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 Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:16 am
Mikael seemed to size her up a bit, his blue eyes more intelligent than everything else about him seemed to indicate. "You can help me if you want." he said. "I don't mind that. But if you'll never be able to be everything then you can't have everything of me. I don't want to lie about that."
He looked away. "I'm never good at asking for help either. Asking for help is weak. If I have problems I either solve them myself or I just..give up."
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Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 7:07 pm
She looked back, expression akin to someone bracing for the drop of a gavel, but she blinked when what he finally did say didn't match with what she'd been expecting him to say. "I wouldn't ask for what I couldn't give back, it wouldn't be fair." Peyton seemed a little lost, not quite sure what to do or say, but she'd sincerely thought that nothing would really be resolved by this. She'd wanted answers, and she'd gotten them, and that had been enough for her. This was more than she'd hoped to walk away with. "I don't think it's weak." She could imagine who he'd heard that particular nugget of advice from. "It takes a lot of guts to accept that you need help, and even more to ask for it."
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Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2017 12:41 pm
"It's hard though." he said. "It never seems like anyone else is very weak."
Lawrence had told him it was part of growing up, toughening the weaker parts of you and crafting yourself into a better person, making yourself colder and harder. He found that hard. He was still a pup to Fenris and still weak to his father.
"I always need help, I'm trying to be the kind of person who doesn't need any."
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Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2017 12:46 pm
"Everyone has weaknesses, some are just better at hiding them from the world." Lord knew she had plenty herself. She reached out, as if she meant to lay a hand on her knee, and only hesitated a moment before laying her hand there lightly. "I've never met anyone that never needed help. We've all got things we're not good at, or we need. You're trying, and that's what counts, but if try and try and still need help, there's nothing wrong with that."
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Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2017 2:20 pm
"I'm really bad at hiding things." he said sadly, but if he'd had the truth ring on knew he'd have said the opposite. He was good at bluffing the things that mattered away with things that didn't.
Still, he gave her a curious look. "Really?" he said, an optimism in his gaze before it faltered. "I dunno if my dad is like that." He'd wondered if Rodney was that but at the same time couldn't be sure if it was another scam, another person to take advantage of.
"Sorry, I know I keep bringing him up. I'm just.. I feel like one day I'll be like him, or should be and I just..." he shook his head, confused. "Everything is so muddled."
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Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 6:22 pm
"Yeah really. Even your dad. Doesn't Rodney give him money cause he isn't getting paid? That's just another way to help someone." There were times she wondered how broken Mikael was--not if, because they were all a little broken at this point, and growing up with Lawrence as a father...How Mik managed to be as normal seeming as he was was a bit of a miracle--and this was one of them. She frowned at him. "Do you want want to be like him?"
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2017 12:20 pm
"He gives him money because they share the home like, finances and stuff." Mikael said. "That's what couples do, it's helping and I want to help them too." He didn't mind the wages, he didn't use them.
He just felt very muddled up and not at all sure where he stood in life, constantly finding who he was deep down at odds with who he was on the surface, a constant disconnect he couldn't really deal with.
"I don't know." he said. "Part of me says yes, because he's my dad and I love him, and part of me says no because of other things. I just don't know. But I think no matter what I want, one day I will be like him. I don't think I see people right either."
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Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:25 am
"It is what couples do, but it is also help." She held her hands up at her sides in a 'see?' sort of gesture. "Everyone needs help every once in a while, Mik." But really, that seemed secondary now. She frowned at his explanation, and found herself wanting to reach out and comforting, but still unsure of her welcome. They were talking again, seemed to be getting along again, but that bridge had just been mended, and she didn't want to take a step backwards. "Well, if you find you really don't want to be like him, I believe you have the power to make that choice. We've all got free will, and I think it's just a matter of wanting to be different, and really working to make it happen for you. You know?" If he did want to turn out like Lawrence...she didn't have anything to say on that. What could she say?
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Posted: Sat Sep 23, 2017 3:31 am
Mikael nodded, it was true that everyone needed help, even if he mentally always excluded himself from that category. Other people seemed to suffer but he never really felt like anything hit him too hard. Even when he was sad he was never as sad as anyone else.
He looked a little more doubtful at the idea that he could just choose not to be like Lawrence.
"It's not as easy as choosing, sometimes I'll choose and then I realise I made the same sort of choice he would have. It's always really upsetting when that happens. It's hard."
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Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2017 9:30 am
"No it won't be easy, but I think desire and intent count for something. We aren't slaves to our genetics. You have the choice, you just need to have enough strength of will and determination to pick your own path.". She smiled encouragingly at him. "And a good support system in place for when you need that extra push or have to hold."
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Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2017 12:14 pm
Mikael nodded. "Then yeah, I'll need help, because its hard, it's always so hard not to make the same choice he'd make. Its why I end up never making choices." He sighed. "I just end up keeping away from everyone and shutting myself away in case I hurt them. Because I feel like hurting them would come so easy. Just like playing with imaginary people in a sand castle."
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Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 6:17 pm
"Does it feel that way with Malkem as well?" She asked levelly, not reacting to the admission. Mostly because she wasn't entirely sure how. "Do you have to be careful of him?"
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Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 10:43 pm
"Not as much." he said. "I know Malkam would do anything for me, he's so focused on family, it's his most important thing. He wouldn't shy away from me or leave, he gives me one hundred percent of his love and affection. He's never said no to anything." And he gave a fond little smile.
"Sometimes he still hurts me but by mistake, but he always apologises. I feel like I could hurt him too though, if it came to it, I just don't ever ever want to."
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2017 11:50 am
"I think we're all capable of hurting people we love or care for, but I think..." She frowned thoughtfully as she tried to get her thoughts in order enough to to make sense verbalized. "I think it's all a matter of intent, and remorse, and remorse. I think why, or how matters, a lot, but nothing is ever black and white." The frown persisted, as if she weren't entirely satisfied with that explanation, but couldn't think of a better way to say it. "I'm sorry, it's all really subjective, I think." She waved it away with a a sharp exhale. "Anyways. I think you're stronger than that, Mik. I think you're stronger than him, and if you really wanted to be different, I think you could do it. With enough will, and with help."
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