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Broken_Illumination Captain
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 Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2016 11:39 pm
Any hint of a smile slowly faded from his face, staring off in thought. "I'd love to tell you that wasn't the case... And maybe originally it was. But my thoughts are always pretty complicated when it comes to others. But I'm not trying to win you over if that's what your asking." he answered softly. It was obvious that he had been thinking a lot under his usual cheerful disposition.
"They do when they harbor enough guilt to do something crazy like that." he muttered with a deep look of shame as he couldn't even make eye contact, hands shoved deep into his pockets. "As a renegade leader, I did a lot of things I didnt want to do. I sought out bad people no one else would touch. The things we did weren't without their repercussions. I... I know the innocent lives that get caught in the cross fire were lives I never wanted to take. But it doesn't change that I took them." he ran a hand through his hair, showing an immense amount of distress in his body language and the anguish in his eyes. "And while I can try to apologize for things I've done, it's pointless, but this.... this is the way I cope. In my mind, I've taken countless parents from their children... And I've given the option for you to continue to be one." he narrowed his eyes in frustration. "It sounds stupid... because it is. My guilt will never go away. And I'm beginning to hope it stays.. as my penance for my own stupidity and recklessness."
He shook his head, realizing he was ranting again. "You don't owe me anything, if anything I probably still owe you in the end. But as it stands, I'm not asking anything in return for what I paid." he inhaled deeply then looked Tri straight in the eyes, his gaze serious as he spoke, "I want to tell you the truth, even if I know you either will be alarmed by that truth or ignore it or flat out deny it. But I have no idea how to feel about you. And when you told me about the twins, I felt... hopeful. I had wanted a family. And had assumed you hold very similar values with how much you care for Ree and Hexxis. I paid your debt with that in mind, willing to put aside our difference for a chance with you. But I honestly will admit I was fairly blind to your feelings... How what I've done had affected you, how hard it would be for you to ever consider me anything other than an enemy even if convenience of my personal feelings led to the situation we are in now with them. I.... I've been an idiot. So just forget about the money... and just do what you want." he closed his eyes and sighed. "Just know that I am genuinely sorry. Even if you never accept that."
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 12:17 am
Tri raised his chin slightly narrowing his eyes as Zaku started to speak. He watched the muse closely at the sudden change in mood, the fake cheerfulness was gone only to be replaces by... guilt?
Frowning he crossed his arms and stared at Zaku, listening silently as the muse looked away."This is how you -cope- ?!" he repeated glaring as he waved his hand to the side, feathers bristling. "I am one person... nothing.. no one. There are multitude of people you hurt and this..this does -nothing- to help any of them. " he suddenly wanted to reach out and shake him. "I hope it stays too" he said with a hint of cruelty in his voice.
He paused and forced himself to listen to the rest as anger surge to the forefront of this thoughts. With what he had used to pay his half he could have...he could have.... have done anything else, helped more. Tried to at least....he didn't know.
He went quiet as Zaku continued talking, the anger giving over to alarm as he just listened. "No...." he shook his head rapidly taking a step away with a flicker of fear. "No...." he said sharply followed by anger, but what he was saying no to could be anything. "When I told you about them it was to inform you they existed because...they are you're too.. it was not an offer to become a family with you! " he continued, wings lifting in anger and no small amount of fear as well. He wanted a family but no one wanted him and the only one that did...was...ha...hahahahahahaha.
"Even if I was ...." he shook his head as he felt a flicker of longing for a certain white hair meta, followed closely by pain. "Even if I were to entertain the notion and betray everyone.. ..." he was trying to organize his thoughts and keep his anger. " you're not my type and you're also male " he said harshly grasping at everything he could. "As for what you learned ...I-I " he clenched his teeth. ".... Now you understand why I can't forgive you. Why everything you said and wished was a fantasy. I may have wanted a family... but not like that" he leaned down to grab his pack, his throat tensing with a multitude of emotions he was trying to keep under wraps. The memory of a gently touch and seemingly acceptance hurt horrible as he turned to head toward the door. .
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Midnightspirit Vice Captain
Computerized Lightbringer
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 8:51 am
Zaku frowned further as Tri only appeared to get angrier, "It starts with one person... You convinced me to leave, and now that I won't fight, I am consumed with the thought of trying to fix what I broke. I had an opportunity to do that with you even if it didn't change anything. You aren't nothing. You are one of the people I've affected with everything I've done. SIU. You, Mara, Ree... even Hexxis." he spoke somberly with a hint of pain. "All I know is fighting... but I'm trying to make it right." he sighed. "Its not working." he muttered under his breath with distress.
"I know you didn't intend to be a family with me,..... especially me. But I thought maybe you might eventually. But that was a fantasy that I entertained the thought of. It was ignorance at best, and I'm sorry." he clarified before pausing and blinking. "..im not asking you to brletray anyo-..... I'm not even in the rene-...." he stopped, frowned, and fell silent. His next words hitting much harder than he ever expected them too. Not his type... And male. Well, wasn't that just irony. All of it.
He let him speak further and just nodded quietly. "I understand. I didn't mean to make a mess of this too... I just wanted to make up for everything... Even if that is impossible." He watched him pick up his pack and head for the door as he wanted to do anything he could to stop him but honestly didn't know if it was worth it. Drive as set in his ways, and as much as he dried to understand him, he knew nothing about him. And he was only making it worse. "Sorry I made this what it didn't need to be. I'll stick around until their teens, then I'll be out of your hair. Don't know what I'll do when that happens, but I guess I'll either figure it out by then.. live my life as a recluse.. or take the cowards way out and turn myself in." he muttered and just stood there with his head down. "...I guess I'll...see you around.." he paused and clenched ilhisbteeth in frustration at himself as he was honestly holding back the urge to cry. "..I'm sorry."
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 3:11 pm
Trying to fix what he broke....
There was no way for him to fix what he broke. Ama was dead and because of that, so many path that might not have been taken were and now here they were in the eptimony of some cruel being's joke, family with the person who gave the kill order.
That was on his side and of those others who were left orphen or without one parent? For the longest time it was hard for him to understand and when he did...
"You remind me of Ree thinking there is still someway to fix this. They are dead Zaku....Ama...all those that has nothing to do with it. You're not going to fix this. You want the coward way out? Be a recluse. Turning yourself in would just be justice " he shrugged the pack back on and opened the door stepping outside sick with himself..and at the same time knowing that the towns needed Zaku. Becaus of that he wouldn't move against him, let him live his dream if for a bit. He could see the guilt and distress in the muse's body language and that also helped not to move against him...had he been arrogant...
Tightening his hand into a gust he just started walking pm heading away from the house.
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Midnightspirit Vice Captain
Computerized Lightbringer
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 3:27 pm
"I know there's no way to fix it. And I'll be honest, I don't know how to stop breaking things. I've killed so many people... by my words,.. by my hands... I thought I was fighting some kind of good fight. I even told you that. And I was stubborn enough to force myself to believe I'm making a difference. No, I know I have... but I cannot tell myself that I made a good difference in this world. I killed Ama. Money isn't going to bring him back. So all I can give you is my condolensces that are too little too late." he spoke. "You know... If I could use all the luck I used and will use in my life time, I'd give it all up to bring him back. I'd do it over bringing back my own mother. Because you deserved to have him there... And I took that away from you." he sighed, falling quiet as he watched Tri turn to leave. He was walking and Zaku didn't want him to, running to the door, he threw it open, standing and staring at Tri. "Wait... Just.. stay for dinner. I'm not a great cook... but DH had been teaching me." he offered, a hint of desperation and sadness in his voice. "Or It could just be you and me. We can talk. I'll tell you everything I know. Anything you've ever wanted to know. No strings attached. You should at least know the person who's taking care of the kids... I just don't want our talks to keep devolving into... this. I did this before... This isn't what I want... I want to make that effort. Even if nothing will come of it."
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 8:41 pm
Tri listened to his words as he went out the door but none of that stopped him from continuing to walk onward.
I don't know how to stop breaking things.
Putting the clenched hand up near his chest he stared forward while he walked, the faint shadow if the mountain lion lightly walking with him. He wanted to hate Zaku but even now that the muse knew, he didn't feel like there was any change. He didn't hate Zaku...he still believed the Renegades should be stopped but in regards to Ame, he deeply missed him. First it was fear then it was grief and anger but it was not something he was allowed to indulge in...so it was turned into action.
Even though the offer of of bringing back Ame instead of Zaku's own mother if it had been a possibility...it made it hard to hate him. Zaku looked like he was suffering for what he did, actually suffering and not being like those who boasted their kill count as if that was something to be prideful of. Was thinking like that a disrespect? He hated Zephyr so easily... but the person who deserved it the most he barely felt a twinge of hate...dislike yes but hater.. no.
"Wait... Just.. stay for dinner. I'm not a great cook... but DH had been teaching me."
Tri stopped but didn't turn back as he listened. Now he knew how Zaku gained his information but was surprise him was desperation in the other's voice. One that almost sounded to him like it was on the verge of tears, but why? it made no sense Zaku made no sense.. none at all. Why was he so desperate for him to stay? How words should have destroyed any hope he could have had with him... or was he literally hanging on to his own sanity through that dream?
- I've killed so many people... by my words,.. by my hands... -
The memory of what he said just minutes before made him sigh. Likely somewhere there was someone just like him from jobs he was force to do to stop those that were causing pain for a large majority.
What was the saying ..forgiveness was divine? ..it was given out so rarely ...truly given.
Turning the mountain lion faded as he stared back at Zaku with dead-like eyes with barely a silver glow. He was silent for a few seconds before returning to the house. "Things that sound to good to be true usually are Zaku. But i'll bit" he said quietly as he stopped by the door, almost fro a moment wanting to reach out and touch his hair. "What are you cooking?" the question was innocent enough but the anger and wariness was there there, more so now than before. Brought back by the promise of information.
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Midnightspirit Vice Captain
Computerized Lightbringer
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 8:21 am
His heart felt like it could give out from beating so fast, or maybe it already did the moment Tri stopped walking. Staring at him, he was trying not to tremble at his own desperation to make him stay somehow. Tri looked back at him, and despite dead-like eyes, Zaku at least felt a little relieved. However small, even if it was only at the expense of information, he was grateful that he was at least taking the offer. "I'm a man of my word, if nothing else." he commented quietly then gave a smile even if the pain was still just as strong in his face.
Then the question of what he was cooking gave him a very alarming wake up call. What could he cook that wouldn't have the potential to set a fire... again. He thought for a moment. "I... It's a surprise. Just come in and sit and I'll make something." he answered. He had debated calling DH for help but he really felt some odd need to impress Tri, even if it was to cook one damn meal right for once.
He walked back inside and on into the kitchen before pulling out his phone and searching things he could make without the use of an oven or knife and the options were very few but what he did find, he could try to manage.
He started with some frozen vegetables, setting it up to steam in the microwave, then began to prepare some macaroni and cheese from the box but again used the microwave instead of the stovetop, each time using his good fortune to make sure he didn't mess up. Then he pulled some salmon from the freezer and used two uses of his power to not only follow the seasoning on the recipe on his phone and to make sure he put that in the microwave for the correct amount of time.
Things were going well as he was setting up plates of food, and even set aside a small dessert that he could microwave that too after dinner with his last good fortune. He felt very confident about what he did, a glimmer of a memory like he'd done something like this before. Trying to surprise Silver like this, actually succeeding, actually cooking. But that had been a very long time ago. Well before-.. He shook his head and leaned over toward the dining room. "You can either call the kids to eat with us, and you and I can talk afterward as I promised... Or it can just be you and me for now to talk. It's up to you." he offered the option, before bringing out two plates and setting them down. "..ahh, forks.." he mumbled before returning to the kitchen to grab utensils to eat with.
[Good Fortune: 4/5 used.]
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 11:26 am
Tri stared back stoically and followed him inside, all the while wondering at the expressions he saw on Zaku's face and his own reaction. Desperation...pain... was this all a trick to get him to tell him what he knew, was there a deadline? There were other less involved ways but Zaku didn't follow this path even when they captured him. So why?
Stopping in the living room he narrowed his eyes slightly but let him move out of his line of sight. A moment later a dark shadow shot out after Zaku, zooming up along the edges of the wall only to coalesce into the form of a black raven on the light shade. The bird tilted its head watching everything Zaku was doing and putting into the food with predatory like intensity.
Outside Tri pulling a chair away from the pile of furniture and sat down with a frown, his fist slowly opening as he stared down at his hands.
It couldn't just be wanting to be a family with him, outside of how many things were stacked against that idea Zaku could have found any number of partners if he wanted, so why was he focused on him if not information? Was it just because Kae mixed their DNA by "accident" and brought the twins? A feeling of obligation? It didn't explain the desperation or the pain on Zaku's face when he leaving or his own reaction to coming back for information even after everything they talked about.
Simple attract- fantasies.. he had said it. Fantasies and being a family after having one literally dropped on his lap without the attachments that came with creating one, ones he must feel he needed to create. Didn't the renegades just betray Zaku after he woke from his coma while Hexxis condemned him and who knows where Rasiel is. Was he trying to create those attachments without care who the other person was? It made sense...this was likely what was grounding him now. Yes..yes it had to be after what he said of doing once the twins grew up.
There was also still Melody or did Zaku consider teen already grown up? Possibly if the murder squad was anything to go by.
Taking a breath he leaned back in his chair and listened to Zaku's voice ask him to choose between calling the twins or not. He could indulge his fantasy once, if only for the twins, Ame wouldn't hate him for that. Plus he could understand Zaku a little, he was trying to get his own family back together. An irony since it was Zaku who tore it apart.
Saying nothing he got up and moved to the twin's room opening the door. " Come eat" he said coldly as he left the door open and headed back to the kitchen where the Raven was still watching Zaku for any hints of adding something extra to the food. Even if DH trusted him, the lack of collar was evidence of that, it was not something he was going to assume extended to him.
Taking a breath of the smells he let out just a hint of a sigh. It was no lie that he was just learning to cook.... well then.
Watching Zaku prepare two plates on the dinning table that had been pulled out since last time he was here, he shook his head. " I called them" he informed, not going to go back and drag them if they didn't want to come.
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Midnightspirit Vice Captain
Computerized Lightbringer
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2016 12:41 am
Stormy jolted in fear as Tri opened the door suddenly, staring at him from the bed as she laid there frozen. His words, the command to come eat making her frown as she then looked to Akash with worry before looking to the now open door when Tri left their sight. She said nothing as she crawled out of the bed and slowly walked into the dining room as she stared at Tri apprehensively then moved to sit in one of the chairs quietly.
Zaku set down the plates and nodded. "Oh, good. I'll make more plates." he responded, preparing more plates, pausing briefly to text Wizard that food was ready, then brought out the plates to the table. As things were settled now, he sat and smiled. "I called for Wizard, and DH should be back soon. But feel free to eat."
Stormy looked from the food to Zaku then back to the food. "Wait, did he make this?" she asked quietly before looking to Akash once more then poking at her food, looking confused and maybe a little perplexed that it wasn't burnt or horribly prepared. In fact, it looked like DH had likely made it, which was the oddest part of it all.
"Yes, I made it."
She appeared apprehensive to eat it but took a slow bite none the less, as she blinked in surprise and then continue to eat it normally.
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2016 2:04 am
Akash snapped his head up and stared at Tri then after him as he glanced at Stormy with fear. No...nonononononono he was staying?! Watching Stormy slide down and head out the door he groan and followed her, wings furled in as he stared at the dinner table with Zaku and Tri moving around. Staring at Tri he moved to the seat near Tri and stared at the food, glancing over at Zaku then back toward it as surprised as well. He carefully poked a few pieces as if waiting for Stormy to eat it first before following suit. Tasting nothing absolutely horrid he sigh and started eating the rest. "He just reheated what DH cooked" He muttered, having found it funny when Zaku mess things up, as long as they didn't have to eat it
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Wizard moved out of the room and paused just outside as he tilted his head slightly at the smell of food in the air. Moving the rest of the way to the dinning room he watched Zaku, Stormy, Akash and Tri at the table. A quick glance at the food and at Zaku made him look faintly confused as he moved to take a seat. Nodding slightly at all of them in greeting he looked at the food and moved every piece before looking up at Zaku with a slightly more obvious look of confusion, something that rarely happen except when he was really -very- confused.
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Tri sat down but didn't touch the food as Stormy, Akash and even Wizard joined the table. Nodding faintly at the blue hair meta, whose species he had yet to figure out, he watched him look at Zaku in askance while the twins looked apprehensive before they had started eating. It seems "learning to cook" was a true statement if their reactions was anything to go by.
"There seems to be a certain lack of faith in your cooking" he said coldly with a side-long glance at Akash before looking back, still reluctant.
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Moments after Tri's last word was said there was the sound of a key on the lock and the meta Feral/Angel-look-a-like entered the house, pausing at the threshold tilting her head as she sniffed the air then muttering a soft uh oh.
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Midnightspirit Vice Captain
Computerized Lightbringer
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 1:41 am
Zaku frowned at Akash. "I did actually make it this time..." he responded calmly before starting to eat the food in front of him.
"I think he's lying. Other Dad doesn't make food, he makes fire and the loud beeping and a huuuuuuuuuuge mess!" she chimed in with a giggle, starting to kick her legs back and forth playfully.
Zaku sighed at Tri's comment. "She's not wrong... I usually mess everything up... but I didn't this time, I actually made it for once.." he then looked at Tri with a questioning look as he saw Tri still wasn't eating. "Is something wrong?" he asked, not sure if maybe it was food he didn't like or something. He blinked and perked to look toward the front door as he heard someone enter. "Hey, DH... I.. cooked food..." he called to her with a slightly nervous chuckle to his voice. "I didn't even burn anything this time."
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 2:16 am
"Huge mess. He nearly burn down the house while we were all sleeping" Akash said looking pointedly at Zaku, trying to get him in trouble somehow and with anyone. Even so he continued to eat as he looked toward Tri ti gauge his reaction.
Tri turned his attention to Zaku as DH came inside and he heard a soft uh oh coming from the front. However his eyes were glues on Zaku and the nervous chuckle instead of the confident or seemingly earnest expressions he usually had when not laughing. Was he trying..to impress her?
DH moved into the house and smiled nervously as she paused by the kitchen and looked inside as if to confirm there was nothing still burning that he had just missed. "Didn't I say not to try to cook when I wasn't here? " she said with a hint of surprise then pausing as she spotted Tri.
Wizard looked up at DH curiously then shook his head before looking back down at his food.
She narrowed her eyes at Tri but then blinked and sighed before looking at Zaku. " So you finally did it?...is it good?" she asked curiously, smiling as she tried to alleviate the sting of her first words. Still it was surprising to see everyone there and eating something Zaku had cooked. She knew how much he needed to work on cooking in general..not destroying what he was attempting to make. It was bad enough that this was pretty close to a miracle. "Zaku was never close to burning down the house and you are always sleeping. so..." she said moving up by Zaku's chair as she looked over his shoulder. "Is there any left?" she grinned taking note of the sadness tinge in Zaku's heart. Likely something Tri had said...
Tri looked between them with a flicker of confusion as he tried to understand their dynamic. After a bit he just shook his head and started eating, tasting each piece but soon after just eating normally. He said nothing but he ate it all.
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Midnightspirit Vice Captain
Computerized Lightbringer
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 2:34 am
Stormy looked to DH as she entered, quietly waving to her but not smiling either as she seem to keep an eye on Tri or at least keep him in her peripheral.
"I know, I know.. I just.. I got impatient." he spoke, not exactly the truth, but he didn't want to out himself in front of everyone like that, trust DH could at least tell that much. "Try some for yourself, there's a plate for you in the kitchen. I'll go get it." he offered, getting up to move into the kitchen, although he was in there for a few moments longer than expected. He chose now of all time to put something in the microwave, and using the last bit of luck he had to make sure this especially came out right.
Moving back into the dining room, he set a plate of food at the table for DH then move to set a spoon and a large mug next to Tri that appeared to have some kind of baked pastry crust in it, and judging by the smell, it was almost like a pie in a cup, the filling: cherries. Zaku gave him a sincere smile before moving to sit back down to eat once more without a word.
Stormy watched Zaku with a curious and completely baffled look then looked to DH with an almost disgusted face about the matter before wrinkling her nose and going back to eating.
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 3:36 am
DH just shook her head in amusement but said nothing more. Wizard pretty much confirmed he didn't burn anything..miraculously or add anything that shouldn't be there. She wilted her head slightly at the offer but nodded as she watched him go. "Thanks" she said, looking down at her own hands before moving to quickly go wash up, returning before Zaku had even come out. Glancing to Tri she gave him a questioning look, seeing him seated near ti Wizwrd. "So you're staying or passing through?" she said with a flicker fo a frown as she watched him finish eating. "Are you stay or leaving after this? " she asked with a slight nod to the wall as Tri placed his utensils back down and gave DH his full attention.
"Yes, a little while longer until my replacement could pick up where I left off. As of now...at least two more weeks before I hear back from someone and can figure out where to move from here. " he replied calmly. "Do you need me to move them?" the question seemed casual but he was watching her for any indication that it was true. Considering her threat last time, he doubted it would let him take the twins without a lot of talking.
"No... just to know. We need to square the books away as well . But not rigtht now" she said quickly when he moved to get unp ad likely bring said information.
They both quieted down as Zaku returned with her food and....and cake in a glass? She grinned softly at that before turning her attention to the food that had been cooked and carefully tasting it before taking bigger bites. Not the best way to cook the fish but it wasn't burned or on fire and still tasted well.
Tri lifted his gaze and raised a questioning brow at the dessert in a cup. Noting he was the only one to receive one and no one else. It was DH's unworried look that made him even try it at all.
The moment he broke the crust he knew... with certainty that this was Zaku's response to him eating all the cherries in the fridge back at that Renegades home and leaving the two worst ones for Zaku. A flicker of a smile touched his lips as he started to eat the dessert, not caring if it was poisoned or not, trusting DH was bias enough not to allow that to happen. Oh he wondered why Zaku was doing this but it didn't stop him from continuing to eat the whole pie a cup, cherries and all,
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Midnightspirit Vice Captain
Computerized Lightbringer
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2016 11:44 pm
Zaku quirked an eyebrow with a slight smile as he watched Tri eating the mini cherry pie. "So you do like cherries... I knew it.." he spoke softly, endeared by his lack of apprehension for the dessert. And was that... a smile? A huge grin formed on his face that he couldn't help.
Stormy looked back and forth between Tri and Zaku, the look of disgust growing on her face before she shoved her chair back with an angered look and hopped down from her chair, and walked off to the bedroom, slamming the door.
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