It was a tempting offer. An offer to be released from the pain that she couldn't shake, couldn't escape from. And all it would cost was her soul. Where had she heard this before? Oh. In movies where the villain tricks the hero. Right.
Zakuro sighed and lay across her bed, arm over her eyes. When Chalcanthite offered the chance to ease her pain, to let her forget, she had readily agreed. But would this be worth it? Or would she just be another stupid disney princess foolishly listening to the evil witch. Little Mermaid much?
She rubbed her face and sat up, pulling her hair into a ponytail before grabbing her journal. It had been gathering dust for a while, but now was as good a time as any to add a few last logs. After all, there were important things she would want to be able to know, once she forgot.
Uncapping a pen, she started to write. She penned her legal name, her birthplace, blood type, and other various important medical things that she wouldn't want to have to dig through files to find. At the top of the page in the margin, she wrote in neat lettering "I want to forget. I am willingly letting it all go." She didn't have anyone to blame but herself, and this would be a reminder that she cast her old life aside willingly. This way, she would know that she had no regrets when she did this.
Carefully flipping to a new page, she started to write again. "Do not trust Sarin. Trusting him will only hurt you again. He cast you aside like garbage and the pain was too much to bear for you. You chose this path to find meaning and peace. Do not waste this second chance. You will not get another." Her eyes skimmed back over what she wrote and she nodded to herself. Hopefully that wouldn't be too vague for her future self, hoped that it would make sense once she forgot.
This was worth it, she reminded herself. This would stop the pain, would give her purpose again, and give her a new chance to live, to be vibrant again instead of the muted shades of grey she had become over the last year. It would be worth it. It would have to. There was no going back once it was done.
She sat and stared thoughtfully at the journal, trying to think of anything else she might want to tell herself or remind herself. She thought for another moment before reaching for the picture frame by her bed, gently removing the back and pulling the photos out. Pictures of a shrine, photos of gorgeous cherry blossom trees, a photo of her younger self in a yukata with gorgeous blossoms all around, those were what she wanted to keep. Those were things that made her feel happy and nostalgic. Even if she wouldn't remember, she still wanted to let herself know that she hadn't always been sad. That she had once felt light and warm.
She carefully tucked the photos into the pages of the journal, scrawling a note on the back of each of them carefully to tell herself what they were and why they were important. It felt silly, almost, but it also let her think back on the memories and smile. There would be more smiles in the future, she promised herself. And better memories to be made.
Was it really supposed to be this hard to get your essential information together? Why in the hells was it such a pain to get access to your own medical records? Zakuro had been waiting in the office for almost an hour while continuing to get shuffled from person to person, various receptionists telling her that someone would be able to grab it shortly, or that so and so had access but they didn't. Finally, an older lady approached her, calling her name as she held a file folder. Confirming that it was, in fact, her medical records, Zakuro thanked her and left, sighing. Why was that such a chore?
She had spent the better part of the last few days getting everything in order. She had closed her bank account, cancelled all of her subscriptions, packed essentials and whatnot, and yet she still felt like there was more to do. There was, wasn't there? She sat in her car in the parking lot, sliding the file into an accordion folder with the rest of her important documents, and sighed again heavily. She wished she felt like she could ask someone to help her with this, but she really didn't have anyone she could turn to on this specific issue. So here she was, slogging through the tedious work of collecting things and tying up loose ends. She sincerely needed a hot drink and an even hotter bath tonight.
She pulled a small notebook out of her glovebox and looked down the list she had scrawled. So far, she had done just about everything on it, aside from a few final last minute things like turning her keys in and whatnot. Packing, banking, medical, subscriptions, all of those were good and she grabbed a pen to draw a line through the medical one.
Zakuro tried hard to think of anything else she needed to do, but her mind wandered back to the other night where she had met that lovely Captain. Akaganeite, she called herself. Zakuro found herself smiling at the thought of the taller woman, even blushing just a little. She hoped she would remember her, should they meet again after her memories were taken. It would be a shame to forget such a lovely person. Especially one who made her feel butterflies like that.
She allowed herself to daydream a bit longer before taking a deep breath and forcing herself to focus back on the task at hand. She could act like a giggling school girl later. Right now was not the time. She still had work to do, and a short time in which to do it.
Once again, she glanced back over the list, trying to think if there was anything else she could do before day of. A small pang of guilt squeezed at her heart as she thought of her parents and how distraught they would be, but she pushed it out of her mind. She was doing this for herself, and refused to let herself be swayed from the path she had chosen to walk. She couldn't afford to be guilty or sad for her family who would miss her. She couldn't afford to have any doubts or hesitations. Not now, not this far into it. She was far enough in that there would be no turning back. This was her ultimate selfish decision, and she was going to see it through to the end. It was time.
Posted: Mon Dec 23, 2024 11:16 pm
Solo: To Start Over Word Count: 623
Sakura. Her name was Sakura. That's what they had decided on. It was light and refreshing, and fairly symbolic if thought about for a moment. It somehow felt right, she thought. Even if through the haze and missing memories she couldn't remember the name she was given at birth, Sakura fit, somehow.
She sat on the bed, turning a key over and over in her hand. She had given it to Chalcanthite prior to her corruption for safekeeping, though all she had to her memory was a vague sense of a location tied to it. Nothing concrete, god forbid. Apparently she had not thought about writing down an address or anything, vastly overestimating what she would remember. Or at least that's what Sakura assumed. Not like she could remember what the hell she had been thinking prior to Axinite bring her into the fold.
A heavy sigh escaped her and she stood up, grabbing her coat and a scarf before shoving her boots on and heading out. If nothing else, a walk would be nice to clear her head, even if following the vague feeling lead to nothing. Fortunately, however, after around twenty minutes of walking and wandering, Sakura found herself at a storage facility, standing in front of the unit number scratched into the top of the key. She sighed wearily at her former self for not having bothered to be more thorough, then slid the key into the lock. It clicked open easily, and she shouldered the stiff door open.
Inside the unit, various things were boxed up like clothing and materials, as well as keepsakes and other useful items. Sitting right at the forefront, however, impossible to miss, was a vivid red book. A journal, she found as she picked it up. Sakura opened the book, letting it fall open to the bookmarked page. A little slip of paper was slid there between the pages, a note telling her to start there and then read the start of it later. She rolled her eyes at it but let her eyes skim over the page. She saw information about her old self and she wrinkled her nose. Her parents seriously named her after a fruit? Really? Pomegranates were lovely and all, but to be named that seemed quite silly to her.
Sakura leafed through the pages, skimming information as she went. She had wanted this, according to the journal, though she already knew that to some extent. You chose this path to find meaning and peace. Do not waste this second chance. You will not get another. The words before and after this told her she had been in great pain, that she had felt like she was drowning. She vaguely could recall that sensation, the crushing despair, but couldn't connect to it. Which seemed to have been her entire goal for taking Chalcanthite up on his offer, after all.
A stiff breeze interrupted her thoughts and she shivered as she tucked the journal into the inner pocket of her coat before looking around the unit some more. Medical files were sitting in a large manilla envelope beside where the journal was, a note from what she assumed was herself labelling it. She grabbed those as well and tucked them into the bag she brought, then grabbed a box labelled "clothing", rummaging through it to grab whatever looked good for now and shoving that in the bag as well. Chal had made mention of aiding her in moving things over at some point, so she decided to leave the rest of the rummaging until this. For now, this was a start. She would delve into the journal later, once she was home and warm. But for now, this was more than enough.
She was tired. God was she tired. Sakura had spent the entire day going through the contents of her storage unit and bringing things to the town house. She had taken great care to not disturb the mirror she had been told about, but had set boxes near it so they would be out of the way. Sitting atop a stack of boxes, she sighed heavily, rubbing her shoulders. Her muscles ached in ways she was surprised at, being quite active as a senshi, but she figured it was nothing that couldn't be fixed later with a nice long, hot bath once the boxes were out of the way.
After taking another moment or two to herself, Sakura sighed again and stood up, stretching a bit before grabbing one of the boxes she had been perched on and bringing it into her room. This one was labeled "fabric", and the sheer weight of it made her wonder what in the hell she had been working on. Had she packed an entire fabric store within the box? Whatever it was, it was making her arms ache and fingers burn from how she was holding it.
Dropping the box in the doorway of her room, she used her foot to scoot it out of the way before going to grab another. Three more boxes were all labeled "fabric" and one was labeled "patterns and sketches". The next number of boxes she brought up were all labeled either "clothes" or "shoes". And there was a significant amount of both.
Once nearly everything was in her room, she sat on top of one of the fabric boxes and began to unpack the ones labeled "clothes". Upon seeing the contents and the tags, she stared at the blouse currently in her hands. Did that seriously say Dior? Who the hell was she before meeting Aloy? She set the blouse aside carefully and gently dug through the rest of the box. More and more designer names appeared on tags, some that she knew off the top of her head and some that weren't as familiar. She sat in awe when she got to the bottom of the box, staring at the clothing. Her journal had said nothing about this, nothing about fashion or designer or big names. Was this something she seriously took so for granted?
Shaking her head, she stood up and began putting everything away with great care. She would organize and weed out what didn't appeal to her later, once there was significantly less mess. Maybe Ei would want to come over and help, if she asked. The thought made her smile and a giddy feeling bloomed inside her as she thought of the beautiful woman she had been talking with. She would have to make a point of texting her later before going through any more of the clothing boxes, but for now, she had to work on picking up the hoard.
Once everything from the first box was hung up and put away, she carefully moved the boxes of fabric and patterns into the back of the closet, then scooted the clothing and shoe boxes in front of them. Just barely managing to get the door closed, she sighed in relief and flopped back on her bed. It was a start, at least.
Posted: Sun Jan 12, 2025 10:37 am
Solo: Deep fried disgruntlement Word Count: 519
Sakura had always assumed she was a smart person, especially if the journal her former self left was any indication. She was rational and tactical and brilliant. So why in the seven depths of the hells did she ever decide to pick a fight with a man who looked like a damn glowstick and was several years beyond her in terms of experience? Why did she ever think that was a smart idea? The answer was far beyond her, lost beyond reach in a place only her former self could likely find. And even then, she doubted that her former self would even know.
She groaned as she applied a cream to her shoulder, gritting her teeth. Even just the slight touch of her own hand made it feel like hell and she hated it, though it was infinitely better than it felt as she had stumbled out of the crappy run down house after Des. She didn't regret it, though. She would have done it a hundred times over, truthfully, to protect Desiree, or any of the small handful of people she had come to care for, and she knew it. The repercussions of this, however, meant cancelling a date that she had been genuinely excited for due to feeling like a very burnt french fry, and likely getting scolded by Aloysius later. She had told him she was solely to blame for the incident, wanting to spare Des any reprimanding or punishment, and somehow she had a feeling that she was going to get the a** chewing of a lifetime.
Once the cream was mostly soaked in, she placed a bandage over the lingering burn and pulled her shirt back on. She sighed and shook her head, glancing at the journal she had been slowly reading through. Nothing in it had ever indicated that she was so impulsive, and she wondered if it was possible that corrupting (or purifying, whichever the person had done) could change a persons personality in that regard. It would have to be something she asked Aloysius. Preferably when he wasn't upset.
She had to get better about this. She couldn't be a disappointment again. She had to get better, had to get stronger. She had to be of use. She couldn't let him think that he had made a mistake in aiding her, in bringing her into the fold and into his home. She had to become somehow more than she was now, more than the weak little senshi who crumbled over something so stupid. More than the impulsive new idiot that picked fights with Eternals. She could not disappoint ever again.
Sakura laid back on her bed, staring at the ceiling blankly as she gathered her thoughts. There had to be ways to improve, ways to stand out and make up for this. She knew there had to. She just had to use that clever brain of hers and figure it out, that's all. She just had to remember how to be clever, or at least how to fake it and not screw up again by letting her emotions control her.
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