s**t. He woke
up. Double s**t, Polair thought she had somehow hurt the yellowblood with that gesture. Why did that seem a good idea in the first place? The seadweller had removed her hand quickly, placing both hands between the side of her knees in complete discomfort. She'd would have to apologize for that later. For everything really...
I should have never told him about this.She was asked to step out and without a word, Polair rose from her seat and left the room. Oh god, he surely was really mad at her. Why else would Buffel ask her to wait for him. She could already picture it, the blame and the feeling of anger and annoyance towards her being 105% noticeable. When the door clicked close, the purpleblood leaned against the wall and let out the breath she had been holding inside the operation room. She was clearly overthinking things. What to do? What to do!
The only thing she did, besides worrying, was to formulate a counterargument to whatever she predicted he would say. If he came to say, 'I lost my arm and lusus because of you.' Polair would reply, 'I apologize for what I made you go through. It wasn't my intention, I didn't expect this to happen.' If Buffel said, 'I'm angry, Polair. I hate you.' The highblood didn't know how to answer to that. It didn't matter how ample her vocabulary was, she couldn't find a reasonable way to answer to a statement like that. If it were anybody else, it'd be easy. But coming from him?
She held her breath as the door opened once more.
Oh glub... Here it comes. Polair thought as she crossed her arms, trying to prepare for what would happen. “
Hey, how are you feeling?” She mumbled, not really wanting to hear the answer.
She went quiet when he started speaking. Polar couldn't believe what she was hearing. He was blaming himself. No,no, no! He had it all wrong he couldn't possibly blame himself for this. "
Buffel please stop.” Polair looked bitter and angry because he was wrong. Buffel wasn't at fault here. “
You don't owe me an apology. I-it is I who should be apologizing for this mess, not you..." Okay, this was totally and horribly overwhelming and not according to her predictions. Before she could figure out how to apologize for being such an idiot, he told her he was leaving, just like that.
"
What?" When she was about to protest, Buffel stopped her so he could explain himself, so she could understand. But she wasn't. She processed and could be a bit empathetic but, she wasn't understanding the feeling he tried transmitting. What was going on?
"How can you expect… How can I help you if you leave? I want to help, I..." Would 'sorry' have made any difference? Does it ever? It's just a word. One word against a thousand actions.
“
Please allow me to help, let me make it up to you…” Polair only wanted to make things right. She wanted to help him put his life in order, life is messy sure but, she needed to make sure she could clean it put, organize it an place it in a box. It always worked for her. Was it true, that it wasn't personally to stay away from her? She didn't know, she wasn't entirely sure and it angered her even more. Was it… Was it something about her? What if he saw right through her lie? The seadweller had never felt such sadness, grief… Such disconnection. Wasn't she worthy of it?
There she felt vulnerable, disappointment, fear, shame, grief… Polair didn’t want to feel those. Repress, repress, repress, numb, numb, numb! She needed to stop feeling. She begged herself to put all those feelings away while she stood in front of him. That all dissolved when he kissed her.
The darkness she had lived until now wasn't silent, it was horridly loud. And when their lips met, at that precise moment, all her mental processes stopped altogether. Polair had never been so mentally quiet in her lifetime and it only took one kiss, not only to quiet her down, but shut her mind up. It might have been a second too late for her to wrap up her feelings in a bow.
Polair leaned into it slightly, letting herself be so close to him. If she could still process all of this, she might have jerked back. But how could she do so when she painfully enjoyed such thing? He tasted dusty and sweet, she… Like it. But she also tasted regret and sadness. When they pulled back, the yellow blood pulled her into a hug. He was crying on her shoulder while she tried not to cry on his. The highblood wrapped her arms around him, instincts guiding her instead of her usual reasoning.
“It’s okay…” Was said with a saddened mumble. Polair ran her fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down and squeezed him a bit. It always worked with her and Claud.
"
I'll... I'll miss you." 
