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 Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 9:55 am
He shrugged. "He probably knows. I'm not going to choose it, I want to choose a better life before I die, less of the horrible and self serving, more of the moral."
He shrugged and buried his face against Melvin's shoulder. "And I never remember to ask anyone for anything when I actually need it. Only when I don't."
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:14 am
"I guess it's hard to know what you need when so much is happening and you alrwasy get past a point. I'll just have to try and be more aware as best as I can, okay?" He resumed petting Lawr, feeling the man might just need a moment as much as he needed one.
"I'm going to have a hard time sleeping without you." He said lightly with a smile.
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:20 am
He inhaled, taking the familiar scent of the other man, clean and comforting, his heightened sense turning the smell into a rich chord akin to a music note, varied and nuanced. It was nothing like anyone else, every person completely unique. He knew Melvin's scent anywhere, even on those rare occasions where primal and musky notes were exaggerated or when the smell of fear or worry twisted around it.
"I'll try not to be a liability that distracts you from having a good life." he said. "And I know, sleeping is different. So is ..." and there was a moment when he seemed to think about it. "showering. And cleaning."
Maybe the house would be too large to clean now, maybe he'd lose the iron control he'd had without Melvin double checking his work.
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:59 am
"You are not so simple as a distraction, Lawr. You aren't some speck of light keeping my focus away from something more important. You are a part of my life. Part of the picture." He used to be the whole picture.
At the hesitant mention, he leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. "Y-Yeah. I've been thinking about that. It's going to be ....hard." He hadn't been away and without Lawr since he had been infected. He wasn't sure how he would last, especially without his own bathroom to lock behind him.
At least Lawr had someone to be intimate with. "It's good we're not because II wouldn't trust my self control."
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 11:06 am
Lawrence fell silent and thoughtful, as if navigating a difficult problem. "When does it stop being friends and start being cheating?"
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 11:15 am
He frowned and continued to look up at the ceiling. Moments like this reminded him that while Lawr was smart, certain things he knew nothing about. These were usually unwritten social rules.
"That's between what you and Rodney consider cheating. I can't make that determination. It's different for each person. Some people considering just thinking about the act cheating while others draw the line at sex. So you need to ask Rodney."
And he doubted the man would let him continue ******** Lawr even when this moment could be an easy one to get what he wanted and break apart their relationship. He could have pretended to not know better alongside Lawr and say he didn't think it was cheating.
But he didn't want to lead Lawr away from something he had been going after. Things were already a mess as it was.
"What do you consider cheating?"
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 11:22 am
Immediately he sounded scandalised. "Thinking about it?!" Before calming himself a little, he'd asked Rodney back when he'd first found himself having colourful fantasies, thoughts weren't cheating. He remembered that. "No, thinking about things isn't a problem. I know that's ok. I'm allowed to remember sex with you as much as I want."
He drummed all five of his fingers on Melvin's chest. "And sex is cheating as a given. It's just the in between which is difficult. I know that while I was with you I was allowed to kiss Rodney and pretty intensely. No touching though. Only clothes. Anything that happened was outside of that."
He tapped his chin. "Stands to reason that sort of thing would be the boundary right? I'll ask him though, I can't fathom why the line would be there and not as something like handjobs or oral. I mean it's just touching a thing. I touch lots of things on a daily basis."
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 12:04 pm
His Adam's apple bobbed before he slowly looked down. "What...exactly did you do with Rodney outside of kissing and ...grinding?" If Rodney had allowed certain actions before their official union, then there might be some wiggle room to - wiggle.
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 12:35 pm
"Er. Outside of those things? Nothing. At most we .." he waved his hand vaguely. "Some er. Masturbation? In the same..ish..area. No touching though, no sight or anything." He shrugged.
"Other than that I was pretty much a saint about the whole thing."
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 1:24 pm
He leaned his head back and sighed dramatically. "You're killing me. You're my favorite treat and now I'm going to be hankering for the taste of you for forever without having g a supply."
"I wondering if smokers feel this bad going cold turkey."
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 2:32 pm
Lawr rubbed his cheek against Melvin affectionately, basking in the warmth between them both and still sleepy and worn out. "Probably." he said. "It's not easy for me either, I'm not going cold turkey but there is a certain element of you that I don't get anywhere else and won't."
He exhaled. "I could have cheated all I wanted when I was with you, it was open for it. I didn't want to ultimately, that was for a reason. If I could have you and Rodney I would. But I can't, and you have a chance of being happy without me." he closed his eyes.
"He said to me I was his only chance, if I left him or slept with someone else, I don't think he'd find a partner ever again. I pretty much doomed him. That's the reason why I'm "choosing" him over you. I still love you Melvin. I do. And this is hard for me too, even harder knowing you are going to live with a very attractive single man. But because I love you I'm willing to hope that things are all right for you, rather than being bitter about it. Though I really /really/ want to be."
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 3:39 pm
"You made me happy, Lawr. I find it difficult to believe when I just feel miserable now." He said, not liking how Lawr was making it sound like Lawr was doing him a favor by letting him leave. It didn't feel that way, and he didn't' want it.
Stroking his hair softly, he then hand his hand down his back slowly. "So it's you or nothing ever. That's a rough deal." But he had to give a short laugh at what came next.
"Jordan is just being nice to let me crash on his couch. He isn't sexting me. If it's any consultation, I doubt Jordan could do the kinda things you let me do to you. I'm not going to find someone like you."
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Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:08 pm
"You say that right now." he said. "But you'll find ultimately that the reason you won't find a person like me is that I am barely a person. Most of what you will find is far superior to me. There is nothing unique about me" People were emotional and real. Not whatever it was that he was.
He yawned and half-curled against Melvin. "But it's nice of you to say."
You made me happy. Past tense. And perhaps the only way to make him happy again was to let him be with someone who was normal. He'd come a long way from when Rin had died, and Lawrence wasn't allowed to keep him.
He stroked the other man's arm fondly. "Stay till I fall asleep at least?" he asked.
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2016 5:21 am
"Let me be the judge of that." He commented before adjusting himself against the pillow and getting more comfortable.
"Yeah....I can donthat." He closed his eyes and continued to lightly play with Lawr's hair with his fingertips.
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