It is hard being honest when sometimes, her entire life felt like a lie. Nothing ever seemed like it was what it was meant to be.
So much discretion and secrecy and downright lying about who she was. It felt horrible and it ate at her. A feast she still couldn't put an end to. It made even vaguely discussing sexual fantasy difficult, especially her own, made worse by the fact he was a person she'd just met. She didn't understand why it had to be so hard.
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to censor you," she hedged anxiously.
Worse still, there was no explaining any of this to the man.
"You can say whatever you want, we're mostly our own governors now." It felt uncomfortable and she felt guilty for that. She offered him a small amicable smile.
"I guess I'm just not used to it?" She offered, and it was true, mostly. But the real reason was she didn't want to consider that side of herself even existed. It somehow managed to complicate things further.
"But I get the feeling around you, I'd get used to it." She tried to tease but then felt immediately awkward about it. "Do you like it here so far?" She tried another subject, clearly New York had not been pleasant towards him.
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