|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 3:37 pm
"Oh, hell," and Jordan's tone and tension softened as well. He stopped himself from moving towards Rep, rubbed his hands over his face, and said quietly, "Nothing changed. That's the problem, that's why it's a problem." He hesitated, went on. "I'm sorry. It hurts, and that makes it easier to be an a*****e about it instead of just admitting that it hurts."
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 3:48 pm
Rep didn't relax, he couldn't relax. He hated this, hated being so ******** emotional and immobilised by it but he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't talk about s**t without crying about it and even hearing Harrison essentially say he was indeed a shitty person for caring the way he did just made him more immobilised.
His feathers puffed up like a pinecone and he wished he could disappear.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 4:03 pm
"Jordan, come on. You broke up with him because he didn't want to marry you. Has that changed too, Rep? Last time you said you tried it, you weren't comfortable with it, Jesus, it's like you guys got etch-a-sketches for a memory. I mean..."
He looked at the room around them, which had a jaunty sculpture made out of human skulls.
"Part of that's not your fault."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 4:12 pm
"I said I was leaving because I thought one or both of you would ask me to stay!" Jordan said, and the truth, coming out of his mouth at last, made him stop and clench his teeth for a moment. "And you didn't. You just let go of me." He turned away, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 4:17 pm
Rep peeped over his wing blearily. "I couldn't. Both of you were fighting. It was something only you could fix. I can't make Ace stop being a huge ******** drama queen or you from being hurt by it."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 4:26 pm
"I was there," B0nez said, "And let me just say, first, I did not want to give up the dual bonus, but second, my playing style had nothing to do with the loss of said bonuses, that was like, a narrative scripted event-"
"Yeah!" Harrison said, "We argued, but me and Jordan were fine. Before. But hell, Jordan. You need time to cool off, then you go cool off. You done it a million times. Breaking off the relationship's something ******** else, and, like you probably noticed, it's not something I leave a door open for after. Or something I can feel the same way about a person who would."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 4:40 pm
"Maybe not." Jordan half turned back, looking to Harrison. "I ******** up, and you decided that was it, we were over. So we're over. But if you want me to pretend I'm happy about it or that I don't still have strong feelings for you, that's not going to happen." He sighed. "I try not to shove it in your face, because I know you don't want it now."
He looked to Rep, the corners of his mouth pulling down unhappily. "I won't pretend I don't still have strong feelings for him, either. That's never changed. None of it has. Like I said, that's the problem. I'm not moving on because I haven't moved on. I don't know if I can."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 4:51 pm
Rep sighed quietly as they once again re-trod old ground. Harrison was an immovable object when it came to feeling slighted by something, even if that something was small and trivial or a misinterpreted feeling.
"Forgiveness isn't a word in your arsenal." he said flatly. "And aye. I feel the same, I still care about Jordan and always will. I won't and can't switch that off and I've told you that before too."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 5:02 pm
"That's not fair," Harrison said, "There's plenty of wrongs I got plenty of water under plenty of bridges for. Now...I can't pretend there's no hard feelings.
But it's been a long time, and I'm not mad anymore over- whatever happened.
But it happened. And I don't personally want to rewind back to then."
The look he gave Rep was complicated and a little sad.
"Yeah, yeah- we've...talked over all that too. I know you care about him. But sleeping together again's different. Being...responsible for each other's different."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 5:20 pm
"I'm not asking you to rewind back to then. A lot has happened. I can't make you want me back." Jordan shook his head. "If you've already decided, there's no use in me asking for something that won't happen. You're satisfied with what you have, and that will have to be enough for me to get by on. But don't ask me to stop feeling what I feel, either." He swallowed hard. "Don't ask me to act like I don't like the lives where I didn't screw it up and I'm not alone."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2017 12:22 am
Rep couldn't tell if Harrison was somehow jealous or possessive of him, if that was why he didn't want to go back to how things were. Hearing it out loud again though upset him quite a bit.
He looked at Jordan sadly. "Maybe you don't feel that way but I still feel responsible and I'd still help him if he needed me."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2017 5:41 am
Harrison huffed. "I'd lend Jordan a hand. I'm not gonna let him die on a mountain over some ex s**t. But, you know, Jordan, ******** you for pitching a fit about something you don't have and don't have to worry about. Rep's being sweet now, but you think you're going to come back and it's just gonna be this moment, waking up together? He's going to find something to pick at and drag you right back through the dirt, on account of being insecure or just bored. You haven't been together for over a year and you're still dancing to his tune. We both know he's got a giant pile of stuff he can't let go of. Even if it's just a broken mug with a picture he don't even like."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2017 9:24 am
Jordan bit down on the immediate, painful impulse to say, I need you. I need you, and swallowed the words in time to keep them from coming out, in time for Harrison's sharp-edged reply. You're the one who wanted to have this conversation! The anger rose up again in him, and he sorted through and discarded several retorts.
Finally he said, "After all this time, you think him being an a*****e's going to surprise me? Or that there's anyone anywhere who'll never be an a*****e sometimes in a relationship?" He gave Harrison a flat stare, neither pleading nor fuming. "Guess I can't blame you for thinking I find it easier to let go, but that's not the case. Tell me I'm unwelcome, and I'll stay away when I can. Like you did, like I have been. But ******** you for thinking that I think either of you are replaceable."
He took a breath, carefully controlled. "Yeah, I want to be around you, to be with you both. I know that's not happening. I'm trying to respect that you don't want me around. I stay away. I'm trying to be friends with him without stepping over any lines. I am doing my damndest to respect that what we used to have is over and to figure out where we go from here in some way that isn't me just cutting contact entirely, because that's impossible with the way we live and because I'd rather have something, however small, rather than nothing. What more do you want from me?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 4:21 pm
Rep was just miserable by the way things were playing out around him and could do nothing to help any of it. He wasn't happy but there was no solution he could come up with. Harrison was getting snippy and he gave him a hurt look for his comments about both his hoard and his emotional baggage before narrowing his brows and looking away.
"You know I'm sitting right ******** here Ace." he said, hugging himself tightly. "I wouldn't hurt anyone deliberately."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
