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 Posted: Fri May 13, 2016 9:41 am
So everyone knew but him. It wasn't a comforting thought, but he eased up on Todney as best his quickly souring mood would let him.
"What do you think of Lawrence? About how he has changed and what lies he told? Of what he has done to harm other people?"
He was guaging Rodney as best he could before providing his views on the subject.
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2016 2:58 pm
Rodney rubbed his arm. "I think...at everyone's heart...people are evil. We're...born with that nature. Even a person who has strived to do good their entire lives, in one moment, can commit...a very evil act. Can...destroy someone. And...the other way around."
Rodney took a deep breath, and carefully rolled up the sleeves. On his forearms, there were two tattoos. On the left, a thick-bellied, slobbering demon with an erect phallus, whose footed claw clutched a skull.It gripped a sword. Blood swirled in rivers around the bodies at its feet.
On the right, an angel stood in a garden, gazing with benevolence at a child that gripped its robe. It held a lily in one hand, and a lamb in its arms. Its wings were gently lit, and it emanated a feeling of love and protection.
"But..the actions I make...each day, matter. If he's decided to make the choice to help, instead of harm, that matters too."
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2016 3:38 pm
Melvin slowly undid his arms and stood up, gawking at Rodney's tattoos. The main discussion was temporary suspended. "Rodney, your tattoos are Metal as <********>. Holy hell that looks like it could be on an album cover." He never imagined he could be outdone on the bafass scale by Rodney.
Pulling him back to the conversation but otherwise still looking at the tattoo, he continued.
"I have a different look on things. No one starts out evil and everything has to be taught somehow. But there are things inside you are born with. Habits not taught. Things people call flaws."
"I've had a lot of people want to fix me in the past. I lost my fiancé over it. I think a lot of people here were called wrong for what they see too. But just because what Lawr did was evil, part of him doesn't understand fully why it's wrong. He did terrible things. I'm not going to give him a free pass on that, but abandoning him isn't the way to go. It's not going to change anything or help him or anyone else who is outside this at risk. He needs people to show him why certain actions are unacceptable and keep him from doing that."
He looked up from the tattoo. "A Shepard if you will."
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2016 7:26 pm
"He knows," Rodney said. "He just lies to himself, too. That what he did didn't matter. That it wasn't his friend. His daughter. The people he loved. The...people who loved and were loyal to him. He's...he's responsible for what he did. And he's in no way...incapable."
Rodney started tugging his sleeves down again.
"Anyway. I didn't...know. When I agreed to stay here. But I didn't stay to fix things, either. I was just...alone. I told you I...didn't mind the couch. I've been borrowing couches a long time. He's...my friend too. He likes Doré's printwork. He knows what Yixing is. We both like Neoclassicism. And we...argue frequently. But...he listens. And...would care. If something happened to me. And he's never..." Rodney's voice trembled, "Hit me. I just wanted..."
Rodney folded his arms. "I don't know what I wanted."
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2016 7:47 pm
He sighed now, sitting back down slowly and rubbing his face a moment. "I guess we are both confused as to what we want now. Even when I was lied too, despite hating myself and him......I wonder if I'm as bad as Horace at times."
He leaned back and looked at Rodney. "I'm sorry. You really need your own bed and place. Or even like...half a wall. Just because you are tolerant and okay because that's what you had before, doesn't make it okay. You're a grown man. You deserve better than this. I guess I'm not the best candidate either for friendship. I don't know art or any of the names you mention, but you're a good person too. You care a lot. Like, a whole lot, and it makes me worry that Lawr might use that against you."
He didn't know what exactly what he was saying to Rodney aside from showing him that he didn't have to stay here. "....you're not alone, okay. If you need to talk to anyone else, I'm around. I mean, I'm not going to force anything. You're free to do whatever you feel. I just don't want you to think that, this is all you deserve or have around here."
You should listen to yourself.
He frowned at Saliva.
"What makes you think he's not incapable? I just....wonder if I'm distantly hoping, but even if Jan was a mask, I just felt he was distantly hoping what he was saying. That he wanted to at least try to feel. I still don't think I understand him at times, that I'm constantly lost in this mess of lies and miscommunication."
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2016 10:36 pm
"It's...it's really okay," Rodney said. "He said I...only liked him when he acted how I wanted him to. Like...everyone else. Is that all it is? I thought the food, his philosophical struggles, his...literature on angels and demons. The art. His music. That it meant something to him."
Rodney took a seat too.
"All of his actions have been deliberate. He's had...happy relationships. He did with you. He's very capable."
Rodney gave Melvin a sad smile. He folded his hands anxiously.
"Thank you, Melvin. It's not about...deserve. Nobody....deserves what happens to them."
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2016 5:25 am
"I thought what we had meant something too, but I don't know if he is really being honest with me or running away. He said everything was a lie and he only wanted me for sex and money. That nothing else mattered, and that when he saw me, he thought I was so pathetic that I needed fixing." The idea stung even now.
"I spent a year thinking something mattered that I'm cautious to hope putting in more time in a relationship that never was or will be will matter. It's like dumping coins into a wish well that just empties out into nothingness."
He covered his mouth a moment, feeling a twang as his stomach turned again, before lowering his hand.
"You've still slept on that awful couch for months. It can't be good for you. Wish the apartment was bigger though. Give you some privacy and space, but we can at least get you a bed." he could use the stones sold at the stall for that.
"I honestly don't know with Lawr. I'm just trying to figure him out as I go now while trying to give myself a bit more of a wall to keep myself safe." He'd been hurting too much recently.
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2016 2:03 am
Rodney sighed, leaning forward.
"What do you...look for? In relationships?"
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2016 7:30 am
Pulling his glasses up to sit atop his head, he leaned back and considered the question with some thought. "I suppose what makes any good relationship. Being able to enjoy each other's company, a sense of honesty and trust, respect, and tolerance. I like being able to support someone and I do value tolerance a lot and patience as I am - well, I've been told I'm hard to swallow. " he cleared his throat on that note.
He considered what he liked best about his relationships with Mia, Rin, and Jan.
"I think it's being there for each other. A give and take. Like both sides were investing themselves into something that meant something." And two times out of three it hadn't. "Like always wanting to know more about the other person because you generally liked and wanted to know them better."
"What about you?"
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