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 Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 10:32 am
He snorted in annoyance. The knight wasn't being funny or cute with his responses and it took everything for Aluminite to keep from blatantly rolling his eyes at him. Instead, he averted his eyes, letting the green take in the club lights below because they didn't hurt the way looking at the moon did.
And if he didn't look at the sky, he was less inclined to think of space. The surrounding. The dull ache in his chest that went something is wrong. Wrongwrongwrong.
"It's not hard to figure out a pattern when it keeps presenting itself to you," he replied, palms pressing against his kneecaps with his nails dragging against the fabric of his pants."Maybe they're not around anymore because it's not worth it."
The captain didn't know if he thought any of this was worth it. All it seemed to do was cause pain and suffering.
No, no. Please!.
Aluminite shook his head. "Sometimes ignorance is more gratifying than knowledge."
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Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2016 8:18 am
Celsus could feel the silence between them, oppressive and thick. A more intelligent man would have probably walked away by now, but Celsus had long since grown tired of running away from everything that got too hard, or became too difficult for him.
He wanted, more than anything, to stop feeling as though he was useless and inadequate in this world - but maybe that was an impossibility, a dream that was too far off to see clearly at the present moment. Still, it was there, a long standing hope that felt distant at times.
Celsus turned his head, the words feeling like shards of glass across his skin as he regarded the Captain in the moonlight.
"Perhaps," he said slowly, gold gleaming off of his uniform. "And maybe it's true. I don't pretend to assume that everyone who has left hasn't done so because it isn't worth it. Maybe it's not. I sure as bloody hell don't know if I'm worth anything."
He gave a small shrug of his shoulders, jingling a little. The wind felt cool against his face as it breezed gently through the city.
"You say that, but not knowing is a huge burden on anyone's shoulders."
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2016 2:44 pm
Aluminite could feel the weight of Celsus's gaze on him and made it a point to keep his eyes averted and his face pointed away. He'd allowed the man to provide him with company instead of abruptly leaving like he'd wanted to do the second they came across each other's paths. Running away was often considered cowardly, but now...
Now the captain just regarded it as something people did when they were tired.
Tired of pretending, of being strong, of existing.
The reasons didn't matter, just the feelings that accompanied them.
His mouth opened, then closed and he swallowed down anything he might've said in response to Celsus. Instead, he grit his teeth together and clutched at the fabric of his pants just above his knees. His breath came out in uneven but deep breaths as though he was trying to calm his heart or to remind himself that he could breath at all.
Funny how words and thoughts and memories could be as constricting as a noose around a neck.
Aluminite chose to snort in the end, head shaking as it turned to face forward. "I disagree." There were many things that he knew now that he wished he could unknow. Maybe his head would spin a little less, his resolve be a little stronger, if he didn't know what he did now.
"You can remain blissfully unaware but you can't erase knowledge from yourself. It's a burden you'll always be forced to wear, regardless of your desire to or not."
It was then that he'd decided he'd had enough of the knight and his thoughts and he stood, giving the man a long glance before shaking his head, expression unreadable.
Then, Aluminite teleported away.
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