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 Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 7:27 pm
Mare made a delighted noise at Chris's answers, like a young lady being entertained by nearly scandalous information, and clapped her hands in front of her mouth. The scarf tilted back, revealing little pinpricks of gold from where her skull had been laid over with rivulets of it, like piecing a broken thing back together.
"Oh, you have seen it?" She asked, sounding positively surprised. "But the Lord Alexander is not engaged with any one person at this time, unless of course you are implying a relationship of a more scandalous nature, which I would hope you are not for it is not honorable you must understand, to take one to bed without any intention of loyalty." She paused, considered, and began again with lightning speed. "Though I must know, has it been pleasurable? Not that I believe that his performance would be inadequate, my Lord Alexander has not only a fit body but an able and firm mind for such things, but if there are any readjustments to be made, surely you should not feel ashamed to tell me of them - "
"Mare!" Thorne burst out, and she looked at him with peevish irritation.
"What?" She asked.
"We haven't - " Thorne hissed, "It is not like that, and even if it was, I told you I would only remain loyal to one person in such a relationship that demands that of me."
Mare sighed.
"Well," she said as though placating the masses with kind words, "You could have said that sooner and saved me the trouble of having to interrogate Sir Watts on a form of connection with which you two have not had. It is unfortunate. But even without having been lain to bed by you, or the reverse, neither of which I am inclined to say is preferred when both can be taken pleasurably, it seems that the good Sir at least regards your body in high esteem."
She opened her eyes and looked straight at Chris.
"If you would like to take my Lord Alexander to bed, however, I must insist on a proper relationship first, or at least a proposal of interest in courtship," she said proudly. "I will not have the honor of two good men squandered by such folly, which seems to have fallen into commonplace in recent years."
She straightened and tucked her hands neatly behind her back.
"Inquiries made to the Lord Alexander will be permissible in so long as they do not harm," she said with valiance. "Have you any questions on the proper way to pursue his qualifications, I shall need a list of your own first, however - "
"How are you making that decision for me? It's my body - "
"Furthermore, any interest in a noncommittal relationship will be treated as an insult against him, and I will not tolerate it."
Thorne pointedly stared at the sky.
"Is that all?" He asked, sounding strained and terrible.
Mare considered.
"Yes," she said. "I think I shall allow Sir Watts a conversation with you, as he has provided decent companionship to this point."
"Allow," Thorne replied dryly. "Who is the master here again?"
Mare whuffled. "You, of course!" she deflated at his scathing stare. "Only that I am always looking out for your best interests."
Thorne let her dwindle and bravely set his eyes on Chris.
"I deserve whatever you're about to throw at me," he said in the most broken-by-Mare voice he had, "But please consider mercy. I have been utterly eviscerated by my fetch in public and my pride is at an all time low."
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 7:42 pm
The more Chris talked, it seemed the more ammo mare produced and Chris was absolutely thrilled. He eyed her with the kind of glee a child got from watching a class mate get in trouble - infectious and horribly, horribly wrong.
"My dear Lady Mare," Chris began, and he was laughing but also incredibly, incredibly red. Even Chris wasn't immune to the idea of what was going on. "I've only meant that I've slept with him, not in that manner, but just sharing a bed to rest. He's just worn things that have shown a great deal of skin. I must say though, he is an excellent cuddler and I've gotten many restful nights with him."
Was Chris totally egging Mare on? Absolutely. But did Thorne deserve it? Absolutely.
It was at least amusing until Mare turned her sights on him.
"I um-" Chris sputtered, wondering how to put it. Would Thorne even want a relationship with Chris? Thorne was a Lord after all, complete with Mare his willing handservant, and Chris was well. He was still Chris. He hadn't even had the idea to think of him in a relationship with Thorne, but he let the idea drop quickly. He probably wouldn't be fit by Mare's standards anyways.
"I'll keep that in mind, Lady Mare," He managed to get out, sounding about as strained as Thorne. "I absolutely do not wish any harm upon Thor- Lord Alexander, seeing as he is my good friend. Please be assured that I am, even now, incredibly loyal to him."
The rest of it he watched with dull amusement, until finally, she was quiet and Chris could ask what he wanted.
He considered Thorne for a moment, sounding broken by Mare's entire diatribe about everything. It was good revenge, really, but Chris was still angry. This had been hidden from him for quite some time. He stomped over to Thorne, face in an utter scowl.
"I cannot believe that you ******** hid this from me. What the hell Thorne!!" Chris hissed, incredibly angry. He pointed a rather pissed finger at Thorne, jabbing him in the chest in the limited space between them.
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 7:55 pm
Mare was most definitely listening into Chris's conversation, and it was very much apparent that this conversation would be tallied and locked away. But Chris was talking to Thorne now, and Mare felt a little scratch in her throat that meant she had most likely out-talked herself and would take a break. If only for now.
Meanwhile, Thorne paled considerably at the accusation, the shame in him swirling from an entirely new source. His breath hitched in his throat at the distance between them, eyes flaring wild-bright, half-shame and half-terror, his defense lines jumping even though he knew he had no right.
"I wasn't hiding it from you," he hissed back, "I was - I was trying to figure out how to tell you! I didn't want to walk into the warehouse one day and announce to you that a fetch was suddenly following me around, and I - "
He breathed in sharply.
"You have every right to be angry at me," Thorne said, his voice trembling with self-hate, "But I wanted to tell you, and I know it's too late now for it to matter, but I didn't - I didn't know how."
It was a cheap excuse, it tasted like gasoline in his mouth, and if Chris lit the spark, he would burn up and burn to ashes.
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 8:21 pm
Chris frowned deeply, not even noticing Thorne paling, too caught up in his own anger. The bitter bite of shame and disappointment and the sadness that he hadn't been told. He didn't know what he was more upset about - the idea Thorne couldn't tell him or the fact he hadn't been told at all.
"You could have done exactly that Thorne!!" He hissed back, clearly upset. "I would have accepted it if you had just been forthright, if you had just told me!! I told you I wasn't going to leave you and I meant it Thorne, I meant it through everything."
He took a deep breath and tried to contain his anger. Tried to keep himself from yelling at Thorne, from falling apart completely.
"Is there anything else you didn't know how to tell me? Any other stuff?? This is the time to get it out now!" He said roughly, still angry. He dropped his hands, still Close to Thorne, took another breath. Tried to make himself rational, level-headed.
It took him a few seconds, a few breaths but finally he said, "I'm angry Thorne, but I just want to know. You can't hide things like this from me."
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 9:24 pm
Thorne looked at Chris and his voice splintered when he found it again, the shame running deep in him like a river. It would have been better if Chris had just hit him - he deserved it, after all. It would have been better, but instead his words sliced Thorne open, chest aching as he tried to find the words to speak.
"I know," he said, "I know - but it's not as though I thought this was something normal to accept! When people say they'll accept you and stay with you, that's usually through mundane things. And this is anything but."
He sucked in a sharp breath, trying to keep his voice from shaking.
"I'm not trying to excuse what I did, I should have told you as soon as I found out - I meant to - but - "
He gestured, helplessly again.
"I wasn't sure how."
It was a pathetic answer, and Thorne didn't want to fight. Mare watched the interaction with sharp interest, ready to step in. But she must have at least understood the boundaries of what was private and what was allowed to be intervened with, and stayed quiet.
"The ball was a special occasion, but for nobles to take tithes isn't." He looked down at his hands. "I am one now, because Melany put me through that path. That's why I have a fetch, and why I'm - I have wings, and antlers - and I - "
Am unbound from the cycle.
But it was such a lonely concept, such a heavy truth, that Thorne couldn't even admit it to himself.
So he swallowed it down instead, the sharp shards of it slicing inwards.
"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm sorry."
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 9:39 pm
"Thorne I told you that through all the magic, when I found you with your wings!" Chris said, teeth grit. "What part of that did you miss? This is- it's not nothing but it's on a similar level!"
He sighed deeply, staying quiet through the rest of what Thorne was saying, thinking.
Chris wanted to stay angry - he really did. He wanted to keep it to him, closer, use it as a weapon, as defense. But Thorne wasn't lashing back out at him, he was simply accepting it, and Chris felt it ebb out of him quietly.
It was a long few minutes before he spoke, before he looked at Thorne instead of at the sky. Gave him a really, really long look.
"I forgive you," He said quietly, "I'm still mad, but this is - " He swept a vague arm out. "It's a lot. It's been a lot. I don't understand it and I couldn't understand it and I'm mad but. But you were adjusting and I should have known."
His arm dropped and there was a long silence, before he inched his hand out. Before he crept a finger out, wrapped it around one of Thorne's. A familiar ritual, question.
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 10:02 pm
"I know," Thorne all but groaned, head bowed, shoulders bent. "I know. I just - I thought. I thought wrong." He was no longer the regal lord that argued with his fetch, or even the cool and friendly mask that played the world by day. He was reduced to cinders, the core of who he was. Always afraid of being alone, but resigned to it all the same.
"I thought you would leave," he said, "Not because I don't trust you, but because of - everything."
He waited, patiently, helplessly, and desperately, for Chris to speak again. Even when he did, the shock on Thorne's face was plain and whole. It was obvious he hadn't expected that at all - as though he'd resigned himself to another lashing, afraid of what was to come but resolute in standing his ground.
"You don't have to," Thorne protested, quietly. "I hurt you, and for that it's not alright. Adjusting doesn't mean that I should have shut you down out of fear. I didn't - I didn't want to. Mean to."
But Chris touched his fingers and something in Thorne went quiet. Slowly, he wound his fingers with Chris, hesitant like he was still waiting on Chris to turn and walk away again.
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 10:18 pm
"Yes you did," Chris said, but it was admonishing instead of angry. The anger had long ebbed out now, cooled, and he just wanted Thorne to see he was wrong. To see how he had hurt Chris inadvertently.
But he also wanted Thorne to see that he could fix it too.
Chris shook his head, mouth a line. "No Thorne, never. Not until you ask me to. I'm here." That wasn't anything but just a truth that was repeated, that was handed back to him. He'd say it a million times over because he recognized for the fear that it was, a fear that kept coming back to haunt Thorne. Something that haunted Chris a little too, but in a different way, wore a different face.
He watched Thorne's reaction, not expecting the shock that came over his face. The idea that Chris would have done something else, would have - it hurt Chris a little. Not because of Thorne, but because what would have shaped Thorne to expect anything but forgiveness.
"I know I dont," Chris said plainly. "But everything you're telling me, you're not telling me sorry because you're caught. You're saying it because you mean it and you realize you hurt me and I'm not going to make you wait Thorne. God, I'm angry. Don't think I'm not, I'm hurt and I'm mad but I forgive you because that's what you do when you can tell someone is sorry."
He stepped a little closer to Thorne, rested his head on his shoulder. Wound his finger's with Thorne's tighter. "It'll fade in time Thorne, this won't stay with me forever. You shouldn't have shut me out, I agree. But this is how we learn, you know?"
He pulled back from Thorne, looked at his face again. Studied his planes and angles, committed it to memory. "Do you have anything else to do here? I think.. I think I'd like to go home."
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 10:46 pm
Thorne sighed softly, an exhale of relief or loss of terror, it was hard to tell. His eyes fell to Chris, silent and thankful, not tired necessarily, but the aftermath of surprise. Of feeling whiplash, a car crash, in a silent film.
Until you're not, Thorne thought sadly, looking at Chris.
Because if he had stepped outside of the cycle, would he be the one to watch Chris die in this one? Would he have to see him come back again and not even know who he was? Thorne shut the thoughts away, because they pricked at him, a softly worded weapon from the inside.
If he could not stomach the thought of it - how could he even tell Chris? Would it hurt him too? Would he leave to avoid the inevitability of a fall out, of a separation, the point where their paths were forced to divide?
Thorne said, "I'm sorry. Thank you. I'm not used - to people staying. And I - never meant to hurt you the way I did. I'm sorry."
He bowed his head, let their hands wind together, felt surety run through him as fiercely as the pain of knowing it would never last. He would never be able to hold Chris's hand in a world where he continued to walk through this world while the cycle restarted over and over again.
Never.
Thorn exhaled sharply. "No," he said softly, "Let's go home. Mare?"
Mare blinked at him.
"Lord Alexander," she said crisply, "I believe I understand your situation a little more now and would like to offer my advice on your pursuit of the things with which we have discussed beforehand - "
"Oh, Mare," Thorne said, a little flustered, "Not now though. I'm going home. You'll return to court, won't you?"
She tsked, obviously displeased at the interruption.
"If that is as you wish it," she said, and departed as quickly as she'd appeared.
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 10:59 pm
Chris gave Thorne a sad smile, squeezed their joined hands. "Don't thank me for staying, you shouldn't have to thank me," He said softly, once again feeling that dull ache of pain. That wonder of how to make Thorne know what was just, what it was like to know he would stay.
Chris huffed a soft laugh at Mare, already with a million words a minute. But it wasn't the time and place and he watched her leave, with surprising less complaint than Chris thought would happen. He was thankful for it though - he felt tired and worn out. An echo from fighting, tired from it all.
"Come on," He whispered and pulled Thorne towards a direction he knew. "Let's see if we can find a doorway to get us back. Back to home."
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