he hadn't cared, and now it seemed far too risky and potentially revelatory--you had to want out, and there was no way in hell Guinevere wanted out. She was mad with the power the Negaverse gave her, he was pretty sure, and so eager and excited to serve that she lost sight of the possibility of going back. And her mind was completely wiped, which made the whole situation much worse. She only had instincts and the Negaverse's version of the story to go on, and she seemed eager to lap all of that up.
Disgusting. Disturbing.
But he had to find a way to make things better, at least for himself. He couldn't get her out from inside; he was, upsettingly, certain of that. If he tried to sway her that way, he completely believed she'd sell him up the river for treason against the very people that had torn her to pieces and remade her in the first place (and they'd done it so callously, so casually, to a dozen other people at the same time--no careful selection, no thought, no nothing, just a mass corruption to create as many soldiers as possible for this shitty, miserable, awful war. Lionel hated it.)
So he would have to find his own answers, and tread carefully along the path to get there. It would be a delicate dance, to not reveal too much while learning enough. He'd have to be wary of the other side, too; who knew how many informants were lurking around, and if he asked the wrong questions of the wrong person, it'd all be over for him.
But he would find a way. For both of them. He had to.
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