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The lights above were dim, nothing but a soft orange haze that scattered over the crowd flooding in the bar. Shadows moved everywhere, elongating shapes, breathing safe havens for young couples, searching hands, wandering hearts. It was enough to make Thorne feel safe, safe enough that his hands didn't shake. Lucas was enough to make him feel safe.

And that - that was scary. But in a way that Thorne thought perhaps he could come to like.

The man touched him, and he felt every scar on his body, every tattoo that slipped and scoured his skin. Could you look at them by day? he thought, his eyes finding Lucas's in the half-light, could you look at them and be alright? With me? Could you -

But his mouth twisted and he felt that similar happiness - that happiness that felt too large to be contained, so large and all-consuming it hurt. And he moved to wrap his arms around Lucas's hips, nails raking up gently against the soft, warm skin just beneath the hem of his shirt. It was an effort, it was a conscious effort, not to hold too tight.

He was aware of their bodies moving, the way they swayed and held each other in the crowd. The songs changed, but they held on. They held on, and that had to be worth something. No matter what tomorrow was like, that had to be worth something. His head bowed and he pressed it to the side of Lucas's face, ghosting a kiss against his jawline, raking his mouth against the mans ear. His breath was soft and his words even softer.

"I want you to know who I am," he said, closing his eyes. "I want you to know me, Lucas. You could ask me anything - anything. And I think I'd tell you."

Because for some reason this man was important. And Thorne wanted him to know what that meant. What that price for him was, and just how much he was willing to pay.

"And that's scary," he whispered, leaving a second, ghosting kiss drawn down the curve of the others jaw. "That's scarier than anything I've ever known."

Thorne laughed, but the sound was small and embarrassed and expressed every insecurity burning in his bones. But he paused and fell silent, eyes fluttering open to watch the glimmer of lights off of bodies behind and around them. All of the smiling faces, all of the strangers that surrounded them here in this place made for wanderers and travelers and lovers. What did they look like to the outside world? What were they? Just two guys on the verge of - of something new?

Lucas's words brought him back, pulling on that nameless thing inside of him, giving it weight. Making it so heavy, so painful, so apparent, that he could hardly breathe. That he felt consumed. Thorne's hands tightened slightly on Lucas, and he closed his eyes, reveling in the sound of the others voice, the words that said it was alright. It could be alright.

"I know," Thorne breathed. "I trust you." And it was simple to admit it because it was true. From the first night, from the first moment he'd touched Lucas and been touched in return, gazed at without judgment for his scars, pity for the past written on his skin - even in the dark - he'd known he'd trusted him. For better or for worse. He tilted his head, pressing his mouth to Lucas's hair. "It's yours," he said softly. "If that's what you want, it's yours. It's just - I'm..."

He leaned away, just enough to look down into Lucas's eyes. And slowly he moved one of his hands to guide Lucas's own to the scar at his neck. He felt on fire for it, burning with a new, nervous heat. "This is what I am." He paused, eyes half-lidded, watching, waiting, afraid. "This is the surface what I am. And I'm not... I'm not an easy ride, but I'll give it if you want. And I want to know you too." He smiled, quiet. "If you'd let me."

His hand came back to rest on Lucas's hips, and he tugged the other close, sealing off any small space that had been between them before. Bending his head, he pressed their foreheads together, drinking in the sight. Hungry and nervous and wanting for more.

"You've already weathered some of that storm, once," he said quietly, "I'll - Lucas, I've pulled you into it once. I can't promise that I won't again." He laughed, closing his eyes. "But I'm selfish, and shameless. And I'll - I want to know the things that make you you as well. So let's try."

He bit his lower lips, body trembling, anticipation and hope burning together through his veins.

"I know it's crazy, but let's try."

Thorne hummed, and the syllable of sound was soft and low in his throat. How was it - how was it that he was lucky like this? After running so long, how was it that he'd somehow run straight into someone like Lucas? He felt breathless with the craziness of it all, felt like he was dreaming even though he knew he was awake.

Thorne's eyes half-lidded at the comment, and he drew a pattern with his index finger against Lucas's skin, a hum dragging through his throat. "It's what I want. Lucas, it's all I've ever wanted, and quite possibly... quite possibly more." His smile tugged at his lips, helpless and warm. He couldn't remember a time in recent history he'd felt so light, so breathless, so ready to leap to a place where he couldn't see the bottom, didn't know at all what to expect. "You accepted me, even in the darkness. Even when I couldn't see you. And I want... I want to give you all of that and more."

He laughed at the mention of a treasure map - of him as a treasure map, and couldn't help letting himself drink in the sight of Lucas again. And again. And again. His mind felt warm with hope and possibility. His entire body felt the ache of happiness, but the hurt had gone. For now - it had gone. His eyes flared with mischief, with some brilliant spark. "So, is that a promise for a change of scenery tonight?" he asked, his voice low and devious.

He didn't know what song was playing, didn't know what time it was, didn't know anything but the shape of Lucas's face and the touch of his hand and the way that everything felt right.

"Good," Thorne said, "because I'm afraid I'm a perpetual one. But hell, I'll... if it's that simple, alright." And then, helplessly, "You're crazy, you know? Of all the people in this entire world... and yet here we are."

And then he lifted his hands to cup Lucas's face, watching him for a long moment before allowing himself to close his eyes, to lean and kiss him back, speaking again in the soundless language both of them were learning anew.

So this was hope. So this was what it felt like, after all these years.