Initial entry in the hidden journal of Toby Yates, just dated January 2018
Seeing someone die is not nice. Sucks, even.
Seeing someone have the literal embodiment of their soul ripped out of their chest and then smashed into dust truly sucks. I never really understood what ‘see the life drain from their eyes’ meant in books…but now I do. I wish I didn’t, but…there it is.
Explaining what you saw to police, and then a therapist…now that is an exercise in futility, and extra sucks.
Dr. Leland keeps suggesting I keep a journal, put my thoughts and feelings in it.
Probably to read it.
Yeah, no. Not happening. I mean, it’s not like it’s a bad idea (hey, I’m doing it now, right??), but if I’m gonna write stuff down, it’s everything. That’s why this is written on paper, to be shoved away in a hidden corner of my room, and burned if I must. No random therapist found on Google is gonna read all this.
I really get the feeling that there are people out there who would (stick with me here, I know it’s crazy) kill me or yank out my soul if they read what I’m planning to write. Maybe even her? I don’t think there’s any way to know until it’s way too late.
Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. I should write about Tom first.
I didn’t really know him all that well, truth be told. It’s not like I’ve lived here long, you know? He was a cool guy. We like making music, and then that day we were doing that maybe a little too long, and whaddya know? We nearly both ended up dead.
If not for Themisto showing up when he did, we both would be. But he did show up, and I’m still here.
I don’t think I did a single thing for a week after that, aside from answering questions of what I saw (I’d met these senshis before, so I had some idea about it, but it was still a bit scary to try to explain). It was concluded that what I saw couldn’t possibly be so, and Tom had some kind of undiagnosed heart condition.
Bullcrap, of course.
Tom getting killed like that, it sucked. It was awful. If I ever meet that girl again, I’m going to kick her face in. But…I realized after a while (that week I mentioned) that it told me something: Something has to be done about these evil people in the world.
As luck would have it, I got my wish—to have a way to do something about them. Meeting Bernard, becoming a senshi myself, all of that was amazingly…uplifting. I couldn’t really fight back, no matter how much I deluded myself into thinking I could, but now? Now I can.
I’m probably less broken up about Tom than I should be. I mean, I saw him die. That was terrible. I mourn him. But…he was just someone I was starting to get to know. And now I can’t. Because of the Negaverse.
I really don’t know what’s going on with all that, even with the fact that I’m part of the people who can fight them, now. Everything’s so scattered. Chaotic.
Funny, the stuff I can read in this fancy space iPhone I got out of the deal calls us “Order” and them “Chaos,” but they’re basically a military force, and we’re…what? I don’t know what we are. I’ve met a few senshis, and none of them seem very orderly. Good people, yeah, but…people like that evil leprechaun are out there, killing people, and then these good people get blamed for it.
That’s super messed up.
I don’t know how to fight the negaverse properly. Hopefully I’ll figure it out. For now, though, I feel like practicing, exploring, and meeting people is enough. I’m doing something. Even if it’s just preparing to really do something. I’m not so stupid as to think that I, one 10th grader, can save the world or anything. But I can’t just sit around and do nothing when I very obviously can try.
Whew. This is kinda broody, isn’t It? I had to write that all down, though. Can’t really tell anybody about it. I mean, who would I tell? No way am I telling my parents. And I don’t know any senshis well enough yet, not really, anyway.
Anyway.
Life. Yeah. So, since about Thanksgiving, my life’s mostly consisted of sitting in school (talking to people), sitting in a weekly meeting with some therapist my dad found, Dr. Leland (wishing I wasn’t talking to people), and…
Running around like some superhero in training.
Honestly, I think without that bit I’d be a lot more messed up about Tom getting killed. It sucks to think about, and sometimes it makes me wanna cry or scream when I think about it but…I know what’s out there. I know why I need to fight things. I sort of know what I need to fight.
I’ve met with a few senshis and… ‘knights’ along the way. Mostly seem like good people. Themisto, who saved me from that evil girl, has even started training me properly! I guess he was impressed that I thought to do it on my own? He’s really cool, and definitely knows what he’s doing. His powers are also cool, although I dunno that I really understand them that well. Something to do with, uh…fear and loss? He said he’s the senshi of Loss. I’m super glad he wants to help me out and listens. I guess that sort of makes me his apprentice or something? There’s nothing at all for training a new senshi, it seems like. Everybody just exists.
It’s kinda funky. You’d think with people like that out there, there’d be a more coordinated effort from peo
[the word ends in a dark line, and then there’s a couple scribbled circles on the page]
What if the reason everything’s so scattered, and senshis are seen as bad people, is that we’ve already lost, and nobody told me? Well, crap. I think I’m gonna go talk to Themi again. Maybe he knows something.
Word Count: 1018
Seeing someone die is not nice. Sucks, even.
Seeing someone have the literal embodiment of their soul ripped out of their chest and then smashed into dust truly sucks. I never really understood what ‘see the life drain from their eyes’ meant in books…but now I do. I wish I didn’t, but…there it is.
Explaining what you saw to police, and then a therapist…now that is an exercise in futility, and extra sucks.
Dr. Leland keeps suggesting I keep a journal, put my thoughts and feelings in it.
Probably to read it.
Yeah, no. Not happening. I mean, it’s not like it’s a bad idea (hey, I’m doing it now, right??), but if I’m gonna write stuff down, it’s everything. That’s why this is written on paper, to be shoved away in a hidden corner of my room, and burned if I must. No random therapist found on Google is gonna read all this.
I really get the feeling that there are people out there who would (stick with me here, I know it’s crazy) kill me or yank out my soul if they read what I’m planning to write. Maybe even her? I don’t think there’s any way to know until it’s way too late.
Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. I should write about Tom first.
I didn’t really know him all that well, truth be told. It’s not like I’ve lived here long, you know? He was a cool guy. We like making music, and then that day we were doing that maybe a little too long, and whaddya know? We nearly both ended up dead.
If not for Themisto showing up when he did, we both would be. But he did show up, and I’m still here.
I don’t think I did a single thing for a week after that, aside from answering questions of what I saw (I’d met these senshis before, so I had some idea about it, but it was still a bit scary to try to explain). It was concluded that what I saw couldn’t possibly be so, and Tom had some kind of undiagnosed heart condition.
Bullcrap, of course.
Tom getting killed like that, it sucked. It was awful. If I ever meet that girl again, I’m going to kick her face in. But…I realized after a while (that week I mentioned) that it told me something: Something has to be done about these evil people in the world.
As luck would have it, I got my wish—to have a way to do something about them. Meeting Bernard, becoming a senshi myself, all of that was amazingly…uplifting. I couldn’t really fight back, no matter how much I deluded myself into thinking I could, but now? Now I can.
I’m probably less broken up about Tom than I should be. I mean, I saw him die. That was terrible. I mourn him. But…he was just someone I was starting to get to know. And now I can’t. Because of the Negaverse.
I really don’t know what’s going on with all that, even with the fact that I’m part of the people who can fight them, now. Everything’s so scattered. Chaotic.
Funny, the stuff I can read in this fancy space iPhone I got out of the deal calls us “Order” and them “Chaos,” but they’re basically a military force, and we’re…what? I don’t know what we are. I’ve met a few senshis, and none of them seem very orderly. Good people, yeah, but…people like that evil leprechaun are out there, killing people, and then these good people get blamed for it.
That’s super messed up.
I don’t know how to fight the negaverse properly. Hopefully I’ll figure it out. For now, though, I feel like practicing, exploring, and meeting people is enough. I’m doing something. Even if it’s just preparing to really do something. I’m not so stupid as to think that I, one 10th grader, can save the world or anything. But I can’t just sit around and do nothing when I very obviously can try.
Whew. This is kinda broody, isn’t It? I had to write that all down, though. Can’t really tell anybody about it. I mean, who would I tell? No way am I telling my parents. And I don’t know any senshis well enough yet, not really, anyway.
Anyway.
Life. Yeah. So, since about Thanksgiving, my life’s mostly consisted of sitting in school (talking to people), sitting in a weekly meeting with some therapist my dad found, Dr. Leland (wishing I wasn’t talking to people), and…
Running around like some superhero in training.
Honestly, I think without that bit I’d be a lot more messed up about Tom getting killed. It sucks to think about, and sometimes it makes me wanna cry or scream when I think about it but…I know what’s out there. I know why I need to fight things. I sort of know what I need to fight.
I’ve met with a few senshis and… ‘knights’ along the way. Mostly seem like good people. Themisto, who saved me from that evil girl, has even started training me properly! I guess he was impressed that I thought to do it on my own? He’s really cool, and definitely knows what he’s doing. His powers are also cool, although I dunno that I really understand them that well. Something to do with, uh…fear and loss? He said he’s the senshi of Loss. I’m super glad he wants to help me out and listens. I guess that sort of makes me his apprentice or something? There’s nothing at all for training a new senshi, it seems like. Everybody just exists.
It’s kinda funky. You’d think with people like that out there, there’d be a more coordinated effort from peo
[the word ends in a dark line, and then there’s a couple scribbled circles on the page]
What if the reason everything’s so scattered, and senshis are seen as bad people, is that we’ve already lost, and nobody told me? Well, crap. I think I’m gonna go talk to Themi again. Maybe he knows something.
Word Count: 1018
