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 Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 4:41 pm
"Of course I'll come back." Lawrence said flatly. "I'm neither going to just leave you here nor let you walk back in the dark on your own. I'll just be a minute."
And leaving Melvin with the coats and shoes, he headed into the house and up to find Rodney. It was rude to leave someone that way, but he'd made a promise to Malkam that it was important to keep.
When he found Rodney he looked very agitated (as Lawrences went), sighing and pointing the direction of the front door. "Melvin's down there, he's been drinking and is being pathetic. Am I able to walk him back to his dormitory? The towns can be dangerous at night."
He looked even more irritated at having to do something dangerous for the sake of anyone other than himself. "I didn't invite him in because Malkam won't have him in here and I feel like a terrible host, that's the least that I can do."
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 5:15 pm
Rodney folded his book closed, already dressed for bed.
"Downstairs?" he asked, a little pale. "I...think I'd better come with you. Sorry. It's just, once you get back to his room, I'm...I'm sure he'll want...you to stay, and-" He slipped off his house shoes, going to find a coat and sneakers.
"Is he alright? Is he...angry?"
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 5:24 pm
Lawrence, who had fully been intending on proving to Rodney that he could take care of Melvin without sleeping with him looked a little crestfallen, but it was just for a moment as he nodded and surrendered to Rodney's better judgement.
"He's not angry, just sad. He wanted to come in I think but I couldn't let him because of Malkam." He went to get his own socks and a warm jumper, stopping by at the kitchen to get a glass of water. Arriving back to where he'd left Melvin he handed it to him. "Drink some water." he stated, moving to get his hunter coat from where it was hanging and putting on his shoes.
"Rodney's coming with us." he said.
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 5:29 pm
He took the glass, staring at it and not wanting it, but slowly took a sip. His stomach was in knots the moment the cold water hit, and turned into a mass the moment Rodney's name was mentioned. It was one thing to show up drunk around Lawr, someone he wanted to be around, but something entirely different to have Rodney around.
"What? Why? I don't want that. Tell him no." He asked, spilling some of the water and frowning. "Oh...I'm sorry. Don't be mad." Everything he did suddenly felt like a tally mark and he only wanted the best score. A score that would let him have just a little bit of a prize. Something he could take home and keep as a token that he still mattered.
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 5:37 pm
"Sorry," Rodney said softly again, this time to Melvin, clutching his jacket close to his throat even though the weather outside was warm and pleasant. "If you want to talk, you can," he said. "Just...not alone. Sorry. Lawrence said it...probably wasn't safe for you to be out by yourself."
He wasn't wearing socks. The lights were on, and Malkam and Mikael were still upstairs. Rodney fastened the door behind them.
Not that he'd be very good with protecting anyone. Melvin and Lawrence were both much stronger than him.
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 5:44 pm
The nod Lawrence gave Rodney was more or less a statement to Melvin about how he didn't make the rules and couldn't really change them either. He wasn't about to rock the boat any further than he had to. "It is dangerous out there." he said. "I do a lot of wandering around at night or er.. did. And shadowlings can catch you off guard. You are in no state to be shooting anything."
He would have been in his bed by now, he thought. If only he'd just turned off the stupid movie early he'd be comfortably undressed. Instead he was out in the cold, wandering around in the pitch black. He brought an electrical lantern which he kept by the door to pick their way through. "You need to stop drinking." he said.
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 5:53 pm
Melvin was quiet now, and frowned as they went to move. His balance was still off, but he could only glance at Lawr's hand before curling his arms about himself. It was warm, but he felt cold.
"You never had a problem wif it before."
He never had a problem with him before.
"Why do you care if I get hurt now.......I could die and you'd never know.......make life easier........without temptation." Any giddiness about him seeing Lawr slowly drained out of his soles with each step.
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 5:57 pm
"Life is never without temptation," Rodney said in a weary way. "But we only have one chance at it. I don't want you hurt," he said, meaning it.
He just...didn't want Lawrence hurt either.
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 6:00 pm
Rodney and Melvin got a vaguely critical look that Lawrence knew was hidden in the dark. This whole trip just got a lot more serious. He started laughing as inappropriately as usual. "I didn't remember to dress all in black." he said.
"Honestly though Melvin, I don't have a problem with you, nor do I want you to get hurt. It wouldn't make my life easier, I have a grand total of about two friends, all of whom are currently present."
He sighed loudly, holding the lantern aloft as he daintily stepped over a fallen tree branch. "I just wish you ladies wouldn't fight."
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 6:08 pm
The laughing hurt him, and he flinched as Rodney and Lawr casually carried on pretending like they were being the good ones here. Pretending like they were in the right doing this for him when nothing they did was for his benefit. The presence of them together only hurt him more and radiated a glow that was stronger than the lantern and more damaging to his eyes. He could feel them there, and knew that before this, Lawr had been ready to go up to bed with him. Would walk home together, probably laughing about this whole thing, and then curl up in bed together.
ANd he would be the butt of some joke and lay in bed alone. Alone tonight, and the night after, and the night after that.
He had been in that bed before with Lawr. He had that life. Why didn't he have it anymore.
The fallen tree branch caught him off guard and he stumbled and fell, hitting all fours and feeling the sharp sting of pain dulled softly by Saliva. He could feel wet dew clinging through his gloves, and he thought of Noah and Al in the bar. Together. Happy.
Slowly, he got back up. but it was harder to see now. "You don't want me hurt? What haven't you done to hurt me?" Tears rolled down his face but he didn't bother looking at them. "I never bothered you. I liked you. We stayed in the same house. I did nothing wrong. I did nothing...nothing wrong." His body started to shake.
"Why am I the joke now?"
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2017 6:47 pm
"It's not a joke," Rodney said, still looking as miserable as usual. "I'd like to pretend everything has been...done in good spirits and with good intentions too, but it's not the truth. Lawrence...lied, and manipulated you, to be dependent on him. And he...told you he had lied. But, after, things between you weren't...the same. And that was my fault too. I, told him he should tell you. And I, what I did to you, wasn't right. I am sorry. I...know I hurt you. I should have...backed off. Or, if he had wanted to break up with you, before, then...all that should have been resolved first. But it's not as if...as if things were only nice before, as if nothing was the matter. After he told you, you were...violent with each other. It's...it's not as simple as r-rough sex, it...it wasn't that simple with H-Horace, or America, and...whatever it is is still there."
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Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2017 12:44 am
Lawrence very quickly realised that things were not going to be positive at all and that he was probably in trouble for laughing at how grim everyone was.
Annd then Melvin was crying, possibly just from falling over but probably not. "I didn't want things to go this way." he said defensively. "You aren't a joke."
He didn't want to upset Melvin but it seemed like there was only one option here and that everything he said upset one or both of them. Rodney's comments made him uncomfortable, addressing something of the latent violence and sadism in him.
"My dream was all of us getting along." he said.
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Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2017 4:09 am
"And you think it's going to be simple with you and him? That just because it's not for us then I shouldn't be here? I was with him time and time again. I loved him time and time again. I forgave him time and time and time again and again! He forgave me too plenty. He lied. He said he wanted to ******** other people and I let him because I knew he'd come home. He kept things from me but he was also honest about a lot of other things. I fo-forgave that! I forgave....forgave so much...loved him and hated so much.....didn't matter it wasn't simple...I...loved him then....and then it's just...just done? All of it? All the years? All we'd been through. I know I made those choices, but if I'm here and you're there, then why were mine the bad ones? Why was my love the bad one? Why was what I did, what I forgave, what I went through, the bad one? Why am I the bad one?!"
"Why do you say you love me when you don't even want to be near me. When I can't even talk to you. I spent years with you......wanted a future.....you said so...that we could have it and I believed you with every fiber......and I was good. I never slept around. I didn't go."
And he wept, openly and without hesitation as the same pain returned to him. "I m-made a home w-with you.....and-and you said we had a future. What now?
"I'm not Horace."
"I'm not America."
"I'm Melvin." He couldn't see now, and he wiped under his glasses before touching his chest. "I"m Melvin and I love you."
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Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2017 9:48 am
"I...can't ever be in an open relationship. I talked to Lawrence about it before. It's not...you personally," Rodney said, feeling himself starting to lose it too, and they'd only been walking a little while.
"I don't know," he said, "But things...can't go back either."
They could. If he wasn't here.
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Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2017 12:32 pm
Lawrence didn't understand. He didn't understand the stupid monogamy thing and why it was so important where he recreationally put his d**k, nor did he understand why Melvin even still cared for him when he was so bad at all of this relationship nonsense. He cared about Melvin, the man had forgiven him more than pretty much anyone else, and he suspected that no matter who he became or what he did, he would have stayed loyal for ever.
Melvin didn't cry, it wasn't something he did often and Lawrence had the creeping sensation he'd done something really wrong this time and he couldn't think of a way to make it stop. "You did nothing wrong." he said to Melvin earnestly. "You never did anything wrong by me."
It was impossible to fix this, there was no way for everyone to win.
And now Rodney was going to bloody cry too.
"This is MY fault." he said with open irritation, making a grand hand gesture. "My fault. I should have kept things how they were, it was me who went against my own statements to Rodney and made him promises I obviously couldn't keep. I thought I could be committed, that I could change, but I couldn't."
He sighed. "If I'd stayed with you Melvin you would only end up hurt one day, betrayed somewhere when you don't deserve it, when you've been nothing but loyal. I'd have ended up trading you for a year of life, a sliver of immortality, anything. You are better off without what I would have done to you. And Rodney, I think you've made a mistake but I will honour what I can of my promises."
"Why? Why did both of you choose me?"
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