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 Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 9:47 pm
"Still," said Auguste quietly, and he held his cup a little more tightly than was strictly necessary, looking down at it. "It's never easy to handle, so I'm still...very sorry she's ill. And about - about your father, as well, just - just so you know."
He couldn't say much on the subject of parents; his own experiences were limited to cold, dispassionate encounters with his own, and a wishful longing for something he did not and could not ever have. Auguste had long since learned that a family was not something he could simply have, and even now he struggled with the idea that he had people to accept him.
Except, apparently, Chase. And his words, cracking across like a whip, stinging with their impact.
It should not have hurt as much as it did. And it should not have come as a surprise to Auguste that Chase only thought of them as customer and owner, and nothing more. They weren't friends, they were hardly even acquaintances. These little weekly meetings were nothing more than him being a regular.
It was pathetic. He felt his shoulders sink a little, felt the weight of his own pathetic longings in his heart, and how very unappealing they must seem to those who looked at him. The childish fancies to have someone to care about and to care about him, in whatever way, were simply silly.
Pitiable. That's what it was. Chase pitied him and his naivete, his desire to be friends.
Auguste's mouth opened and then shut once more, and this time the flush to his cheeks was not one of bashful shyness, but of uncertainty, embarrassment, confusion. He tore his gaze away from Chase's and looked down at his cup and at the silly little cookie in the shape of a Scottie.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, and a slight tremor shook his slender fingers. "I didn't - I didn't mean to pry."
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 10:01 pm
He'd done it again, he'd been a complete and utter a** to Auguste because it was easier to cold shoulder the boy than to even toy with the idea that there was anything between them. Auguste wasn't like the others in his life, he couldn't even fathom that they'd be able to connect in the ways that mattered.
Not with the secrets, not with all of his other convoluted and terribly complicated relationships.
Auguste was soft, innocent, naive, and far too pure for the likes of Chase. He couldn't mar that goodness that radiated off of the boy sitting across from him, looking pain stricken and possible even frightened.
And yet -
Chase didn't, couldn't, even apologize.
"It's fine." Came his clipped response, with his shoulders tense and fingers curled into fists. He breathed in and out slowly trying to sooth his irritability. His family issues were no reason to lash out at Auguste and yet - the damage had been done and there would be no I'm sorries. "I need to count the inventory in the back," he said after silence had draped across their shoulders like a suffocating blanket.
He hesitated, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth when he said, tentatively, "I'll see you next Tuesday?"
Even if he was being a complete d**k, he hoped that he hadn't burned the bridge between them.
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 10:16 pm
Was it wrong to want more? He knew it probably was; that it was just his own pathetic wishes that stemmed this desire to be a friend to Chase. But Chase had little interest in him beyond that of an annoying customer to whom he had to be nice to out of obligation.
How silly of him. How pathetic.
Auguste's cheeks were colored red, and he couldn't raise his eyes to look, though he desperately wanted to; wanted to ask why he couldn't even be an acquaintance, a casual person that Chase could talk to if he ever wanted to, a friend.
Why did it seem like you wanted to kiss me?
It was an easy answer. Chase had been drunk and not thinking, had probably let things get to his head, or maybe even have mistaken him for someone else at the time. That was all there was to it; there was nothing more, nothing left except Auguste's childish whims.
He took a sip of his tea and swallowed hard, the silence almost oppressive. Auguste gave a wordless nod. "I...I understand. That's okay, I'm sorry for keeping you from doing your job."
He knew, instinctively perhaps, that Chase simply wanted to get away from him - and that his question about whether or not he would return next week was because he didn't want to lose a customer. There was nothing about friendship. That didn't exist.
How very sad of me with these stupid one-sided emotions.
Auguste raised his head, finally, and though his cheeks were still flushed with embarrassment and shame, he offered Chase a small, faint smile.
"Yes," he managed to say, sounding at least somewhat level. "Yes. Next Tuesday. I'll be here."
And he would, because he was foolish, and he knew it.
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