If I don’t hate myself, who will?’’It can’t be like that.’’It’s not healthy. ’You can’t love us both.Vanessa stared and thought, expression flickering from softness into stone the longer she spent contemplating Jarias’s words. If she had come to understand anything with certainty in the years that she had spent navigating the seas of love and loss, it was that she was not good at any of it.
Jarias had left her.
Jarias had hit Jack for being a dumbass and then dragged her outside for a kiss that lingered still on Vanessa’s lips.
’Don’t let them touch you.’ ’I missed you.’’I lost myself in alcohol and self loathing and misery.’She had tried. Had wanted to be a friend to the rainbow amazon that stood in front of her - because it meant more to her to share in the love Verona felt for Cosmos, and to get to be there for her, than it did to have Jarias’s love all to herself.
It was clear to her that Jarias was hurting.
And clear to her also that Jarias would not let her push back. What was more telling than that - Vanessa realized - is that she did not want to.
“You need help,” she said, voice flat. The volcano had spent all of her energy - all of her fury- on the outburst of moments prior. Everything was cooling now - turning to rock. “I hope you find it.”
Vulcan forced the rest of herself to steel, and then stepped away; seeking the furnace of the club, where it would be safer for her heart to melt again.
