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 Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 8:22 am
"Oh, sorry. I wasnt following, Rodney. Minipet tank automatization could save labor cost." He continued tapping his foot before stopping to look at Lawr. "We aren't offering this for you to do alone. You are strong enough to do a Saharra mission and to get in trouble. You can help us with salvage or whatever else we can think of."
He tried not to smile at the tick comment and failed. "You do suck."
"What happened when Chantelle left you? The you you are. Your wellbeing, sanity, and thoughts?"
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:44 am
"I er, don't care about people enough to do those things with seriousness. You'd do them admirably Rodney but I wouldn't"
Melvin got a glare. "Boring generic retrieval missions are exactly the kind of dull uninspired nonsense that H is talking about. He'd no that. He's looking for something I can offer no one else can. Not something a trainee could do." Perhaps Melvin excelled at monotonous repetitive rune gathering but it wasn't the life for him. "Surely I'm good at something.
"It er. It really took it out of me if I'm honest. It was liberating to have a way out of being myself." He took a quiet shaky breath as if admitting something he'd rather not. "I still use Jan when I'm off the island. I honestly feel more human when I'm him." Jan could joke and flirt, he was more relaxed and had been a wish fulfilment from all the things . "I will lose something that matters."
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 10:09 am
"Then...he only wants something from you that- nobody else can do? Like...your acting. Or, like Melvin said, another...specimen."
He didn't understand H. He...hadn't ever met the other man. Did he want it because it was dear?
"Should...I try talking with him?"
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 11:44 am
Melvin stared back at Lawr and breathed out. "I don't think you need Jan, but I also don't think you should let someone take a piece of you that is connected to memories and experiences you had."
That didn't keep him from crossing his arms and leaning back. "We are offering our help with what we can do. It wouldn't kill you to help us help you insteading of shooting every idea down. Do you have any ideas?"
His attention flashed over to Rodney. "Um.... It isn't good to go alone. I need to see how my account has been affected if you want company. I want to help if I can." He wanted to help more actually.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 12:28 pm
"You could try talking to him but it would probably just bring his attention to you as well." Lawrence said grimly. "As far as acting, I hardly expect he wants some sort of performance. What good is the ability to act like other people? It doesn't exactly tie in with anything that Life division does. They'd sooner I was good at inventing things like some sort of old fashioned alchemist."
"And I know you are trying to help, I just am in a state of despair frankly, there aren't a large number of options available to me."
He gave them both a look of minor concern.
"We can all go back, but I think his patience might not last."
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 12:59 pm
"Well," Rodney said, looking at the floor, "there were things you wanted to do in Death you never had the chance to do. F-focus on your disguise, and...a-acting. Maybe, if you could teach...?"
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:40 pm
"That's an idea. If going undercover works for any division. You are very good at it. Though - with golems, I suppose it would work with those two but I just.....worry about you if you do." He said, looking over Lawr and breathing out.
"I would rather you not have to think you are on your own. Even if you feel the main task falls on you, then at least if we could help that work in any way. Unless he wanted you to create one brand new that wouldn't have a huge impact on your mental state due to it being a newborn." He rubbed the side of his head, thinking and glancing at Rodney and then at Lawr.
"Is there any ideas you haven't pursued like Rodney said that you could possibly offer as a way to show your worth?"
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:52 pm
Rodney's concern deepened, even before Lawrence had a chance to answer, and he asked softly.
"If...you're Jan...you'd have to be him in a golem for...a long time, right? What...what about," he looked harder at the floor, and not at Melvin, "us? Who-who am I to Jan? And after...what would I be to the thing that replaced you. It's...it's different, this time..."
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 2:57 pm
"I'm not a teacher." he said. "I don't like teaching other people, I don't have the patience for it under any circumstance, about the only thing I've ever taught was my cousin to ride a horse and even that was a complete nightmare." He shook his head. "And that's not me trying to shoot down another suggestion, there simply isn't a lot that I am much use for. I left Death division because for one thing I didn't want to die, for another I always wanted to be a surgeon for humans, to be able to mend that strange organic machine." He was trying very hard to draw something useful out of that drive and desire but there wasn't anywhere in particular he could go with it. "Once upon a time I wanted to look into cosmetic work, into ways to force a fear shield or a weapon to mend more than just that needed to keep someone alive, to make them attractive again, young perhaps. But he wouldn't support that and I am dubious I'd ever figure it out."
He didn't discuss the urgent sense of restlessness bordering on panic he felt at the idea that the other two were fine with giving up Jan, that he was just some mask he put on that they'd rather he didn't any longer if everyone was honest.
Rodney's comments made him glance at him and shrug as he thought about it. "Yes, I end up in a pod for however long it takes, based on last time with Chantelle. I could go and visit my sleeping self, but the persona becomes everything, there is no way to switch out. It becomes a trap. Jan wouldn't care about you." he said to Rodney. "I mean, beyond the fact that he spoke to you some on a forum somewhere at some point. He has no desire for commitment in a relationship, he'd sleep with anyone. He's primarily hedonistic, with a friendly and to some, charming exterior."
He shrugged. "And then he'd be gone, and I'd be less."
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 3:06 pm
He let out a long groan at he heard that final explanation.
Wouldn't it be nice to have the Jan that loves you back?
He shook his head and took off his glasses, rubbing at his eyes to clear his mind.
Stop. I can't.
Looking up, he placed his glasses back upon his head. "Would he take another persona? One that isn't an essential asset to you? One that is too fresh but he is none the wiser would be any different to Jan? I don't see how taking a doctor off the Infirmary floor is beneficial to the Life department to be replaced by a veterinarian who wouldn't have those skills and education."
"Do........you think Chantelle would have any insight on what H might be persuaded to take as payment instead?"
Maybe not considering she was just a girl who didn't desire much in the ways of helping her creator.
He steeples his fingers and tapped his foot again, trying to think of something that might work. "Would he like a clones instead? I know you don't want to do the work, but bringing in more specimens might serve as a replacement for Jan. We know they could be around the Sahara."
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 3:10 pm
Rodney clutched his hands. "But...it would still be you," his voice broke, "And even if I...went to go see you- th-that you, it'd be...a different person, and it...it would all be absorbed. It...it could be, a very long time. Y-you can't do it. Would...people have to be hurt, for your experiment? I think- I think it's good to try..."
Anything was good to try.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 3:20 pm
"Chantelle wouldn't help me. She dislikes me rather intensely, and she idolises H so she wouldn't help either."
As far as clones, they would probably be useful but he wasn't even sure he'd be allowed back to the Sahara. "I'm not supposed to go there generally for past reasons."
"I don't think people would need to be hurt, plenty of people get hurt of their own accord. I doubt H would be interested though, he seems to think very very little of me."
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 3:38 pm
"Well then you can't disappointment him too much further with at least an attempt at an alternative then whatever he presents as an option. Can't really go further down an opinion if he already thinks low of you. It's worth a shot and, I don't know. You really have to know a person to know what they place value in, and I can't think of anything else at this exact moment."
He looked back at Lawr. "I don't want you to be hurt more by this decision. Can you just - live for a while without wages or just ask for not a full reduction? Why are you not wanting to trade over Jan but doing it for cash?"
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 3:46 pm
"The other is just...money," Rodney agreed. "It's...a good thought. We were just younger, and, um, all that, h-how we age it's just...w-wear and tear on our bodies, from time. You...c-can't know unless you try."
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2017 1:21 am
"I suppose." Lawrence said grimly. "I could try proposing it to him, though I fully expect he will shoot it down. Both of you can come with me if you like, for support. Perhaps he will be more lenient if he has to be cruel in front of other people."
"And it's not just money." he said with irritation. "It's my life, it's the very definition of who I am, my lifestyle is expensive and changing my lifestyle would change who I am in an inherent way. I have a lot of things I want to do with the house, a lot of things I want to do in general, all of those things take money."
"For me there is no such thing as "Just money""
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