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 Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:02 am
"It was the impression you gave and the impression you still give with the whole not being sure you can deal with or live without "all of me", either there is some other part of who I am that you are content to be ongoing friends with or there isn't."
He noted the reach but didn't desummon Butch, feeling oddly reassured by the lingering protection of the weapon.
"You can, but I will need to make sure that Mikael and Malkam are all right with that. Mikael has apparently been rather upset by what happened and Malkam even more so. I'm obliged to listen to my children's wishes and concerns, I'm sure you can understand that, given what happened."
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:25 am
He's eating again. You're not content. You haven't been content.
Shut up, Saliva. You don't know what I want.
Settling isn't being content. Being afraid isn't being content. This isn't what you need. He's going to devour the last piece of you.
Things can work out. I can't leave it like this with him understanding everything.
Yes you can't. Who cares what he feels when he only pretends to care back. His belly might get happy and full but you'll just be s**t after! Stop this here. You don't owe him more of you.
"I understand. We'll be friends without those intimacies anymore." if they could be friends then that was fine.
"But as friends....If Rodney says no to your plan and you respect that...Would you think I loved you less if I did find someone or would you hurt that I'd find someone for that role even when I wanted to be with you?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 11:31 am
Now that thought rankled him and he couldn't extend his empathy to think even for a moment that perhaps Melvin might feel the same way. "I don't think I could stand to be around you if you were openly with someone else." he said. "There'd be a real risk that I would end up having to hurt you. Think Horace. Which wouldn't be much good for either of us would it? I'd be in trouble and possibly dead and so would you." he shook his head.
"I don't think I'd be too happy about the thought of my private confidences in you and my own private thoughts and hang ups being discussed with a stranger. I gave those things to you because I was sure that you'd be with me for ever. I think being talked about would potentially be something that would constantly rankle me." He gritted his teeth and exhaled.
"I think I could deal with it briefly. If they weren't there, but to have to look at it, no, I think they or you would get hurt."
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 12:04 pm
He stared back at him, growing colder inside.
"What if I had every intention of bringing them home to us with the hopes they could be with you and I eventually?" He continued.
Did he see it? Did he notice?
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 12:27 pm
Lawrence did not see it, nor did he see the logical pitfall he was walking straight into. "Oh. No. That wouldn't be all right, not without at least discussing it with me first. I mean if Rodney wasn't there I'd certainly consider it, so long as I had equal access to them, whoever they were and we were equal in all things, but with Rodney here well, I don't think he'd be all right with that, I don't even think it will be easy to get him to be all right with you."
He shrugged. "I'd be a bit picky too though, I won't just sleep with /anything/ I do have standards you know."
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 12:51 pm
He lowered his hands.
"Don't you see that you did the same.
You never discussed anything. You also just told me in the tent that we had an open relationship. That what we had before wasn't serious. You even gave me permission to find someone. Why would you let me go when you knew it would hurt you, and that it would put all our lives in danger?"
"You wouldn't be happy to see me with someone, to even be in the same room with them if they were intimate with me. It kills me when I see the same with you and Rodney. The way you hold him."
"If we are just friends now, if it's not just about sex, then why would it change if I had sex with someone else? Don't you love me for something more than that?"
"And what of Rodney. You made plans. You never told me these plans. You never even asked if I was attracted to Rodney."
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 12:58 pm
Lawrence looked a little confused at Melvin seemingly out of nowhere bringing up the previous topic about the open relationship.
"I don't hold him that much?" he said, looking puzzled. "I'm not with him all of the time, it seems a bit ridiculous to be upset about that. And I told you that it would irritate me, I still love you for you, I just want to be friends with you, not some random stranger. It'd be doable I'm just warning you of the pitfalls."
He gave Melvin a puzzled look. "Not attracted? How could you NOT be attracted to Rodney? He's soft and clean and artistic and those /arms/. I didn't ask because there's not a single doubt that you'd like him, he's really buff under all those layers. A soft rare buff flower of a man. I brought him home like a rare vase and you just didn't like it."
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 1:06 pm
Melvin rubbed his temple a moment. Lawr was so dense sometimes, but he understood that he had a different thought process.
"No. I don't want to bang Rodney. I never wanted to bang Rodney. I'm not attracted to him. It's not just bodies I'm attracted to, Lawr. It's like I was JUST saying. I have specific tastes and mine aren't the same as your tastes, so your plan to get us together has a lot of hang ups. You never even checked in to discuss it, and now you are just hoping that Rodney might, and that's a awfully big MIGHT, want to be a threesome and you don't even know if he even likes me or I liked him. You can't just assume that because we like you that we share you taste in men."
This had so many problems.
"And Rodney is going to warm up to you more.Kissing, holding, and just knowing you guys are ******** and thinking about that... It would bother you if I ******** someone. Why wouldn't it bother me to see you ******** or being intimate with Rodney? Why are you allowed that but I can't?"
"Why can't I ******** someone else if we are friends. If you gave me permission. Why would you say I could find someone when you don't mean that? Do you just want me to sit without having any sex ever? I can't ******** you, and I don't want to ******** Rodney. Where does that leave things?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 1:42 pm
Lawrence looked utterly confused about the fact that Melvin didn't find Rodney attractive. It made no sense at all. He was quantifiably attractive. He felt lost.
"You can." he said. "I just don't want to see it. And uh...where does it leave things? I suppose it leaves things at us...never having sex again."
And yet, even as he said it he felt like he could very easily have gone with pinning Melvin then and there. He didn't, he respected things now, but the urge was there.
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 1:46 pm
"I....guess." And even that felt terrible. "I guess neither one of us can have each other and not just be intimate with whoever. I mean...that's what normal friends do."
And yet. "If you don't see it, would you still try and kill them? Whoever it might ever come to be with me."
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 1:59 pm
"Yes." he said stiffly. "If that is what normal friends do." It felt very hopeless.
"What I don't see can't offend me I suppose."
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 2:02 pm
"Ok. Then you won't see it, and ...I won't look at you when you are around Rodney since I don't want to see it either."
Which meant there would be very little seeing each other if someone else was around. "Maybe I should...not be in the house."
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 2:04 pm
Lawrence shrugged his shoulders. He didn't like any of this.
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 2:06 pm
Melvin also did not like this.
"This sucks."
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 2:09 pm
"Yes. It does." he said. 'No more showers, no more vacations." Though he still had nightmares about the jetski. "No more doing laundry together. No cooking for you. No brushing your hair. No late nights at the labs, no sitting up talking. Friends."
He looked off into the distance.
"You'll be fine."
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