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 Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:33 am
Lysander found it amusing - more than he'd admit - to watch Merric constantly try to keep himself steady and stable, counterbalancing his admissions with mitigations and attempts to will himself calm. It was impossible to miss that he was flustered and Lysander found it enjoyable.
"There's no need to thank me." he said. "What I say I mean."
And he smiled brightly.
"It would have been fun though, wouldn't it? Thinking about it. I wonder if you are the vocal sort or the quiet sort? If you were vocal we'd need to find ways of keeping you quiet." he trailed off, closing his eyes and exhaling.
"Sorry, sometimes I let my thoughts get a little bit carried away."
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Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:13 am
He hadn't realized he'd moved at all until his back hit the door - and since the room was a first year trainee dormitory room approximately the size of a large closet, this meant he'd barely taken any steps at all, and the space between himself and the bed was negligible. Merric's hands folded together behind his back, arms bent at the elbow, though he wasn't actually making an attempt to leave.
Mostly it was an attempt to keep himself from doing something stupid. Which, as it was, seemed a fruitless endeavor, because ninety percent of what Merric had done recently could have been labeled as stupid in one way or another. And Lysander, with his low voice and bright smile and dark eyes, was not helping one iota.
Merric closed his eyes, swallowing hard, willing himself not to think about exactly what Lysander was saying and failing at that as well. Maybe if he didn't look directly at Lysander, it would help.
"I...I wouldn't...know," Merric said, the words coming out a little strangled. And then, because he couldn't seem to control himself, "Do you...not like v..vocal..?"
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Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:22 am
"Oh I like them vocal, I like to hear what I'm doing right, I like to hear how I can do better, I like to hear admissions of guilt, admissions of nature. It's all very fun. And there's a certain power in the times when said vocal individuals aren't allowed to be, the whimpers, noises and other little things which describe the struggle. It's pretty fun."
He seemed to take the question at least as permission to go on talking about his opinions.
"Quiet can be fun too, the trick to that is getting them to make a noise, to let loose and lose control."
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Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:37 am
It had been, as he had suspected the moment he let the question leave his lips, a colossal mistake to ask in the first place. Merric's fingers were twisted so tightly together his knuckles were white, arms still behind his back, trapped between it and the door.
Lysander's voice was a physical thing, calm and collected where Merric was not. His eyes being closed was not helping the situation; and in fact, was perhaps making it worse, because now he couldn't stop his mind from trying to visualize things.
Slowly he slid down the door until he was on the floor, Merric's knees drawing up against his chest, his head dropping to rest against them, breathing labored. One hand rested on the floor beside him, the other arm coming up to wrap around Merric's head as he struggled to maintain at least some semblance of control.
"...I don't understand," he said at length, voice thick. "How you can just...say these things and mean them."
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Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:52 am
Lysander went from smug to outright concerned with the way that Merric seemed to hunch up, looking as if he was almost in pain due to the things he was saying. Merric generally was a very complex person and it was down to Lysander's intellectual laziness that he didn't pry into this. He didn't need to take apart the reasons why the other man was so incredulous at the idea of him meaning what he said, he just needed to accept it.
He shrugged. "Because I can." he said. "Are you all right? You look pretty messed up. Was it something I said?"
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Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:47 am
He felt overheated; the room was too small and too close for comfort - or rather, he was too aware of how close Lysander was, and the way he had looked at him, and the way he had spoken, as though it was just a normal thing to talk about.
Merric shook his head without lifting it.
"I'm not...messed up. I'm just..."
Yes, it was something you said, it was everything you said, because everything you say seems to affect me and I don't want that except that I do.
< You're being pathetic, > Rinzler observed dispassionately. < Get up. >
Merric did not get up. He may have been ignorant in a great many areas, but getting up right now would prove to be problematic in more ways than one. He did, however lift his head a little, though he couldn't quite meet Lysander's eyes.
"No one's ever talked to me...this way before," said Merric, face flushed. "I'm just...not used to it."
Embarrassingly unused to it.
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 1:48 pm
Lysander was truly puzzled by Merric. The man seemed distressed, but surely if he was really really upset he'd leave? He couldn't be that mad really, not if he stayed and let him keep talking to him.
It just made him want to say more stuff.
"I'm not even being as bad as I could be." he said slowly.
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:33 pm
He could not stand up, which meant that he couldn't leave just yet, and a darker, less controlled part of Merric didn't want to leave. He had never experienced this sort of magnetism before; it pulled at him, curled around him like a brush fire, made him feel breathless and utterly off balance.
For Roswell's sake and his own sanity, he needed to leave, and yet he couldn't.
It was embarrassing to be so - new to all of this. And likely unbelievably off putting, because having no experience at his age was essentially the same as being a child, and it was probably unappealing to someone like Lysander. Merric did not want to think too closely about why that felt disappointing.
"M...maybe not," he managed. "I'm - sorry, Lysander I...I told you, I'm not used to...to people wanting anything from me at all, or talking to me like that, or..."
< You need to learn to finish your Jack damn sentences. > Rinzler snarled.
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:50 pm
Lysander didn't have any intention of touching Merric or violating what he'd said to Roswell, he didn't have a problem with the way things had been set out. Of course none of that had concerned the power of speech, which was really entertaining him right now.
He set his jaw and smiled to himself where he lay on the bed, stretching more comfortably like a wild animal."You aren't allowed to apologise for this."
"There's nothing wrong with your nature, there's nothing wrong with having interests or kinks. I enjoy talking to you like this and therefore well. I will. You can't get the ******** you deserve right now but that doesn't mean you can't still think about how you'd like it when you get it."
He crossed his arms behind his head and kicked up a foot on his bent knee.
"Because you will. Eventually. I told Ros it was inevitable because honestly, it is."
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 3:38 pm
It was impossible to control his thoughts, not with Lysander's voice sounding the way it did, talking the way he was. Merric felt the unfamiliar flush of relief and unexpected hope flaring, the strange sensation of being accepted for who he was instead of being told there was something wrong with him. It was this, more than anything, that he clung to, with a pathetic sort of desperation of hearing more.
He wanted it. The realization was a cascade in his head, a fire that wouldn't be put out. He wanted it, and had not ever wanted anything like this before, but he wanted with an almost painful yearning what Lysander had to offer - and was offering, in a roundabout way.
Merric's arms wrapped around his middle; a physical and literal restraint to keep himself from getting up and going over to Lysander, legs shifting, knees pressing closer to his body to prevent either himself or Lysander from seeing what state he was in.
His head tilted forward, forehead resting against his knees.
"I...have been thinking about it," he said, the admittance low, barely audible. "I've thought about it all week."
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 3:58 pm
Lysander's smile was audible as he spoke. "Oh I know you have." he said. "I bet you've gotten off thinking about it, if you even allow yourself that much." And if he had any bets, Merric didn't. He had the air of someone with a lot of pent up everything.
"If Roswell wasn't here you'd have gone for it already, you'd be out of those clothes and on this bed. There's not a doubt in my mind."
He propped up his chin, looking over lazily at Merric. "You are hard aren't you?" he said with a chuckle.
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:21 pm
The smile in Lysander's lilting, smooth voice was almost as effective as a physical touch would have been. Merric felt it as much as he heard it, arms tightening around his midsection as though somehow this would prevent him from reacting as much as he was already.
His head was still bowed, forehead to his knees. "N-no, I h-haven't ever..." he said, voice strangled, then stopped, too flushed and flustered to continue that sentence. Merric forced his eyes open again; keeping them closed was proving to be more of a hindrance than a help, because closed it was easier to imagine, easier to think.
He did not want to imagine or think. He wanted to do exactly what Lysander was saying, and it was why he was still forcing himself through sheer reminder of his promise to Roswell, to continue sitting where he was instead of getting up and going over to the bed.
Merric's head jerked up, mouth opening and closing, staring at Lysander with wide eyes. He couldn't find the words to even answer that question aloud, but he wouldn't have to, because he knew his reaction was evidence enough as it was.
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:23 pm
"Not ever?" and Lysander's tone hardened, raising a brow at Merric.
"No, that's not all right."
Gesturing at the other man he jerked a finger upwards, motioning him to stand. "Get up." he said flatly.
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:31 pm
He flushed, hard, at the tone of voice. Merric was still staring at Lysander, wondering if somehow all the air in the room had dissipated, because breathing properly was now an issue. He desperately wanted to continue sitting, but that was not going to happen.
Rinzler had told him to get up in much the same way, but it was entirely different when coming from Lysander. Merric unwound his arms from his middle, and slowly, using a palm to brace himself on the floor and then to use the doorknob as a lever, he got awkwardly - and a little painfully - to his feet.
He had no idea what to do once he was standing, Merric shifting, swallowing hard.
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:36 pm
Lysander pointedly looked over Merric top to toe, lingering in places.
"Unacceptable." he said, swinging his legs off the side of the bed to sit up.
"You are going to go back to your dorm." he said. "And you are going to see to yourself. Because I'm telling you to. And I want a text when you've done as you are told."
And he gave the other man a very sweet smile. "Have a nice day Merric."
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