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 Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2016 11:49 pm
October 20, 2016 It had been another tiring day filled with seemingly everything. From dance practice and vocal lessons, and practice, to small performances. The day had been packed and most of it spent somewhere other than their dorm. Finally though they were home and Minsoo was honestly too tired to shower, too tired to wait, and so stripping down in the darkened bedroom, which he shared with another member, he went to crawl into his bed.
The sounds of the shower running down the hall filled the air, as well as shuffling feet as others moved about and got ready for bed. Since Hyeon had left things had been...emotionally stressing especially for Minsoo. He was the leader and Hyeon had left, he felt like he’d failed. He had seen it coming, had tried to prevent it, but there was only so much he could do. He cared about the group, he had to, and their careers but he also cared about each member as an individual. Hyeon was suffering from all the normal things but it was taking it’s toll on him.
He had, in private, late one night given his support to the other. He would try and hold the group together through this process and help them weather out whatever storm came their way. The one good thing was they weren’t a well known group, they weren’t EXO or Monsta X or some other well known group with a huge fan following. They didn’t worry about the press following them as much as other groups, or crazy fans. They didn’t have fans camping outside their dorm building. That had so far played in their favor...but it would stick around with them forever. A skellington that was never going to be put into a closet.
It would, in time, be brought up and he knew it. When they made it big, he was sure they would in time, it would be brought up. The loss of a member was never forgotten and even new fans found out about these sorts of things. It had already gotten brought up in the few little shows they’d been on since Hyeon had left. It hadn’t even been that long...how much longer would it last? How many more times could they talk about it? It hurt, he could see it bothered the younger members.
Stripped down he pulled on fresh, clean, bed clothing he went to curl up under his sheets while waiting for his roommate to come to sleep. Listening he heard the water turn off, then some more shuffling, a door opening down the hall and then his own bedroom door was opening.
Greeting the other softly Minsoo turned to lay on his side, one arm curling under his pillow, as he tried to relax enough to sleep. He had a busy day ahead of him, they all did, and he needed his sleep. He knew it and yet even as the other dressed and went to bed, as they drifted off, Minsoo couldn’t sleep. He shifted again and started to stare at the walls.
They were white, painted so, maybe they should try and paint the bedrooms walls when they had time off? At least the bedrooms...he wished they could have the time, or their manager could hire someone, to paint the whole dorm. The white walls were...depressing to Minsoo. They made the rooms seem bigger, he knew that, but he honestly didn’t like the color white.
His dark eyes stopped on a dark spot on the ceiling and as he continued to stare he became sure that it was moving...a bug? A spider? That had him shivering as he shifted, his arm reaching out for the lamp, keeping his gaze on the bug on the ceiling as he flicked on the light. A spider...he knew it.
Standing up he went to get a slipper before standing up on the bed so he could kill it. His slipper was cleaned, with a tissue, the body in a tissue thrown out in his wastepaper basket before his slipper was returned to its place on the floor by his bed.
Slipping back under his covers he spent the next two hours looking around the room, as if he might see something again. At one point he would wear he saw something but it vanished a moment later, his tired eyes had blinked and the spot had been gone. No spiders, no moving spots, and at some point sleep took hold of him and dragged him under. He hadn’t even realized it but sleep had decided he needed a rest - finally. Word count: 767
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Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2016 11:45 pm
October 26, 2016 He couldn’t believe it! He’d been sleeping, peacefully, until he’d been woken by some loud and unidentifiable sound from somewhere outside their dorm. He didn’t know what it was but it had woken Minsoo and wanting to check on the younger members he did a quick bedroom check, to see if any of the others had woken. It was a quiet walk about the dorm room on slippered feet. After the last door was closed he slipped into the kitchen and gently, so as to not make any noise, opened the fridge intent upon a sip of something to drink before heading back to bed.
He was not expecting to find they were out of water and milk as well it seemed. Frowning he shook his head, tossing his sleep rumpled hair about, before moving back to his room to get a coat, a face mask, his glasses, and then made his way to the front door where house slippers were traded in for shoes. His wallet, by the front door, was pocketed before he left. The others would remain asleep and there was a convenience store right down the block a bit. He’d drop by and pick up some milk and a few water bottles, enough that everyone would have one to take with them in the morning when they left the dorm for their schedule.
Taking the elevator down, trying to block out how creepy it felt going out so late at night when everything was so still and silent. The street, once he stepped outside, was void of people and the streetlights weren’t the best either, it looked like a few needed light replacements as well. Sighing to himself he stuffed his hands into his pockets as he headed off, intent upon doing some quick shopping before returning home and snuggling back into his bed for another two hours, maybe three if he was lucky.
The trip to the store wasn’t that bad, a little creepy as it was too silent, but once there in the dimly lit store it was relaxed as he went to the back to get the milk and grab several water bottles. Putting them into the little basket he had Minsoo carried them to the counter where he was rung up and paid for his purchases. As the older man behind the counter bagged things he took them slowly, smiling and thanking the man, he knew he was the last customer as the store would be closing in a few minutes.
He didn’t figure the old man would decide to start closing once he stepped out on the sidewalk to begin the short trek home. He also wasn't expecting to hear footsteps behind him as he walked but he did. He could hear them, they were so loud in the silence surrounding him. When he turned his head to look behind himself he spotted a figure walking slowly. A dark figure, he couldn’t make much out due to a light being out over their head. But he called out anyway...and was ignored. Nothing was said and no sudden moves made, no slowing down either.
Unconsciously he shivered and pulled his coat tighter about himself, huddling down into the down coat. He had to move his head to get his hair from his face as he moved to pick up speed. When he stumbled, hitting a rock with his toes, he turned, not hearing the figure anymore, and found it not moving. Turning fully he made toward it. Calling out, asking who they were - where they following him. Again...nothing. Not wanting to get closing, scared to do so, he turned and hurried himself back to the dorm building.
Once inside the warmth of the building he stayed by the door waiting to see the figure pass, hoping they’d pass, so he could see them. No one passed out and he waited what had to be ten minutes.
Utterly creeped out, and not about to tell the others - ever, he hurried to the elevator and up to their floor. He was silent in entering the dorm and putting everything away before he went to his own room. He had someone else sharing his room, in another bed, and rather than settle into his own bed he brought his pillow and bedding over to the other bed and slipped in silent with the younger. He was too scared, not that he would say it, to sleep on his own tonight .He’d find some excuse in the morning. Word count: 754
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 11:30 am
December 6, 2016 The holidays were fast approaching and Minsoo had found some time for himself. The group, still short a member, were back to some small tv shows and practicing new songs and dances with the plan for some album to be released in a few months. It was all busy work and it kept his mind off Hyeon a lot, just do to the focus he had to put into memorizing the new stuff, but it was times like this when he was hit with it hard.
They were down a member...he wouldn’t be with them for the next album or the performances...or anything. He wasn’t even in Korea anymore and he missed the other, maybe this shopping trip wasn’t such a good idea after all? He shouldn’t be thinking of things like this, it was depressing. He wondered, while passing a make up shop in Myeongdong, what to get for Hyeon. He’d have to send it, whatever it was, maybe a care package would be a nice idea? Or maybe a box with a gift from each of the members? He liked the second idea, the more he thought about it.
Grabbing something hot to eat he had to lower his face mask, which he’d been wearing to cover up his face, and nibbled on the rice cakes he’d gotten for himself. The holidays wouldn’t be the same this year without Hyeon. They’d spent years together celebrating the holidays, watching snow fall, and decorating their little dorm with various things. He didn’t even know how Seollal would go without him, they’d spent that together as well. With their busy schedules they hadn’t been able to go see family during the holidays, instead spending them together with work.
This year they’d attended the MAMA awards, only a few days ago in fact, and they’d sat in the far off area away from the major idols - the ones up for awards. They hadn’t been up for anything, or at least nothing they seriously had a chance of winning. He’d sat with the others whispering and pointing things out, generally enjoying the show especially the stages put on by EXO and BTS, but there was still that missing presence.
For now they would try and continue on, he’d let the group try, and see what happened. Maybe they’d wind up like 2NE1 had and try and continue without a member and discover they couldn’t and disband, that really was a shame, or maybe they’d be able to continue on without him...just sadder due to it.
Shaking himself from his thoughts as he stepped out of another shop, another bag hanging from his arm, he threw out the small tray his food had been in. It was when he looked up, from where he was throwing the small paper tray out, that he spotted some female with her hand slipping into an older woman’s handbag. They didn’t look to be together either...a thief?
Deciding to approach the woman, right after the girl stepped away and headed into another store, he asked politely if they’d been together and when finding out they hadn’t been he pointed the older woman to the store, Innisfree, and told her what the girl looked like. Leaving the woman to handle things he headed off, feeling better about himself for being able to help someone.
Now he just had to help his younger members - his dongsangs. Word count: 576
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Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2017 12:11 am
June 1, 2017 (Back dating a bit) The others were asleep when Minsoo settled into his bed. Pulling his covers up and over his legs he let the bedding pool in his lap. Grabbing his laptop from the small bedside table he had Minsoo pulled the device into blanket covered lap. Flipping the screen up he hit the power button and sat waiting the few seconds it took for things to load.
The wall paper he used for his laptop was a night time skyline, a picture he’d taken one cold night. It was because it was so cold out that the picture was so clear - so perfect. The city lights seemed much brighter and just small amount of stars could be seen, one of the problem with living in such a big city.
Moving his finger across the little pad he watched the pointed move across the screen, towards the icon for his internet. Clicking at it he went to log into his private twitter account. He had one that fans knew, his job knew...everyone knew. Then he had one that was just for him, just to read things and follow people - to try and be normal. Little bits and pieces of being a normal adult were hard to find but he clung to those pieces.
Logged in he didn’t have to go far, in checking on various accounts he liked to follow, before he spotted something very...interesting. Something big was trending and it had his attention. Clicking on it he was surprised by what he saw.
Pulling up a new tab he had to double check, find out what he was actually seeing. And when he did he was shocked, almost enough to go wake one or all of the others. It seemed that a Korean group had gotten popular enough to gain the attention of billboard and were now nominated for a billboard award. It was...unheard of and a shock. This had to be rippling out amongst other artists here in Korea and by the look of things on twitter it was already insane with the groups fandom pouring out their love and of course - their votes.
He figured by looking at the numbers it would be an easy victory for the group, he was happy by this, but who knows...anything could happen. Deciding to cast as many votes as he could he went first for the easy, and quicker, way to vote and hit up billboards website. He hadn’t gotten home till late due to his schedule and so he wanted to at least get this part of voting done so he accomplished something.
At the same time he also opened up kakotalk and went to message Hyeon...he hadn’t talked to him in a while. Sending him a message about this, asking if he knew, was he voting. He told the other he missed him and was in bed and bored. He left out that he was lonely, how could he be lonely when he lived with other people? When they were like family? He knew if he said it Hyeon would understand though...and then he’d worry. He didn’t want to worry the other, as the eldest he shouldn’t worry his youngers - it wasn’t fair.
Word count: 538
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 1:48 pm
July 3, 2017 In the last two months so many things had happened, good and bad, and Minsoo felt like he was slowly falling apart as a result of some of it. It wasn’t anything he let the other members knew, he was doing a good job of hiding things from them. Tonight was yet another late night for the leader as he sat in their living room with his legs pulled up to his chest as he leaned his head against the window sill and let the cool air ruffle his hair.
BTS had won the Billboard award, something which he hadn’t been expecting but was thrilled to see. It wasn’t everyday something like that happened, that a Korean music group got nominated much less won at a western music awards program. He’d taped the whole thing and watched it later - it had been amazing. The attention after it, given not just to BTS but Korean pop music in general, was amazing. The group, of course, gained new fans and a lot of attention but it did have something of a trickle effect which was to be expected.
That had been one of the good things to happen in the last two months - a really good thing. It helped the industry and helped branch them out more and helped the hallyu wave essentially. It was something to be proud of, as a Korean and as an idol, to see the spread of the culture and see more people taking an interest in it. Maybe it was more special, in a sense, because the winter Olympics were coming up? The world would soon be focused on their country.
A new president was also good, and much needed, he could only hope that this new president would do right by the Korean people and that perhaps something could be done with North Korea...eventually. It did seem like North Korea’s leader was getting more active and perhaps that would push someone, a few someones, into acting and who knows what may happen.
It wasn’t that Minsoo liked the idea of killing, he didn’t, but he did understand that sometimes it was a necessary evil. Sometimes killing a person, or people, would help even more people. In the case of North Korea...they needed their leader removed and somehow the two countries, once having been one, needed to reunify. Then the North and it’s people could gain the help they needed and they could be one Korea again - with a shared history and culture.
More recently though there had been bomb threats and threats of acid being thrown at members of another idol group. There had been more bad things than good and some of it stuck closer to home for Minsoo.
Only a week ago he had spoken to their manager, not something he’d wanted to do but had needed to do, and it seemed there was still no idea what their fate as a group would be although their manager had hinted at something - something he didn’t like. He hadn’t mentioned it to the others, he didn’t want to until he knew for certain.
Their manager, whom Minsoo really wasn’t fond of, had started to almost randomly talk about trainees and how some were very skilled and would be ready to debut soon perhaps. He’d been vague and hinting but the message was clear to Minsoo. It looked like they might gain a new member...it wasn’t an idea he fancied, though he hadn’t said anything. But also it had come with a threat, veiled and even more vague, as their manager had continued on about how some of the group's members seemed to be slacking off and not taking things seriously. That they didn’t seem so determined to continue on. That maybe some of them had lost their passion.
He knew what was being said, he knew it all, and he knew that somehow he was going to have to get the others to not skip things and to attend all their schedules and put in the effort and time. But how to do it without telling them the position they were in? He didn’t want to stress or upset them, to risk any of them saying something to their manager. Minsoo also didn’t want any of them to perhaps ignore or treat any of the trainees poorly because of this silent threat. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his members but people could do anything when under stress.
Lifting his head he slowly stood up and headed for the bathroom they all shared. The counter top thankfully had enough draws that each member had their own draw, in which they kept their skin care products. His own draw was the top most one and it was slid open as he started to wash his face with an oil cleaner before moving onto the foam cleanser he had. It was when he went for his toner that he paused, making a mental note that he’d need to get a new one in the next few days, and on he continued till he’d finished his usual routine and he was heading off to his shared bedroom to sleep.
He just hoped he could actually get some sleep, he had dance training tomorrow and he’d need his energy for that. Word count: 886
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Posted: Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:32 am
December 19, 2017 For the last week, almost two, Minsoo knew something was going on. Their manager had put him on a diet, something he’d been told about only five days ago, because he’d gained a bit of weight while the group was on a hiatus. The diet...it wasn’t anything new but it didn’t mean he liked it, he really didn’t. He knew though that if he was on a diet similar would soon be imposed on the others, they’d all been slacking off some, and he’d been pushed back into the studio to work more on his vocal training.
The others were back to training more as well, in vocals, rap, dance. They were training with old songs, nothing new, but it made him wonder if new songs weren’t being prepared for them...if they’d be recording soon. If they were he worried that it meant they’d soon have a new member in the group. He knew it was what the big shots were talking about, had been talking about, but a set back had happened and they didn’t get a new member yet. And he’d yet to tell the group of these plans.
He knew Myungsoo didn’t want them to give up...to leave - to break contract. As much as Minsoo wanted to, the late night talk he’d had with the other flashing through his mind as he sat in one of the empty dance studios, he wanted to leave and find their missing member and bring the group back together. They were his family and they were split apart right now - it hurt. Myungsoo just wanted what he thought was best for them, and he didn’t want to give up, but he hadn’t told the other what he knew the higher ups were talking about - what they were planning. Maybe it would change things...he doubted it though, even though he shouldn’t, and that was why he said nothing.
The demons he carried with him, had since he was young, were always there perched on a shoulder whispering into his pierced ear. He wasn’t good enough - he didn’t know what was best for the group. He was just giving up like he’s tried when he was younger, all he was good for was running away from his problems. Why was someone like him a leader? The thoughts had been plaguing the last nine days and he had been doing his best to keep it from himself, to keep Myungsoo from figuring him out. He didn’t need a confrontation...he didn’t want it. He wanted to wrap himself in something warm, suffocatingly warm, and hold onto something and not let go till he could get the voices to stop and pull his head above water...till everything was ok.
Sitting there, his thoughts wandering, he should be working on his dancing and getting his stamina back up Minsoo was pulled from his thoughts by his phone buzzing at his side. The phone humming against the wood dance floor, vibrating loudly in the silent room, he picked it up and noting their managers number he answered.
He expected to be asked where he was, and in that area their manager didn’t fail, what he wasn’t expecting was the next words - the news. He was expecting to be asked how his dance practice was going, where the others were, anything else that had to do with the group. Instead what he heard was news no one wanted to hear.
He wasn’t friends with the vocalist but he knew of him, how could he not? The news was...too close to home - far too close, especially now. Biting down on his lip he took several moments to form words before speaking softly, his words a whisper, as he agreed to come down stairs to where the older male was. He would be driven back to the dorms and would wait there, for what he didn’t know.
The drive back was mostly silent, his fingers tapping away at his phones screen. He was bouncing between social media and sending private texts to people, including his own group members. This was a tragic day, in his opinion, and it wasn’t until he was shuffling his way up to the door of the dormitory his group shared that he took note of the tears trailing silently down his cheeks.
When the door closed, their manager leaving, to deal with important things Minsoo went about ordering food in. There was no motivation in him to cook and he didn’t care about his diet right now. He would make up for breaking his diet tomorrow...or the next day. He’d work out more then. Now he just had to wait for the others to return and dinner to turn up. Word count: 792
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