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 Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:36 pm
Noah nodded and swallowed hard, fighting nausea. His eyes flickered up to Al's face, then away again. After a moment, he said, "We, we all did. It was. When it was on us it felt, it felt like the most right thing. Like that was what we were supposed to do."
He looked down at his feet again, and said in a small and uncertain voice, "If you hate me now I understand."
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:40 pm
Al didn't hate Noah. He held a hand out at him, "here." He gestured for him to come closer. His mind wandered off into places that it was maybe not the best time or place to mention right now. But later. For now, Noah was clearly very upset over this and because of that he needed him to not ask things and just be support.
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:43 pm
Noah looked up nervously, and it was long moments before he put his hand in Al's and let himself be pulled closer. It was hard to believe that he wouldn't be hated or maybe feared for what he'd just confessed. "The bad dreams," he said shakily, "that's, that's what a lot of them have been about."
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:48 pm
Al tugged Noah close and stood face to face with him as he wrapped his arms around Noah, resting his hands against the small of his back. What he'd confessed to, while pretty gruesome, explained a lot - but also wasn't the worst thing he'd experienced in this whole... world. It wasn't like he'd wanted to. Him. The Noah who stood before him.
"Anything else I should know about you?" He asked in a tone that was monotone so as not to be misconstrued.
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:52 pm
Noah shivered and dropped his head to rest against Al's shoulder. Al wasn't pulling away. Al was pulling him close and holding him, even after what he'd just admitted to doing. "N-no," he answered, muffled by the fabric of Al's shirt. "That's ... that's all I needed to say. That's, that's the worst thing I've done." He swallowed. "So. So that's why. Laz reminded me I was ... eating meat."
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:58 pm
"It was cow meat though, I can taste test the next one first to be absolutely sure before handing it off to you." Yes, Al was attempting some humor though he still kept his tone calm in case the too soon applied here and upset Noah further. He didn't know how to help Noah, he couldn't just take those memories away. Unfortunately, his terrible sense of humor was all he had left to fall back on. He felt helpless and almost as if he were grasping at even that.
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:03 pm
Noah was startled into a small, strangled giggle. His fingers curled into the fabric of Al's shirt, and he clung to Al, leaning heavily into him in shocked relief. He could have confessed sooner. Or maybe he couldn't have, maybe it had needed all of the work they'd done to rebuild what they had. It didn't matter. He'd admitted it and not been pushed away, and the secret didn't weigh on him so heavily any more. He still wasn't going to tell other people about it if he didn't have to, but the strain of keeping such a huge secret from his lover had been eased. "It, it just reminds me. Sometimes red things do too," he said softly.
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:09 pm
Al suddenly frowned with dawning realization that he wasn't just wearing red right now but his scarf was red too - and actually blood stained. Red was a color so tied up in who he was that he couldn't help the guilty look he was giving Noah. "All red things?" He had to ask for clarity.
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:12 pm
"No! No. Just ... things that are. Red and wet, like, like." Noah shuddered a little and stopped there.
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:19 pm
Al rubbed Noah's back gently. This was a thing that needed discussed again later once things... calmed down. For now, the wounds were still fresh and Noah was badly injured in ways that couldn't be easily seen.
He did have one question though, a small one. "Do you trust yourself?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:22 pm
"I ... I don't know," Noah said, and turned his head to rest his cheek against Al's shoulder. "I mean. I mean, I'd never. I'd never do something like that if I had the choice. But it was still, I did it, when the red had me."
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:29 pm
Al gently rubbed Noah's back, "shhh it's okay. I meant right now."
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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2017 3:33 pm
"I. I think so? When it's just me," Noah hazarded after a moment.
US, Laz said.
You're never any help, Noah snapped crossly. The statement actually seemed to take the weapon aback somewhat, but Noah went back to ignoring Laz.
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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2017 4:12 pm
"Then that's all that really matters to me." Al dipped his head to kiss Noah on the forehead. "I trust you."
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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2017 4:18 pm
Noah leaned into Al and heaved a deep, relieved sigh. "I was really worried you wouldn't want to be with me any more after I told you," he admitted.
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